Sportster2005 Posted October 13, 2016 Share Posted October 13, 2016 Yeah I mean, I'd agree with you except that it turned out she was actually working 14 hour days for three of those days, and the fact that she texted me at all to tell me that she was 1) drowning in work and 2) that like 6 other friends had been asking if she was alright because she'd been MIA doesn't (in retrospect) sound like someone who's trying to ghost And she also already had rearranged some schedule stuff for our second date. I mean listen, obviously you guys could very well be right - you probably are - just wanted to throw in a little more context. But as far as what to do at this point, if she's got me in the friend zone already, it doesn't hurt to ask, right? At least then I'll have a definite answer. You already pushed the issue. How did that workout? Leave it alone. Move on. If she's interested still she'll find a way back to you. "hey I think you're great, but if you're not into this just let me know and we can just be friends" Never under any circumstance do this again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted October 13, 2016 Share Posted October 13, 2016 Look, dude, you seem really nice. BUT there's no greater turn off to me than insecurity and drama. Basically cornering someone about their interest after two dates (and she even SAID cornering), looks incredibly insecure. Don't you have a life and other things to focus on during the day? In addition, the last thing I ever want to see is a text that is so heavy. That's drama and that stresses me out. So, bad move on two fronts. She MAY have been somewhat interested before. I suspect she was more likely on the fence. And I think she's losing if not lost interest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cwsreddy Posted October 13, 2016 Author Share Posted October 13, 2016 Look, dude, you seem really nice. BUT there's no greater turn off to me than insecurity and drama. Basically cornering someone about their interest after two dates (and she even SAID cornering), looks incredibly insecure. Don't you have a life and other things to focus on during the day? In addition, the last thing I ever want to see is a text that is so heavy. That's drama and that stresses me out. So, bad move on two fronts. She MAY have been somewhat interested before. I suspect she was more likely on the fence. And I think she's losing if not lost interest. Haha normally yeah. Right now? Nope. Broken leg, so bored as hell haha. That's why it's frustrating, because it was out of character for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted October 13, 2016 Share Posted October 13, 2016 Haha normally yeah. Right now? Nope. Broken leg, so bored as hell haha. That's why it's frustrating, because it was out of character for me. Sorry about your leg. I hope you feel better soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cwsreddy Posted October 13, 2016 Author Share Posted October 13, 2016 Sorry about your leg. I hope you feel better soon. Appreciate that! Getting there Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katrina1980 Posted October 13, 2016 Share Posted October 13, 2016 "hey I think you're great, but if you're not into this just let me know and we can just be friends" When you ask a question such as this this early on, it's a cry out for validation and comes from a place of insecurity. In translation it is asking her ` how do you like me now?' Agree and not only that but did you really just want to be friends? Really? Come on be honest, you were shyt testing her (gauging her reaction as a way to test interest level) .... and yeah men can shyt test too. Which is fine, just be honest about it! When men and women toss each other into the friendzone.... there is no friendship to be had here. If there is no romantic interest, then you're gonna walk away, not agree to be "friends." And if such agreement is made, it's always one person wanting more. So it's all a big ruse and utter BS. IMHO! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cwsreddy Posted October 13, 2016 Author Share Posted October 13, 2016 Agree and not only that but did you really just want to be friends? Really? Come on be honest, you were shyt testing her (gauging her reaction as a way to test interest level) .... and yeah men can shyt test too. Which is fine, just be honest about it! When men and women toss each other into the friendzone.... there is no friendship to be had here. If there is no romantic interest, then you're gonna walk away, not agree to be "friends." Agreeing to such a thing when you've just been rejected by someone you're romantically interested in.... is just flat out BS. Truth. haha actually yeah. If she wasn't feeling it, that's fine - you're not always gonna click with everybody - but we run in the same circles and are interested in the same things, and the likelihood of seeing her around is pretty high, so I actually did want to make sure it could be a friendly thing instead of being weird and awkward. And yes, even after all the drama she told me that when I'm healed she'd love to show me the acro (acrobatics) scene so....... Really wasn't playing a game with that haha Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katrina1980 Posted October 13, 2016 Share Posted October 13, 2016 haha actually yeah. If she wasn't feeling it, that's fine - you're not always gonna click with everybody - but we run in the same circles and are interested in the same things, and the likelihood of seeing her around is pretty high, so I actually did want to make sure it could be a friendly thing instead of being weird and awkward. And yes, even after all the drama she told me that when I'm healed she'd love to show me the acro (acrobatics) scene so....... Really wasn't playing a game with that haha Okay but remaining friendly with each other is not the same as being "friends." I realize it's all semantics, I just think when people toss out the "friends" bit when rejecting or being rejected it's all just BS. If/when I am rejected I have NO desire to be "friends" with a man. I will still remain friendly and cordial when I see him, but to agree to be "friends"? No thanks. I won't offer "friendship" to a guy I have just rejected, nor will I agree to it if he rejected me. Personally, I think it's dishonest. