Lisi's journal of happy

[Lisii]

A little bit of positivity and the world is a better place already.

 

I'm so excited, just confirmed a Thelma & Louise holiday down in Fiordland National Park! so excited 2 weeks of South Hospitality and catching up with a whole lot of friends Woohoo! (can't say when online but yay!!!)

[Lisii]

Yay, I think I am finally feeling almost normal (though I'm a slightly cracked egg)

 

I had my sister come stay with me last night, it was really lovely, we went out for dinner and had heart to hearts, me about my broken self and her about her MS and broken body (she looks amazing!!), we slept in the same bed... talking until we dozed off... I felt like I was a kid again...

 

I've decided to stay away from any form of dating... I need to find myself - I know who I am, and I know I am worthy of love... I just need to start concentrating of me instead... I vest too much into relationships. Love is around me and I'm totally feeling it. No, it's not the same as having a partner share things with, but it's going to have to do... I have a goal, and this time I'm not going to deviate from it.

 

Fireworks tomorrow night, and my K & T are coming over for K's birthday - we are going to stretch out on my cane settee's outside and watch the stars, explosions and chill... it's going to be fun.

 

All Blacks play Ireland tomorrow... I kinda hope the All Blacks wont win, or at least Ireland show them amazing form - give them a run for their money... I'm getting bored of the AB's always winning.

 

My son's are idiots...

My eldest is grounded for 3 separate stupid things (one is shaving his eyebrow with his mates...yes stupid, two for buying an e-cigarette from a friend at school and three, for taking $15 change from me. He's so upset as he had a party to go to tonight, and now I'm getting messages non-stop from his friends begging me to let him go.... Nope, not going to happen! I am strong I shall not relent!

 

My youngest, oh my gosh the twit, we went to the market last night and a lady was selling homemade brownies and had some samples with a sign that said, Free samples - My little one saw the sign, saw the brownies and helped himself to a full brownie (not the samples!) - I didn't notice until my sister asked where he got it from.... I was so embarrassed (while laughing), handed the lady her $3 ... my son is a in thief! haha... an innocent thief! glad I paid, otherwise I'd never go to the markets agan!

[Lisii]

Woohoo! I got off my butt this morning..garden done, washing done, fridge cleaned (and emptied from expired food...) house organised, furniture rearranged, skirtings & walls, light switches wiped down... almost a mini spring clean.

 

Reward was a cup of tea and chocolate thins (but my belly is now bloated.... aghhhh - need to drop the sugar!!!)

 

My big boy helped, mowed the lawns and did some DIY fixit's for me. He hates how I have rearranged the lounge - but Meh, I'm having guests tonight for Guy Fawkes, it will be nice to face the fireplace... feeling accomplished... just need to get out for a run.. (tomorrow hehe)

 

time to go to get ingrediants for K's birthday cake and preping for tonight...

 

Smiles today!

[Lisii]

Had a wonderful evening with K last night - we drank a beautiful bottle wine and chilled under the stars... she's such a sweetie and a good friend. Other friends popped around but didn't stay long. K has offered to housesit for me when I go on my roadtrip, that is one less thing to worry about. OMG Roadtrip!!! so looking forward to going down south!

 

My eldest had his friends come over and they, with the help of my youngest son lit the fireworks for us... it was great to hear their laughter (and moans when some of the fireworks were duds)... I was proud of all 5 boys as they were so diligent and safety conscious when lighting the crackers..

 

I was meant to walk up the hill today, but woke up to another rainy day. Will try again this afternoon if the clouds clear. I'm not motivated to run, but a walk would be nice.

 

So, Very happy with how my garden is looking... its so lush and healthy, I think a trip to the garden centre is on the cards for today.., going to buy more raspberry canes, they look great along my fence. Gosh, who knew I'd take after my mum in gardening, its my new hobby, place to get lost with the fairies...

 

feeling content.

[Lisii]

I brought 5kg of brown rice and lots of veges.... detox time (starting tomorrow)

 

Warning I may get emotional... but will do my bestest not too...

 

[Lisii]

My poor son woke up yesterday with Staph infection around his mouth - (he had wind burn and put pawpaw cream on it that was old and probably expired and yukky)... I took him to the doctors, he's now off school for until Thursday! lucky bugger! - still it looks awful, I'm going to ask him who he was kissing for it to get so bad! ewwww.

