NC log - a place to vent

[lovelyworld]

I had a feeling he'd pull this. He wanted to see if you'd still be there if stuff fell through with the new girl. This is what desperate people do. I'm sorry you have to start over. I remember when I got my ex to admit he was with someone. It tore me up something fierce. I remember the feeling. I kept looking at their facebooks and torturing myself. Sugar, you have got to go complete NC now. The fact is, he probably DOES miss you. He probably DOES have feelings for you. But its gone too far for you 2 to repair this, and he knows it. Block all contact. It'll be torture for a while but it'll prolong your pain to keep asking why. There are no good explanations. Nothing that will make you feel better. You have to rely on you for your happiness now.

 

For now, spend the day in bed, or with an understanding friend. Be kind too yourself. Buy yourself something. Anything that'll make u feel better fit the moment.

 

This pain doesn't last long. And here's my favorite quote..."Be patient and tough; Someday this pain will be useful to you -Ovid"

 

I keep re-reading this to not fool myself again.

[Vivi0476]

I've been feeling pretty good lately. I'm dating again and having fun meeting new people. I've come to realize the woman he chose over me is boring as **** and this is more HIS loss than it is mine. Would I take him back? Hmmmm...I'm not even sure anymore, and that alone is a step in the right direction. We would definitely be moving slowly if it were the case. I'm getting used to loving myself again and not having him in my life. He feels like a stranger now.

Thats such a weird feeling right? The stranger part. I don't know him anymore...this him. The bad him. The man I married is gone. This man is exactly that, a stranger.

 

I'm proud of you. You're doing great! 👍

[Vivi0476]

I keep re-reading this to not fool myself again.

You're going to be ok. I remember I kept saying "I don't love you anymore. I love me now." And I'd say it out loud over and over again. It kinda tricks your mind. Its like self brainwashing. Sounds silly but whatever works. Breathe. Grab a drink. Watch a movie. I used to put Amelie on in the background. It was something about the French language and the accordion music that calmed me. It stayed in the dvr for 2 weeks on loop. It seemed to calm me. Then I moved to Chocolat and then that movie calmed me. Whatever you have to do to push through. You got this honey. I'm so sorry.

[Angieeee]

I keep thinking about the other girl. I keep thinking of how different we look. How our personalities could be different. In a way, I'm comparing.

But then I tell myself if he loved her truly, why would he have texted me in the first place? He's not being faithful to her. Is she a rebound? Did he want to see I was still into him? Will he ever reach out again? Why am I still afraid that I will be forgotten again? Just why? Why am I scared that I'm left behind again? This is where I really dislike myself. I also told him before I found out about his relationship that I did not want anything serious with him...so now I'm blaming myself that it drove him to never want to try again with me. But my God, why should it matter? He lied to me! To my face. Maybe I'm not a strong-willed person.

These questions don't matter because I know I should not take him back in the future. I know 100% I deserve more because I would never play with a person's heart. I have blocked his phone number, I'm pretty sure he didn't reach out today anyway, and he wouldn't.

 

Ahh. Why are heartaches so difficult. I wish I could feel the way he does, I wish I could just forget him and be happy.

 

Hey lovelyworld

Its going to be hard. I know that gut feeling or just knowing they were seeing someone. Then when they finally admit to it you get this other pain on top of the break up itself.

I'm mad at myself for breaking no contact once again.

She replies but doesnt really make a effort.

[jstudio]

It's only been a week of trying NC again, and this is so hard. I haven't been able to sleep or eat. I feel like a crazy person. After a 4 year, live-in relationship, I am just not used to not talking to him. The problem is when we do connect, I am still begging for him back. He says that "I still love you, when things get better, we will take it from there." This is the only place I can vent this stuff. How long does it take before you start to feel a little better? I know everyone is different, but I can't handle this for long. We have been broken up for two months, yet I have broken the NC several times. I usually get very vague responses. I'm ready to go full-on NC now.

Really wish I could just chill out.

[Onderoo]

Blocked my exgf from everything in November and has been 8 months since finally deciding to go no contact. I never had any trust in her during our relationship due to knowing too much about evolutionary psychology and how things really are. Despite loving her, I was afraid to tell her knowing her desire for me would drop. A person can love someone without being attracted to them. It's the paradox of nature. The 2 don't seem to co-exist.

 

My suspicions were confirmed when I finally told her the truth about my feelings and wanting her back. She decides to stay with the current guy with whom she was dating and having major problems with and insisted on being friends, knowing how I felt whilst rubbing it in my face on Facebook and social media. Then posting hurtful memes that were passive aggressively directed at me. The sickest thing of all was, when I wasn't clear about my feelings and kept her at arms left, she chased after me relentlessly; contacting me, wanting to meet up for sex etc.

