AvaD21 Posted November 27, 2016 Share Posted November 27, 2016 So if you guys saw my post the other day, I slept with a manger at my work who used to be my manager and is also quite older than me. We'd been flirting and messaging for a little while and I trusted and respected him and he was the first guy since my ex I even kissed. Well it's turned messy. He decided that as I'd told him I didn't want a relationship, he would sleep with my friend who we also work with, the next night. I feel completely disgusted. Disgustsd that I respected This guy enough to be intimate after having hurt so long with my ex which he knew all about. My friend also has come out of a long term relationship recently. We didn't know about the other until tonight. What's worse is that he put one of our mutual friends who we also work with in the difficult position of telling her what he'd done & she didn't know which of us to tell through fear it would all kick off. Well boy did I kick off. I told him I'll be civil at work but I will not want to speak to him again and unfriended him. We have a big Christmas party coming up that I now don't want to go to cause he will be there. I went straight to my friend and told her what happened with me, there's no ill feelings as far as our friendship is concerned of course. I feel like he's taken advantage of the fact we've both been hurt by our ex'a recently. After he told me he said that he asked me if I wanted to take it further and because I said I didn't he slept with her. Now it's true I didn't want anything of it. But the point I'm making is that I feel dirty and disgusting that I chose this individual after a year of being single and having just started to get over my ex. All this is doing is making me realise how good my ex was. I wanted to cry because I just feel so dirty I can't believe someone would have so little respect for me as to take my friend in the bed that was barely cold after I left it. Now I feel many of you will be pragmatic and say well you didn't want anything so why are you complaining. I hope some of you will see where I'm coming from. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted November 27, 2016 Share Posted November 27, 2016 Sorry to hear this. He sounds like the office Casanova. He shouldn't even know about your personal lives or breakups. He didn't take advantage of women who both wanted a casual hookup, nor did he make anyone feel dirty and disgusting.. Don't feel bad about yourself or christening your newfound freedom and singleness with a ONS, it happens all the time. As far as work, avoid the guy and be polite and strictly professional.I slept with a manger at my work who used to be my manager. He decided that as I'd told him I didn't want a relationship, he would sleep with my friend who we also work with, the next night. I feel like he's taken advantage of the fact we've both been hurt by our ex'a recently. I feel dirty and disgusting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SooSad33 Posted November 27, 2016 Share Posted November 27, 2016 Well boy did I kick off. I told him I'll be civil at work but I will not want to speak to him again and unfriended him. We have a big Christmas party coming up that I now don't want to go to cause he will be there. - This is why we should NOT get involved with anyone.. in a workplace.. I feel like he's taken advantage of the fact we've both been hurt by our ex'a recently - I suggest you BOTH take some down time.. Get over your BU's.. and do not sleep with the first one to give you some attention. I had a short term relation.. though it was intense and still feeling after effects.. 3 mos later. Things take time! Dont do this.. to yourself. Find a man out there.. someday who IS real.. and honest.. and Respects you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisii Posted November 27, 2016 Share Posted November 27, 2016 Exactly what the Wiseman said. Don't think of what anyone else thinks... put it down to a bad experience, avoid Mr Casanova and keep it strictly professional. Ignore him at the Christmas party, and stick with your friend! Bonus - You and your friend are ok , and you can both talk about how "small" he is together (just joking - sometimes humour works - it does for me!) Big hugs, tick it off as an experience which you can learn from xL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anita320 Posted November 27, 2016 Share Posted November 27, 2016 If I were you I would leave that job and find another. I would never be able to look at that bastards face ever again! Find some other job and learn to never do this with your manager ever again or anyone at the workplace. I would clean bathrooms for a while if I had to until I get another job just so I don't see his face. What a filthy person! I wouldn't even give him a notice. I would just disappear and never go to work again. Just because you work for him doesn't mean he can do whatever he wants and get away with it! Who does he think he is?! If you stay you will continue feeling worse with everyday that passes by and rumors will only get worse. Leave and start something new...seems like you really need it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvaD21 Posted November 27, 2016 Author Share Posted November 27, 2016 Thank you for not giving me a hard time guys. I wouldn't normally do something like that but as he's 10 years older I respected him as a person and trusted him. It just sucks that my first experience has turned round to bite me. But yes, no ting where I sleep from now on Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvaD21 Posted November 27, 2016 Author Share Posted November 27, 2016 Whoops I swore sorry!