Batya33 Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 I don't see that happening again since I live in a building that is owned by a realty company. Last year I was living in a place that was owned by a private landlord who sold the building. Yes, but life happens so if you found you had to move again - because of a fire, the building was sold again, the rent is raised, whatever -then what? You didn't really answer the question. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sd95 Posted January 22, 2017 Author Share Posted January 22, 2017 Yes, but life happens so if you found you had to move again - because of a fire, the building was sold again, the rent is raised, whatever -then what? You didn't really answer the question. Maybe be more honest that my funds are tied up due to housing issues and give her the opportunity to accept it and continue dating me or move on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 Maybe be more honest that my funds are tied up due to housing issues and give her the opportunity to accept it and continue dating me or move on I guess I don't understand why your funds would necessarily be tied up because you have to move unless you are basically living paycheck to paycheck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sd95 Posted January 22, 2017 Author Share Posted January 22, 2017 I guess I don't understand why your funds would necessarily be tied up because you have to move unless you are basically living paycheck to paycheck. By july won't be living paycheck to paycheck anymore because I will be out of debt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheetarah Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 Would I believe it? Probably. But is it plausible, absolutely. And I would react the same way. If I had 4 months to move I would have a lot of loose ends to tie up and have to take on extra work. It wouldn't matter how awesome the guy was, securing a place to live is top priority. Period. Especially after only a few dates and there is no investment. If I were already in a long term relationship well this would be a different story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sd95 Posted January 22, 2017 Author Share Posted January 22, 2017 Would I believe it? Probably. But is it plausible, absolutely. And I would react the same way. If I had 4 months to move I would have a lot of loose ends to tie up and have to take on extra work. It wouldn't matter how awesome the guy was, securing a place to live is top priority. Period. Especially after only a few dates and there is no investment. If I were already in a long term relationship well this would be a different story. Correct, you have to make sure you find a place that works with your budget that you like and also the area so knowing that I wanted all my mental energy to be focused on finding a place Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SherrySher Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 Are you sorry now for asking this question? lol..just teasing Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sd95 Posted January 22, 2017 Author Share Posted January 22, 2017 Are you sorry now for asking this question? lol..just teasing Nope. lol I just can't explain how scary that situation was last year. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted January 22, 2017 Share Posted January 22, 2017 All the responses covered my thoughts pretty well already. But just a few additional thoughts from your 3(?) posts recently about dating and finances. 1. You seem to really care about what others think about you to the point that it bothers you (eg the woman you spoke on the phone with that asked about your future plans on housing, your friends who told you she wouldn't have believed you if someone told her that reason for stopping dating). My response is, who cares? Does it really matter what these women you've either met for a few dates (or never even met) or a friend who is not dating you think about your situation or your reasoning? If someone told me the reason you told me, I would've thought. Ok, well maybe it's true maybe it's not, but it's not my business anymore because I'm not going to be dating this guy, so I don't really care. Also realise that someone who just got to know you don't know enough about you to know if you're lying, so isn't it quite reasonable for them to think you could be lying / giving them an excuse? I'd put myself in their shoes and think, well that's fair enough, they don't know me so why should they believe me. Oh well, moving on. 2. You seem to get anxious quite easily. I did kind of wonder, when reading your other post about the woman on the phone asking about your future housing plans, why it was such a bad thing when you had to move, why is that a big deal? I mean, I've been at my rental place now for 10 years, but before that, we had to move every couple of years (or shortest was 6 months), because of one thing or another (eg landlord wanted to hike the rent a lot, or they now want to live in it, or they sold the property, or they wanted to do renovation on the property, whatever). To me, 4 months notice is really quite a lot, plenty to find a new suitable place to live, "potential homelessness" is honestly a bit of an exaggeration. The thing is, when you don't own the place, you are at mercy to the owner's decision on what they want to do with the place. That's just the nature of renting, and that's fine, you know. Even though now your new apartment is owned by the realty, that doesn't mean they won't sell it if it makes sense to them commercially, or maybe decide to do work on the place, or whatever it is that could happen, you will never know. So it's a bit silly to think "well that will never happen now because of xyz". More useful to think about, how would I deal with it if it happens again? What about other unexpected things that happen in life, how would I deal with those? And how would that affect my dating life? It might be better to work on your coping skills and build a financial safety net for those odd (or not so odd) events that happen in life. 3. And finally, I would say that you really weren't ready mentally or financially to have a serious relationship back when you ended it with the woman that you went on 3 dates with. Sure, the having to move thing set you off. But if you were financially secure and mentally ready to settle down with the right person, you wouldn't have let the person go just because you have to move...in FOUR months! Especially when she said outright she's ok with free dates! Of course, the other possibility is that you just weren't that into her, and that's ok too. Anyway just some thoughts and observations, I hope you find at least some of them helpful! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chloee1988 Posted January 23, 2017 Share Posted January 23, 2017 all the responses covered my thoughts pretty well already. But just a few additional thoughts from your 3(?) posts recently about dating and finances. 