 

I've since tried dating other girls by learning from my mistakes and being open from the start. It doesn't seem to work.

 

I can't seem to show a girl love without getting hurt.

 

How sick Human Biology is. I can't ever trust getting into another relationship with a girl ever again. We want what we can't have yet resent it once we finally have it. The juice isn't worth the squeeze.

[Onderoo]

To my last date...

 

"Indeed I did try to sleep with you. I have no shame in that; It should be a natural extension between 2 adults who genuinely like each other with no hangups, judgements or taboos…

 

First of all, transactional relationships aren’t my thing. I shouldn’t have to negotiate for someone’s desire and want to be with someone who’s happy when we’re together, likes spending time with me for me, and doesn’t mind where we go or what we do. Those things shouldn’t matter.

 

It’s clear that we’re not right for each other and don’t see things in the same way. I’m sure there are plenty of guys out there who feel they have nothing more to offer than to pamper you in return for your love and affection. There’s nothing wrong with that if that’s how you choose to view men and relationships. But it’s not what I want or how I roll. As i’ve said, I wish for your happiness and hope you find what you’re looking for.

 

You’re welcome to show this message to our mutual friends for gossip and to label me as an a**hole in order to preserve your social value. I don’t need anyone’s approval and have enough integrity to stand my ground and speak my mind in person if necessary. I have nothing to hide. And I’m not a bad person.

 

I’m showing you respect by being transparent and honest. And I would appreciate it if you were too.

 

All the best"

[Onderoo]

"I hear what you’re saying Sarah and I respect it.

 

Here are my thoughts… I can’t continue to be friends with you and pretend like it’s ok. Everything I’ve tried to do this past month has been to try and fix things between us and it hasn’t made a difference. You have no desire to come back.

 

The sickest thing of all... You’re somehow willing to continue sleeping with someone with whom you’re clearly having issues with, with no guilt whatsoever, knowing that someone you’ve felt something for for the last 2 years, has the same feelings towards you. Don’t you have a soul?

 

This is what upsets me. To another person, this would be enough to block you from their lives completely and to have nothing to do with you. But I care for you too much right now to do something like that.

 

All I ask from you at this moment is to not contact me again as a friend, unless your intention is to try and work things out. If it is, then please get in touch. I don’t want us to be confused, hurt and upset anymore than we currently are and don’t want to make things worse."

[lovelyworld]

I'm not sure if I feel better today or not, I feel like I'm getting used to feeling like this, since I felt this way a few weeks ago. I think I will be able to block him on facebook later. Kinda not ready to block him, but I know I have to.

I went out last night with my friends to dinner, and I kept thinking of him a lot. It reminded me of when we used to go out to dinner together. Or I'd look at a random girl and think "I think his new girl looks just like that" haha...it was weird to be out in a way. Too soon to get out yesterday after finding out he's really in a relationship.

 

I'm tired of feeling sad...month after month, because of him, it's ridiculous. I don't see him in the same lovely light I used to see him. I used to. Now I know he lied to me, I know he came back to play with my heart, I know he doesn't care about me. Something is wrong with him really... to talk to me while he has a girl. To come back, talk to me, and then push me away, and get mad at me for asking questions...as if I'm just supposed to agree with everything he does and says. No.

I know I'm not losing anything valuable in my life now, I realize. He only adds drama, headache and heartache. I'm not attracted to his personality anymore, and I have no trust in him at all. It's all a facade. He looks like a good person, but deep down he's a player. What gets me are the memories...memories of us together, when he was so sweet to me, when it felt like we were in love, but those memories are starting to diminish now. It's almost as if those memories were with a different person.

[Onderoo]

I'm not sure if I feel better today or not, I feel like I'm getting used to feeling like this, since I felt this way a few weeks ago. I think I will be able to block him on facebook later. Kinda not ready to block him, but I know I have to.

I went out last night with my friends to dinner, and I kept thinking of him a lot. It reminded me of when we used to go out to dinner together. Or I'd look at a random girl and think "I think his new girl looks just like that" haha...it was weird to be out in a way. Too soon to get out yesterday after finding out he's really in a relationship.

 

I'm tired of feeling sad...month after month, because of him, it's ridiculous. I don't see him in the same lovely light I used to see him. I used to. Now I know he lied to me, I know he came back to play with my heart, I know he doesn't care about me. Something is wrong with him really... to talk to me while he has a girl. To come back, talk to me, and then push me away, and get mad at me for asking questions...as if I'm just supposed to agree with everything he does and says. No.

