My Odyssey

[Sportster2005]

Going to contact a gal who emailed me and said she would like to take ballroom or salsa class. So what the h.. am I waiting for. I was waiting to see if OL and three hour away would take traction. Doesn't look like it.

[abitbroken]

I go to different dance classes. Once you have taken one, you can retake as many times as you like for free. So there is some new faces in 101. But my partner has been signalling she wants to dump Tuesday night. Which is 101 and 102 class. She bailed on tonight. Unfortunately most people coming now are couples. But I am interesting in finding someone who wants to dance. So this could be an opportunity. But it doesn't solve my fishbowl problem. I could go tonight and hope someone needs a lead. But it's becoming rare. So I could just end up sidelined, or going home. And bumping into... would just add insult to injury.

 

I also might look at some evening courses. Great idea !!!!!! Maybe I'll find something to do for Tuesday evening.

 

Yes, you are used to being the old hand at something and meeting women who want to try dancing out. maybe you can be the guy who wants to try something new guy that everyone is checking out for a change.

[abitbroken]

Oh one more thing - does your son need a parent to volunteer to help out his team or help with fundraising for a school trip. You might meet a lot of divorced and single moms who are in the same boat and have a kid as well...or the never married sister of that mom. My cousin married one of the teacher's at her daughter's school. It wasn't so mortifying for her kid because it was a teacher she would have never had anyway (it was the German teacher and she took Spanish).

[Sportster2005]

Oh one more thing - does your son need a parent to volunteer to help out his team or help with fundraising for a school trip. You might meet a lot of divorced and single moms who are in the same boat and have a kid as well...or the never married sister of that mom. My cousin married one of the teacher's at her daughter's school. It wasn't so mortifying for her kid because it was a teacher she would have never had anyway (it was the German teacher and she took Spanish).

 

I often take him to his band practices and concerts. I'm usually accompanied by the ex though to the concerts.

 

I am starting to look at some night courses. I might try some creative writing and photography classes.

[Sportster2005]

Never heard back from the gal that wanted to take dance lessons. Oh well. I did wait a few days before contacting her. I can't read minds, but it's never a good idea to hesitate. If I was a mind reader I think she would be saying "sorry pal, you took too long". Whatever.

 

Life is actually peaceful and grounded right now. Time to find to find an infatuation and unrequited lover to torture myself with.

[Sportster2005]

I finished my run this morning an was walking the last half k. I heard someone running behind me. I moved out of the way. It's on a trail. This tallish blonde blew by me. Very fast. Strong long legs. Did I mention she was blonde. From the back she looked like 20 something.

 

Back in the parking lot she was stretching. Being a man I just instinctively walked closely by. I didn't have to. I just wanted to check her out. When I closed distance I noticed she was quite a bit older. Maybe in her 40s. I thought of saying "great day for a run". I was wearing a shirt with Boston Marathon colors. Something I never really noticed. She pointed it out and asked if I was going to run in the Boston Marathon. I felt kind of bad. Only people who can run Boston can wear Boston colors. I was actually horrified. I explained it was a gift for Xmas and I never really thought about the colors. She chuckled and said Oh I thought you might be running it this weekend. I said I wish. We both smiled and I just kind of walked away.

 

As I walked back to my car I was thinking what a wonderful gal she was. From her smile, demeanour and down to her athletic legs. A woman I would love to date. Maybe I just missed an opportunity. Maybe she was married and was just engaging in runner talk? Maybe she saw this fit blonde runner and decided to start a chat. Maybe I should have asked her if she ever ran Boston? We could have chatted for a few minutes. I could have asked her to go for a post run coffee.

 

I'm so clueless in these situations. I used to mistake things for interest. So now I just think every woman that approaches me or talks to me is just being friendly. Maybe she was, maybe she wasn't. I think a guy that really knows women would be having coffee with her now.

 

I guess the take away is to keep talking. Definitely don't smile and walk away. And stop thinking every attractive woman is out of my league. Am I missing anything??

[reinventmyself]

I'm so clueless in these situations. I used to mistake things for interest. I think a guy that really knows women would be having coffee with her now.

