Kyoshiro Ogari Posted March 15, 2005 Share Posted March 15, 2005 I can't take it anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am being told to wait... wait... wait... and things will eventually happen! Hogwash!! I've prayed to God since I was 15 for a girlfriend, SINCE I WAS 15 YEARS!!! All I want is 1 girlfriend, I am not being selfish! I haven't had anything. I know I am supposed to make things happen, but when I begin to make some sort of effort, it turns out every damn time that these women have boyfriends. Or is that a coverup so they don't have to go out with me. What the hell have I done to deserve this B.S.! I am a very patient person, but now my patience HAS REACHED IT'S END! WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO, WHY AM I CURSED... I AM CURSED, YOU HAVE TO WALK IN MY SHOES TO SAY THAT I AM NOT!! NO GIRL LOVES ME, AND I AM STARTING TO WONDER IF I WILL LIVE ALONE. YES I WILL BECAUSE I AM TOO DAMN UGLY AND I HAVE DEFINITIVE PROOF. 32 YEARS OF NOTHING, NO SMILES, NO WINKS, NOTHING! ALL OF MY FRIENDS HAVE STORIES TO TELL ABOUT THIS GIRL AND THAT GIRL, I HAVE NO STORIES ON NO GIRLS. I HAVE HAD CRUSHES ON SO SO MANY GIRLS/WOMEN THROUGHOUT ALL MY LIFE AND ALL OF THEM, EVERY LAST ONE OF THEM EITHER HAS A BOYFRIEND, HAS A HUSBAND, OR THINKS OF ME AS A NICE FUNNY GUY AND NO ROMANTIC POTENTIAL. I HAVE FRIENDS WHO MAKE LESS OF AN EFFORT THAN I DO AND THEY GET GIRLS, WHICH MEANS I AM HIDEOUS! I AM A VERY UGLY AND HIDEOUS MAN WHO WILL NEVER GET A GIRLFRIEND! I HATE PEOPLE TELLING ME THAT I AM NICE AND ONE DAY MY GIRL WILL COME. I'LL KEEP HEARING THAT OVER AND OVER AGAIN UNTIL I AM 90 YEARS OLD!!! I AM SICK OF IT ALL!!! MY HEART MIGHT AS WELL EXPLODE TO PIECES BECAUSE MY HEART HAS NO USE IN THIS WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
djedix Posted March 15, 2005 Share Posted March 15, 2005 You wana know what your problem is. You try too god damn hard. And that's the truth. Sorry it's harsh but it's the truth Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyoshiro Ogari Posted March 15, 2005 Author Share Posted March 15, 2005 You wana know what your problem is. You try too god damn hard. And that's the truth. Sorry it's harsh but it's the truth No I don't try too damn hard! There is no such thing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DropToZero Posted March 15, 2005 Share Posted March 15, 2005 You want advice...like help...b/c I'm sure I know what your problem is. I can give you a website link so sign up for these free emails. They sell an ebook, but you dont have to buy it...but I bet if you read all the emails, you'll be compelled to buy one of them. Send me a private message or something if you want the web link, but I can't post it on here. It's up to you...do you want to sit around and keep waiting?...or do something about it? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
passions1 Posted March 15, 2005 Share Posted March 15, 2005 Have you tried focusing more on yourself rather than trying to get into a relationship? People find other people attractive when they aren't necessarily looking for relationships, but simply have fun & go with the flow. Also it's better to be single & happy with yourself versus being sick with someone else. So once you have adjusted your negative attitude about yourself & outlook on life, then things would change for you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyoshiro Ogari Posted March 15, 2005 Author Share Posted March 15, 2005 Also it's better to be single & happy with yourself versus being sick with someone else. . Sorry, but that's a matter of opinion. It's not better to be alone and lonely and wanting to feel attractive and wanting to make someone feel attractive and experiencing the joys of love. I'll take the good with the bad in a relationship because when you're lonely, there is no good. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
arwen Posted March 15, 2005 Share Posted March 15, 2005 Hey, I understand this makes you really angry. It is a matter of opinion that it's better to be single and happy than in a relationship and unhappy. I share that opinion, but I really understand that you'd give anything to be in a relationship. I have been at both points, having been single for a relatively long period, I was even jealous of other people's relationship issues, even in very extreme cases. I was so lonely and depressed at one point that I was 'jealous' of people who had been cheated on 'because at least they HAD a partner at one point'. It didn't take a relationship to change that feeling. It took a major development within myself. I have been a happy single for 1.5 years in between relationships because I had learned that I deserved to be treated better in a relationship. I also think it's really not advisable to get into a relationship when you are unhappy alone. There's a difference between being alone and lonely. Loneliness is one of the worst feelings. I don't know how to make you feel better. I will just say I hope things will turn out to look different in life for you. Ilse. