BF just said:"guys will have sex with anything that moves"

[Loralora]

Maybe he said it because he wanted to test your reaction...see what will happen if he ever tried to do it...

 

Why can't he have male roomates...I wouldn't like my boyfriend having girl roomates even if he was a saint. It would be a very big problem for me him wanting to have and actually having girl roomates. If he wouldn't be able to find boy friends roomates or not live with you (because it's too soon or whatever) ; he should at least live on his own.

 

My boyfriend is a doctor and he has to work night shifts with all kinds of nurses and I kind of hate it. One of the nurses seems really into him she texts him about schedule changes and work related issues but I still hate it when she does it. But that is his profession and I have to deal with it...

[FlashEng1]

I think there's missing context to your conversation that you may have overlooked or refuse to admit it's involvement... such as an accusation made about or the mentioning of another guy (hence the "yeah...etc" as if he's agreeing with you), or a subliminal line you gave about HIM and his situation (hence his smartass, 'joking' of a reply "yeah.. we sure will babe!").

 

In any event, from my understanding: You two have been girlfriend/boyfriend for some time now.. perhaps long enough that he didn't just move into a house with other women yesterday.. Clearly he's been with them for some time, and clearly it's been bothering you to the point that this comment has been the catalyst of you seconding guessing a lot more in your relationship.

 

 

So many scenarios and perspectives on what can be done as evidenced in this thread. I think it boils down to how you feel about his living situation and your level of trust OR level of insecurity prior to him making that comment.. At this point I think you're fighting a losing battle to pit his tasteless comment on him as grounds to now discuss the relationship and whether or not he meant what he said, or anything like that. I think you would do better to the both of you if you took a step back and got to the root of the problem and addressed it accordingly. Let him know that you don't like his living situation, and his comment made it 100x worse... This isn't an argument about whether or not he would actually sleep with someone else, it's an argument about you not liking the idea that he lives with other women (which you've already admitted to not feeling very happy about), and him saying something that causes even more doubt and worry... Address that.

 

And decide as well, was it enough for YOU to pull the trigger and move on? Or do you "love him so much that..." you're willing to move on, past that? If the latter, then find a way to move on. If the former, try not to approach the situation like "I'm leaving because you said/did/blahblah" but rather "I'm leaving because I've always felt this way for so long, and this simply confirms/makes it worse ." And move on.

 

The debating about the what if's or the "what does this mean" and all that... a waste of your time and energy. A Billion people, a billion perspectives, a billion different reasons for saying/doing what we do, and taking direct advice from strangers as gospel about men in general, or YOUR boyfriend... yeah completely unfair and wrong, after all you're dating him, not us.

[h0000]

Maybe he said it because he wanted to test your reaction...see what will happen if he ever tried to do it...

 

Why can't he have male roomates...I wouldn't like my boyfriend having girl roomates even if he was a saint. It would be a very big problem for me him wanting to have and actually having girl roomates. If he wouldn't be able to find boy friends roomates or not live with you (because it's too soon or whatever) ; he should at least live on his own.

 

My boyfriend is a doctor and he has to work night shifts with all kinds of nurses and I kind of hate it. One of the nurses seems really into him she texts him about schedule changes and work related issues but I still hate it when she does it. But that is his profession and I have to deal with it...

He couldn't get any housemates, not to mention just guys. After more than a month searching he managed to get two and they are both girls. And it's not like he had any choices, those were the only two who ever said yes. The rent is very high I don't think I can ask him to pay those extra bucks till he finds someone I approve.

It is just what it is. Yes I am tad insecure about it but I have to deal with it.

[h0000]

I think there's missing context to your conversation that you may have overlooked or refuse to admit it's involvement... such as an accusation made about or the mentioning of another guy (hence the "yeah...etc" as if he's agreeing with you), or a subliminal line you gave about HIM and his situation (hence his smartass, 'joking' of a reply "yeah.. we sure will babe!").

 

In any event, from my understanding: You two have been girlfriend/boyfriend for some time now.. perhaps long enough that he didn't just move into a house with other women yesterday.. Clearly he's been with them for some time, and clearly it's been bothering you to the point that this comment has been the catalyst of you seconding guessing a lot more in your relationship.

 

 

So many scenarios and perspectives on what can be done as evidenced in this thread. I think it boils down to how you feel about his living situation and your level of trust OR level of insecurity prior to him making that comment.. At this point I think you're fighting a losing battle to pit his tasteless comment on him as grounds to now discuss the relationship and whether or not he meant what he said, or anything like that. I think you would do better to the both of you if you took a step back and got to the root of the problem and addressed it accordingly. Let him know that you don't like his living situation, and his comment made it 100x worse... This isn't an argument about whether or not he would actually sleep with someone else, it's an argument about you not liking the idea that he lives with other women (which you've already admitted to not feeling very happy about), and him saying something that causes even more doubt and worry... Address that.

