shatteredddd Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 I broke up with my ex last year because of stupid selfish reasons.. I thought my other ex was going to get back with me so i dumped my current ex for my old one.. in the end , my old ex was already talking to someone while getting my hopes up , so i deserved the backfire. My ex of last year blocked me on facebook for a long time , until recently i discovered that he unblocked me . I reached out and contacted him and wanted reconciliation , he told me that he just wanted me to be happy , and then his fiance messages me on his profile to tell me to stop talking to him , and so i did. A few weeks later , they broke up . I knew my ex was hurting pretty bad so i reached out again and he didnt want to talk to me , he told me to go away , and so i did. A couple of weeks after that message , it made me feel down . I prayed for reconciliation to happen with him .. and after i prayed , i sent him a long message of how sorry i am for hurting him when i told him that i wasnt going anywhere . He responded saying he should be getting that message from his now ex fiance not me . He then began to vent to me about his breakup and what happened. I listened and i just kept instilling hope and realization in him and he was very grateful for my advice , he said it was really helping him . So i figured we have reconciled because he wouldnt tell me about his breakup if he didnt want to restore relations with me , right? Wrong. The next day we chatted for a bit ,he kept talking about her and i just listened , i wanted to be friends , nothing more . Yes i do have feelings for him but i wasnt going to push that on him because he did not want a relationship for a long time because of her . I thought things were going really good , we were talking and he started opening up more to me , showing his funny side that he used to show me when we were together . Today , i messaged him and we talked for a bit , just small talk really . I sent him a picture of my finished christmas wreath and then out of nowhere he BLOCKS ME. I dont understand what happened.. I thought we were friends again .. Maybe past feelings came up and he didnt want to deal with them ? I dont know , i need advice. Thank you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kaykayxo Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 It's possible it had something to do with HIS ex? You're saying she did not like him being in contact with you and they broke up awhile later, perhaps they are trying to fix things and he knows you are not the right person to vent to. Sometimes when we are hurt or upset we confide in the wrong people because we are vulnerable. It sounds a bit messy, considering he is crying over the ex to you, his other ex whom also left him. You need to stop worrying about what he is doing or why he blocked you, and continue on. Go meet someone new. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
No1 Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 Can you be more selfish? Whats the purpose of still wanting your X? You do understand that you made him feel like he is the other choice.. that he is the backup? The guy that if it doesnt work out this one Ill go back to this guy? You hurt him, he goes away and now you come back into his life and did you ever stop to think how this would affect him? All you are doing is making yourself feel better. You want your X to feel for you again, you want him to forgive you because that would make you feel better. Instead of letting him go, you decided that you were going to hang around in his life. Now you might say Im way off and you still care for him and etc etc.. but if you cared for him, then you would of left him alone and moved on with your decision. You wanted to go back to your former X and it didnt work out. You did do the right thing and say Im sorry, but its time for you to move on from this guys life. All he is doing is doing what he should of done.. let you go so he can live his own life. You should do the same.. let him go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 Sorry to hear this, but being a shoulder to cry on about her won't restore anything or do you any good. He told you he wanted nothing more than friendzone and perhaps sense you wanted more so needed to stop all the chatting. He may have reconciled with his ex which was his goal all along. It would be best to go no contact and block him too.I broke up with my ex last year. i figured we have reconciled because he wouldnt tell me about his breakup if he didnt want to restore relations with me , right? Wrong. then out of nowhere he BLOCKS ME. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shatteredddd Posted November 25, 2016 Author Share Posted November 25, 2016 She blocked him on facebook . So i dont think they are trying to fix anything. He told me that she cheated on him MULTIPLE times and he called her bad names and etc telling me how broken he is and whatnot . I was just trying to be a friend to him , to be there for him . He wanted to go deeper into his faith since he his a believer and so am i so i was helping him with that mostly . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shatteredddd Posted November 25, 2016 Author Share Posted November 25, 2016 Yeah i had no problem with friendzone because i wanted to be friends . Yes , i had past feelings for him but i realize that things cant go back to the way they used to be so all i was doing was trying to reconcile . I never fully apologized for what I did to him and so i did finally . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shatteredddd Posted November 25, 2016 Author Share Posted November 25, 2016 The purpose is not wanting him , i just wanted to be his friend . Someone he can go to when he wants to vent or whatever . There was no hidden agenda behind it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 Sorry but this is a waste of time. He's been an ex for over a year and is upset over a recent broken engagement. Leave him alone, he blocked you. Chat about faith with your fellow church people or some other faith groups. He may not want you proselytizing at him right now. He may be more concerned with what she's up to, his broken heart, etc. Get on Christian Mingle or similar dating apps and start meeting and dating new men. This is over and done with, you're wasting your energy. I was just trying to be a friend to him , to be there for him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shatteredddd Posted November 25, 2016 Author Share Posted November 25, 2016 Dating online is foolish. I went down that road , thats how i met him . We met in real life afterwards and i met his family and whatnot . Also , I am leaving him alone because he blocked me , I dont have any other way to talk to him anyways . He was broken and felt destroyed from her , I was just trying to make him realize that maybe God has someone better out there for him and to not get discouraged and be bitter because of her . He also told me that WE need to pray for her . If i was selfish or wanted him to myself I would have just told him to forget about her and whatnot , I did infact pray for her . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 He's probably back with the ex. I don't know how you considered the two of you reconciled - he never once said he wanted you back. You aren't the one he wants anymore. Let it go and stop contacting him. He's now made it clear he doesn't want to keep that line of communication open. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissCanuck Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 Dating online is foolish. I went down that road , thats how i met him . We met in real life afterwards and i met his family and whatnot . Also , I am leaving him alone because he blocked me , I dont have any other way to talk to him anyways . He was broken and felt destroyed from her , I was just trying to make him realize that maybe God has someone better out there for him and to not get discouraged and be bitter because of her . He doesn't need you to be his therapist or relationship adviser, OP. Especially given your history with him, you are in no position to be telling him how to handle his love life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shatteredddd Posted November 25, 2016 Author Share Posted November 25, 2016 Reconciliation is not always about getting back together. I wanted to be friends. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