 

I guess the take away is to keep talking. Definitely don't smile and walk away. And stop thinking every attractive woman is out of my league. Am I missing anything??

 

What are you missing? I think you are being hard on yourself, again.

You aren't clueless.

I think the majority of people don't have a good idea how to swoop up a girl in an happenstance meeting that lasted 10 seconds.

You didn't do anything wrong, the opportunity just wasn't there.

 

There is another poster. . I can't think of his name had a similar situation. Zapod? I think some girl passed him by and it turned his head.

 

He spend days trying to figure out where she work, he was successful. It was some sort of food or retail so he had access to her.

The problem is where do you cross the line from looking like an interested gentleman or some sort of stalker.

At least that's what his dilemma was. I don't recall the outcome, but it's similar to this.

 

You didn't miss anything. The opportunity wasn't right. Hopefully you'll bump into her again.

You seem to have that kind of luck.

[IAmFCA]

I often take him to his band practices and concerts. I'm usually accompanied by the ex though to the concerts.

 

I am starting to look at some night courses. I might try some creative writing and photography classes.

 

Of all the men I ever have cared for, the one who set the standard few can even envision is someone I met in a language class. It was a great way to get a sense of someone over time.

[IAmFCA]

Never heard back from the gal that wanted to take dance lessons. Oh well. I did wait a few days before contacting her. I can't read minds, but it's never a good idea to hesitate. If I was a mind reader I think she would be saying "sorry pal, you took too long". Whatever.

 

Life is actually peaceful and grounded right now. Time to find to find an infatuation and unrequited lover to torture myself with.

 

We don't ever say that!

 

She may simply be on vacation, with her kids, otherwise distracted.

[IAmFCA]

I finished my run this morning an was walking the last half k. I heard someone running behind me. I moved out of the way. It's on a trail. This tallish blonde blew by me. Very fast. Strong long legs. Did I mention she was blonde. From the back she looked like 20 something.

 

Back in the parking lot she was stretching. Being a man I just instinctively walked closely by. I didn't have to. I just wanted to check her out. When I closed distance I noticed she was quite a bit older. Maybe in her 40s. I thought of saying "great day for a run". I was wearing a shirt with Boston Marathon colors. Something I never really noticed. She pointed it out and asked if I was going to run in the Boston Marathon. I felt kind of bad. Only people who can run Boston can wear Boston colors. I was actually horrified. I explained it was a gift for Xmas and I never really thought about the colors. She chuckled and said Oh I thought you might be running it this weekend. I said I wish. We both smiled and I just kind of walked away.

 

As I walked back to my car I was thinking what a wonderful gal she was. From her smile, demeanour and down to her athletic legs. A woman I would love to date. Maybe I just missed an opportunity. Maybe she was married and was just engaging in runner talk? Maybe she saw this fit blonde runner and decided to start a chat. Maybe I should have asked her if she ever ran Boston? We could have chatted for a few minutes. I could have asked her to go for a post run coffee.

 

I'm so clueless in these situations. I used to mistake things for interest. So now I just think every woman that approaches me or talks to me is just being friendly. Maybe she was, maybe she wasn't. I think a guy that really knows women would be having coffee with her now.

 

I guess the take away is to keep talking. Definitely don't smile and walk away. And stop thinking every attractive woman is out of my league. Am I missing anything??

 

You are onto something with this post: the trick is to assume nothing at all -- neither interest nor lack thereof. Stay and make conversation if it feels right. Ask her: Are you running this weekend? Are you a marathoner? Do you have a few races that you like to run every year? Are you in a running group? Etc And then if it feels right -- I am about to go get some yogurt for some recovery protein. I would love to continue chatting but I am on a bit of a schedule. Would you like to go grab a coffee and a yogurt?

 

Most of the time, that last question won't feel right, and even if it does, it isn't quite right. It is too fast. Maybe the better move is, ~ After I run, I usually go to the coffee shop to get a yogurt. Maybe next weekend we can meet up there after our workouts... There is usually a group of runners there, its kind of chaotic, but they are close and convenient.

[Sportster2005]

What are you missing? I think you are being hard on yourself, again.

You aren't clueless.