 

And decide as well, was it enough for YOU to pull the trigger and move on? Or do you "love him so much that..." you're willing to move on, past that? If the latter, then find a way to move on. If the former, try not to approach the situation like "I'm leaving because you said/did/blahblah" but rather "I'm leaving because I've always felt this way for so long, and this simply confirms/makes it worse ." And move on.

 

The debating about the what if's or the "what does this mean" and all that... a waste of your time and energy. A Billion people, a billion perspectives, a billion different reasons for saying/doing what we do, and taking direct advice from strangers as gospel about men in general, or YOUR boyfriend... yeah completely unfair and wrong, after all you're dating him, not us.

You are right.. It got to me because I am insecure about his living situation. I don't know how I would react if he wasn't living with women, but maybe not as bad?

But there is nothing I can do about his housemates. I explained the situation earlier. He had to live with them and I just have to trust him. He never gave me any sign that he would cheat. He is going to move out after 4 months or so, and I think he can find a place with guys then or he may buy his own place.

I posted this thread cuz I wanted to know if (the vast majority of) you guys think he meant it/not a joke. Personally I cant see him having sex with every woman. It really doesn't feel like him. But I don't always trust my own judgement..

But looks like half of you guys do think it's a bad joke, so maybe I need to work on my insecure problems instead.

[SoulTaker]

Shocker.

Last night when we were about to go to sleep, he said something like "yeah, if there is a hole, guys will slay it. Just have to try it ya know. If there is a hole on the wall, we'll put it in ya know". I don't even know where that was coming from.

I asked him if he was joking, and he said "nah.."

I was like , and I said you are a guy too? He replied "nah I'm different. " But I mean,how can he be that different..

At that point I really don't know if that's a joke or not. Because he shares house with other women! (we don't live together)

I am somehow insecure about that situation, and he knows it. So last night, after this incident, I got pissed/upset, and said "why are you telling me this? you live with other women!" He immediately said "ohhhh sh*t. no I was joking!" But I wasn't that convinced. Which part of it is remotely funny?

So yeah, I'm still not feeling well today about this, maybe because of my insecurity regarding his female housemates as well. My guy friend said it sounds like a joke but a bad one. What do you guys think?

 

I don't find it to be a joking matter. Don't concentrate on what he said, but more on how he said it. Men who can be trusted don't talk in this type of vulgar manner, especially around their women. And, it wasn't randomly mentioned. There is a message behind it (knowing how you feel about his housemates), and you need to get to the bottom of it.

[notalady]

In my own experience, guys who make those kinds of generalities are the type of men to fulfill them.

 

Men who can be trusted don't talk in this type of vulgar manner, especially around their women.

 

I completely agree with the above two posts. I would've been very disturbed by his stating this to me, joke or not.

 

That's not my view of men, and I don't take well to others having this kind of generalised views, especially coming from a partner. Someone who makes this kind of statement is trying to normalise a behaviour that is unacceptable (in this case to women they are dating). I know for a fact not all men are like this, in fact most men I know are not.

 

One of my ex used to state, when we're at the beach and see women in bikinis "I'm a guy, we like to look (at women)". It made me really uncomfortable because, for one I didn't ask, and two, I couldn't have cared less if he's looking at an attractive female, as long as he's being discreet about it. I understand we all look at attractive people sometimes. Making such statements to my face is crass and disrespectful, just like SoulTaker pointed out.

 

Another thing I noticed is OP, your boyfriend said he would never cheat. I don't know in what context did that come up, but if it was also out of context and unsolicited, I will be extra careful about him. People who are actually loyal don't feel the need to announce themselves to be so. They just be. People I've met that announce they are / aren't such and such (eg honest, loyal, kind, funny) or would / wouldn't do this and that, often are the opposite to what they are announcing.

[h0000]

 

Another thing I noticed is OP, your boyfriend said he would never cheat. I don't know in what context did that come up, but if it was also out of context and unsolicited, I will be extra careful about him. People who are actually loyal don't feel the need to announce themselves to be so. They just be. People I've met that announce they are / aren't such and such (eg honest, loyal, kind, funny) or would / wouldn't do this and that, often are the opposite to what they are announcing.

He said it when I told him I was insecure about his female housemates and he said "You know I'd never do anything like that". So that wasn't out of context. He was comforting me

I thought maybe he was trying to make a joke out of a male stereotype, not that he actually agrees on it. But are you saying I should dump him based on this statement?

