Am I missing something?

[IAmFCA]

You two saw a lot of each other. Thursday game, Saturday golf and Sunday game. Set some boundaries and maybe he wont feel pressured to live up to what he started, and you will have more time for other friends and activities.

[citricacid]

You two saw a lot of each other. Thursday game, Saturday golf and Sunday game. Set some boundaries and maybe he wont feel pressured to live up to what he started, and you will have more time for other friends and activities.

 

I didn't see him Saturday or Sunday.

[missmarple]

Oh bull, he received it.

 

That's probably true but this past summer a friend of mine received a text message...we were together at the time...and she said 'hey did you just send me a message?'....I said are you kidding, and she showed it to me..and I had sent it 3 weeks ago! Frankly, I wouldn't have believed her if it hadn't happened right in front of my eyes.

[katrina1980]

 

Or I wouldn't bother responding at all.

 

I was gonna suggest this too, but then again, I think it's rude to just ignore a text like HE did.

 

You don't have to reduce yourself to his level, respond but be cool, a bit aloof even.

 

You say it's the only the thing he's done so far that's been off... well it has only been four weeks.

 

I would say he is starting to show his true colors relatively early on actually.

 

If you really think he's worth it, show him via your ACTIONS, that how he handled that situation wasn't cool in your world.

 

If he had another date all he had to do was respond back to your text, saying his plans changed and then make another more definitive date with you this week.

 

Like IThinkICan said, he didn't want to deal with it (you) so ignored you. NOT COOL.

[citricacid]

 

You say it's the only the thing he's done so far that's been off... well it has only been four weeks.

 

I would say he is starting to show his true colors relatively early on actually.

 

Well that's what I'm assuming too, I was more just responding to the "Choose wisely from the getgo" statement, since up until now, I had no reason to believe he was a jerk.

[IAmFCA]

I didn't see him Saturday or Sunday.

Right but you guys set expectations with each other that you might, and then he fell short. Put more activities on your calendar and box him out, leaving time enough for a date if you want one.

[katrina1980]

Well that's what I'm assuming too, I was more just responding to the "Choose wisely from the getgo" statement, since up until now, I had no reason to believe he was a jerk.

 

"From the getgo" means anywhere from a few weeks to maybe a few months."

 

So to me, this is still relatively early on (the "getgo").

[citricacid]

Right but you guys set expectations with each other that you might, and then he fell short. Put more activities on your calendar and box him out, leaving time enough for a date if you want one.

 

I'm not disappointed or upset that I didn't see him this weekend; I'm upset that ignored me when I directly asked if our plans for Saturday were moving forward.

I work 65-75 hours a week, workout daily, and go for regular hikes with my dog/friends. He is equally as busy, so I find it extra rude for him to just ignore me, since he knows free time is not very abundant for me.

[katrina1980]

I'm not disappointed or upset that I didn't see him this weekend; I'm upset that ignored me when I directly asked if our plans for Saturday were moving forward.

I work 65-75 hours a week, workout daily, and go for regular hikes with my dog/friends. He is equally as busy, so I find it extra rude for him to just ignore me, since he knows free time is not very abundant for me.

 

It was rude REGARDLESS of how much free time you have (or not).

 

We can try to sugarcoat this until h*** freezes over, the bottom line is, he didn't want to deal, so he ignored you (i.e. blew you off). THAT is the issue.

 

For me, dealbreaker after only four weeks of dating.

 

And I don't even have a lot of dealbreakers like this, I am pretty flexible, but being blown off IS one of them.

 

I ideally, at this point (four weeks in) you guys would be discussing exclusivity, not dealing with **** like this.

 

It appears he's taking it backwards, instead of progressing and moving it forward.

[IAmFCA]

I didn't see him Saturday or Sunday.

 

I should have written "would have seen".

 

I lost my post, pardon if this is twice.

 

You two created expectations with one another that you would see each other, and then he fell short. Put other friends and activities on your calendar, leaving some space for a date in case you want one. Then your time will be more balanced and he will benefit from the boundaries you are able to set better than he can.

[citricacid]

I should have written "would have seen".

 

I lost my post, pardon if this is twice.

 

You two created expectations with one another that you would see each other, and then he fell short. Put other friends and activities on your calendar, leaving some space for a date in case you want one. Then your time will be more balanced and he will benefit from the boundaries you are able to set better than he can.

 

I'm not disappointed or upset that I didn't see him this weekend; I'm upset that ignored me when I directly asked if our plans for Saturday were moving forward.