 

Work is good, I'm soooo hungry, with this diet, I'm not allow breakfast until midday (2pm in my world as I don't get a lunch break at work).....!.... (though I did sneak a couple of tablespoons of brown rice this morning - I can't work on an empty tummy! that's just stupid)

 

Dying for a nice brew of coffee too! Hmmmm.... instead I'm sipping on boring Green Tea... haha, it's taken me all morning to drink one cup! - normally I would have had 2 cups of coffee by now... and normally I'd like Green Tea...

 

Just venting... I will survive, this hunger.. hanger (tomorrow, I will bring rice to work with me!)

 

 

 

One hour to go, then home time! then roast veges and rice!!!!! yummmmy

[Sportster2005]

My poor son woke up yesterday with Staph infection around his mouth - (he had wind burn and put pawpaw cream on it that was old and probably expired and yukky)... I took him to the doctors, he's now off school for until Thursday! lucky bugger! - still it looks awful, I'm going to ask him who he was kissing for it to get so bad! ewwww.

 

Work is good, I'm soooo hungry, with this diet, I'm not allow breakfast until midday (2pm in my world as I don't get a lunch break at work).....!.... (though I did sneak a couple of tablespoons of brown rice this morning - I can't work on an empty tummy! that's just stupid)

 

Dying for a nice brew of coffee too! Hmmmm.... instead I'm sipping on boring Green Tea... haha, it's taken me all morning to drink one cup! - normally I would have had 2 cups of coffee by now... and normally I'd like Green Tea...

 

Just venting... I will survive, this hunger.. hanger (tomorrow, I will bring rice to work with me!)

 

 

 

One hour to go, then home time! then roast veges and rice!!!!! yummmmy

 

Noooooooo, you should never be on a diet that makes you hungry. They aren't good for you, and when you stop them, the weight comes back. Make small incremental changes to your eating and be patient. Smaller portions, more veggies, reduce sweets. And missing breakfast?????

 

Everyone I know that takes this approach loses weight and keeps it off. Everyone I know that tries fad diets, or diets that trick your metabolism always gain the weight back. A guy at work did the low carb diet. Now he's stuck. As soon as he tries to eat normal he gains very quickly. You need carbs to live. Low fat diet, garbage. We need fat. Hi/low protein. BS. Eat less, snack less, move more. Dieting is a billion dollar industry that doesn't want you to lose weight, it wants you to lose money.

 

Now that I've ranted all over you journal, hope you're doing well

[Lisii]

Noooooooo, you should never be on a diet that makes you hungry. They aren't good for you, and when you stop them, the weight comes back. Make small incremental changes to your eating and be patient. Smaller portions, more veggies, reduce sweets. And missing breakfast?????

 

Everyone I know that takes this approach loses weight and keeps it off. Everyone I know that tries fad diets, or diets that trick your metabolism always gain the weight back. A guy at work did the low carb diet. Now he's stuck. As soon as he tries to eat normal he gains very quickly. You need carbs to live. Low fat diet, garbage. We need fat. Hi/low protein. BS. Eat less, snack less, move more. Dieting is a billion dollar industry that doesn't want you to lose weight, it wants you to lose money.

 

Now that I've ranted all over you journal, hope you're doing well

 

rant away..... I agree!, but I was curious and thought I'd try as I'm desperate to look good for my holiday I seriously need to do a sugar, wheat and wine elimination detox...

 

To make us both happy I'll definitely have breakfast tomorrow - I'm getting hAngry...

 

 

[Lisii]

I survive another day of detox! yay... I could have done with a coffee this morning... Mmmmm coffee.. but no.. I went green tea...

 

No hunger today as I remembered to take extra Rice & Salad to work with me!... skin and eye's are looking brighter and clearer... feeling energetic.

 

Went to see my Beautician at home today - her kids were home sick.. so while I was lying on her bed getting my eyebrows shaped, my phone went 4 times! I felt so popular, M and P and L rang... so funny as they are all my brothers from other mothers... My phone hardly ever rings nowadays. I felt the love. Must be something about today as another guy I went on a coffee date with at the beginning of the year contacted me to see if I'd catch up - I told him I'm strictly on no dating atm... Feels good to be strong!

 

P turned up with coffee.. and peppermint tea for me, it's nice to catch up, he and his beautiful gf are going to drive to my sister's this weekend and pick up a new mtnbike for my eldest... He also drove me to my parents to get mums car as mine needs a service. I'm so lucky to have such good friends.