1. You seem to really care about what others think about you to the point that it bothers you (eg the woman you spoke on the phone with that asked about your future plans on housing, your friends who told you she wouldn't have believed you if someone told her that reason for stopping dating). My response is, who cares? Does it really matter what these women you've either met for a few dates (or never even met) or a friend who is not dating you think about your situation or your reasoning? If someone told me the reason you told me, i would've thought. Ok, well maybe it's true maybe it's not, but it's not my business anymore because i'm not going to be dating this guy, so i don't really care. Also realise that someone who just got to know you don't know enough about you to know if you're lying, so isn't it quite reasonable for them to think you could be lying / giving them an excuse? I'd put myself in their shoes and think, well that's fair enough, they don't know me so why should they believe me. Oh well, moving on. 2. You seem to get anxious quite easily. I did kind of wonder, when reading your other post about the woman on the phone asking about your future housing plans, why it was such a bad thing when you had to move, why is that a big deal? I mean, i've been at my rental place now for 10 years, but before that, we had to move every couple of years (or shortest was 6 months), because of one thing or another (eg landlord wanted to hike the rent a lot, or they now want to live in it, or they sold the property, or they wanted to do renovation on the property, whatever). To me, 4 months notice is really quite a lot, plenty to find a new suitable place to live, "potential homelessness" is honestly a bit of an exaggeration. The thing is, when you don't own the place, you are at mercy to the owner's decision on what they want to do with the place. That's just the nature of renting, and that's fine, you know. Even though now your new apartment is owned by the realty, that doesn't mean they won't sell it if it makes sense to them commercially, or maybe decide to do work on the place, or whatever it is that could happen, you will never know. So it's a bit silly to think "well that will never happen now because of xyz". More useful to think about, how would i deal with it if it happens again? What about other unexpected things that happen in life, how would i deal with those? And how would that affect my dating life? It might be better to work on your coping skills and build a financial safety net for those odd (or not so odd) events that happen in life. 3. And finally, i would say that you really weren't ready mentally or financially to have a serious relationship back when you ended it with the woman that you went on 3 dates with. Sure, the having to move thing set you off. But if you were financially secure and mentally ready to settle down with the right person, you wouldn't have let the person go just because you have to move...in four months! Especially when she said outright she's ok with free dates! Of course, the other possibility is that you just weren't that into her, and that's ok too. Anyway just some thoughts and observations, i hope you find at least some of them helpful! spot on!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 he had to stop dating you because of a housing, health, or employment issue would you believe him? I have a female friend who said she would think he is lying and think he met someone else. That sort of mentality bothers me because it sounds like a man is never supposed to have any kind of issues in his life which is crazy. I told this woman last year I had to stop dating her because my apartment was sold and I didn't know where I was going to be living and her response was..."we can go on free dates??" I am not in the dating mindset if I am fighting homelessness. So ladies how would you response if a guy told you that after 3 dates? I would think you just weren't into me. I have been in situations where my building was sold and that simply meant that i had to find a new apartment. I had the money for first/last/security. Usually, your landlord tells you your building is on the market. The new owner usually honors the lease. Your landlord cannot - even if its sold kick you out in less than 30 days notice. When the closing happens, it is closed with that in mind. It means that maybe you don't go on a date during the week that you are moving, and you call me in a couple weeks when you are up for grabbing a coffee. Having to move and fighting homelessness (you are evicted for nonpayment) are two different things. If it were the former - simply having to move vs facing true homelessness are two different stories. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 Maybe be more honest that my funds are tied up due to housing issues and give her the opportunity to accept it and continue dating me or move on So in otherwords broke college students shouldn't date because their bank accounts say they can't date? I would be offended if someone said they couldn't date me because their funds were tied or it would tell me that's a line you are using because you think i'm just out for a free meal. If they wanted to date me, we could meet with our coffees at the park, walk through the museum (its free to county residents), check out the street festival, etc, and watch movies in the park. And heck - you have to eat anyways, so we can bring a picnic lunch to the skating rink or to watch the sunset. Snowshoeing or skating at the state park also doesn't cost a dime if one of us has the park pass. You said the woman said "we can do free dates" so she sounds interested in you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted January 27, 2017 Share Posted January 27, 2017 I don't see that happening again since I live in a building that is owned by a realty company. Last year I was living in a place that was owned by a private landlord who sold the building. realty companies sell places to clear out their portfolio all the time. Don't be too sure they won't sell it, or it won't come under new management that you end up not liking. The only security from having something sold from under you is buying your own property that isn't in a condo building dependent upon the age of the building and their upkeep. Always have an emergency fund - try to build one up so that you have 6 months of rent and bills saved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 If you had been genuinely interested in that girl, you would be writing about the possibility of contacting her, apologising, and explaining that your financial issues are now sorted, and asking her on a date. You haven't mentioned that possibility, only talked about possibly meeting new people. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sd95 Posted January 28, 2017 Author Share Posted January 28, 2017 If you had been genuinely interested in that girl, you would be writing about the possibility of contacting her, apologising, and explaining that your financial issues are now sorted, and asking her on a date. You haven't mentioned that possibility, only talked about possibly meeting new people. I don't have her contact information anymore that was last January Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted January 28, 2017 Share Posted January 28, 2017 I don't have her contact information anymore that was last January Yes I agree that at the time you would have made sure to have her contact info and ask if it would be ok to contact her once your life situation improved. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sd95 Posted January 28, 2017 Author Share Posted January 28, 2017 Yes I agree that at the time you would have made sure to have her contact info and ask if it would be ok to contact her once your life situation improved. I should have done that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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