No1 Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 As Wiseman said, its a waste of time. Regardless of your agenda or lack of one, you still failed to realize that you made him feel like he was second best. In some people that cant be repaired. If you want to be his friend, then let him come to you. Let him reach out to you and say I want to be a friend. How do you know he still doesnt have feelings for you or he still feels hurt from you? If you want him to be happy, then let him go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shatteredddd Posted November 25, 2016 Author Share Posted November 25, 2016 I didn't think he still had feelings for me considering that he told me he had the best sex with her , that he really loved her , etc. I mean .. why would he say those things to me ? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 Why can't you make yourself realize that God has someone better for you out there than him? I was just trying to make him realize that maybe God has someone better out there for him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shatteredddd Posted November 25, 2016 Author Share Posted November 25, 2016 Because I thought he was the one . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shatteredddd Posted November 25, 2016 Author Share Posted November 25, 2016 I was just giving him advice . I didnt control his thoughts or tell him he needs to listen to me . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 It sounds like he realized you thought this and backed off.Because I thought he was the one . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
No1 Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 Shattered... Ive been where you are. Ive done what you have done and felt bad and you can probably have all the best intentions in the world. I have also been on the other side of that. Having an X break up with me for another only to apologize and either wanted to come back or want to see if there is a second chance. The problem is that this is not just about you. There are 2 people involved and 2 people have to agree on the same thing. This goes for a friendship and a relationship. This guy does not want to be friends with you (at this point in time) Im not trying to be mean to you, just want you to see that there is another side to this story, there is someone else with feelings that he has may or may not gotten over you. What I am saying is that you leave him alone. He is a big boy and can figure things out on his own. You have made it clear that you want to be friends and you are there for him if he ever needs you. There is nothing from this point on that you can control. You must live your life as he is living his and if he wants you in it, he will let you know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 The purpose is not wanting him , i just wanted to be his friend . Someone he can go to when he wants to vent or whatever . There was no hidden agenda behind it. What kind of a friend drops someone to be with someone else? Not a good one, for sure. Sorry to be blunt but you don't deserve a place in his life. Please check out what boundaries mean because you crossed so many by your insistence in involving yourself in his life after leaving him for someone else. He probably came here to ask advice and got 100% advice to block and delete you so that he could heal and move on to a girl that didn't hurt him to his core like you two probably have. Good for him for being smart and closing the door on his past. Him blocking you is good for you as well because now you can put the past where it needs to be as well. Good luck in your next adventure in dating. Learn from this and you'll fair better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanzi Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 It sounds to me like he is really cut up about his current break up and you (rather selfishly if you don't mind me saying) jumped in where you saw a space. You weren't really thinking about his feelings, you were thinking of ways to get close to him. However, either he no longer needs to lean on you for emotional support or he is back with his ex and she doesn't want him to have any more contact with you. The point is you don't really want to be "friends" .... that's just a starting point for you for proper reconciliation. You need to leave him be and let him get on with his life .... whether that be WITH his ex (or gf again?) or getting OVER her. It will be better for you too as I think you have misinterpreted the feelings he still has for ex as feelings for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.man Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 Yeah, you "just wanted to be friends" about as much as a vulture swoops down on a dying deer just to see how it's doing. He blocked you either because it got overwhelming or because he's not an idiot and knows what you were attempting. Show the guy you really care and lay off for good. You'll both find your own partners in the future. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Edmund Exley Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 It doesnt matter why. There's a whole pile of drama in that two paragraphs you posted to start this thread. As MissCanuck said, he's made it clear he doesn't want to hear from you. Respect that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SooSad33 Posted November 25, 2016 Share Posted November 25, 2016 I broke up with my ex last year because of stupid selfish reasons.. I thought my other ex was going to get back with me so i dumped my current ex for my old one.. in the end , my old ex was already talking to someone while getting my hopes up , so i deserved the backfire. - He was never 'into you' the way you wanted it... If you two were to ever get back together,, it'd be bad! Like two people rebounding... To break things off for an ex... shows you didnt care enough for your bf. So, dont go there again. I highly suggest to stop interaction with BOTH of them.. work on accepting & healing that what you had with your ex.. is done. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted November 26, 2016 Share Posted November 26, 2016 How compassionate. Not! I agree, with No 1, you are incredibly selfish!!!! You using the guise of friendship to get him back, when he was at his lowest point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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