I know I'm not losing anything valuable in my life now, I realize. He only adds drama, headache and heartache. I'm not attracted to his personality anymore, and I have no trust in him at all. It's all a facade. He looks like a good person, but deep down he's a player. What gets me are the memories...memories of us together, when he was so sweet to me, when it felt like we were in love, but those memories are starting to diminish now. It's almost as if those memories were with a different person.

 

Not being funny or disrespectful. But acting like a player seems to work. I've never gotten any girl's respect or devotion (including my exes) when I was honest and loving. It wasn't until I began adopting the behaviours of guys who truly didn't care that things started to change. It seems frustration and attraction goes hand in hand. I've never gotten any credit by giving a girl what she wants.

 

Perhaps you need to step back and analyse why you're this invested despite doing what he did to you. Perhaps it's not something he did wrong at all. It's what drove my exgf back the first time I broke it off with her, until I finally opened up. At which point, she now wants nothing to do with me sexually and romantically besides friendship while she screws someone else.

 

Before people call this out as being unlucky and that "not all women are like that". It's simply not true. This is coming from personal statistics of talking to tonnes of girls and going on lots of dates.

 

I honestly thought my ex was different; thinking she was a special snowflake. But it turns out, she isn't.

 

Onderoo

[Vivi0476]

I'm not sure if I feel better today or not, I feel like I'm getting used to feeling like this, since I felt this way a few weeks ago. I think I will be able to block him on facebook later. Kinda not ready to block him, but I know I have to.

I went out last night with my friends to dinner, and I kept thinking of him a lot. It reminded me of when we used to go out to dinner together. Or I'd look at a random girl and think "I think his new girl looks just like that" haha...it was weird to be out in a way. Too soon to get out yesterday after finding out he's really in a relationship.

 

I'm tired of feeling sad...month after month, because of him, it's ridiculous. I don't see him in the same lovely light I used to see him. I used to. Now I know he lied to me, I know he came back to play with my heart, I know he doesn't care about me. Something is wrong with him really... to talk to me while he has a girl. To come back, talk to me, and then push me away, and get mad at me for asking questions...as if I'm just supposed to agree with everything he does and says. No.

I know I'm not losing anything valuable in my life now, I realize. He only adds drama, headache and heartache. I'm not attracted to his personality anymore, and I have no trust in him at all. It's all a facade. He looks like a good person, but deep down he's a player. What gets me are the memories...memories of us together, when he was so sweet to me, when it felt like we were in love, but those memories are starting to diminish now. It's almost as if those memories were with a different person.

I feel like it still hurts but this is my new normal. You know how pearls are made right? A piece or sand or shell or something sharp gets inside the oyster. It hurts the oyster really bad. So it coats it. I imagine after the first coat it still hurts just not as much. So it keeps doing it until it becomes this amazing smooth pearl and then I imagine the oyster barely feels it anymore. It doesn't mean the object is gone, in fact its a part of the oyster forever. But now its beautiful, and all the painful sharp edges are gone. I bet the pearl still feels a little uncomfortable sometimes. I bet the oyster wishes the sharp object never got in there. But the only thing it can do is make it a part of its existence. Part of it's new normal.

[Vivi0476]

Sorry, I didn't mean to get philosophical on y'all. This is what happens when I clean.

[lovelyworld]

Not being funny or disrespectful. But acting like a player seems to work. I've never gotten any girl's respect or devotion (including my exes) when I was honest and loving. It wasn't until I began adopting the behaviours of guys who truly didn't care that things started to change. It seems frustration and attraction goes hand in hand. I've never gotten any credit by giving a girl what she wants.

 

Perhaps you need to step back and analyse why you're this invested in this person despite doing what he did to you. Perhaps it's not something wrong at all. It's what drove my exgf back the first time I broke it off with her, until I finally opened up at which point, she now wants nothing to do with me sexually besides friendship while she screws someone else.

 

Before people call this out as being unlucky and that "not all women are like that". It's simply not true.

 

Onderoo

 

Him being a player doesn't make me want him. I have had enough of that. Looking back, I miss the times when he was real and and so loving and caring, that's what makes me feel stuck. When I think of the ways he played me, it makes me feel a little glad it's over. But no, being a player doesn't attract me. The only reason I got invested again is because after being in no contact with him for two weeks, he contacts me and shows me his sweet side...then I started missing him. However, that didn't last long...he then finally admits he's seeing someone else and pushes me away. That's being a player.

 

Your ex...maybe it has something to do with the fact that people want what they can't have. Maybe when you weren't interested in her, she thought she lost you for good. And when you when you were open, she knew she could have you at any time. It's messed up. And I hate to say it lol...but really, not all women are like that.

