East4 Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 And why is OP obligated to play the good Samaritan and cater for this guy's feelings before her own? She felt uncomfortable in the given situation and wanted to remove herself from it, which she did. I see nothing wrong in it. She has the right to do what feels comfortable for her, I do not see why people here say she did something wrong. She didn't make any hurtful comments, or anything. So again, why does she have to put his feelings before hers? Why is it more socially acceptable for a man to go ahead with his gut and does as he pleases (like up and go after bad sex), but it is not socially acceptable for a woman to go with her gut, rather she has to cater for a man's insecurities/complexes first? You see the double standard? If a guy is not very bestowed, I have heard that he can still make it up with alternative moves/techniques. In this case, there's neither-no size, nor technique, so OP I would re-think what is rewarding for you in this dating situation. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katrina1980 Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 And why is OP obligated to play the good Samaritan and cater for this guy's feelings before her own? She felt uncomfortable in the given situation and wanted to remove herself from it, which she did. I see nothing wrong in it. She has the right to do what feels comfortable for her, I do not see why people here say she did something wrong. She didn't make any hurtful comments, or anything. So again, why does she have to put his feelings before hers? Why is it more socially acceptable for a man to go ahead with his gut and does as he pleases (like up and go after bad sex), but it is not socially acceptable for a woman to go with her gut, rather she has to cater for a man's insecurities/complexes first? You see the double standard? If a guy is not very bestowed, I have heard that he can still make it up with alternative moves/techniques. In this case, there's neither-no size, nor technique, so OP I would re-think what is rewarding for you in this dating situation. No one said or suggested she was (or is) *obligated* to do anything, or *cater* to this guy's feelings over her own, where did you get that? Difference between your above scenario about guy up and leaving cause the sex sucked, which btw is completely insensitive and crappy, she obviously really likes this guy, and also this was not a *size* or *performance* issue per se, he didn't become fully hard and erect because of NERVES. Which is not all that uncommon for men during first time sex with a woman they are VERY into. Or even women they aren't all that into. If she didn't give a ****, I would say, sure, don't pursue it, NOTHING wrong with that or anything to feel guilty about. But again, she really likes him! So wants to give it another go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 Why is it more socially acceptable for a man to go ahead with his gut and does as he pleases (like up and go after bad sex), but it is not socially acceptable for a woman to go with her gut, rather she has to cater for a man's insecurities/complexes first? You see the double standard? . I agree with most of what you had to say, but where is ok for man to do as he pleases and walk away?? It doesnt make it alright for either. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dave_1966 Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 He texted me back: "Sorry to make you so nervous. I really care about you as well and I want to continue things. I like you a lot and love having you in my life and yes I'd like to give it another shot to do things right." The he told me to also keep him in the loop and let him know if I need anything. He's here for me. He told me that last night too... He's the sweetest ever, I really hope we can get past this cause I'm starting to get attached. Thank you guys for listening to me. The reason I'm on here is cause I'm scared to confide in friends and family about my relationship out of fear they'll judge me. All of your responses are appreciated. Without a shadow of a doubt you will have now instilled performance anxiety in this man, and he may need Viagra to 'get back on the saddle' so to speak. I'm not joking, get him to the doctor as soon as possible. Just half a tablet will result in a three hour long pan handle that will leave him thinking he's Superman. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
East4 Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 well, i can't speak for other women, but if I had a condom shoved inside my body, the first thing I would do is to go away from the guy, most probably in the privacy of my home and get this condom out. Sorry, but some man's small di*k complex would be the last thing on my mind in the first instance. To me OP's first reaction is totally normal and people here are riding her too hard. I would like to see how the ladies here would react with a few inches of rubber stuck up into their pus*ies. Having read OP's previous threads on this guy, what is going on is that they are attracted to each other by their mutually complementary insecurities: she likes his attention, the fact that he texts her "good morning" and "good night", he takes her out on dates. So she is willing to turn a blind eye to some of his strange behavior, like "were you abused" stuff and pressuring her for sex when she made it very clear that she wasn't ready. For him, what makes him stick it out is that he is insecure about his masculinity and he looks for another insecure woman to put up with his insecure self. Nothing to do with love, or attraction between two healthy adults. Just complementary insecurities from both of them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted January 31, 2017 Share Posted January 31, 2017 Just half a tablet will result in a three hour long pan handle that will leave him thinking he's Superman. ] Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 Wow. . Void of intimacy much? She willingly engaged in an intimate act with a man and while knowing his circumference she's entitled to storm off because the condom was lost? How about some compassion for the person you willingly chose get naked with? Don't suppose that humiliated him further. . Look, I think the guy is a bubble off but I don't think he was deserving of that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