[j.man]

Really, it's either something you can get over or you can't. Whether or not you can logically defend your feelings, if you don't think you could continue on without holding this over him, then there's no point.

 

Were I in your shoes and everything had been great for four weeks but he dropped the ball on this one occasion, I'd probably avoid the attribution bias and just take him up on his offer to plan something for this week.

 

I'm also curious as to what exactly constituted golf as a tentative "plan." There's a difference between an idea and a plan. If he gave you a time and said he'd follow up when he sees if he can get a reservation booked, that'd be one thing. If it's a simple "maybe we could go golfing this Saturday," while it'd be a courtesy to, I don't think it's some big slight if he doesn't get back to you to confirm that the plans you two never confirmed won't be happening.

 

As far as the text non-response goes, we could guess all day. I do know that I tend to turn on my WiFi calling and texting while at home and that it has shown to be fairly unreliable at times (I'll get a VM despite my phone never ringing and a couple texts from the ol' lady haven't come through).

 

I've been on both the giving and receiving end when it comes to tentative plans not panning out, sometimes without notice. The big thing with them being tentative is that you don't hold anything up for them. If you had something you could've otherwise been doing that Saturday, you should have went ahead and did it. If you didn't, then it really wasn't any skin off your back.

 

But, again, you're either able to give him the benefit of the doubt or you aren't. People have certainly called things off for less, so it's not that I'd blame you. But maybe just make a mental note and see if a pattern presents itself or if this has been a one-time thing.

[IAmFCA]

I'm not disappointed or upset that I didn't see him this weekend; I'm upset that ignored me when I directly asked if our plans for Saturday were moving forward.

I work 65-75 hours a week, workout daily, and go for regular hikes with my dog/friends. He is equally as busy, so I find it extra rude for him to just ignore me, since he knows free time is not very abundant for me.

 

Part of this is because of how you handled it. Another alternative - call. Or send a text that retains more control in your court:

 

"I might head out for a hike. Are we trying to golf today?"

 

He didn't like having the ball tossed to him 100%.

[citricacid]

Really, it's either something you can get over or you can't. Whether or not you can logically defend your feelings, if you don't think you could continue on without holding this over him, then there's no point.

 

Were in your shoes and everything had been great for four weeks but he dropped the ball on this one occasion, I'd probably avoid the attribution bias and just take him up on his offer to plan something for this week.

 

I'm also curious as to what exactly constituted golf as a tentative "plan." There's a difference between an idea and a plan. If he gave you a time and said he'd follow up when he sees if he can get a reservation booked, that'd be one thing. If it's a simple "maybe we could go golfing this Saturday," while it'd be a courtesy to, I don't think it's some big slight if he doesn't get back to you to confirm that the plans you two never confirmed won't be happening.

 

As far as the text non-response goes, we could guess all day. I do know that I tend to turn on my WiFi calling and texting while at home and that it has shown to be fairly unreliable at times (I'll get a VM despite my phone never ringing and a couple texts from the ol' lady haven't come through).

 

I've been on both the giving and receiving end when it comes to tentative plans not panning out, sometimes without notice. The big thing with them being tentative is that you don't hold anything up for them. If you had something you could've otherwise been doing that Saturday, you should have went ahead and did it. If you didn't, then it really wasn't any skin off your back.

 

But, again, you're either able to give him the benefit of the doubt or you aren't. People have certainly called things off for worse, so it's not that I'd blame you. But maybe just make a mental note and see if a pattern presents itself or if this has been a one-time thing.

 

I agree that it isn't a big deal that the plans didn't actually materialize. It's really the lack of courtesy of not responding saying "sorry, too busy this weekend."

I guess I really just wanted to see if other people would see this as a red flag, or if I was overreacting.

Appreciate your advice.

[citricacid]

Part of this is because of how you handled it. Another alternative - call. Or send a text that retains more control in your court:

 

"I might head out for a hike. Are we trying to golf today?"

 

He didn't like having the ball tossed to him 100%.

 

I'm sorry, I don't see how me saying "hey, how's your Saturday going? Do you still want to go golfing today?" warrants non-responsiveness.

[katrina1980]

Really, it's either something you can get over or you can't. Whether or not you can logically defend your feelings, if you don't think you could continue on without holding this over him, then there's no point.

 

Were in your shoes and everything had been great for four weeks but he dropped the ball on this one occasion, I'd probably avoid the attribution bias and just take him up on his offer to plan something for this week.