[Onderoo]

Him being a player doesn't make me want him. I have had enough of that. Looking back, I miss the times when he was real and and so loving and caring, that's what makes me feel stuck. When I think of the ways he played me, it makes me feel a little glad it's over. But no, being a player doesn't attract me. The only reason I got invested again is because after being in no contact with him for two weeks, he contacts me and shows me his sweet side...then I started missing him. However, that didn't last long...he then finally admits he's seeing someone else and pushes me away. That's being a player.

 

Your ex...maybe it has something to do with the fact that people want what they can't have. Maybe when you weren't interested in her, she thought she lost you for good. And when you when you were open, she knew she could have you at any time. It's messed up. And I hate to say it lol...but really, not all women are like that.

 

I finally agreed to go on a date with a girl after she discreetly pursued me for the last 2 years and hinting at being attracted to me. To the point of getting a mutual friend to collar me and suggest that I ask her out.

 

Being cautious due to what I wrote in my previous thread, I asked her out, set a date, drove to her place and went for drinks. We kissed, invited me back to her place and I took it as a hint that she wanted me to push things further.

She invites me out to the cinema for a second date, agreeing to meet half way. I paid for the tickets and she acted miserable and moody throughout. She flaked on the third date and completely ignored me on valentines night at the place where we all usually meet up as friends.

 

To most guys, this would be baffling as hell. But knowing what I know, it's obvious. I simply gave away my interest too quickly, let her know that I desire her sexually which burst the bubble, the challenge and the tension between us.

Now who's in the wrong here... Me or her?

 

I'm sorry, but I disagree. This is something I got time and time again, before and after I decided to educate myself on all of this and put it into practice.

 

You can say you hate your ex and don't want anything to do with him. But let me tell you something that people are very rarely told... The opposite of love isn't hate, but indifference. ;-)

 

The fact that you're thinking about him, taking the time to post about it etc. is emotional investment. Actions speak louder than words. If you truly didn't care, you wouldn't bother looking for solutions in a forum. Why would you? Think about it.

 

I speak for myself as well. My issue is lack of closure and realising that being nice as a man isn't going to work and confirms my understanding.

[lovelyworld]

I finally agreed to go on a date with a girl after she discreetly pursued me for the last 2 years and hinting at being attracted to me. To the point of getting a mutual friend to collar me and suggest that I ask her out.

 

Being cautious due to what I wrote in my previous thread, I asked her out, set a date, drove to her place and went for drinks. We kissed, invited me back to her place and I took it as a hint that she wanted me to push things further.

She invites me out to the cinema for a second date, agreeing to meet half way. I paid for the tickets and she acted miserable and moody throughout. She flaked on the third date and completely ignored me on valentines night at the place where we all usually meet up as friends.

 

To most guys, this would be baffling as hell. But knowing what I know, it's obvious. I simply gave away my interest too quickly, let her know that I desire her sexually which burst the bubble, the challenge and the tension between us.

Now who's in the wrong here... Me or her?

 

I'm sorry, but I disagree. This is something I got time and time again, before and after I decided to educate myself on all of this and put it into practice.

 

You can say you hate your ex and don't want anything to do with him. But let me tell you something that people are very rarely told... The opposite of love isn't hate, but indifference. ;-)

 

The fact that you're thinking about him, taking the time to post about it etc. is emotional investment. Actions speak louder than words. If you truly didn't care, you wouldn't bother looking for solutions in a forum. Why would you? Think about it.

 

I speak for myself as well. My issue is lack of closure and realising that being nice as a man isn't going to work and confirms my understanding.

 

I never said I hated my ex. I wish I did. I hate the way I feel because of him. I completely agree 100% that the opposite of love is indifference, indeed. And I cannot wait until I feel indifferent about him.

 

I'm nowhere near feeling indifferent. I'm here because I still feel hurt and broken and I just want to get over him completely.

[Onderoo]

I never said I hated my ex. I wish I did. I hate the way I feel because of him. I completely agree 100% that the opposite of love is indifference, indeed. And I cannot wait until I feel indifferent about him.

 

I'm nowhere near feeling indifferent. I'm here because I still feel hurt and broken and I just want to get over him completely.

 

Exactly. And this is the issue. Not his behaviour. But the fact that you still care despite his behaviour. This is what's concerning.

 

I did exactly this to girls and it seems to keep them around more than when I'm nice, at which point, they're indifferent and not interested in coming back.