tiredofvampires Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 well, i can't speak for other women, but if I had a condom shoved inside my body, the first thing I would do is to go away from the guy, most probably in the privacy of my home and get this condom out. Sorry, but some man's small di*k complex would be the last thing on my mind in the first instance. To me OP's first reaction is totally normal and people here are riding her too hard. I would like to see how the ladies here would react with a few inches of rubber stuck up into their pus*ies. Well, to be fair, if I decided to have consensual sex with a man, and wanted him to practice safe sex, a few inches of rubber ending up in my pssy is something I set myself up for. How else would he stick his penis where I want him to stick it, while remaining protected? If he loses his erection and it slips off, whose fault is that? His fault? His penis' fault? Maybe it ejected the condom off just to be a douchbag? You're talking as though he intentionally accosted her by leaving his condom inside her when it slipped off -- something known to happen to a condom, which is one reason it's not a foolproof contraceptive device. I don't really see this as vaginal littering, and I don't know of many women who would see it that way; if they did, I'd have to ask whether they might instead view it as they grabbed the condom off him and held onto it when he wanted it back. Condom theft isn't cool. If some mishap happens in bed, I don't see that making your partner feel like they were the cause of it all, and that it's broken your spirit, is healthy or loving. It's not about putting the other person's feelings before yours -- it's addressing your very need to feel cheated and somehow offended in a situation where no one was at fault and you can respond is a way that diffuses the tension rather than escalates it. That serves both parties, not just your partner. Even more true when you have only had one time together -- it's just too early to make any assessments about the potential. I don't put being tired, drunk, and nervous in the same category as "bad in bed." No one is going to be a sexual magician with that going against them. I also think that "I hope we move past this" sounds extremely melodramatic for a little garden variety bedroom out-of-syncing. Really? This is such a big deal? If so, this relationship is gonna one rocky road! I didn't read the OP's other threads, but it does seem as though both are a match for each other in terms of being very insecure, and having an insatiable need for validation. That kind of dynamic usually doesn't end well -- you are always either trying to make it up to the other person, or defending your own feelings. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
danewillow Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 Mishaps like losing a condom mean fleaing the scene? I've had it wrong the whole time! I thought it led to more play time. Help me fish this thing out, will you? A little higher. Lower. To the left. Right... I guess I'm old enough where performance issues aren't a big deal. Instead of freaking out, try something else. Manual, oral, toys. You can still have a really good time without an erect penis getting involved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
East4 Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 @ToV , im not talking of fault, only about the fact that first priority would be getting the rubber out, not consoling somebody's insecurities. Like in the airplane safety instructions, in case of dehermetization "put your oxigen mask on and then help your child put oxigen mask on." I do not understand why a woman is supposed to put her own comfort second to somebody's elses insecurities. And then women complain that they were taken for granted. Of course they will be takrn for granted if they put themselves second to some small guy. Guy didn't perform, he has to deal with it, without it being necessary that the girl has to hold his hand and convince him that it was not this bad, when it is bad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 @ToV , im not talking of fault, only about the fact that first priority would be getting the rubber out, not consoling somebody's insecurities. Like in the airplane safety instructions, in case of dehermetization "put your oxigen mask on and then help your child put oxigen mask on." I do not understand why a woman is supposed to put her own comfort second to somebody's elses insecurities. And then women complain that they were taken for granted. Of course they will be takrn for granted if they put themselves second to some small guy. Guy didn't perform, he has to deal with it, without it being necessary that the girl has to hold his hand and convince him that it was not this bad, when it is bad. Yes but the woman can do it in a tactful, thoughtful way -maybe even just matter of fact - I don't have a great analogy but if my child were to have a potty accident and I needed to get it cleaned up fast because of timing/environment and he was also embarrassed, I would focus on the task at hand while also being mindful of his feelings -it's embarrassing when our bodily functions go awry and especially with a new person. How would you like it if you got menstrual blood on a new partner's sheet and he made you feel weird/ashamed about it or went completely cold, only cleaning it up and not looking at you at all, etc. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyBug1988 Posted February 1, 2017 Author Share Posted February 1, 2017 I appreciate all of your responses. I apologized for my reaction and explained myself, and he reassured me that he's still into me and nothing I've done has scared him off yet. He said it's just part of getting to know eachother on a deeper level, but asked me to promise I'd stop running away from him. He also told me he was sorry and that he'd make it up to me. Right now, his job is switching him into a new role and he has to fight for the one he wants. It's very competitive and laborious, and really determines his future. We haven't been spending 4 and 5 days a week together like last month, I'm a little releaved because I was loosing myself in our relationship. Now I'm a little concerned about him withdrawing from me and assuming he'll see me every weekend instead of making plans before we leave eachother again. I'm also mindful that in this month a major part of his life is changing and I just want to be supportive. He texts me every day, and we talk about our workdays and lives and share funny videos and stuff. I guess I'm just a little sad out mid-week date has stopped (although I cancelled the last one due to work and was slammed with work the week after). I don't think he's insecure, I think he's very strong, patient, and determined. He's a man of his word, he does what he says and never takes his anger or frustration out on me. He's well contained, very classy, and doesn't try to over do his masculinity. I think he's proud of himself and all he's accomplished in life, and he should be. I'm proud of him and to be with him. I think what makes us compatible are our similar goals and interests. Also our temperament, I need to be with someone who treats me very gently and he is the only man I've ever met to do that. I feel safe letting him take the lead in our relationship, I enjoy his friendship and I think we both enjoy having a confidant for the good and bad. Im excited about the vacation we are planning in Greece, and all the music festivals we're going to in the summer. Nobody ever shared those interests with me. He never makes me feel judged, and being with him is a great time even if we're doing nothing. I'm very sexually attracted to him, and I think he's really special. I'm just trying to give him space right now and not make a big deal about not seeing him as much or his failure to plan our week together before leaving me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 He sounds mortified that it was a fiasco. Do you want to give it another chance? Try being 'affectionate' for a few dates rather than getting right to business. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyBug1988 Posted February 1, 2017 Author Share Posted February 1, 2017 He sounds mortified that it was a fiasco. Do you want to give it another chance? Try being 'affectionate' for a few dates rather than getting right to business. I dunno, he said: It was just a combination of things. Having alcohol in my system was the worse part (it's a boner killer for guys), then being tired from a long day. I guess also kinda the shock, I wasn't exactly prepared. After 11 dates idk if it was actually going to happen or not, lol. But your explanations of you past relationship helped a lot I thought maybe you just wanted to be friends or idk. It got confusing for a while, not gunna lie. Lol I've never waited 11 dates but thought it was okay. Helped build a deeper understanding. I plan to be very affectionate and I'm not going to try and initiative our next date or sex. I'm falling back and only responding when he initiates which is everyday and very consistent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 I appreciate all of your responses. I apologized for my reaction and explained myself, and he reassured me that he's still into me and nothing I've done has scared him off yet. He said it's just part of getting to know eachother on a deeper level, but asked me to promise I'd stop running away from him. He also told me he was sorry and that he'd make it up to me. Right now, his job is switching him into a new role and he has to fight for the one he wants. It's very competitive and laborious, and really determines his future. We haven't been spending 4 and 5 days a week together like last month, I'm a little releaved because I was loosing myself in our relationship. Now I'm a little concerned about him withdrawing from me and assuming he'll see me every weekend instead of making plans before we leave eachother again. I'm also mindful that in this month a major part of his life is changing and I just want to be supportive. He texts me every day, and we talk about our workdays and lives and share funny videos and stuff. I guess I'm just a little sad out mid-week date has stopped (although I cancelled the last one due to work and was slammed with work the week after). I don't think he's insecure, I think he's very strong, patient, and determined. He's a man of his word, he does what he says and never takes his anger or frustration out on me. He's well contained, very classy, and doesn't try to over do his masculinity. I think he's proud of himself and all he's accomplished in life, and he should be. I'm proud of him and to be with him. I think what makes us compatible are our similar goals and interests. Also our temperament, I need to be with someone who treats me very gently and he is the only man I've ever met to do that. I feel safe letting him take the lead in our relationship, I enjoy his friendship and I think we both enjoy having a confidant for the good and bad. Im excited about the vacation we are planning in Greece, and all the music festivals we're going to in the summer. Nobody ever shared those interests with me. He never makes me feel judged, and being with him is a great time even if we're doing nothing. I'm very sexually attracted to him, and I think he's really special. I'm just trying to give him space right now and not make a big deal about not seeing him as much or his failure to plan our week together before leaving me. Woah, slow waaaay down. You've only been on 11 dates and you're already spending 4-5 days a week together (yes no wonder you feel like you're losing yourself, it's not a healthy start), and planning vacations? Slow down! Get to know him first. Rushing like this only deprive yourself of time to see him for who he really is and decide if he's the guy for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katrina1980 Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 Ladybug, look on the bright side. In reading all your past threads about this guy, specifically the thread discussing your insecurities and fears about him disappearing after you had sex with him..... at least now you know he's planning on sticking around afterwards. That's "something" anyway. What's interesting though is that with all YOUR fears and insecurities about him possibly disappearing... YOU were the one who ran out and are (or was) considering walking away. Oh the irony. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadyBug1988 Posted February 1, 2017 Author Share Posted February 1, 2017 Woah, slow waaaay down. You've only been on 11 dates and you're already spending 4-5 days a week together (yes no wonder you feel like you're losing yourself, it's not a healthy start), and planning vacations? Slow down! Get to know him first. Rushing like this only deprive yourself of time to see him for who he really is and decide if he's the guy for you. We are slowing down, we have only been seeing eachother once or twice a week on weekends since I started canceling our weekday dates. Now he's fighting for this position at work and he's withdrawing so much. It makes me feel like he doesn't like me in a sexual way after "the incident" but he reassured me he's very interested in me and only me last night. I'm just trying to give him the space he needs and let him initiate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katrina1980 Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 We are slowing down, we have only been seeing eachother once or twice a week on weekends since I started canceling our weekday dates. Now he's fighting for this position at work and he's withdrawing so much. It makes me feel like he doesn't like me in a sexual way after "the incident" but he reassured me he's very interested in me and only me last night. I'm just trying to give him the space he needs and let him initiate. Perhaps I spoke too soon (see my previous post). Personally, I never trusted the guy, and told you that on your previous thread. I hope it works out though, keep us posted! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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