Can you truly get over someone?

[Justash]

Just broke up with my ex this week, we've had an on and off relationship with him always ending things (the last time back in April) and I told him this would be his final chance. He ended it again on Monday and I am still adamant there is no going back. He told me he can't see a future with me can't see us getting married etc.

 

I know truly he is not the one. I've given him everything I can and I don't think 'true love' would be this hard and I know I deserve more. It always ends up in us not speaking for a couple of weeks and he comes crawling back. He has told me this time to block his number and never speak to him again. I think shutting me out is his way of dealing with things.

 

He starts a new job at my mums work (in a different building) next Monday. Is getting him a good luck card too much? I was going to have it waiting on his desk because after everything I do wish him the best.

 

So how do you stop yourself being upset when you know deep down that person isn't right for you but you still pine for them and think of good times? How do you stick to NC when all you want to do is contact them?

[kbbcoop77]

""Is getting him a good luck card too much?"

 

Considering he dumped you, told you to block him and he never wants to hear from you again? Really?

[greta96]

 

So how do you stop yourself being upset when you know deep down that person isn't right for you but you still pine for them and think of good times? How do you stick to NC when all you want to do is contact them?

 

By remembering how dysfunctional your on/off relationship was, how many times he dumped you, and that he told you to never contact him again. Sending a 'good luck' card is just your way to re-establish contact for yet another roller coaster ride, when the only thing you should be doing that would help you tremendously is get off the roller coaster ride for good.

[faraday]

By remembering how dysfunctional your on/off relationship was, how many times he dumped you, and that he told you to never contact him again. Sending a 'good luck' card is just your way to re-establish contact for yet another roller coaster ride, when the only thing you should be doing that would help you tremendously is get off the roller coaster ride for good.

 

This^

 

My last break up was with an on again off again guy who I loved very much...but we just didn't work. I knew we would never get married, I knew we could never be happy long term....

 

So when we broke up, I blocked him on everything. When he would find a new way to contact me, I would block him on that too.

 

I immersed myself in doing things that made me happy. I started taking classes, I found new hobbies, I worked on friendships and becoming happy. I volunteered a ton. And...it was hell. Break ups are horrible, especially when you still love the person. By every time I missed him or thought of him, I would think, "no. He's not my "the one". There's someone out there who is going to be so much better for me." And I would think about why he wasn't a good match for me (some jerkface thing he said or did- there's a reason he was my ex on multiple occasions, right?), and then I would push down the thought of him and focus my thoughts somewhere else.

 

It's been almost 3 years. I dated for a few months (when I was mostly over the break up) and...now I'm married to someone else. My ex is engaged to someone else. I don't miss him. I actually wonder why I put up with him for so long. I'm so happy with my husband- I can't imagine my life without him.

 

So...block him on everything and don't look him up on social media (block him on those too). Don't send the card. Remind yourself why you aren't with him. Remind yourself that one day you'll meet someone way better for you. Love yourself. Create a busy, fulfilling, meaningful life that you love.

 

 

It gets better. Good luck

[shiner501]

"Is getting him a good luck card too much?"

 

Are you crazy? How many more signs do you want that this is not the guy for you? Getting him such a card, albeit with good intentions on your part, makes you look weak and infatuated.

 

I am sorry the ways things are for you at the moment. I knows it's a cliche but things will get better. No, I don't think you DO get over some things and some people, they have a lasting effect on you, for good or bad. But you learn to live with it in time.

[ParisPaulette]

Yes, you do IF you want to do so and you don't keep holding on. It can take some time yes, but it's impossible to stay stuck on someone who is just not there, doesn't want to be there, long ago left and you move on since life itself will move on you regardless. The sooner you go NC and let the rose-colored goggles fall away the sooner you'll realized "Good heavens, was I drunk through the entire relationship????"

 

Toxic and on/off means this isn't love, more like obsession. And as with all things that are not good for you just going cold turkey and allowing yourself to go through the withdrawal is the way to go.

 

You should be the one getting the "get well" cards frankly. I did the whole on/off thing for six years and it was just a waste of six years I'm never going to get back. It did make me move to another state, create a new life, meet and fall in love with a great guy that is my husband now.

 

Hmm, perhaps I should go out now and get a thank you card to send my ex...nah, he'd think I wanted to start that whole crazy-making train up again. I don't, I'm sane now.

 

You will be too IF you give yourself a chance and just climb off and stop it. Treat it like he's meth and he's killing you if you don't just go cold turkey and get clean. You will get there. In fact, you will indeed look back on this all one day and wonder why on earth you wasted so much time on such a person.

 

P.S. You write a list of all the jerk things they've done to you, all the things you've lost having them in your life like sleep and enjoying simple things or in my case a trip to Tibet (Still POed about that one) and you read it every time the pink goggles of "oh it wasn't that bad" start to show back up. Consider it unbrainwashing yourself. It tends to work when you see in black and white just how off the rails the whole thing is.

[Hollyj]

Why in the world would you give him a card, if you want to move on?????

[ControlDenied]

You believe you don't deserve anything better? Why you gravitate towards this if it doesnt help you?

[Justash]

Thank you for all the replies they've really helped I was going to get him a card just to wish him the best. Keep it simple and write something like 'good luck in your new job and for the future'. He ended it through text and won't see me to explain as he feels he'll change his mind if he sees me.

[Justash]

I love this! So nice to hear you have moved on and are happily married!

[faraday]

Thank you for all the replies they've really helped I was going to get him a card just to wish him the best. Keep it simple and write something like 'good luck in your new job and for the future'. He ended it through text and won't see me to explain as he feels he'll change his mind if he sees me.

 

Please don't get him a card.

 

Think about your motivations for sending it. What reaction are you hoping to get out of him?

 

This will not benefit you or your healing.

[No1]

I think getting him a card is more for you than it is for him. Sometimes its just better to walk away even tho you dont always get the last word. You know this guy isnt the one in your future so just let him go. Odds are youll forget all about him when you meet another guy.