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonGirl724 Posted March 15, 2005 Share Posted March 15, 2005 im sorry to hear you are going through this but, in order to be loved by another you have to first love yourself...which doesnt seem to be the case. i have a few questions for you so bare with me here *how do you approach girls when you first meet them? *where do you meet them? *do you ever purposely involve yourself with women who are already commited? *how do you portray yourself when you meet a girl? *do you come off as unconfident, unattractive &/or put yourself down in front of them? *do you date? been on a date(s)? or have you always rolled solo? *how is your personal hygiene? maybe we'll try to nip this in the bud. keep posting. -DG724 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonGirl724 Posted March 15, 2005 Share Posted March 15, 2005 Or for a quick pick me up: "Just when you think you're the lowest of the low, remember there is always someone lower than you." id practice what i preach if i were you. youd be surprised how much better you'd feel. -DG724 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyoshiro Ogari Posted March 15, 2005 Author Share Posted March 15, 2005 *how do you approach girls when you first meet them? If they are in passing, I smile & nod or keep my head down... depends on my esteem. If they are someone I will keep in touch with through friends/work, I smile, shake hands and try to let me sense of humor come into play. *where do you meet them? Mostly at the job, occasionally through friends *do you ever purposely involve yourself with women who are already commited? Purposely: no. Accidentally: all the time. But there's my problem: they are all attached to someone. *how do you portray yourself when you meet a girl? Funny & sweet *do you come off as unconfident, unattractive &/or put yourself down in front of them? -Unconfident? Not sure, I don't pay attention, but I would say no. -Unattractive? I think my looks take care of that, but I play the part of someone who feels attractive when I am around women. I smile a lot and groom myself as best as I can with what I have. -Put myself down in front of them: No, but I do around everyone else. But not around women I am attracted to. *do you date? been on a date(s)? or have you always rolled solo? First name Han. Never been on a single date. *how is your personal hygiene? Clean as a whistle. I brush after every meal, I shower every day, stuff like that. I guess that's it. Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
greenowl88 Posted March 15, 2005 Share Posted March 15, 2005 Some relationships are great, and even when someone is in a relationship, they still can get jealous of people in relationships that are better than their own. You know what's worse than NOT being in a relationship and feeling lonely? Being IN a relationship and feeling lonely. Relationships aren't always what they might seem. Even people in relationships sometimes wonder if they'd be better off single. It's a lot of work!! You sound like a great guy. I don't know what to say about your problem. I wish I could help. Maybe just forget about it, and stop focusing on getting into a relationship. People always told me that it would happen when I least expected it, and I hated that, but guess what?? It did!! Good luck!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chaitea Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Hi there, First of all, I love your avatar! It's so cute! I can relate to your post quite a bit here, and I am very concerned with the downward spiral of repetitious negative thoughts. I know from experience that this is a very dangerous way of thinking! It's hard, but try to see if you can break the pattern of thought & say to yourself: "I'm going to take a break from this for awhile, not denying my feelings, but just setting them aside for a moment", or something like that. This is not to avoid anything, but just to break the pattern. Maybe try to do something else which requires concentration. It won't solve your problems by itself, but it may give you a breath of air. In response to what you said about "definitive proof", I don't know what you are referring to, but there is no such thing as "definitive proof" of whether one is attractive. You don't know for certain that no one has ever found you attractive in a romantic way. Maybe someone was too shy, was passing you on the street or in a store. None of us really knows what we mean to other people - we may mean a lot more than we ever imagined. MY HEART MIGHT AS WELL EXPLODE TO PIECES BECAUSE MY HEART HAS NO USE IN THIS WORLD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You know what can help? Teaching or serving the needs of others. Perhaps you have expertise in something which you can share with those in need or who want to learn. Maybe you might enjoy teaching children. Depending on your interests, it can be very rewarding and helps to take your focus off yourself & give you some perspective. I've noticed that you have posted here in response to others, trying to help them. That's a great start! Also, trying something new can give you a fresh perspective on things, even if it is just a different route between your activities, or trying a new dish or a new restaurant. We all want to feel that we are of value, are cared for & have something/someone to love. Take care of yourself Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 *do you ever purposely involve