 

I'm also curious as to what exactly constituted golf as a tentative "plan." There's a difference between an idea and a plan. If he gave you a time and said he'd follow up when he sees if he can get a reservation booked, that'd be one thing. If it's a simple "maybe we could go golfing this Saturday," while it'd be a courtesy to, I don't think it's some big slight if he doesn't get back to you to confirm that the plans you two never confirmed won't be happening.

 

As far as the text non-response goes, we could guess all day. I do know that I tend to turn on my WiFi calling and texting while at home and that it has shown to be fairly unreliable at times (I'll get a VM despite my phone never ringing and a couple texts from the ol' lady haven't come through).

 

I've been on both the giving and receiving end when it comes to tentative plans not panning out, sometimes without notice. They big thing with them being tentative is that you don't hold anything up for them. If you had something you could've otherwise been doing that Saturday, you should have went ahead and did it. If you didn't, then it really wasn't any skin off your back.

 

But, again, you're either able to give him the benefit of the doubt or you aren't. People have certainly called things off for worse, so it's not that I'd blame you. But maybe just make a mental note and see if a pattern presents itself or if this has been a one-time thing.

 

j.man you always bring a new, fresh (rational non-emotional) perspective to things sometimes, which is always appreciated.

 

I agree with everything you said and would even be willing to "let this one go" (even him not contacting to confirm the tentative) but with respect to the bolded, in light of the fact the OP texted him for confirmation and he chose to ignore it, THAT would be the dealbreaker. For me.

 

Unless he owned it and apologized (in his own way)... or at the very least acknowledged the oversight.

 

But to just ignore it (me), and then casually and nonchalantly text the next day at 11:30 PM, with "If YOU want, we can do something next week."

 

I'd have a hard time letting that slide.

[citricacid]

j.man you always bring a new, fresh (rational non-emotional) perspective to things sometimes, which is always appreciated.

 

I agree with everything you said and would even be willing to "let this one go" (even him not contacting to confirm the tentative) but with respect to the bolded, in light of the fact the OP texted him for confirmation and he chose to ignore it, THAT would be the dealbreaker. For me.

 

Unless he owned it and apologized (in his own way)... or at the very least acknowledged the oversight.

 

But to just ignore it (me), and then casually and nonchalantly text the next day at 11:30 PM, with "If YOU want, we can do something next week."

 

I'd have a hard time letting that slide.

 

Thank you! This is exactly how I feel, so it is nice to know that my feelings are not all that crazy.

[IAmFCA]

Nor did I say it warrants no response.

 

Is that wording the same as your text? If so, it was direct and easy for him to answer. Non response was his answer, for some reason. Maybe he didnt quite know at the time what he wanted to do with his day.

 

If you had a gf who did the same thing, how would you respond?

[katrina1980]

Thank you! This is exactly how I feel, so it is nice to know that my feelings are not all that crazy.

 

You're welcome hun and as I said, after four weeks, ideally you would be discussing exclusivity. Whether he initiates the discussion or you.

 

Instead, you are dealing with a man who is most likely multi-dating, had another date Saturday night, chose to ignore your text confirming yay or nay, and then waiting till the next night at 11:30 pm to text "if you want we can do something next week."

 

Red flag and one that would warrant paying attention to like you are doing.

 

Have you responded? If so what did you say?

 

Perhaps you could respond with something like "Thanks but actually I don't want. Take care."

 

But I know that's hard, especially because you've been getting on so great and you really like him, I am not immune to that.

 

I would definitely be re-thinking the "relationship" though.... at the very least.

[citricacid]

You're welcome hun and as I said, after four weeks, ideally you would be discussing exclusivity. Whether he initiates the discussion or you.

 

Instead, you are dealing with a man who is most likely multi-dating, had another date Saturday night, chose to ignore your text confirming yay or nay, and then waiting till the next night at 11:30 pm to text "if you want we can do something next week."

 

Red flag and one that would warrant paying attention to like you are doing.

 

Have you responded? If so what did you say?

 

Perhaps you could respond with something like "Thanks but actually I don't want. Take care."

 

But I know that's hard, especially because you've been getting on so great and you really like him, I am not immune to that.

 

I would definitely be re-thinking the "relationship" though.... at the very least.

 

I didn't respond. If I don't hear from him today after not responding to his text, I will send a text like the one above. He does generally call me more than he texts, so I have a slight amount of hope that he will call after work today realizing I'm not happy with him.

[citricacid]

Nor did I say it warrants no response.

 

Is that wording the same as your text? If so, it was direct and easy for him to answer. Non response was his answer, for some reason. Maybe he didnt quite know at the time what he wanted to do with his day.

