goaskalice Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 He cheated some months ago, one night stand, even tho I had "proof " he straight denied it and since I caught him doing shady cheater behavior like going on hookup sites etc.... Three weeks ago I couldn't bottle it up anymore so I angrily asked how could he etc, he went off on me saying i have problems because I don't trust ...of course there's a good reason for that, he went off yelling screaming so loud I felt like I was gonna fall apart, then he socked me half a dozen times on back and sides of my head, punched me in arm and stomach and threatened to break my jaw.... I ended up having a anxiety attack and the next day had to go to inpatient for the trauma depression overwhelming grief anxiety etc... I was there 8 days and he called me after left a message he was sorry but it was partly my fault for not trusting him, give me a break... While I was inpatient a nurse wrote some notes about injuries she noticed and there's a chance he will get busted now, its overwhelming to me the feelings of shock grief trauma betrayal etc Link to comment
Wiseman2 Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 Assault is a crime, so is domestic violence. Hospital staff are required to report it. Stay away from this abuser and get a restraining order. he socked me half a dozen times on back and sides of my head, punched me in arm and stomach and threatened to break my jaw. the next day had to go to inpatient for the trauma depression. I was there 8 days and he called. a nurse wrote some notes about injuries she noticed and there's a chance he will get busted now Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 I am terribly sorry for this experience, set of experiences. For this relationship, frankly. Remember this: When you learned he cheated, you did not need to confront him, hold him accountable, or punish him. You did not need his validation, understanding or approval. All you needed to do was leave. And that is what you need to do now. He will get his own rewards, in time, in ways you may never see. From the cops maybe, others, loss of friends and work. Focus only on your healing. Focus on your very next steps. Be grateful, in a way, that all of this happened, because you are still alive and can rescue yourself. It is time to rescue yourself and rebuild. One step at a time. Like the fish Dory in Finding Nemo, "just keep swimming". One step at a time. One step at a time. One step at a time. Link to comment
offthegrid Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 I'm so sorry to hear that you went through that. Getting physically assaulted is bad enough, but to receive it from someone you have been so close with must be terrible. You need to get out of the relationship. Get counseling. Don't let this man into your life ever again. He will beg and plead and apologize, but you must not be the battered wife who returns to the abuser. It is far too common and never ends well. Stick around friends. Get an order of protection. Talk to your family. You will get through this. Link to comment
Tanzi Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 Wow, so his abuse left you in hospital for 8 days!!! I am so sorry this happened to you. I know you are are probably still in shock and are working through a lot of emotions but I hope you aren't going back to this guy. You aren't are you? Link to comment
lostandhurt Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 Cheaters lie and cheaters try to put the blame on you for the way they act and make you out as the bad guy. That is what they do. Reading your other threads it is best to file chargers against this guy, get a restrainer order and NEVER see or speak to him ever again. You have value, you have dignity, you have strength so do what you know is best and erase this guy from your life. Lost Link to comment
Sasha4444 Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 Hey, Cheaters will always be cheaters but not only that, people that are willing to abuse you will continue too, it won't get better with that person. I spent 5 long, extremely painful years with a manipulator & abuser and believe me you don't need that. Run, run far away from that person no matter how hard it hurts. He may say it's your fault and it IS NOT IN ANY WAY YOUR FAULT!! Manipulaters just want to do whatever they want, good or bad, and let you feel bad for their actions. Be strong, cut all ties and communication, I had to change all my emails, phone number, I even had to move to a different apartment in my building and change my license plate number!! Do whatever you need to do and if he continues then file a restraining order. This person will do everything they can to make you miserable and to ruin your life if you leave them. My ex tried to get me fired by contacting my boss and falsely accusing me, he sent naked pictures of me to my family members (yeah he was a sick person) and made all my friends turn against me. I hear the story like yours and it scares me for you. Please don't go back to him and if you need help or anything there's always places to turn. Please be safe, much love Hun! He cheated some months ago, one night stand, even tho I had "proof " he straight denied it and since I caught him doing shady cheater behavior like going on hookup sites etc.... Three weeks ago I couldn't bottle it up anymore so I angrily asked how could he etc, he went off on me saying i have problems because I don't trust ...of course there's a good reason for that, he went off yelling screaming so loud I felt like I was gonna fall apart, then he socked me half a dozen times on back and sides of my head, punched me in arm and stomach and threatened to break my jaw.... I ended up having a anxiety attack and the next day had to go to inpatient for the trauma depression overwhelming grief anxiety etc... I was there 8 days and he called me after left a message he was sorry but it was partly my fault for not trusting him, give me a break... While I was inpatient a nurse wrote some notes about injuries she noticed and there's a chance he will get busted now, its overwhelming to me the feelings of shock grief trauma betrayal etc Link to comment
IAmFCA Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 I am back because I wanted to say this, in response to the title of your thread: he beat you up because he is an angry, violent, and selfish person. that is the only reason, the only reason, he put his hands on you. He cheated, you called him out on it. Happens all the time, within over half of the couples in the US according to some statistics. Yet we are not all walking about with bruises and broken bones. There are many others, men and women, who have been on the receiving end of a violent partner. There are are many more, many many more, who have survived cheating and worse without this sort of physical pain. Please know there are many other and better ways to manage a relationship. I hope you find a more loving partner. Link to comment