yourself with women who are already commited? Purposely: no. Accidentally: all the time. But there's my problem: they are all attached to someone. Oh ... trust me... there are no accidents when it comes to who we choose. We all choose our partners in order to try to recitify some mistake our parents made when they were raising us. I think that your choosing girls who are already attached is something subconsious going on in your head to keep yourself out of a relationship, regardless of what your conscious voice is saying! I think you should really take the time to examine this. Really, looks have nothing to do with it. I know tons of ugly people who have dates, and even got married. I also know tons of single, attractive people. I think you should sit down, and examine the barriers that you have put up around you. You may think that you haven't, but I'm pretty sure that you have.... Good luck!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MetallicAguy Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Maybe your looking at the wrong type of woman or your just not flirting with them? Just go match your attractiveness you think is correct with another woman your interested in, things will go a lot smoothly and you'll be more confident with yourself because she isn't a hard challenge like a girl out of your league is. Women don't always think of looks as something a guy needs to have or their not dating him. The looks just let you step in the front door. The personality is where it flows. Maybe your body language isn't approachable. Sit with open gestures. If that's not the case, don't point your toes inwards. And if that's not the case I don't know what to tell you. God isn't going to give you a gf man. He's supposed to ease the pain. Look, just I don't know what to say. Sitting on the computer talking to us about it isn't going to help other than we're giving you advice on what to do. It's your job to get up go to a club or a bar and meet some women. Or just any other place like the mall etc. (I don't think the malls the best place, a lot of high maintenance chicks like to $ $ $, Shop Shop Shop 24/7 whenever they get the chance to. lol.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PAdreamer Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Hun, WHY do you want a girlfriend so bad? It sounds like you're looking for acceptance... Like you want a girlfriend to fit in; maybe get some physical gratification (not necesarily sex, but some sort of physical acknowledgement form the oposite gender). I can tell you right now that, with motives like this, even if you DO find a girlfriend right now, you won't TRULY enjoy it. You'll get some instant gratification, sure. but it will more than likely be short-lived. Maybe you should trust in the signs and not try to get a girlfriend until you can be okay without having one. I have a mantra that I use in relationships: I love you, but I don't NEED you. What I mean by this is that I can be okay with myself and my life if I don't have a man in it. Just think for a bit. How worthwhile will it be for you to have a girlfriend right now? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ceema-k Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 PAdreamer... I think at this point, I really think the motivation behind Kyoshiro's desire for a girlfriend goes way deeper than just acceptance or instant gratification. This is something that has plagued him for a very long time.. and it's gotten to a point where he thinks of it as a curse. I haven't gone 15 years like he has, but I go a very long time between relationships. Years go by when I'm content enough being single. When I do start yearning to be with someone, it can extremely distressful and I start wondering what the heck it felt like to be in a relationship. Let's face it. Kyoshiro has a monkey on his back.. the monkey of never havin been on a date or had a girlfriend. Kyoshiro, I actually think it's great you're venting and using your caps lock in your posts If you're really as angry as you type, then it means you are getting closer to becoming totally fed up. Some people need a single, traumatic experience to force them to change or look at their life with new eyes... the classic "shock to the system". I hope that if you haven't already got your shock, that you get it soon and it wakes you from you life-long slumber and you start to take the bull by the horns. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caldus Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 I agree with everything Ceema-k said in his last post. It's spot on in my opinion. Kyoshiro, I think you should definitely start by doing what chaitea suggested. Also, I will support whoever said that there are tons of single and attractive people out there because it really is true. I know a lot of single and attractive people in my area. Then again, beauty is in the eye of the beholder. That means, Kyoshiro, that you simply cannot blame all of this on your looks. I know how it is when you go into that vicious cycle of negativity but realize that thinking that way will never do you any good at all. Sure, positive thinking may not seem like it's working, but it eventually will. Meanwhile, negative thinking will always be counterproductive to solving this situation. I hope I helped you a little bit Kyoshiro. