It's been almost a year and my life looks dismal

[geng2]

Has anyone felt like they've been on top of the world and everything is going alright, then a year later is a flip of a coin? That's how it seems to me and i'm really getting bummed out.

 

It started about a year ago. My gf of 6 yrs and I broke up. I was the one who did it and it must have been the hardest thing i've done. Basically, I was led to believe she was foolin around with my friends because of a conversation she brought up on open relationships (Not a great topic after 6 years in a relationship). To cut a long story short, I didn't really care for the whole idea and after the change in the way I looked at her, I decided it had to end.

 

What a rollercoaster that was. I was so sure that I could do better. I was on this site looking for answers. From her being with me almost everyday to not at all in a blink of an eye, yeah, I definitely needed some support. There were great posts and the general theme that I took to heart was that I should be looking out for myself right now. I even went as far as to cut off all communication with her (based on a post that said, "how would getting a constant reminder of something you no longer have help you move on?" Or to that effect). From then on out for the next few months I partied it up and was starting to feel alot better.

 

Then, the unexpected happened. My dad died of a heart attack. Not only was I reeling from the loss of a great relationship, now I had my dad's death to deal with. After that, I couldn't go out as I did. Circumstances had me at home keeping my mother company. It's not that I would choose not to, it's just that it was alot for me to take in and being at home almost all the time made me really depressed. Nothing but me and my thoughts were all I had. That and a whole lot of great memories for me to painfully remember.

 

Well it got better for awhile. I started going out again just with some friends after being much of a recluse. I even started taking dance classes. I thought that this would be a great start for me to be sociable again. It was good. Then things at work started to go downhill. After a few years of being at a good job, I left because the company wasn't doing so well financially.

 

Now here I am, single, lonely, at job that doesn't pay me as much as my last, having to give up my new car because I can't keep up with payments, and feeling pretty run down. Thank the stars I have my friends at dance class to keep my going. But now I hear my ex might take that same class. Ugh. I'm not even ready to see her let alone, dance with her. I know her life is on track (for which i'm painfully jealous of). New boyfriend, good paying job, in school.

 

It's not so much that my life feels like it's stalled, I can deal with that. It seems my life is taking a turn for the worse and I can't seem to shake it. All I ever do is feel lousy and depressed and like a loser.

 

Does anyone have any advice they can give me?

[Celadon]

Geng2, you've had quite a brutal year. So sorry to hear about your dad.

 

Maybe you are actually depressed, in a medical sense. I know lots of people don't like hearing that, but it happens. That's when your brain chemicals are out of balance and the doctor prescribes a medication to help jump-start you back into balance. There are a bunch of mood lifters out there. Would you be willing to see your doctor?

 

Other than that, I'd suggest thinking about some small goal you'd like to achieve and then working towards it. The way out of the pit will not be a miraculous leap overnight, but a series of small steps that you can take pride in and get satisfaction out of.

 

I hope this helps. Hang in there!

[geng2]

thx K8tie, I don't think I'm depressed in the clinical sense. I am just feeling like things are spiraling for the worse. I've always tried to keep a good attitude about things and for the most part, I've been able to handle it well (alot better than I thought). It's just that with the way things are going, with my love life, work life, etc. it's just harder to keep a good attitude.

 

I know I've been through alot this year (I hope no one goes through what I have). But I just hate feeling like I'm beaten. And it's occurring more and more frequently.

[Mr.Lowselfconfidence]

i'm not sure if this will help...but when i was depressed...my friend told me to get a lot of sleep...and it worked...like i said before...it might not work...but it might just get you happy enough to help turn your life around and head towards the good stuff...hope this helps...

[Celadon]

But I just hate feeling like I'm beaten. And it's occurring more and more frequently.

 

Yeah, that really sucks, I'm sure. But though it may feel like a spiral, there's nothing to say that the next thing that happens to you couldn't be a good thing, or a really great thing. It's not inevitable that your bad "luck" will continue.

 

What you perceive as being one bad thing after another is a mix of situations that happened. You broke up with your GF - that was your decision, and perhaps you were right about it needing to come to an end since she was talking about "open" relationships. (Yikes.)

 

Your father passed away, and that is a very unfathomable thing - but it does happen, and that's not under anybody's control.

 

Then you chose to leave the company you were at. Again, it was your decision based on what I'm sure were good reasons at the time.

 

The bottom line, so to speak, is that we all make decisions and endure the consequences. No one can know the outcome of a decision. We all learn by experience. Some people are luckier than others and live more charmed lives; others are unlucky from the beginning.

 

You do sound bone tired. I hope you can take it easy for awhile, enjoy those dance classes, maybe try some other activities, and quiet those hopeless thoughts.

 

You've been on top before. You will be again. Life is full of vagaries, and if you're down for the count now, I'm sure you'll be up again soon. Just have patience and don't be hard on yourself.

[Alabama]

There are many sad times when life can seem to bring up down, yet you can't give up. Since quitting is too easy. We have to be strong to go on in life, if we let the bad things happen to us then we are wasting our lives. I know it's hard to move on after your dad has died and your girlfriend breaks up with you, but life will be better. Since you can make it that way. Good luck!