 

Sad in the Trail running community as one of our dearest was in a accident.. Facebook is full of tributes to him. I only meet him once, he was inspiring, very sad for his family.

 

A bit of a weird day... so mellow and loving yet also a little sad .

[Lisii]

My sister woke me up this morning with a pic of steaming hot coffee... how evil... (I would love to sit down in the sun outside with a cup of coffee and a chocolate biscuit... or any biscuit.. ) craving naughty foods, but not hungry.

 

My Holiday is now fully booked - it's going to be interesting to say the least, it will be interesting as one city of destination is where my expartner from 2 years ago abused me. Chances of bumping into him is slim, but I'll be weary, thankfully I'll be with a group of 6 down there and will be celebrating my holiday with them - hopefully nowhere near him.

 

Work is going good.. have to try and figure out a couple of things with our Web_Help today - enjoying the challenge, work has been pretty mundane of the late.

 

I also see some one today regarding my new business idea, so that will be good, brain storming with her exciting much!

 

Hopefully will get a run in with my youngest son this afternoon too... get us both out of the house. - I haven't Netflixed for over a week now, and coming out of my hole... life is beautiful

[Lisii]

It's just past 9:30pm here in the Land of the Long White Cloud. I'm sort of a little hesitant to go to sleep, I'm scared of waking up to chaos, I know we are a long way from the US, and I don't want to be pessimistic, but we only hear so much from the media (usually one sided), bbbbbut what I have heard thus far is kinda freaking me out a little..

 

Stupid thing is the headlines on our major online newspaper isn't about President Trump... It's about how someone in Auckland has won $44million in Lotto... seriously, I mean - howz that for just pushing it all under the rug. Guess we are all a little dumb founded.... and geeschh - Damn the winning ticket isn't mine. Boo..

[Lisii]

Well the world didn't end, and I hope that people will just remember that we need to be at peace for world peace, so we can't argue/fight about yesterday. I hope things don't get as bleak as predicted... there are always predictions and not all of them come true... ok, I have buried it. for now.

 

I had a good day... felt a bit blah this morning... couldn't face the dreaded brown rice (oh why do I do this to me!.. ) so I went to the supermarket and bought some puffed brown rice organic crackers... woohoo I'm a going crackers... haha.. slightly..

 

I also stole a prune (Ok 4 prunes ;-) ) thinking they would be better than the coffee that I wanted... well bad move, after talking to my sister - I should have gone black coffee..Stink!!! as the prunes will feed candida and that is what I'm meant to be leveling off... (I've had excessive antibiotics this winter so my inner flora is all up the creek). I feel good, apart from aching in my calves... apparently that is withdrawals..

 

Had my hair done - feel pretty, had a full head of blonde... it looks really good, gone are the greys and the dark undertones... bring on Summer!!

 

I feel like Mr Mojo is back... my garden is about to burst with colour - I will attach some photo's in the weekend, as I'm really proud of my first garden (alone - without someone telling me what to do)

 

I am Happy

[Lisii]

It's Friday, Friday, Friday, I'm feeling great - no dairy, no wine, no sugar for 5 days and now I'm bouncing - I did cheat with the 4 prunes, but I don't think that will hinder me too much.

 

Good mood today, and only 1 hr until the weekend!!!, I have nothing solid planned for the weekend, hoping to hit the trails with L at least once... trying to stay away from socialising with the girls, as I don't want to have any alcohol (I'm sure I can resist, but... just incase...).

 

I have found a business course that I'd like to do through the NZIBS, but missed cut off, will see if I can do it next year - exciting, I think it will be beneficial to my Business Management degree I did in Adelaide. - see I have my mojo back!

 

I've been driving around in mum's smart car all week - I blew the turbo in my VW - haha! glad I took out the warranty when I bought her... another thing to be happy about, it only cost $350 instead of $3k, - getting a little bit of flack about driving around in mum's Coke Can - I can laugh with them as it is a funny little red thing - all that's missing is the clown suit!

 

 

blissful..