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ShySoul Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 I get the need to vent, but I think the problem does lie in the fact that Kyoshiro is dwelling on it so much. At 22 I've never had anything either. Last summer and fall I was really down about it. Do you know where that got me? Alone in bed at night crying. I was thinking about it so much that it made the problem worse. I lost confidence in myself and didn't believe a girl would ever like me. But I picked myself up and vowed to not think about it. That I would find someone when the time was right and that I shouldn't worry about it. Whether it be tomorrow or when I'm 40, it will happpen. What happened? For the first time in my life a girl actually likes me and I was able to get the nerve to tell her I like her. I'm on the verge of something and it happened when I stopped caring about it. The more you dwell on the issue, the more of an obsession and problem it becomes, and the less likely you will be to attract someone because they will be able to pick up on the negativity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Double J Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Kyo, I am a firm believer that life is what we make of it. There's this saying - I don't know where I heard it - but it says that insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. I'm not saying you're insane, of course, but the implication might relate to you, somewhat. Sometimes we have to motivate ourselves to get out of the comfort zone and make certain adjustments. Of course, I've never met you in person, so I have no idea what your techniques and general approach are when dealing with women. I advise you to make certain changes. Maybe you could try frequenting different spots for meeting women, other than just work. Do you make girls laugh? Women are suckers for men who can make them laugh, so maybe you can work on that as well. I'm not saying for you to change your whole personality - that's not what I'm saying at all. But if something in particular doesn't seem to produce any results, maybe you should look to make some minor changes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kyoshiro Ogari Posted March 16, 2005 Author Share Posted March 16, 2005 Thank you all for being sweet. It is very frustrating. It's a terrible feeling that I cannot describe, like suffocating, or watching the NY Knicks. I've tried so many things, but in all fairness with my shyness, I haven't gone full throttle. What upsets me is that a few of my friends are also shy and do not make half the effort I do and they get women. Yet I can make them laugh. And all of my female friends and even my male friends call me a great catch. Maybe like a hot potato. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Caldus Posted March 16, 2005 Share Posted March 16, 2005 Kyo, I have to admit ... you really do have a good sense of humor. I think that is your biggest strength as far as finding a date. Use it to your advantage and stop calling yourself a hot potatoe. We get one shot at life. Might as well have fun with it. You really have nothing to lose Kyoshiro but I know you think otherwise when you approach these women. Just practice keeping that attitude even when you meet a girl. It will take many tries to get used to it but you will eventually realize that girls really are human. They are not sitting there judging you at all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonGirl724 Posted March 17, 2005 Share Posted March 17, 2005 i too believe you may just be going for the wrong type of girl. but needless to say, stop looking. speaking from personal experience, ive always found a BF when i least expected it. -DG724 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shidoshi Posted March 18, 2005 Share Posted March 18, 2005 speaking from personal experience, ive always found a BF when i least expected it. Hmm...wonder how that happened. j/k Yeah man, you just have to put yourself out there. This usually seems to be the case with guys who are really shy. Not taking enough risks to meet people so you end up alone and wishing you made moves when you had the chance. Its really tough I know, you just have look at yourself and realize that no one is going to hand you anything, take some risks man, you only live once. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alabama Posted March 18, 2005 Share Posted March 18, 2005 There are times in our lives where we all reach a breaking point. We give up and don't believe there is anything left. Well your right. It is in life unpredictable if you'll find love, so sometimes you need to face the music, even if that is the hardest thing you'll do in life. You have family and friends right? Be happy, because there are people who don't even have that. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DragonGirl724 Posted March 18, 2005 Share Posted March 18, 2005 Quote: speaking from personal experience, ive always found a BF when i least expected it. Hmm...wonder how that happened. j/k am i missing something? -DG724 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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