qwaspolk82 Posted January 9, 2017 Share Posted January 9, 2017 He cheated some months ago, one night stand, even tho I had "proof " he straight denied it and since I caught him doing shady cheater behavior like going on hookup sites etc.... Three weeks ago I couldn't bottle it up anymore so I angrily asked how could he etc, he went off on me saying i have problems because I don't trust ...of course there's a good reason for that, he went off yelling screaming so loud I felt like I was gonna fall apart, then he socked me half a dozen times on back and sides of my head, punched me in arm and stomach and threatened to break my jaw.... I ended up having a anxiety attack and the next day had to go to inpatient for the trauma depression overwhelming grief anxiety etc... I was there 8 days and he called me after left a message he was sorry but it was partly my fault for not trusting him, give me a break... While I was inpatient a nurse wrote some notes about injuries she noticed and there's a chance he will get busted now, its overwhelming to me the feelings of shock grief trauma betrayal etc Get out. This is not going to get better. He's going to get worse with the beatings. The fact he beat you so bad you were in the hospital 8 days...says something. You should hope he gets arrested. Don't listen to the apologies. Get a protection order asap. Block him on everything. There's no reason for anyone - man or woman - to mercilessly beat someone they claim to love. Yes it sucks when someone you love does this to you. But it's not YOUR fault. It's HIS. HE has the problem. Not you. You did what anyone would do finding out their partner cheated. I was in an abusive relationship. I should've stayed away after the first time he hit me and I didn't like a moron. I should have stayed away after he got arrested the last time he hit me - and never married him or should have divorced him then. Hindsight... He is a cheater, liar and abuser. Link to comment
lukeb Posted January 15, 2017 Share Posted January 15, 2017 I do think there is a complete lack of understanding of why the vast majority of domestic violence happens. I think a lot has to do with that there is no interest in understanding the problem, we have a victim and a perpetrator, and that is all most people need or want to know. I think also there is confusion between understanding something is the same as trying to find reason to justify violent behavior. There is also comfort in putting things in simple terms. He is a liar, cheater and abuser and that is all most people need to know. It is understandable for victims of violence to take that point of view, but it doesn't do much to solve the problem of domestic violence. Having said all that I am sorry this happened to you. Link to comment
Beth66 Posted February 1, 2017 Share Posted February 1, 2017 I'm so sorry you had to deal with something like this. It was NOT your fault at all. He did cheat and he can't expect you to trust him after that. He is messed up. Stay away from him and, do not message him or call him back at all. If you were living together send a friend to get your stuff and if he does get in trouble then he absolutely deserves it don't worry about that. I know it's stressful and upsetting but don't go back to him. He's absusive and a liar and a cheater. Be safe and careful. Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 Mod Note: Please stay on topic, and avoid engaging in personal arguments/attacks. Link to comment
Sunflower22 Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 What you wrote here is helping me with my situation.Thank you. Link to comment
Sunflower22 Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 What you wrote here is helping me with my situation.Thank you. Link to comment
CSM101 Posted February 13, 2017 Share Posted February 13, 2017 CALL. THE. COPS. Get him put away! Link to comment
goaskalice Posted July 9, 2017 Author Share Posted July 9, 2017 I'm back after a long time away... Thanks for the support, and sunflower I'm glad it helped you said w your situation... bc ended up getting arrested for felony dv charge and the d. a. picked it up .. The d.a. Informed me they are planning to recommend state prison time Link to comment
goaskalice Posted July 9, 2017 Author Share Posted July 9, 2017 So my bf ended up getting himself arrested and is now likely looking ahead to a future in state prison in part bc of what he did in part bc of his prior record Link to comment
HeartGoesOn Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 Are you still with him, after all that's happened? Link to comment
goaskalice Posted July 9, 2017 Author Share Posted July 9, 2017 It might sound strange but he was arrested put in jail w no contact order- we never formally ended the long term relationship we had but i guess some would just take that as a breakup when one party assaults the other and is taken to jail with no contact allowed... I'm trying to just move on and heal a little, I think at this point it's "game over" Link to comment
mustlovedogs Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 It might sound strange but he was arrested put in jail w no contact order- we never formally ended the long term relationship we had but i guess some would just take that as a breakup when one party assaults the other and is taken to jail with no contact allowed... I'm trying to just move on and heal a little, I think at this point it's "game over" I don't understand how that isn't glaringly clear. Link to comment
goaskalice Posted July 9, 2017 Author Share Posted July 9, 2017 For a lot of people but you'd be surprised that some women in similar situation want to reconcile, it's a vicious cycle that is very hard to get out of and sometimes the end of the road comes sooner for some, and sadly for some the end of the road is basically til death do us part ... I'm just taking it step by step to heal a little by little and get stronger so that one day when he gets out or if he calls I hopefully will be strong enough to not be swayed to go back Link to comment
Seraphim Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 Please never talk to him again let alone go back to him . My mom's best friend has been in a cemetery for 25 years because of an abusive relationship . Link to comment
goaskalice Posted July 9, 2017 Author Share Posted July 9, 2017 That is so so sad...there were at least two occasions I felt like it was possible I could end up very seriously injured or dead Link to comment
Capricorn3 Posted July 9, 2017 Share Posted July 9, 2017 If I were you I would seriously consider packing up and moving very far away and never, ever, ever contact him again. Ever. He's shown you what he's all about and if you don't learn from that, there's not much left to say. Link to comment
goaskalice Posted July 9, 2017 Author Share Posted July 9, 2017 My emotions shift and change like a roller coaster in the aftermath of all that.... Mostly I feel strong but occasionally I get this strong urge to take him back when I recall a certain memory or hear a song.. I'm honest enough to know I don't trust myself not to cave and go back so I have to do everything I can to get stronger Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.