[Lisii]

Hmmm

 

Today I was on the phone to a very old dear friend (male) who I'm going on Holiday with and he has left me a little sad. I have always had a lot of good male friends, not sure why, a few are exes (yeah, I know - it's a no go, but I genuinely - possibly naively have always looked at them as just friends) well today he told me he was falling for me.. It's not the first time I have heard this, my recent ex bf said exactly the same thing as we started out as friends. I really hate this line, it scares me. I told this friend (A) from the start of the holiday plans that it would be just platonic companionship, that I was broken, he knows exactly where I am in life and what has happened in the past... all the way back to school years ... anyway he is now saying he has always had a soft spot for me and now he's falling for me. I bring joy to his life and so on. I feel bad as I had to put him in his place, and I don't wish to lose this friendship.. I can't and I will not be in another relationship, until I find me. I don't know how long that will take maybe 3 months maybe 3 years... I am investing this time on me.

 

Some of the things he did say were: that I'm formal (poker face about my feelings for him), a tough cookie, and a strong woman, he also said I'm a gentle soul that gives too much to others, he's falling for my quirkiness

 

It stinks... I just want to enjoy my surroundings and family/friends without thinking that my heart could be broken again... or that I'm breaking someone else's heart. Sad.

 

So to distract myself, I've made muesli bars and roasted veges for my dinner, while the boys put the Christmas tree up, with a little direction from me, I only did it because they go to their dad's midway through December and I won't have them these holidays (they will be gone for over a month!!!... stink, another birthday & Christmas alone), we put the Festive lights up and bought more for the garden... Prrrrretty!

 

Apart from A's confession, I'm feeling ok... I'm a little frazzled... I will have a tea and try to move on and distract myself with my garden.

 

feeling... 'ish

[IAmFCA]

The worst. I'm sorry that happened. At some point, this is the sort of thing that pushed me to learn how to make stronger female friendships. And now, to stop dating anyone new unless I trip over him in the street. I can't stand being called a heartbreaker as if it's a compliment. And then to have a friend turn, it's as if he doesn't know you all of a sudden. He knows you're unavailable. And I question whether he has fallen, or whether he is looking for you to fill some empty spaces in himself. His weakness wanting the security of your strength and independence. That's not you. You need someone who has stretched himself as you have.

 

Sigh.

[Lisii]

The worst. I'm sorry that happened. At some point, this is the sort of thing that pushed me to learn how to make stronger female friendships. And now, to stop dating anyone new unless I trip over him in the street. I can't stand being called a heartbreaker as if it's a compliment. And then to have a friend turn, it's as if he doesn't know you all of a sudden. He knows you're unavailable. And I question whether he has fallen, or whether he is looking for you to fill some empty spaces in himself. His weakness wanting the security of your strength and independence. That's not you. You need someone who has stretched himself as you have.

 

Sigh.

 

Exactly this.

 

Thank you ITIC, feels good to know that I'm not alone with my thoughts, I wont let him "get to me" I really don't have the energy for any romance, I will talk with him tonight and tell him that we need to cool it as friends for a bit.. especially if he feels he's falling for me.

 

I have been with my girlfriends bonding of the late. It's nice to have girlie evenings and just chill. If I go on holiday with A, I will constantly be on edge... it can't happen. - Poo, I was looking so forward to it

[Lisii]

For the last 5 nights I have dreamt of a man, in my dreams he is my partner/soulmate/love. (Nothing sexual), I just have the feeling of belonging with this man. It's really weird, I have no idea who he is, but he is there in my dreams, beside me. I have never dreamt like this, usually I have had nightmarish or highly emotional dreams, these latest ones are so beautiful and calm.

 

Maybe it's because I have finally realised that I can do this alone.. I don't need to go and find someone on OLD or anywhere else. Maybe it's because I have such strong ties with my friends and family at the moment and feel loved.. I don't know. But I like it.

 

I have nothing planned for today, sitting here with my laptop on my lap in bed, I may watch one episode of Outlander and then do some chores and sit in the garden and read... It's fresh outside and I see blue sky.. so maybe a walk up to one of the lakes with the boychild might be on the cards... It doesn't matter because I am in control.

 

Nice

[Lisii]

For the last 5 nights I have dreamt of a man, in my dreams he is my partner/soulmate/love. (Nothing sexual), I just have the feeling of belonging with this man. It's really weird, I have no idea who he is, but he is there in my dreams, beside me. I have never dreamt like this, usually I have had nightmarish or highly emotional dreams, these latest ones are so beautiful and calm.

Nice

 

I just had a flashback from my dream...

I have been having a bit of garlic in my meals lately (raw in my dressings) and in my dream, my Mr Notreal McDreamy went to kiss me, but before he did, he took an intake of breath... I asked whether my breath smelt of garlic, he said yes.. but it was ok, he had heaps that day too.