[notalady]

He said it when I told him I was insecure about his female housemates and he said "You know I'd never do anything like that". So that wasn't out of context. He was comforting me

I thought maybe he was trying to make a joke out of a male stereotype, not that he actually agrees on it. But are you saying I should dump him based on this statement?

 

I'm saying you need to get extra careful and observe his behaviour and his views going forward, if you choose to stay.

 

It's hard to decide to leave just base on a simple statement like that. But it is important to pay attention to it.

[PinkPawPrint]

I agree with SoulTaker, Fudgie and NotALady.. if it doesn't resonate well with you, keep a close eye on him. My most recent ex was of the type that claimed to be a real stand up, good guy. Swore he would never do certain things. Turns out that wasn't the case. Go with your intuition.

[h0000]

I agree with SoulTaker, Fudgie and NotALady.. if it doesn't resonate well with you, keep a close eye on him. My most recent ex was of the type that claimed to be a real stand up, good guy. Swore he would never do certain things. Turns out that wasn't the case. Go with your intuition.

When I asked "are you included (in those guys who bang everything) he said no he's different.

Am I suppose to ignore that part and choose to just believe the "wants to bang everything" part?

 

He's only had sex with four women including me. He had the chance to go on vacation with female friends and nothing sexual happened. He has gone on dates before but didn't have sex with them because he wasn't feeling the spark. also He never claimed to be a real good guy, I actually thinks so by looking at his behaviour towards me and other people. So if you ask my initiation, I would not in a million years think he is the kinda guy that bangs everything . That's also why I was so surprised to hear the statement. If any other guy said it I'd believe no doubt he was referring to himself. But he said it , I just had to wonder "are you joking?"

Man...I really don't wanna keep having an close eye on him or constantly observing his behaviour, analysing his words. Wondering what he's up to whenever he's away? That's emotionally and physically exhausting and it's gonna suck all the fun out of the relationship.

[notalady]

You should always be paying attention to someone's behaviour and words during dating to make sure they are someone you see a future with, and not ignore red flags.

 

That does not mean analysing his every word and wondering what he's doing when he's away (that's speculation and not helpful).

 

Just like in this instance, when he says something or behaves in a way that raises red flags with you, you will notice. No need to over analyse.

 

Just don't ignore that this has happened. Truth will reveal itself in time as he reveals more about himself and his views, values, thought process.

[SoulTaker]

He's only had sex with four women including me. He had the chance to go on vacation with female friends and nothing sexual happened. He has gone on dates before but didn't have sex with them because he wasn't feeling the spark.

 

And, who initiated that type of conversation? Was it him, or you? There is always a red flag when someone asks how many people you have slept with. If it came from him, then it's another sign of him trying to impress you on a topic (sex) that is personal and no one's business. It is an "insecurity" type of question.

 

There is too much innuendo on the combination of "him, sex, and other women".

[h0000]

And, who initiated that type of conversation? Was it him, or you? There is always a red flag when someone asks how many people you have slept with. If it came from him, then it's another sign of him trying to impress you on a topic (sex) that is personal and no one's business. It is an "insecurity" type of question.

 

There is too much innuendo on the combination of "him, sex, and other women".

Well you seem to really not trust him do you?

I asked . So it came from me. It is an insecure question? I kinda am insecure .

too much innuendo on the combination of "him, sex, and other women"? Guess it's my fault

[Loralora]

He couldn't get any housemates, not to mention just guys. After more than a month searching he managed to get two and they are both girls. And it's not like he had any choices, those were the only two who ever said yes. The rent is very high I don't think I can ask him to pay those extra bucks till he finds someone I approve.

It is just what it is. Yes I am tad insecure about it but I have to deal with it.

 

Can he get a very smaller apartement with a lower rent and live on his own...but since you can deal with it it's fine he doesn't have to; but it might help your insecurity..

 

It might also make things less complicated and take this thing he said as a joke if his living situation was different.

[SoulTaker]

Well you seem to really not trust him do you?

I asked . So it came from me. It is an insecure question? I kinda am insecure .

too much innuendo on the combination of "him, sex, and other women"? Guess it's my fault

 

If all of this sexual innuendo is from you grilling him over it, then it is something you are going to have to resolve within yourself. I'm surprised that he's allowing you to get away with this (unless he's contributing some of this on his own). Most men would not put up with the way you're going about this.

 

You're in a tough situation, and will have to ride it out for the next 4 months until his living arrangements change. In the meantime, he should have introduced you to them by now, and given you the chance to be around them just to feel them out. This would be the best move in easing your concerns (see how these women react to you). What's going on in that area?

[DonnaSophia]

Shocker.

Last night when we were about to go to sleep, he said something like "yeah, if there is a hole, guys will slay it. Just have to try it ya know. If there is a hole on the wall, we'll put it in ya know". I don't even know where that was coming from.