 

Being narcissistic, sociopathic and selfish as men seems to be attractive. Do a search on 'Why dark triad traits are attractive' on Google. It's sick, but Biology is Biology. The best way to improve this area of your life is to understand your behaviour as a woman and why you're driven to behave the way you do.

 

More and more men are becoming clued up on this hence why more guys are turning into a**holes.

 

They're a**holes because it works.

[lovelyworld]

I feel like it still hurts but this is my new normal. You know how pearls are made right? A piece or sand or shell or something sharp gets inside the oyster. It hurts the oyster really bad. So it coats it. I imagine after the first coat it still hurts just not as much. So it keeps doing it until it becomes this amazing smooth pearl and then I imagine the oyster barely feels it anymore. It doesn't mean the object is gone, in fact its a part of the oyster forever. But now its beautiful, and all the painful sharp edges are gone. I bet the pearl still feels a little uncomfortable sometimes. I bet the oyster wishes the sharp object never got in there. But the only thing it can do is make it a part of its existence. Part of it's new normal.

 

Wow

[Vivi0476]

I never said I hated my ex. I wish I did. I hate the way I feel because of him. I completely agree 100% that the opposite of love is indifference, indeed. And I cannot wait until I feel indifferent about him.

 

I'm nowhere near feeling indifferent. I'm here because I still feel hurt and broken and I just want to get over him completely.

Sweetie, don't engage this guy. I'm not sure why he's decided to mess with you. Block him. Thats the point of this forum, to heal, get support and ask questions. I think there's a dating forum where he can explain all the virtues of being a player and how it really works. 🙌

[lovelyworld]

Exactly. And this is the issue. Not his behaviour. But the fact that you still care despite his behaviour. This is what's concerning.

 

I did exactly this to girls and it seems to keep them around more than when I'm nice, at which point, they're indifferent and not interested in coming back.

 

Being narcissistic, sociopathic and selfish seems to be attractive. Do a search on 'Why dark triad traits are attractive' on Google. It's sick, but Biology is Biology. The best way to improve this area of your life is to understand your behaviour as a woman and why you're driven to behave the way you do.

 

More and more men are becoming clued up on this hence why more guys are turning into a**holes.

 

They're a**holes because it works.

 

I care because I loved this guy for 2.5 years, he was a big part of my life. How can I stop caring suddenly? I'm working on it.

 

And still, no, being a player and a cold person doesn't work on me...it doesn't attract me. Being too nice in the beginning isn't good either. I would say both to avoid both extremes.

[Onderoo]

Being too nice in the beginning isn't good either. I would say both to avoid both extremes.

 

;-) Challenge, tension, "does he like me, doesn't he?"

 

Don't mean to be challenging. All I'm saying is don't shoot the messenger. Just giving you a man's perspective hoping you learn from it rather than discard it.

We would love to be open and loving, but it's not easy.

[lovelyworld]

Sweetie, don't engage this guy. I'm not sure why he's decided to mess with you. Block him. Thats the point of this forum, to heal, get support and ask questions. I think there's a dating forum where he can explain all the virtues of being a player and how it really works. 🙌

 

It was frustrating to reply lol, but it felt good to feel an emotion besides sadness earlier. It didn't get to me in the end. It's online.

[lovelyworld]

I went to eat lunch at a place my ex and I used to eat a lot at. I almost ended up messaging him, so glad I didn't! It brought back too many memories. So what is making me mad is the fact that I'm back to that stage where I feel like I'm a walking sad person...where songs remind me of him, where places remind me of him, faces remind me of him, couples remind me of him, food reminds me of him, everything. I hate this stage because my mind is consumed by him.

[katara42]

Sorry, I didn't mean to get philosophical on y'all. This is what happens when I clean.

Ah cleaning is where truth happens

[Angieeee]

I went to eat lunch at a place my ex and I used to eat a lot at. I almost ended up messaging him, so glad I didn't! It brought back too many memories. So what is making me mad is the fact that I'm back to that stage where I feel like I'm a walking sad person...where songs remind me of him, where places remind me of him, faces remind me of him, couples remind me of him, food reminds me of him, everything. I hate this stage because my mind is consumed by him.

 

I think once you break no contact you go back to the initial stages of a break up. Thats exactly how I'm feeling. So since i broke no contact she barely replied to my text but it made me feel worse.

I understand that feeling when you say songs, and couples. I just watched my friends snapchat and she is back with her ex gf. They were and on and off again couple like my ex gf and I. My friend told me she will never take her ex back but i guess now they are happily back together. I ing broke down. Its like i am happy for them but it reminded me of my ex

[luisannalui]

Angiee next time dont break no contact unless she tells you she wants u back. They just contact us to see if they still have us than after that they disappear.