 

Awwww... but OMG! how funny is that - I lol'ed when I made my salad dressing for lunch... I only put in half a clove

 

My subconscious mind is telling me I stink! Bahaha - On that note, only 2 weeks of my diet left, I wore my running shorts today - Haven't felt comfortable wearing them in months!

 

Right... off to buy some sugarfree chewing gum!

[Lisii]

Farrrrudge

 

What a thing to wake up too... I had all my devices turned off and in the Kitchen. Thankfully friends and family are safe.

 

Wondering if this super moon has anything to do with it, the magnetic pull and all.... I hope the rest of the world is safe for the next few days....

 

Wow.. My mind is going a million miles an hour.. I feel so helpless.

 

Jack the Cat really predicted this one, and I ignored him

[Lisii]

Happy this morning.

 

Went to a meeting at the school with other parents who's children were getting assisted learning... it was interesting to hear what the school board, teachers and other parents had to say... I had to talk - ekk, I wasn't expecting it and I was anxious enough just being in a room of strangers. I voiced my concern that they had this meeting with only 4 weeks left of this school year. This meeting should have been held in June, unfortunately the majority of parents there had kids that were moving onto High School next year, and these objectives were not going to benefit us... stink. - I had to hold back the tears while talking - think I may start a parent support group next year for those kids that are starting High School. - OMG my baby, my last born will be in High School next year!

 

I've been helping some people through my depression group, it's given me a great sense of belonging, I have been given a lot of positive feed back on the support I have given and it makes me feel great! - I'm enjoying making peoples days more positive, sort of pimping out my happy/nutty thoughts it's a great feeling!

 

I cheated on my diet ... ekkkk - I can feel my belly starting to bloat on just one wee home made muesli bar and a hot chocolate drink - I mean seriously with all the tremors happening on my wee Isle of Shake - I deserved a bit of naughty!

 

Work time....

[Lisii]

Wow! I've been on ENA a year!!

[Lisii]

Ok day today, nothing much happening, just biding my time until I pick my son up from sports.

 

I txted my exbf yesterday - nothing bad, just to check he and his girls were ok after the earthquakes. It was polite and brief, which is what I wanted and expected. I still care, so hope I didn't upset him, I had no feelings afterwards, just carried on with my emails.

 

I have connected with a person who in my depression group and we are going to start walking together next week, which will get me out of the house and into the fresh air... again It is raining and I have retreated back to my haven, my home! lol... Why am I such a wimp! it's only rain.

 

Work is going good, after a stagnant year, things are starting to progress, I have been updating our online library/Help Files which is kinda fun.

 

No news really.. feeling helpless re the earthquakes, so many people in Kaikoura who have lost everything, so much loss... I would rent my house/rooms out, if it was Christmas time, but can't atm as it wouldn't be fair uprooting the boys so close to exams/graduation.

 

I won't journal daily anymore cos my life is a bit boring. haha! but that's a good thing!

[Lisii]

I am sooooo over mother nature! It's rained for the last month... and I mean RAIN - torrential - and these ruddy earthquakes - apparently there is a 97% chance of another earthquake in the next 30 days over 6 mg

 

Cry! - I need a man, but this makes me want a man, a BeerGrylls (not in looks) - on a white steed in an armour transporting chocolate! (yes I'm still on my detox, but I'm doing badly - just had a wine

 

Ugh

[Lisii]

Yay!

 

I did it! I have closure, the exbf came and collected his gear, and now he has gone, and I feel good, we had no animosity, no harsh words. I gave him a huge hug goodbye and told him he was a great man, and he said vice versa and I said I'm not a man and we laughed and we had another hug.. There was no passion, nothing.. It's a clean and beautiful move on.

 

We had a chat and some things he said just didn't fit, but it's ok... it's over... and I feel good.

 

It's a beautiful sunny day (a little windy) but perfect... the mood is great.

 

 

[Lisii]

I have nothing to write really

 

My Christmas lights are up, the house looks pretty - I would post it, but my phone doesn't take good night shots.

 

I am meeting an online team member tomorrow (from a different site) we are going to do some walking together, which will be nice. It will be weird but nice to meet someone that I know so well online. (- NOT A DATE.. , I hope we can keep the same silly banter as we do cyberly)

 

My car gets fixed tomorrow, they are putting a new turbo in, so hopefully that will be the end of all the cr*p. The lemon.

 

Nice somber life... no dramas... peace - just the way it should be