SamthewoMAN Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 So I'm going to mark today as day 1 of blocking my emotionally abusive ex. Some struggles I'm going to be facing are allowing myself to feel the pain without feeling the need to reach out to my ex and telling him exactly what is going through my brain. I know in my head that reaching out to him will just cause more pain, keep him fresh in my mind, and no matter what I end up saying to him I would just be feeding his ego and making him think I still want him. Keeping NC and moving forward without him in my life is the only thing I can do to truly show him I no longer need him in my life and that he doesn't own me. I know NC should not be used for the purpose of trying to make my ex feel bad and that I should use it for my own benefit only. It's still hard though not to crave and fantasize about him popping up at my door and apologizing for every hateful thing he said. Oh well.... Some positives in my life are that even though my ex is gone I still have a cutie in my life to look good for. This one is nothing like my ex. He is open with me about seeing other people and he never tried to love bomb me either. I also have a best friend who will be becoming my room mate soon. I'm thankful to have friends in my life who know how to lift my heart up. So yeah... That's about it for this post. I just wanted to post here and write because it is one alternative to reaching out to my ex and telling him exactly what I think about him. Feel free to leave advice and post your own struggles. If you don't mind I would like to keep posting here and keeping everyone updated about my NC/ detox journey. Doing this is therapeutic for me and thank you so much for taking the time to read. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbbcoop77 Posted August 28, 2016 Share Posted August 28, 2016 Just hang in there one day at a time and trust that it does get easier!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamthewoMAN Posted August 28, 2016 Author Share Posted August 28, 2016 Thank you ^^ I'm squirming a little bit, but so far so good Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamthewoMAN Posted August 29, 2016 Author Share Posted August 29, 2016 This is day 2 of keeping my ex blocked. So far no break downs and no contact. I got plenty of distractions going on today from a doctor's appointment to preparing for a math class. I'm sure I'll forget about my ex in a split second once I find myself studying my butt off and dancing over any good grades I make in the class. Thanks to anyone who reads this. Posting here helps serve as a reminder of what I truly want to accomplish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamthewoMAN Posted August 29, 2016 Author Share Posted August 29, 2016 Hello! To anyone who reads this. I saw a journal section of this site and I feel like this post belongs there since I want to keep posting on this thread. Is there any way I can switch categories on my post? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamthewoMAN Posted August 30, 2016 Author Share Posted August 30, 2016 Day 3 of no contact. Still going strong yyyyyyeeeeaaaaahhhh! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamthewoMAN Posted August 30, 2016 Author Share Posted August 30, 2016 My ex has made me realize that I don't want a husband who would talk to his children the way he did me. He liked to call me stupid when we argued and his excuse that it was ok to call me stupid just because it wasn't a curse word. I don't need my future things thinking it's ok to call people names just as long as they aren't cursing. I expressed that when he called me stupid that it was hurtful. He said he was trying to hurt me in order to wake me up. He didn't care about apologizing to me at all. Plus I remember him calling me stupid once and it wasn't even warranted. We weren't even arguing that time. I was opening up to him about my brother and while he was giving me advice I distinctly remember the word 'stupid' quietly slipping out of his mouth. Plus speaking of love bombing he pretty much texted "I love you" the first time I friggin met him. I will say that he was from a different culture than me. I remember seeing a Quora thread once asking "why do Americans make such a big deal about saying 'I love you'" which makes me wonder. Do some cultures treat the words 'I love you' a little differently than other cultures? Why would a man no matter what his culture think it's a good idea to say 'I love you' to someone he only just met? Plus I remember him saying something silly to me like "I don't look at other women." A normal person wouldn't feel the need to say that. Normal people understand that everybody looks and blah blah blah. If I'm a normal person I'm going to be more concerned about how you treat me than if you are attracted to other women or not. I'm in a confused state of mind because I also remember him not being all bad. I may not be a skinny person, but I remember him loving my body just the way it was. He never said anything bad about my appearance until after we broke up. That's the only time he wanted to be nasty and try to make me feel ugly. Before that he was the kind of guy I could see without my makeup on and he would be inclined to say "you look pretty today" straight out of the blue. I guess at the end of the day my ex has shown me what good qualities I want in a guy and what bad qualities I could care less about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamthewoMAN Posted August 31, 2016 Author Share Posted August 31, 2016 Day 4 of NC Still doing good! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamthewoMAN Posted September 1, 2016 Author Share Posted September 1, 2016 Have you ever had those exercise moments where your mind and body didn't seem to be on the same page? Last night I was pumped and excited. I was sweaty, my heart was pounding, it wasn't too hot because I was running at night, I was listening to songs that reminded me of my motivation to move on from my ex, but after just a few moments of blissful running I started cramping up. Grrrrr! My mind was excited and wanted to keep going, but my body disagreed and had something else to say. Darn! I guess that means I need to make sure I'm getting enough potassium in my system. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted September 1, 2016 Share Posted September 1, 2016 It's called 'in the zone' when it's in sync, but yeah cramps could be dehydration. Congrats on your progress! after just a few moments of blissful running I started cramping up. Grrrrr! My mind was excited and wanted to keep going, but my body disagreed and had something else to say.this is the guy? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamthewoMAN Posted September 1, 2016 Author Share Posted September 1, 2016 Day 5 Thank you for your supportive words and yup that's the very same guy. It could be dehydration, but I also read that some times it's not good to drink a whole bottle of water before running and I do have a habit of doing that. I also know that I don't eat as much bananas as I should. I think I should get in the habit of taking a water bottle with me when I run and focus on taking smaller sips rather than chugging a whole thing of water before I exercise. Plus more bananas equals more potassium too and fewer cramps. Thanks again for your post! The pain lessens just a tiny bit more each day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamthewoMAN Posted September 2, 2016 Author Share Posted September 2, 2016 Day 6 Feeling good today! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamthewoMAN Posted September 2, 2016 Author Share Posted September 2, 2016 Gonna have a good day! Ain't nobody gotta cry today cause ain't nobody gonna die today. You can save that drama for another day. XD sorry if I messed up the lyrics a little Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capricorn3 Posted September 2, 2016 Share Posted September 2, 2016 Hello! To anyone who reads this. I saw a journal section of this site and I feel like this post belongs there since I want to keep posting on this thread. Is there any way I can switch categories on my post? Your thread has been moved to Journals forum. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted September 2, 2016 Share Posted September 2, 2016 Some struggles I'm going to be facing are allowing myself to feel the pain without feeling the need to reach out to my ex and telling him exactly what is going through my brain. I know in my head that reaching out to him will just cause more pain, keep him fresh in my mind, and no matter what I end up saying to him I would just be feeding his ego and making him think I still want him. In these moments just keep telling yourself `Don't reach out for comfort from the very thing that hurts you' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamthewoMAN Posted September 3, 2016 Author Share Posted September 3, 2016 Day 7 Thanks again for the supportive words. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamthewoMAN Posted September 3, 2016 Author Share Posted September 3, 2016 I've noticed I'm more irritated than hurt by my ex. It's merely annoying to me when I reflect back on the cruel words he said. Really it's laughable and childish what he did. Of course I don't believe him when he said he thought I was ugly. Unless I was hallucinating I distinctly remember all the times his actions and words proved he thought otherwise about me. Plus he says I'm smelly when I distinctly remember plenty of times when he commented on me smelling good during the relationship. Really it's hilarious what he tried to say to me after we broke up. My mind travels to a little girl in a YouTube video. Her daddy joked and made her think he ate all of her Halloween candy and then the poor thing starts crying and says "you're ugly daddy!" Lol! So yeah if anything my ex reminds me of that poor little girl. 😂 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamthewoMAN Posted September 3, 2016 Author Share Posted September 3, 2016 Cool fact about cats! Cats purr to heal themselves. Bone disease is not a thing for them unlike dogs and they are only prone to getting cancer in their paws and tail. Cats can sense vibrations with their whiskers and paw pads. Cats might be attracted to your piano because pressing down on the keys causes vibrations and vibrations make them purr. ❤️❤️ It's also hilarious how they only meow to get a human's attention. According to one video the meowing is from a kitten instinct. When they were kittens mama dearest would of course be attentive to them until they started getting older and less dependent on her. At that point mama kitty starts to become less responsive to her kittens' meows. So that's probably why cats are less likely to meow in order to communicate with each other. 😻😻😻😸🙀😺😽😼😹 give it up for kitties Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamthewoMAN Posted September 4, 2016 Author Share Posted September 4, 2016 Day 8 and here is a link to the funniest buggy video I have ever seen 😂 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamthewoMAN Posted September 5, 2016 Author Share Posted September 5, 2016 Day 9 Happy Labor Day everyone! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamthewoMAN Posted September 6, 2016 Author Share Posted September 6, 2016 Day 10 My bestie is going to be my roommate today! Woohoo! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamthewoMAN Posted September 7, 2016 Author Share Posted September 7, 2016 Day 11 Still a little depressed so I think I might go to the animal shelter today after my college class and see if I can't get away with playing with some puppies 😊 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamthewoMAN Posted September 8, 2016 Author Share Posted September 8, 2016 Day 12 I can't wait til fall kicks in Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SamthewoMAN Posted September 9, 2016 Author Share Posted September 9, 2016 Day 13 Aaaaah!!! I made an A on my math homework!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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