Kanvius Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 I'm in a long distance relationship and i hate it, i love him, but hate being so far away. He works all day and only have time to talk to me/skype with me at night. But tonight he went out to a party, even though i said i didn't want him to. He left, he called me and said "i'm at a party, i want to live my life, and if you can't handle me doing what i want then we're over. I'm hanging up and shuting of my phone, I'm probably home around 2 but I can't promise anything. I love you". Then he hang up on me even tho i cried as , and when I tried to call back he didn't answer because he acutaly shut it off. I don't want to be controlling, but i want him to talk to me before doing things like that, and i want to be able to talk to him, but he shut his phone off. He can't even promise me when he'll be home. I love him but i hate this, i need him to take my feelings into decisons as well.. Am i overeacting or do you agree with me being sad? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 Have you ever met? How often do you see each other in person? It sounds like LDRs are hard for both of you and he doesn't want to be tethered to devices.I'm in a long distance relationship and i hate it. "i'm at a party, i want to live my life, and if you can't handle me doing what i want then we're over. I'm hanging up and shuting of my phone", Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.man Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 I would have done the exact same thing in his shoes. It's not something that even merits a discussion. He doesn't need permission to go to a party and he doesn't need to commit to a curfew. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather Dawn Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 The thing is, while I totally get your concerns, you can't force him not to live his life. Maybe being in an LDR isn't for you - and that's OK. They're extremely difficult to impossible and they add so many additional layers of obstacles on top of relationships that it's no wonder most end up failing. But you have a decision to make - either accept that he has his own life where he lives, or break up with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cheetarah Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 Why do you want him to run things by you? It is true he needs to live his life, and so do you. Yes, it is controlling to expect him to do that and you will lose him if you continue on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 You are controlling. he does not have to check in with you. I suggest a local relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 Yes, you are being incredibly controlling, completely out of line, and the crying thing puts you straight into cray cray territory. He is right to go out and live his life and he is definitely right to tell you straight up that if you don't knock it off with the cray cray behavior he is done with you. Frankly, you owe him an apology next time you two talk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 You are controlling. he does not have to check in with you. I suggest a local relationship. I wouldn't tolerate that nonsense! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kanvius Posted August 9, 2016 Author Share Posted August 9, 2016 I'm don't like long distance but we lived together before, he's gona for a year because of work but will be back in about 3 months. I just wished he could've tried to make me feel better instead og hanging up.. I want him to go out and have fun and so do I, but I'm feeling really depressed today and want him to be there for me.. If he just had said "i love you, we'll talk when I'm home" it would all be fine. But he was like "i can't promice when I'm home and when I get home I'm going to bed." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 See what happens maybe he'll be more open to taking when he's not rushing out to a party.I'm don't like long distance but we lived together before, he's gona for a year because of work but will be back in about 3 months. If he just had said "i love you, we'll talk when I'm home" it would all be fine. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 Why can't he have a life? Is he supposed to sit every night at home and just sit there? While my husband was away for work he has gone to movies, races, pubs and even visited Malta for New Years . People have to live a life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 I'm don't like long distance but we lived together before, he's gona for a year because of work but will be back in about 3 months. I just wished he could've tried to make me feel better instead og hanging up.. I want him to go out and have fun and so do I, but I'm feeling really depressed today and want him to be there for me.. If he just had said "i love you, we'll talk when I'm home" it would all be fine. But he was like "i can't promice when I'm home and when I get home I'm going to bed." But tonight he went out to a party, even though i said i didn't want him to. But he said that after you already told him you didn't want him to go. You can't expect the perfect response to suite your need from someone who was told what they could or could not do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kanvius Posted August 9, 2016 Author Share Posted August 9, 2016 Thank you all for being honest with me. I realice I overreacted. I just called his friend (who's at the party) to talk to my bf. I told him i realised i overreacted and that I'm sorry. I also told him to live his life and have fun, and that we can talk together tomorrow instead. He said thank you for calling and apolagising and we're both feeling better. Thank you for your help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 Don't involve his friends. Bad move. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kanvius Posted August 9, 2016 Author Share Posted August 9, 2016 I talked with him, not his best friend, it was just to reach him Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.man Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 Now I'd dump you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 Keep the dirty laundry between the both of you. You don't need to "reach him". You can talk tomorrow. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kanvius Posted August 9, 2016 Author Share Posted August 9, 2016 Ok i'm sorry.. I was asking for help and you are all really mean.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 No , we are not mean. We are telling you involving his friends in your relationship is not a good thing to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 I talked with him, not his best friend, it was just to reach him It could have waited. That was unnecessary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 Ok i'm sorry.. I was asking for help and you are all really mean.. We are giving you valid advice. Maybe, you should expand your own life, then you won't be so dependent on him. It is not attractive to be so needy, and a great way to push your bf away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shellyf62 Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 I would have been p*ssed if you rang my friend to talk to me too. You really need to have your own life & friends away from him. Stop sitting at home telling him what he can & cant do. You are not his mother. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather Dawn Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 Ouch, calling the friend was bad. I know you were just trying to reach your boyfriend who had turned off his phone, but... Why do you even have his friend's number? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 Thank you all for being honest with me. I realice I overreacted. I just called his friend (who's at the party) to talk to my bf. I told him i realised i overreacted and that I'm sorry. I also told him to live his life and have fun, and that we can talk together tomorrow instead. He said thank you for calling and apolagising and we're both feeling better. Thank you for your help. .....ouf.....that was bad and I know you are upset but that's the thing....you've got to learn to control these kinds of impulses somehow. I sincerely hope that your bf was genuine and forgave you and you two are good going forward. However, contacting his friend to reach your bf was really really wrong. You've put him in a position where he was embarrassed in front of his friend and had to explain himself and the situation with you. You never want to put your partner in that situation. It really could have waited until tomorrow. The thing is that it's not his job to make you feel better when you are down. That's your job. He shouldn't have to ruin his evening plans and fun over you, unless it's something critical like your mother just died. Outside of major life things, if you want to have a pity party, that's what your girl friends are for. If you don't have any, time to roll up your sleeves and work on that. It really sounds like you put a lot of emotional pressure on your bf and that's not fair to him and not good for your relationship overall. You've got to work on having a more independent life - friends, hobbies, etc. You have to have people and a support system for yourself outside of your bf and your relationship. Otherwise you will end up suffocating your relationships. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
limichelle Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 I understand you wanted to reach him, I get it, you didn't want things unresolved before bed. I do agree with everybody else however. You never want to get his friend to be the middle man. It's kind of like when somebody gets their family to fight their battles. The issue should be resolved only between you and him. It puts his friend in an awkward position and will most likely make your boyfriend angrier with you. I'm in a long distance relationship and it's hard I know. You just have to trust your partner distance or no distance. Don't set limits to what they can and can't do. You wouldn't like it if the tables were turned and he did this to you. Just think about it some more and when you talk tomorrow apologize for contacting his friend in order to talk to him. Lisa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.