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lisii Posted November 27, 2016 Share Posted November 27, 2016 If I were you I would leave that job and find another. I would never be able to look at that bastards face ever again! Find some other job and learn to never do this with your manager ever again or anyone at the workplace. I would clean bathrooms for a while if I had to until I get another job just so I don't see his face. What a filthy person! I wouldn't even give him a notice. I would just disapear and never go to work again. Just because you work for him doesn't mean he can do whatever he wants and get away with it! Who does he think he is?! If you stay you will continue feeling worse with everyday that passes by and rumors will only get worse. Leave and start something new...seems like you really need it. I respectfully, disagree with this, if rumors start just ignore them, you and your friend can be a united front... Stand tall! you did nothing wrong, or nothing to be embarrassed about. ((more hugs)) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainyCoast Posted November 27, 2016 Share Posted November 27, 2016 i also disagree. he has dug a pretty pathetic hole for himself rumor-wise. he got a bunch of women in the office to despise him overnight, and who knows how many times he's done that before. i doubt it's the girls who are going to look bad, and since she sounds like she is more than capable to regain her composure in his presence, i don't see why she should flee the scene like that. i would never disappear without handing in my notice. that can backfire on her career, especially if he's influential. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anita320 Posted November 27, 2016 Share Posted November 27, 2016 You were wrong about sleeping with him too, (since he is your coworker and things can get complicated) but you are still recovering from your break up and based on the last post you thought he actually liked you and had feelings for you. For you it seems less about just sex. (Of course I say this hopping he's not married). To me it seems like he took a little advantage of you. And used your weakeness to his advantage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvaD21 Posted November 27, 2016 Author Share Posted November 27, 2016 I agree, I won't be leaving work. I have put myself in this situation and I consider myself a professional so will be totally civil though initially I will find it hard to really even look at him it's quite distasteful what he did. He's the one in authority and he thinks he can have both of us as he was messaging me again today, I was perfectly nice to him. He told me that he wouldn't have slept with her if I'd told him I had feelings or wanted more. Just charming Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anita320 Posted November 27, 2016 Share Posted November 27, 2016 I agree, I won't be leaving work. I have put myself in this situation and I consider myself a professional so will be totally civil though initially I will find it hard to really even look at him it's quite distasteful what he did. He's the one in authority and he thinks he can have both of us as he was messaging me again today, I was perfectly nice to him. He told me that he wouldn't have slept with her if I'd told him I had feelings or wanted more. Just charming Thats a complete lie. He would have slept with her no matter what you told him. This will just keep on getting more complicated. By the way continuing to text him is not professional! Professional means you talk in the office about nothing else except work. What do you work/do? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvaD21 Posted November 27, 2016 Author Share Posted November 27, 2016 Probably, I was just speaking with him as we were friends, yeah communication has been flirty but I thought we were being adult about it and knew where we stood. I work in an office environment, I'm going to work with my head high because I really only care that my friendship hasn't been affected Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainyCoast Posted November 27, 2016 Share Posted November 27, 2016 ava, i wouldn't reply if he texts more---but save any messages he sends. you never know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anita320 Posted November 27, 2016 Share Posted November 27, 2016 I have a very bad feeling about this. Here is my prediction: Do NOT think he will stop texting or trying to have sex with you again with the excuse "he started to have feelings for you". But also DO NOT THINK he won't be doing the same thing to your friend. As time goes on he will turn you two against each other just to mess up both of your heads and get double the action meaning get sex from you and her at the same time. He will turn things in that way which you will think your friend is lying and not him about them having sex again. And you and your friend might actually start a battle to "win his heart" and not know it isn't any of your hearts he wants. And as time passes by if you don't comply (meaning give him sex) he will fire you or her and find an "office" / "work" excuse why he did it. Hope I'm never right. P.s. I agree with rainy coast save any texts he sends you and don't tell him you saved them because true you never know.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JaggerJim Posted November 27, 2016 Share Posted November 27, 2016 I don't see where you are coming from. If you choose to sleep with him, it's all fair game. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted November 27, 2016 Share Posted November 27, 2016 Sorry to hear about your experience. But yes office romance (or affair) definitely not a good idea for this very reason. Live and learn! Although I'm confused you say you respect him but in your last post you said he's an "office wh**e", how does that reconcile? I think age has nothing to do with whether someone should be respected. Older does not equate to wiser or being a good, stand up person. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 With this being consensual, I'm not sure why he's being made into the bad guy? I think you need to own your part here, as in what were you thinking when you chose to sleep with your manager. I can't imagine how awkward it would be to continue working with him, and the rumors that are sure to follow. You're better off finding another job, (imo) and take the lesson with you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birdie Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 You said in your previous post he was known for sleeping with coworkers, I think you called him the office or something? So not too surprising he slept with someone else. I don't really understand why you're so upset, you seemed more worried he was going to be upset because he had feelings and wanted more while you didn't? Isn't it kinda just things moving forwards? Sucks it's your friend, but I'm not totally understanding all the anger... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anita320 Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 With this being consensual, I'm not sure why he's being made into the bad guy? I think you need to own your part here, as in what were you thinking when you chose to sleep with your manager. I can't imagine how awkward it would be to continue working with him, and the rumors that are sure to follow. You're better off finding another job, (imo) and take the lesson with you. You said in your previous post he was known for sleeping with coworkers, I think you called him the office or something? So not too surprising he slept with someone else. I don't really understand why you're so upset, you seemed more worried he was going to be upset because he had feelings and wanted more while you didn't? Isn't it kinda just things moving forwards? Sucks it's your friend, but I'm not totally understanding all the anger... I think the real reason she is upset is because she thought that after sleeping with her he wouldn't want to sleep with anyone else (especially not her friend) or at the office and they would start something and he would quit his sleeping around for her because he now has her and doesn't need anyone else. Like I wrote before I think she likes him and liked him for a long time and actually wanted to have something with him. And I also think he knew that and that's why he took advantage of her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Birdie Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 But he didn't take advantage, OP knew his history and was a willing participant. I think maybe your ego is a little bruised from him moving on so quickly, when you thought he mint continue to pursue you. Just from this and your history with your ex, do you seek validation from men's attention? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anita320 Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 I think she knew the cost of sleeping with her or any manager at the office and I don't think she would have taken the risk unless she really thought she might get more than sex out of it. She was also aware of the rumors and the labeling that might pass after this action since all of her coworkers seem to know he sleeps around with people at the office. He's still pursuing her...her problem is it's not JUST her he is pursuing at the same time. She wants to be the only one...in my opinion. The reason I think this manager is a bastard is because so soon he goes and sleeps with her friend knowing they are friends. It's like he doesn't care for anyones feelings. I still haven't changed my opinion that she should not have slept with him for sex or even if she really liked him and thought she might get more out of it. Sleeping with coworkers that sleep around with people in the office is never a good idea. If I liked someone like that I wouldn't do what everyone else at the office do to get his attention I would do the complete opposite. I would completely ignore him and get his attention in other ways. And if he really cared about one of his coworkers he would work on his reputation at the office not sleep around caresly. Also he wouldn't act the same to her as he does to the other coworkers if he liked her. He would show his affection in a different manner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HeartGoesOn Posted November 28, 2016 Share Posted November 28, 2016 Sleeping with coworkers that sleep around with people in the office is never a good idea. Sleeping with co-workers, "period" is never a good idea. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvaD21 Posted November 28, 2016 Author Share Posted November 28, 2016 Just to go back to what you guys have mentioned, I did say he was like the office wh*** in terms of chatting up all the girls, I mean that in a joking reference I still had respect for him as a person and had no idea that he had intentions of sleeping with all those he talked to I just thought he was a flirt The anger for me is that I think it's pretty disgusting and disrespesctful to myself that the morning he had sex with me and then the night he had sex with my friend. I duno. It just makes my skin crawl. It took me a lot to build up to the moment of finally being intimate with someone else and it turns out he's a bit of a douchebag and not the person I thought which is what sucks about it. I don't have feelings for him and never will, I don't plan on speaking to him again unless it's for professional reasons. Undoubtedly there may be rumours but I don't know if people would actually believe that about me! Sleeping with him! We'll see how it works out Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AvaD21 Posted November 28, 2016 Author Share Posted November 28, 2016 Just to say also- my other friend who knew about this yday afternoon and has spoken to him about it, says he feels so bad and knows he's messed up etc. So I guess I feel like my feelings are justified in the respect that both me and my friend gave him 6 nout and he feels like a fool. So he should. We are friends. If I knew he had intentions of sleeping with my friend I wouldn't have gone there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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