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cwsreddy Posted October 13, 2016 Author Share Posted October 13, 2016 Okay but remaining friendly with each other is not the same as being "friends." I realize it's all semantics, I just think when people say this it's BS tis all. If/when I am rejected I have NO desire to be "friends" with him. I will still remain friendly and cordial when I see him, but to agree to be "friends"? No thanks. I understand that - I guess the way I see it, there's a reason I think you're cool in the first place, and I like surrounding myself with cool people. She's got skills and experience to offer me in the world I've been wanting to get involved in, and she'd wanted to get into climbing and I can offer her that. If it doesn't grow into anything else, sweet. If it does, sweet. Of course at THIS point I'm more on the "I'd like it to grow into something" side of things, but lord knows who I'll meet or where I'll be even two weeks from now, much less when I'm healed and ready to be active again. Point is, AND I KNOW THIS IS IRONIC given the way I asked HER to make things black and white for me in my moment of insecurity/boredom/overanalyzing, I think we're all better off if we just go with the flow even if it's something I'm bad at sometimes, and I'd rather err on the side of being friendly than the alternative. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katrina1980 Posted October 13, 2016 Share Posted October 13, 2016 I understand that - I guess the way I see it, there's a reason I think you're cool in the first place, and I like surrounding myself with cool people. She's got skills and experience to offer me in the world I've been wanting to get involved in, and she'd wanted to get into climbing and I can offer her that. If it doesn't grow into anything else, sweet. If it does, sweet. Of course at THIS point I'm more on the "I'd like it to grow into something" side of things, but lord knows who I'll meet or where I'll be even two weeks from now, much less when I'm healed and ready to be active again. Point is, AND I KNOW THIS IS IRONIC given the way I asked HER to make things black and white for me in my moment of insecurity/boredom/overanalyzing, I think we're all better off if we just go with the flow even if it's something I'm bad at sometimes, and I'd rather err on the side of being friendly than the alternative I agree with this (bolded) so perhaps you missed the point I was trying to make? Of course it's best to go with the flow and always remain friendly and cordial. Always always always. Under any circumstance. Not sure what you mean when you say "err on the side of being friendly than the alternative." Again, we agree you should always remain friendly. Which to me means being gracious and pleasant when you see each other. Nothing more nothing less. What do you mean by alternative? Being unfriendly and rude when you see them? No of course you don't act that way, I never said nor implied that. I always remain friendly and cordial but have absolutely zero desire to be friends. If YOU do, and mean that, and have no expectation of it ever leading to more, than cool, go for it!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cwsreddy Posted October 13, 2016 Author Share Posted October 13, 2016 I agree with this (bolded) so perhaps you missed the point I was trying to make? Of course it's best to go with the flow and always remain friendly and cordial. Always always always. Under any circumstance. Not sure what you mean when you say "err on the side of being friendly than the alternative." Again, we agree you should always remain friendly. So what do you mean by alternative? Being unfriendly and rude when you see them? No of course you don't act that way, I never said nor implied that. I always remain friendly and cordial but have absolutely zero desire to be friends. If YOU do, and mean that, and have no expectation of it ever leading to more, than cool, go for it!! Haha no worries, we're mostly on the same page. It's just that I don't have zero desire to be friends. I'm friends with most of my exes - it just took a few years. But yes this is all semantics, and boils down to what you consider friendly vs being friends. Appreciate your thoughts on it all, for sure!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katrina1980 Posted October 13, 2016 Share Posted October 13, 2016 Haha no worries, we're mostly on the same page. It's just that I don't have zero desire to be friends. I'm friends with most of my exes - it just took a few years. But yes this is all semantics, and boils down to what you consider friendly vs being friends. Appreciate your thoughts on it all, for sure!! Fair enough! And I modified my post to read: "Again, we agree you should always remain friendly. Which to me means being gracious and pleasant when you see each other. Nothing more, nothing less. Hope that clarifies my position on this a bit better! I also modified to say that if you truly believe you can be just friends (which to me means spending time together, sharing thoughts/feelings about life/love/the world in general) without expecting anything more from it, then you should definitely go for it! Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cwsreddy Posted October 14, 2016 Author Share Posted October 14, 2016 Well she's still liking/checking out posts on social media, so I'm pretty sure I've decided (after a couple more days) to simply be honest, tell her I know I f*cked up and how, tell her she was heard - because she really was - and ask her if I can buy her coffee some time next week when her schedule's a bit lighter. If not, cool! I get to move on! If so, cool! I get another shot. Really no losing to be had here. Thanks for all the input everyone. Really, really appreciate it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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