"When are you getting married?"

[Brokenheart99]

So I have to attend an old friends wedding soon. Every single person I grew up with, my parents, my parents' friends, their kids(my childhood friends) will all be there. Now my friend that is getting married was the only girl not married in our clique of family friends. And now she's getting married. Being in my early 30s and unmarried, I'm a walking taboo. I'm so anxious to attend this wedding because I know of allllllll the questions I will get of "when are you getting married? Why aren't you getting married? Are you looking? Are you dating? Do you want me to set you up with someone? What are you looking for? You're the only girl left, your best friend is married now" etc etc. I really don't want to attend but I unfortunately have to. How do you deal with this and what polite answers can you give without being rude?

[limichelle]

You could tell them you enjoy being single and focusing on yourself. That you aren't ready to look for anyone.

 

My situation was opposite I was with somebody for ten years and when we reached our six year anniversary people kept badgering us about getting married. We just politely said "It's not in the cards for us right now."

 

People will back off.

 

It's human nature to compare or wonder why somebody isn't following what they think is the norm.

 

Just say your happy and if they badger you, excuse yourself and walk away. It's really none of their business.

 

Lisa

[Zaphod]

I just answer them honestly, it's a laugh :

 

"When are you getting married" - No time soon.

 

"Why aren't you getting married" - Because I don't want to. Also, I haven't found a woman rich enough yet.

 

"Are you dating?" - No.

 

"Do you want me to set you up with someone" - Depends, let's see a photo of her.

 

"What are you looking for" - All kinds of stuff.

 

etc....

[melancholy123]

Just tell them you haven't found anyone worthy of you! Change the subject, deflect, smile nicely and move on. It's nobody's business but yours.

[JeckyllNHyde]

I recently went thru this. It wasn't as bad as I anticipated the questions and comments coming.

I would just politely answer what you feel, unless you don't want to tell everyone your business. Then have a few (polite or funny) replies ready.

[boltnrun]

I find "I don't know" works well in many situations.

[Brokenheart99]

Ugh yeah I'll try all those, I hate going to these now, I'm gonna be the elephant in the room haha. I think it's because I'm already insecure about it, it makes it worse when prodded about it. I'll never understand why people think this is okay to ask about this stuff. It's not like I go around my childless married friends why they don't have kids and if they aren't able to and if they're trying etc. maybe I should hmm haha

[Zaphod]

If you hang around with the type of people who make you out to be an elephant in the room (I like elephants) for something as downright idiotic, retarded and stupid as the fact that you're not married, of all things, then maybe time to find yourself some new friends?

 

"We're all jumping off the cliff, why aren't you jumping off the cliff too, here, let me give you a push. Why aren't you jumpiong off, I don't understand."

 

Cretins. Haven't got anything better to think about other than who's married and who's not.

 

On the other hand, you could take advantage of the "Do you want me to introduce you to someone" offer - might get a few dates out of it. Although the people they come up with tend to be completely wrong.

 

My Aunt used to hassle me about this. Then at me Sister's wedding, she did you usual and said to me "So when's it your turn then?" and I simply said to her "Find me a suitable bird then" - she seemed to understand after that.

 

Truth is, I'm not completely against marriage. I'd get married if I found a suitable bird (civil marriage). What confounds me is the rush people are in, and then they undoubtedly end up on this forum going on about some loveless marriage they've entered into in a hurry in order to please everyone else.

[Brokenheart99]

I completely agree and these are kinds of people are not my friends nor are they people I mingle with regularly. They are family friends I grew up with and stopped hanging out with when I didn't like this kind of behavior from them. This is the first time I'm seeing them in years, so I know this will be focused on. Why do manners and courtesy go out the window when you are unmarried.

 

And I've tried letting them set me up, but they set me up with anythingggf because I'm supposedly desperate and old and shouldn't have standards. So I just end up losing friends or get judged even more by them when I say no.

[boltnrun]

This is why I pull out the "I don't know" card. People don't know how to react when they ask me "have you met anyone yet?" and I respond "I don't know". It's kind of hilarious.

[Wiseman2]

Perfect opportunity to flirt with all the guys there. Then just say 'I enjoy being single'.

So I have to attend an old friends wedding soon.

[moodindigo91]

Yeah! I resent the notion that because I'm a young, single female that my main goal in life should be to locate a man to marry right away or even to marry at all. Answer them honestly, be comfortable with and flaunt your taboo self!!

[himynameisslim]

it gets worse once you're married and they ask when you're having kids. I just tell them straight up how I feel and hopefully they'll get the hint. just be polite about it.

[journeynow]

"Not today" works as an answer for all those questions.

[James516]

Certainly a wedding is an event that is not a distraction at all, there are zero activities, so everyone will be focused on you instead for the entire time. You can't possibly believe that. Bolt's anwswer of "I don't know" or Wiseman's "I enjoy being single" are perfect since they are quick and leave no room for elaboration on something you don't want to talk about. You can add "and how are you?" to further change the topic.