I asked him if he was joking, and he said "nah.."

I was like , and I said you are a guy too? He replied "nah I'm different. " But I mean,how can he be that different..

At that point I really don't know if that's a joke or not. Because he shares house with other women! (we don't live together)

I am somehow insecure about that situation, and he knows it. So last night, after this incident, I got pissed/upset, and said "why are you telling me this? you live with other women!" He immediately said "ohhhh sh*t. no I was joking!" But I wasn't that convinced. Which part of it is remotely funny?

So yeah, I'm still not feeling well today about this, maybe because of my insecurity regarding his female housemates as well. My guy friend said it sounds like a joke but a bad one. What do you guys think?

 

How old is he, 16? He acts very immature with dreams of being some kind of stud. RUN

[Loralora]

I think this is being blown a little out of proportion. If his living situation was different I don't think you would of thought of this as such a big deal.

[h0000]

If all of this sexual innuendo is from you grilling him over it, then it is something you are going to have to resolve within yourself. I'm surprised that he's allowing you to get away with this (unless he's contributing some of this on his own). Most men would not put up with the way you're going about this.

 

You're in a tough situation, and will have to ride it out for the next 4 months until his living arrangements change. In the meantime, he should have introduced you to them by now, and given you the chance to be around them just to feel them out. This would be the best move in easing your concerns (see how these women react to you). What's going on in that area?

 

I'm not sure what you mean by "the way I'm going about this". During the whole year together I asked once how many women has he had. Expressed once I'm insecure about his living situation. Questioned once "what do you mean by that joke ", I don't go about it everyday so I don't really see any sexual innuendo to be honest. And why wouldn't he put up with me? I'm very nice to him? I agree I'm insecure but I keep most of my problems to myself

 

I met the women, they react around me fine. But it doesn't guarantee things won't happen in the future?

[JaggerJim]

So do you secretly think he's putting it in anything? Do you trust him?

[h0000]

I think this is being blown a little out of proportion. If his living situation was different I don't think you would of thought of this as such a big deal.

 

Maybe..lol I don't know.

Last night I was walking home with him, and I apologised for being always grumpy at him lately and he said "We know from now on the relationship is going downhill"

And we were walking down the hill in the front of his apartment.

So maybe he just likes to make really bad jokes...

[h0000]

So do you secretly think he's putting it in anything? Do you trust him?

 

I don't think he is putting it in anything at all. I don't know if he wants to put it in anything though. I never 100% trust anyone. But I still 95% trust him which is very high for me

[JaggerJim]

I don't think he is putting it in anything at all. I don't know if he wants to put it in anything though. I never 100% trust anyone.

 

Well it just seems to me that ever since he made that stupid comment, you don't look at him the same. I think it was just a dumb comment said to the wrong person.

[notalady]

Maybe..lol I don't know.

Last night I was walking home with him, and I apologised for being always grumpy at him lately and he said "We know from now on the relationship is going downhill"

And we were walking down the hill in the front of his apartment.

So maybe he just likes to make really bad jokes...

 

Personally I don't like these kinds of jokes. Including the "going downhill" joke. For me, I'd always avoid joking to a partner about breaking up, divorce, relationship going bad, rejection (of the partner), cheating, or anything with negative message for the relationship. For one, it's not funny, and two, to me there is always some truth behind jokes, so I try not to joke about anything that hit too close to home.

 

The same ex that I mentioned before that told me how guys like to look, also liked to make these kinds of negative jokes. If you tell an outsider, they might say it's not that bad or it's nothing. But as the partner and the person receiving these jokes first hand, it made me uncomfortable and just rubbed me the wrong way every time. I chalk it up to incompatibilities.

[h0000]

Personally I don't like these kinds of jokes. Including the "going downhill" joke. For me, I'd always avoid joking to a partner about breaking up, divorce, relationship going bad, rejection (of the partner), cheating, or anything with negative message for the relationship. For one, it's not funny, and two, to me there is always some truth behind jokes, so I try not to joke about anything that hit too close to home.

 

The same ex that I mentioned before that told me how guys like to look, also liked to make these kinds of negative jokes. If you tell an outsider, they might say it's not that bad or it's nothing. But as the partner and the person receiving these jokes first hand, it made me uncomfortable and just rubbed me the wrong way every time. I chalk it up to incompatibilities.

Did he cheat on you?

[Jibralta]

Personally I don't like these kinds of jokes. Including the "going downhill" joke. For me, I'd always avoid joking to a partner about breaking up, divorce, relationship going bad, rejection (of the partner), cheating, or anything with negative message for the relationship. For one, it's not funny, and two, to me there is always some truth behind jokes, so I try not to joke about anything that hit too close to home.

 

I tend to agree. When people talk, listen.