I wish I had a dime for every time someone said that do me. My therapist said it's my number one issue. I'm too self critical. Which is kind of paradoxical that just admitting it is being critical.

 

I think the majority of people don't have a good idea how to swoop up a girl in an happenstance meeting that lasted 10 seconds.

You didn't do anything wrong, the opportunity just wasn't there.

Gah, I think I should have just kept talking. Or at least left a little more friendly. Damn I have a charming smile. I could have used and said "enjoy the rest of your day, it was nice talking to you". There perfect. No swooping, just leaving a good impression, and maybe making her a little curious. She probably didn't think anything negative, but I certainly didn't leave a good impression.

There is another poster. . I can't think of his name had a similar situation. Zapod? I think some girl passed him by and it turned his head.

 

He spend days trying to figure out where she work, he was successful. It was some sort of food or retail so he had access to her.

The problem is where do you cross the line from looking like an interested gentleman or some sort of stalker.

At least that's what his dilemma was. I don't recall the outcome, but it's similar to this.

No dilemma, that's stalking.

 

You didn't miss anything. The opportunity wasn't right. Hopefully you'll bump into her again.

You seem to have that kind of luck.

 

LOL I only bump into them when I don't want to. It looks like LO doesn't work in the store in the mall anymore. She's never there. She's never at the studio either. Not that it matters a whole lot, but it's peaceful knowing I'll probably never bump into her again.

 

The running community is much larger than the dance community. I will run that trail again. You never know. My goal will be to just talk to her with a little more confidence and charm. I can find it if I try. Hope you're doing well.

[Sportster2005]

You are onto something with this post: the trick is to assume nothing at all -- neither interest nor lack thereof. Stay and make conversation if it feels right. Ask her: Are you running this weekend? Are you a marathoner? Do you have a few races that you like to run every year? Are you in a running group? Etc And then if it feels right -- I am about to go get some yogurt for some recovery protein. I would love to continue chatting but I am on a bit of a schedule. Would you like to go grab a coffee and a yogurt?

 

Most of the time, that last question won't feel right, and even if it does, it isn't quite right. It is too fast. Maybe the better move is, ~ After I run, I usually go to the coffee shop to get a yogurt. Maybe next weekend we can meet up there after our workouts... There is usually a group of runners there, its kind of chaotic, but they are close and convenient.

 

See above.

[Sportster2005]

Remember CC? She was one of the original "Tale of Three Interests".

 

 

 

I posted the following on my blog and posted it to Facebook. It got her attention. We are chatting now on FB. She sent me a poem she wrote about 'hope'. I would like to take her out. But I'm not sure it's a good thing. I'm torn between moving on, and giving anything a chance. There's never been a definitive answer, one way or another. She's been mostly occupied with the guy she met in 2013ish? The last time we went out she wasn't quite ready to date again. It's not like she's shown no interest. It might be more about bad timing. In my experience that timing never gets good. I could be proven wrong. And I might be getting ahead of myself. It is unusual for her to pay any attention to me on FB. And her status says single.

 

I'm curious and very interested. There's a symphony coming up I would love to attend. She's one of the few(only?) women I know that would love to go to something like that. If I ask her out, I'm waiting a few days. Not to play the waiting/mystery game. To compensate for my tendency to overplay interest and get too excited too fast.

 

 

 

Posted on April 16, 2017

 

 

The Death of Hope

I’ve suspected for some time, that you’re dying.

 

At first I denied it. Things would get better, it was just temporary. They had to get better. I need you.

 

For brief moments it looked like you would recover. The small flame would flicker, dance mercilessly, straighten up and burn bright once more.

 

With each passing breath the evidence mounted, denial couldn’t sustain my disbelief anymore.

 

Then I would become angry. I would walk into the woods on the darkest of nights. I would scream and scream into the darkness. I would collapse and look skyward. The stars would not move for me. They would continue their twinkling indifference to my pain.

 

I negotiated to keep you alive. I had many clever plans. Many things to barter. I asked karma, I asked God. I asked an ancient symbol I found in Bahrain.

 

You’ve been dead for some time now. I don’t know when you finally slipped away from me.

 

I cried with all the angst I can muster.