 

If you had a gf who did the same thing, how would you respond?

 

I'm very laid back in my personal life. My job is super demanding and stressful, so I prefer to be as carefree as possible when I'm not working. He has commented frequently to me that he's surprised that I'm so laid back given the type of work I do, so he knows that if he just responded saying "I can't", I wouldn't have been upset at all. I have very few immediate deal breakers, but the second I think you don't respect me, I'm done with you. I took his decision to ignore me as rather disrespectful, but wanted second opinions to see if perhaps there was a way something was miscommunicated.

[IAmFCA]

You have to do what's right for you.

 

I have a friend who has been in this situation with me, and she makes other plans. Later she'll say "i didnt hear from you so i went..." lt's never heavy or super bad. I usually say "Yeah I was working on a project/napping/running and kind of lost track of things". I agree a response would have been right. A non-response may reflect his own lack of skills to think clearly at that moment, than a disrespect of you. It may also reflect the desire to break the pattern, to take a break.

 

Its always ok to flip the switch from On to Off. You didn't like that; that's enough. At the same time, I would resist taking it personally.

 

Also, with that many dates a week, I can see how exclusivity is tempting. And maybe you're having sex, making it even more compelling. One month would be too soon for some. These things aren't universal. That's all. Own what you prefer as yours, not a universal understanding that he should have known.

[LadyAbbey31]

I think it would be silly to give up on a guy you really like over something like this, but that's me- you're entitled to do (and feel) whatever you want. If he does this over and over, sure, obviously you are not a priority, but give him a break on this one.

 

It IS possible he didn't get the message, but who knows. My boyfriend sent a message the other morning, asking what I wanted to do that night, and I DID text him back. Later that evening he texted me 'are you even alive?' So turns out he didn't get my text. I know it's more likely that your boyfriend chose to ignore the text, but I'm just throwing this possibility out there.

 

I don't understand why you'd ignore him, no matter what you feel, seeing as you yourself seem to think being ignored is offensive. When he said to let him know if you wanted to do something that week, you should say either 'yes, how about this day' or just break it off with him, if that's what you'd rather. Because ignoring a text message is rude. Right?

 

Don't try to manipulate the situation by ignoring him as some sort of punishment.

Just text him back something open and honest.

Honesty is a good thing.

[katrina1980]

I'm very laid back in my personal life. My job is super demanding and stressful, so I prefer to be as carefree as possible when I'm not working. He has commented frequently to me that he's surprised that I'm so laid back given the type of work I do, so he knows that if he just responded saying "I can't", I wouldn't have been upset at all.

 

I have very few immediate deal breakers, but the second I think you don't respect me, I'm done with you. I took his decision to ignore me as rather disrespectful, but wanted second opinions to see if perhaps there was a way something was miscommunicated.

 

Whether right or wrong, I am the same.

 

I also think this sends a covert message that you are not a priority (not that you should be after only four weeks but that's not even the point) and that he has other options.

 

He is certainly within his rights to multi-date and keep options open (since there was no exclusivity discussion or even implication) and to even have another date Saturday night if he wishes, and you are in within your rights to not be okay with that and walk away because of it.

 

Since I am NOT into multi-dating, personally I wouldn't be. Just me though... I tried it (this year after the break up of my LTR) and didn't like. It just wasn't for me.

 

I prefer to date men who are on the same page as me; my current guy and I are exclusive after only a little more than a month, I can't even imagine him doing anything like that to me.

 

No wrong or right about that though, to each his own, it's more the ignoring you part that would trouble me.

 

I agree if he calls you today after work and at least acknowledges the situation and how, at the very least, he should have replied to your message, then I'd continue and try to let it go.

[citricacid]

You have to do what's right for you.

 

I have a friend who has been in this situation with me, and she makes other plans. Later she'll say "i didnt hear from you so i went..." lt's never heavy or super bad. I usually say "Yeah I was working on a project/napping/running and kind of lost track of things". I agree a response would have been right. A non-response may reflect his own lack of skills to think clearly at that moment, than a disrespect of you. It may also reflect the desire to break the pattern, to take a break.

 

Its always ok to flip the switch from On to Off. You didn't like that; that's enough. At the same time, I would resist taking it personally.

 

Also, with that many dates a week, I can see how exclusivity is tempting. And maybe you're having sex, making it even more compelling. One month would be too soon for some. These things aren't universal. That's all. Own what you prefer as yours, not a universal understanding that he should have known.

 

I'm in no rush to be exclusive with him, or really anyone. I don't think whether we were exclusive or not really changes this.