Jawbreh Posted August 20, 2016 Share Posted August 20, 2016 So I'm just wondering if it is rare for a girl to approach. There's one girl in class who's interested in me. We don't speak that often though. All she does is stare at me and sometimes we hold eye contact for a long time lol. For example I sat behind her in the library and she turned around 3 times just to look at me (and no there was no one behind me, there was a wall there). It's the same with other girls. Lots of girls look at me but most of them rarely initiate a conversation. It does happen sometimes though. I'm tall, tanned and muscular. I also always dress properly and have a nice hairstyle. Could it be that I look like a douchebag? Or are guys always supposed to approach girls? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jibralta Posted August 20, 2016 Share Posted August 20, 2016 Lots of girls look at me but most of them rarely initiate a conversation. Do you ever initiate a conversation with any of them? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted August 20, 2016 Share Posted August 20, 2016 Yes...you need to initiate, not be so shy.Could it be that I look like a douchebag? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jawbreh Posted August 20, 2016 Author Share Posted August 20, 2016 Do you ever initiate a conversation with any of them? Honestly, very rarely. I do initiate conversations with girls that I know, sometimes. Random girls that I've never seen before, never. Yes...you need to initiate, not be so shy. I guess I need to change when it comes to that. I probably look completely uninterested to most of the girls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SherrySher Posted August 20, 2016 Share Posted August 20, 2016 If they're looking your way..initiate. They are wanting to know more. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted August 20, 2016 Share Posted August 20, 2016 Sure, just be friendly, smile, make small talk about classes,etc...ask a question etc. Start the convo.I guess I need to change when it comes to that. I probably look completely uninterested to most of the girls. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melancholy123 Posted August 20, 2016 Share Posted August 20, 2016 There's no reason for you to not start a conversation with them! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.man Posted August 20, 2016 Share Posted August 20, 2016 Man or woman, if you want something, you should go for it. Waiting for something/someone to come to you is either diffidence or entitlement, neither of which are attractive qualities. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zaphod Posted August 20, 2016 Share Posted August 20, 2016 I've done a bit of dj'ing in my time. This seems to allow the girls to approach. Not always just because you're "the dj" because I don't really play commercial music, not that scene. I think it's because you're kind of stuck in one spot for a long period of time. I've had numerous girls come up and chat, a considerably large percentage of which I've made some kind of progress with. Don't do it so much anymore, but I did a party last year and sure enough, a girl came up, made a request (which of course I didn't have because I was playing underground house/techno), probably just to get chatting, complimented me on my youthful looks, and I received a message through the friend enquiring whether I was single a few days later. Unfortunately couldn't remember what she looked like but if I bump into her again, who knows. Same probably goes for if you're a bloke working in retail or similar. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 20, 2016 Share Posted August 20, 2016 It's not about "approach" - the best way to have people talk to each other is an environment where the people have things in common and conversations are a natural part of the reason for being there. Then people -regardless of gender -talk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LaffyTaffy Posted August 20, 2016 Share Posted August 20, 2016 I think it is rarer for the girl to approach. However if she really liked you Im sure she would muster the courage. Is there one of these girls that you might return their interest? Ask a question about class or the library, then say hey by the way Im so and so.. How is the studying going? Or if she stares long enough again, smile and wave. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jawbreh Posted August 20, 2016 Author Share Posted August 20, 2016 Thanks everyone for the respones. I appreciate it. I think it is rarer for the girl to approach. However if she really liked you Im sure she would muster the courage. You think so? She has shown pretty much every sign that she likes me, however I have not showed much interest except looking at her sometimes. I'm introverted, and I really don't feel the need to speak with people all the time. But I'll do my best to become more social from now on and start conversations with people. That shouldn't be a problem since I'm pretty confident and not shy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted August 20, 2016 Share Posted August 20, 2016 Man or woman, if you want something, you should go for it. Waiting for something/someone to come to you is either diffidence or entitlement, neither of which are attractive qualities. I personally don't think that we should shape our personalities in order to make them more attractive to others. If a man is shy or passive (which doesn't seem to be the case here), I think that it's wrong to try to pressure him into being more traditionally masculine or aggressive. And if a woman isn't particularly feminine, and people are telling her that she needs to change in order to attract guys, I think that's wrong, as well. We should be who we are, not who others want us to be. Maybe I'm just diffident and entitled, though... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ParisPaulette Posted August 20, 2016 Share Posted August 20, 2016 When they look at you and you look at them and you keep looking at each other, smile and ask her a question. Could be about anything, or comment on something in the room - "Do you get what our teacher is talking about here?" "Did you see the game last Saturday?" Anything. I once had a guy simply say, "I can't think of a question to ask you right now, but my mind is teeming with them. Does that sound dorky?" I laughed and told him very and the ice was broken. These girls are waiting and keep in mind people, not women or men, hate rejection. People will stand around not making a first move just because none of us want to get rejected and you're going to have to push past that. If you're shy, a smile and brief wave will do the trick though. They'll happily initiate after that point if they're really interested. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zaphod Posted August 20, 2016 Share Posted August 20, 2016 Try not to fart or dribble, and you'll be ok! I find this works for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gp11a Posted August 21, 2016 Share Posted August 21, 2016 I once had a guy simply say, "I can't think of a question to ask you right now, but my mind is teeming with them. Does that sound dorky?" I laughed and told him very and the ice was broken. Good story and it's true... If there is remotely any interest there, you could probably say anything, and then go from there, haha. I've made friends or began talking to people out of the blue that I would pass by and see all the time, and suddenly I'd just introduce myself and blurt out something probably not thought-out, but it started a conversation and you see their response. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sportster2005 Posted August 22, 2016 Share Posted August 22, 2016 So I'm just wondering if it is rare for a girl to approach. There's one girl in class who's interested in me. We don't speak that often though. All she does is stare at me and sometimes we hold eye contact for a long time lol. For example I sat behind her in the library and she turned around 3 times just to look at me (and no there was no one behind me, there was a wall there). It's the same with other girls. Lots of girls look at me but most of them rarely initiate a conversation. It does happen sometimes though. I'm tall, tanned and muscular. I also always dress properly and have a nice hairstyle. Could it be that I look like a douchebag? Or are guys always supposed to approach girls? The social norm is for the man to make the approach. Most often women will signal subtly they want to be approached. It's up to the man to do the actual approach. Roles are changing, but I don't see this one changing anytime soon, if ever. It's worked for thousands of years, likely here to stay. I don't think it's tradition. It's deeper than that. More fundamental to our nature. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sportster2005 Posted August 22, 2016 Share Posted August 22, 2016 I personally don't think that we should shape our personalities in order to make them more attractive to others. Why not? We should be who we are, not who others want us to be. Maybe I'm just diffident and entitled, though... That's not the same as improving and changing yourself to get what you want. If people aren't successful the only way to get successful is to change. And to attract women that means being more masculine. The reason 99% of women say they like confidence is because it's a masculine trait. People shouldn't change if they don't want to. If they want a better dating life, then they have to change. Or simply improve and grow for the sake of growing. That in itself will make a person more attractive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted August 22, 2016 Share Posted August 22, 2016 Why not? Because life isn't a popularity contest, for one thing. That's not the same as improving and changing yourself to get what you want. And if one doesn't think it's an improvement, and doesn't want to change? If people aren't successful the only way to get successful is to change. And to attract women that means being more masculine. The reason 99% of women say they like confidence is because it's a masculine trait. I care more about being myself than about being successful. And, come on, let's leave gender crap like "masculine" out of this. Being "feminine" used to mean being submissive and staying at home. Women changed what it meant to be feminine, but they still manage to attract men. Why can't men do that, as well? People shouldn't change if they don't want to. If they want a better dating life, then they have to change. Or simply improve and grow for the sake of growing. That in itself will make a person more attractive. Having success at relationships doesn't mean that you're a good person. You can grow and improve and still get ignored, or you can stay the same (or even get worse), luck into a good situation, and end up with all sorts of relationship prospects. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
journeynow Posted August 22, 2016 Share Posted August 22, 2016 I personally don't think that we should shape our personalities in order to make them more attractive to others. If a man is shy or passive (which doesn't seem to be the case here), I think that it's wrong to try to pressure him into being more traditionally masculine or aggressive. And if a woman isn't particularly feminine, and people are telling her that she needs to change in order to attract guys, I think that's wrong, as well. We should be who we are, not who others want us to be. Maybe I'm just diffident and entitled, though... Right, people don't need to feel they "should" shape their personalities to be more attractive. Being who they are is fine. That doesn't mean it isn't worth building skills or making changes IF they want different results. Guys don't always have to be the ones to approach. I'm fine with it going both ways. I'm one for equality. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
itsallgrand Posted August 22, 2016 Share Posted August 22, 2016 I think it's great you have confidence. As a more introverted person myself, learning how and being able to hold conversations and/ or initiate getting to know people is a great skill to develop in my opinion. For either gender. This way you have more control over your options and who you want to spend time with! Anyone - boy or girl, man or woman- who limits themselves to waiting to be engaged or only focusing on pursuing- is at a loss, IMO. A woman I do think can sit back and have more engagement without putting herself out there much. This is my observations, my experiences. BUT - i don't think that's a matter of anything deep rooted in our natures, I really believe it's mostly conditioning and the human tendency towards laziness. Course of least resistance and least effort or risk of rejection. Kinda lame, if you think about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jawbreh Posted August 22, 2016 Author Share Posted August 22, 2016 I've read all your responses and I appreciate the great response I've gotten. Anyway, few days ago, I was sitting in class and had two girls sitting behind me. One of the girls got up from her place and started walking towards the exit, but when she was about to pass by me, she bumped into my back with her butt. I have no idea how she managed to do that, it must've looked funny for those who saw it. Funny thing is, there was enough space for her to walk past me. Because seconds later her other friend walked past me without even being close to touching me. This same girl has been doing similar things to me for quite a while. Touching my arm "accidentally", touching my leg, bumping into me etc. Will she keep doing this or can I expect her to get tired of it soon? Or perhaps she'll start talking? I know I'm the one who's supposed to chat her up but she's acting really weird in my opinion. Especially when she bumps into me. I almost fell down on the floor once when she did so. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted August 22, 2016 Share Posted August 22, 2016 I would not bother to talk to a person who chose to "flirt" or interact in that way. (Having said that, my husband first asked me out because he said that we were at a work event and I touched his arm while we were talking -I did not remember doing that!). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jawbreh Posted August 22, 2016 Author Share Posted August 22, 2016 I would not bother to talk to a person who chose to "flirt" or interact in that way. That's my thought too. She seems to have a nice personality though and isn't one of those girls who would do it for the attention. Yet she's flirting like that. Seems odd to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
journeynow Posted August 22, 2016 Share Posted August 22, 2016 That is weird. Did she apologize for bumping into you? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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