 

Today I will formalize your passing. I collect you and your soul, and lay you on a barge. I’ve built the barge of the finest hardwood. I cover you generously with the finest exotic oils. One match, a flash of flames, and you’ll be gone soon.

 

I kick the burning barge away from the wharf. You float majestically into the basin.

 

Neither the mackerel fishers or sailboats are aware of you, but I am.

 

I have fastened large boulder of quartz to you with vines from my favorite vineyard. Enough wood has burned away. You slip below the water. The last flame is extinguished. A small whisper of smoke marks your end.

 

I try to cry some more. I can’t. You need hope to cry. But I witnessed your death and ceremony.

 

The world darkens as black eat the remaining light. I feel small drops of rain on my face. I will sit here on the dock in vigil. I will remember everyone of you. I see your smiles, I hear your laughter.

 

Each one of you gave me hope.

 

I won’t scream at the darkness anymore.

[reinventmyself]

Wow. . that's pretty dark and poignant.

Did she just write this recently about the 2013th guy or thought to put it up now, years later?

[Sportster2005]

Wow. . that's pretty dark and poignant.

Did she just write this recently about the 2013th guy or thought to put it up now, years later?

 

No I wrote it about two years ago, but I just posted it. I posted it, because Saturday I wrote a positive follow up. I wanted people to read the original before posting the follow up.

 

She sent me a private message with her poem about hope. It was very positive and uplifting.

 

Here's the follow up. It's a draft.

 

The Rebirth Of Hope

 

Your life didn’t end.

Even though I watched my carefully crafted barge burn and sink.

I stood by and watched as you slipped below the surface.

You left nothing but a whisper of smoke.

 

I was so sure you were not longer breathing,

I was so sure I couldn’t feel your heartbeat.

I wouldn’t have sent you away if I thought you were alive.

 

After you sank I stayed at my sentry even though it rained.

 

I looked up at the dark clouds as they took turns transforming,

Into the faces of those I tried so hard to love.

 

The last face was a dancer.

Then the sky went black.

 

I woke up on a craft made of my imagination.

I was drifting out to the ocean,

The horizon becoming less clear with each passing hour.

Then it was gone.

 

The days turned to weeks, the weeks turned to months.

 

The silence became peace.

 

My spirit was never hungry.

 

My soul was always nourished.

 

The days were blue skies and turquoise waters.

The nights were always starry and the moon was always full,

But every journey, even a peaceful one has to end,

 

It was time to go home.

 

With nothing more than desire as a navigator I headed toward shore.

There was no one to greet me when I arrived home.

 

The familiar places had lost their nostalgic appeal. Everywhere I went was easy. Every thought free of anxiety. I made myself at home.

 

Everything I did was with calmness and the ease of a sunrise on a country lane.

 

I decided to look you up. Not only were you alive, you had matured and grown. You didn’t want to just simply exist, you wanted to thrive. I heard your plea. I make no promises, but I make effort.

 

 

But first I had to release of her roll of unrequited lover.

 

It was difficult, she haunted me in places I never expected. Then I watched her lose her mind. She went crazy with crazy. Then I realized she was always mad. Then I realized it didn’t matter anymore.

 

One journey has ended. Another journey has begun. And with the rebirth of hope the next journey will be…...

[IAmFCA]

A propos of nothing, barging in to share this vid. Youve probably seen it. I just had to be sure.

 

... nevermind. Cant figure out how to share it. A couple Lindy Hopping. In their 70s i guess.

[Sportster2005]

A propos of nothing, barging in to share this vid. Youve probably seen it. I just had to be sure.

 

... nevermind. Cant figure out how to share it. A couple Lindy Hopping. In their 70s i guess.

This one? I think this one is more of a jive.

 

 

[IAmFCA]

This one? I think this one is more of a jive.

 

]

 

Yes.

 

Made me think of you in your future. Except you'll be hotter than that guy and just as sweet.

[Sportster2005]

Yes.

 

Made me think of you in your future. Except you'll be hotter than that guy and just as sweet.

 

That's funny, what are the chances I was thinking of the same video.

 

They are an exceptional couple. I would love to be doing that, at that age.

[Sportster2005]

I won't be bumping into LO anymore. She upped and moved to Toronto.

 

My dance partner is now close friends with P's ex-girlfriend. P is LO's competitive dance partner and ex-boyfriend. Apparently P and LO have been in constant contact by text. And apparently P is crazy about LO. I wonder if one of those texts LO received was from P.

 

When LO moved P wanted to get back with MC, the one that left him when she found out about his life long crush on LO. MC is having none of that. So P gets neither woman. Both women are women I tried to date MC about nine years ago.

 

My dance partner and MC almost went out for a coffee the other night. I balked at the last minute. MC doesn't know I know LO or any of the history. I would be uncomfortable listening about LO and P. I've also asked my dance partner not to talk about anymore. LO is toxic and I think she doesn't have a shred of empathy. Yet I'm saddened she's gone.

 

This story is a good study in chemistry. Estrogen and testosterone to be exact. P is a tall masculine man with a deep voice. He has not problems getting women. And he knows it. He throws away women like LO and MC because he can. They come back, or easily finds another. LO looks like Penolope Cruz. She exudes sex appeal. I'm not exaggerating when I say I tremble when she touches me. They make a good match. They probably just get bored with one another. Both confident they get tons of attention, so they do.

 

I don't find attraction mysterious. Some people have it, some don't. We can work at it, and improve. People like P and LO, they were just born with it in excess. They just abuse it.

 

In other news, I seem incapable of dating.

 

I'm 55 today. An interesting milestone. I bought myself a new car. I've completely painted my condo. I've always wanted to do a black and white theme. I painted a bunch of photo frames dark grey. I painted the walls a light grey. And I put my black and white photos in the frame. I also turned my little dining room into a cafe. Red walls, a small round table, large wine rack, guitar amp/microphone in the corner for live music. I'm having friends over tomorrow to celebrate the opening of "Mike's Cafe", and my birthday. Life is good.

 

 

Sometimes it hits you in unexpected ways. I was watching a CBC clip on assisted suicide. It's been legal in Canada for a while. They interviewed a man whose husband went through the process in January. The clip ended with the bereaved partner reading a letter his partner wrote before his death. He said he was so happy he met his partner. He said he never loved anyone more during his life. I stared to cry. Just not for this poor man. I realized if I was dying I would be surrounded by friends and family. But I would have no one to write a letter like that to.

[reinventmyself]

Happy Birthday Sportster

[faraday]

Happy birthday Sportster

 

I saw that CBC clip too. It's funny how we all pick up on different things...I was wondering if my mom would be able to choose that when the pain becomes too much. I don't think she will. Too much hope in that one.

 

It sounds like you did great things to your place. I love monochromic decor. My place is too traditional to lend itself to that, but if I ever end up in anything more modern/mid century, I'll totally go all black/white/grey.

[Sportster2005]

Happy Birthday Sportster

 

Thanks sweetie Hope your're doing well. I haven't checked it lately.

[Sportster2005]

Happy birthday Sportster

 

I saw that CBC clip too. It's funny how we all pick up on different things...I was wondering if my mom would be able to choose that when the pain becomes too much. I don't think she will. Too much hope in that one.

 

It sounds like you did great things to your place. I love monochromic decor. My place is too traditional to lend itself to that, but if I ever end up in anything more modern/mid century, I'll totally go all black/white/grey.

 

Thanks faraday,

 

I almost went with black trim, but I have to think of resale value. I did a nice semigloss white that really snaps. I think I'll do the light switch plates/plug plates in dark grey.

 

Hope your mom is doing well.

[faraday]

Thanks faraday,

 

I almost went with black trim, but I have to think of resale value. I did a nice semigloss white that really snaps. I think I'll do the light switch plates/plug plates in dark grey.

 

Hope your mom is doing well.

 

I'm really digging black trim/black windows. ]

 

Whenever we save up the $40,000 *cries* to replace the wood windows we have (that are in rough shape) we'll redo all the windows, baseboards and railings in black as well (everything is very traditional oak right now). But it'll be a while. Then I'll probably paint the walls white. I had to go grey because white and oak is like a 90's flashback lol.

 

I love black trim/black windows...they look so modern. But yeah, a pain to paint back white when selling.