pettypink Posted August 7, 2016 Share Posted August 7, 2016 Just got it confirmed that my ex is now officially in a relationship with the girl he left me for. Barely two weeks after we broke up. It really stings, and I'm pretty sure now that he was seeing her when he was with me as well. I'm supposed to go to his country in two weeks (I made alternate plans) but I really have no desire in going. I don't know what to do. I can't even hate on the other girl because she seems pretty sweet, but I hate him. I hope they fail. I know that's a terrible thing to say, but it hurts. I'm going to try distracting myself with sports and working out, which has been working so far. I also have amazing support from my friends and family. But ugh Anybody else been in a similar situation? And how did it pan out? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 How did you find out? My ex told me he didn't want a girlfriend. Of course, I knew he was dumping me for someone else, and I knew who she was. Fortunately I had a heads up (he's not very good at covering his tracks), so it wasn't a complete surprise. I just went on with my life because I knew I was better than someone who would do something like that. They're still somewhat together 7 years later, but he still tries to contact me every time they fight (which is apparently pretty often). So, I deleted and blocked him. Problem solved. Just know that a guy who would cheat on you is not someone you should be hurting over. He's the one with the bad character, not you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gloworm Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 Boltnrun, "The cause of the pain is NEVER the cure for the pain." What about water? Water causes pain but it can also be a cure to pain? Like you can drown a plant but it can also bring a plant to life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 How did you find this out? Cut that off so you don't keep following his life. Live for and focus on yours. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pettypink Posted August 8, 2016 Author Share Posted August 8, 2016 "The cause of the pain is NEVER the cure for the pain." What about water? Water causes pain but it can also be a cure to pain? Like you can drown a plant but it can also bring a plant to life. Sorry I dont understand? And Bolt, I found out because a mutual friend reacted to the status on his facebook (I have him unfriended) and it showed up on my facebook ticker. I just can't believe it. How could they? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gloworm Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 Oh sorry that was meant for boltNrun. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 Sorry I dont understand? And Bolt, I found out because a mutual friend reacted to the status on his facebook (I have him unfriended) and it showed up on my facebook ticker. I just can't believe it. How could they? Ugh, I'm so sorry. That really sucks to find out this information. I think instead of unfriending him, try blocking him, so that if your mutual friends "like" his profile or status, it won't show up in your feed. I'm sorry, it's not a fun situation. Try to stay busy, spend time with friends, do things, go to the gym, watch movies, just get your mind off of him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pettypink Posted August 8, 2016 Author Share Posted August 8, 2016 I know, I just can't believe someone could do this to someone they used to "love"? Or to anyone really...I know it's not intentional but still. Blocking might be a better idea Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
annie24 Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 I know, I just can't believe someone could do this to someone they used to "love"? Or to anyone really...I know it's not intentional but still. Blocking might be a better idea Some people are like monkeys swinging from a tree - they don't let go of one branch until they are holding onto the next. Blah. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BeeCee Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 Chances are, it won't last. They usually don't with this sort of inauspicious start. But the more important point is that you really shouldn't waste your emotional energy pondering or tracking their relationship. It will eat you up and keep you from moving forward. This is not a man you would want back even if he realised his "mistake" sometime down the track. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 My ex so far has "lasted", if you consider 7 years a long time. He and I were only together 4 years. BUT, be glad he's not your problem anymore. You don't have a cheater as a boyfriend anymore, yay! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pettypink Posted August 8, 2016 Author Share Posted August 8, 2016 Ugh its just such a terrible feeling. I feel slightly lost and can't believe someone could do this Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 Focus on the good things in life now and how lousy the relationship was. Make the best of your trip and enjoy.I made alternate plans. but I hate him. I hope they fail.Is this the dude? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pettypink Posted August 8, 2016 Author Share Posted August 8, 2016 Yup, that's him. Sometimes I'm ok, but I feel like there's a cloud hanging over everything I do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gypsybird87 Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 My husband of 8 years cheated for 9 months. When I found out and confronted him, he immediately left me for her. As far as I know, they are still together 3+ years later... but I don't know for sure because I've eliminated every scrap of him from my life, and every way that I would possibly hear anything about him. That meant putting up some walls between me and some people I still cared about (his family), but it was essential for my healing. Block. Everywhere. If people you are still friended to post crap about him, unfriend them or at the very least unfollow them so their stuff won't show up on your feed. Know that someone who can overlap relationships like this is NOT someone who is capable of the kind of love you want, need, and deserve. Be glad you discovered this about him before you took marriage vows and wasted years on him. Don't envy her or what they have together. It's a dysfunctional mess built on a foundation of lies and mistrust. If he cheated *with* her, eventually he will probably cheat *on* her. I always feel sorry for the other woman. I didn't know my exh was a lying, cheating coward. She did, and she wanted him anyway. I find it sad that her self esteem is so low that she would feel a man like that is the best she can do. I know it hurts when they get with someone else so quickly, and we... the faithful, loving, true partner... are still alone. It's hard to understand. As more time goes by, you'll care less and less what he's doing. For now, take care of yourself and focus on protecting yourself from any more hurtful information. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LightWave93 Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 Block and delete. Forget about him. Move on. Easier said than done, but it's for the best. Good luck! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misseurasia16 Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 Hi there I went through similar with my ex and I cannot stress how important it is to cut all ties and associations with this person and what I mean by all ties and associations is EVERYTHING even people that knew/know him, his relatives, social media connections because if I did this properly i would've healed much quicker! I had a horrible on and off relationship with my ex and at one stage I decided to cut all ties when he tried to get back with me and block his number, Facebook, Instagram, everything BUT that wasn't enough! Because 6 months later he got through to me through a friend we both knew at college and she begged and talked me out of unblocking him. That resulted in him gaining another chance to mess me around and muck with my feelings and use me, this resulted in him putting zero effort in making the relationship work and he ended up ignoring all of my messages, what was worse is that he would do this after we got intimate so I ended it, even when I did, he didn't have the heart to respond. A few months later I found pictures of him with someone else on Facebook and also found out they started going out the same time me and my ex got back together. They have been together for a year and a half and I found this out through that same friend so I decided to block her and cut her off too and I blocked other associations such as my exs mother and his new girlfriend and relatives on Facebook, if I didnt know what he was up to or had this friend help us get back together I would've moved on two years ago! But instead I got hurt even more, the whole thing made me suicidal but think of it in reverse - imagine you are dating a new guy and starting a new relationship, would you be content with being with this guy knowing that he hurt and disrespected women in the past and had unfinished business with his ex? I would actually dump anyone who had this past because I have enough self respect not to let myself go through this again. The joke is that same friend who got my and my ex together went through a breakup and is still spying on her ex two years on and he is happy with his new girlfriend who is a lawyer while she is unhappy and bitter and cant even get a job (do NOT be like the friend I had, do you and work on your successes and be the better person!) I also knew a guy at college who left his girlfriend for someone else, they were together for two years and he treated the new girl like crap! Plus he added me on Facebook telling me him and this new girl ended and he was literally begging me for attention and was trying to get with me, sad. But that's karmas job, not yours, the best thing to do is focus on you as cliche as it sounds. I don't know how old you are but I'd rather be unhappy now than and happy in the future than be happy now and having the risk of being unsettled and the relationship ending. The longevity of your exs relationship is undetermined and it does NOT matter, he is not your problem anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pettypink Posted August 8, 2016 Author Share Posted August 8, 2016 Yeah, I'm 24 now but am having a hard time finding motivation to do anything right now. I'm trying not to focus on them, but my mind keeps wandering there and wondering how happy they are. Like I said, I have been doing things out of habit like working out, going to work, etc. But on weekends, I've been a shut in. The weird thing is, I was fine with the original break up (before he asked for me back). I was doing ok moving on. It's that he came back and then actually left me for another girl and is with her now/in love that's really impacting my healing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wiseman2 Posted August 8, 2016 Share Posted August 8, 2016 It always stings a bit. Maybe you are ready to start dating yourself? I have been doing things out of habit like working out, going to work, etc. But on weekends, I've been a shut in. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misseurasia16 Posted August 9, 2016 Share Posted August 9, 2016 Yeah, I'm 24 now but am having a hard time finding motivation to do anything right now. I'm trying not to focus on them, but my mind keeps wandering there and wondering how happy they are. Like I said, I have been doing things out of habit like working out, going to work, etc. But on weekends, I've been a shut in. The weird thing is, I was fine with the original break up (before he asked for me back). I was doing ok moving on. It's that he came back and then actually left me for another girl and is with her now/in love that's really impacting my healing. WOW this is what I'm going through, I am 22 by the way. My ex done the same thing, if he didn't come back and go off with someone else I would've been fine, I would much rather go through a "normal" break up than that. Men like this don't end up happy in the long run, like I said and it really isn't any of your concern, if you keep worrying and wondering it'll hold you back. I don't go out much neither as most people my age go clubbing and take all sorts of drugs and to be honest I want to get married one day not waste my time on more negative people. Let me warn you that online dating doesn't work (well for me anyway) you'll get guys who mainly just want sex and most of them have just come out of relationships and are looking for rebounds, it made me feel worse. But realistically you will find someone else, but you are not in the time or place to right now and count yourself lucky this happened at this age not in 10 years time when you are supposed to be settled with kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pettypink Posted August 9, 2016 Author Share Posted August 9, 2016 I know, I'm just trying to focus on me. I hate casual dating anyway. Umm, I've been reading a lot of stories of this sort of thing happening to people and it usually not working out, and I Know I really shouldn't focus on that aspect but currently it gives me some peace. Maybe in time, I'll be able to move on from it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nebraskagirl14 Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 Pettypink- I can tell you that that always makes me feel better too - focusing on how it doesn't usually work out. In my experience, it doesn't. I am thinking of that too with my ex, only she tends to stay in relationships regardless of whether or not she is happy. So, she will probably stay and then leave emotionally. Well, she already has left emotionally to reconnect with me and they have only just started dating. Let me tell you the Law of Attraction version of the story... In LOA, if you don't change your vibration and you move from one thing to the next, you attract more of what you had before. So, if he was unhappy in your relationship and focusing on the things he didn't like, and then he moved on to someone new right away, he didn't change his vibe enough to attract something that he wants... So, there is no way you can have long term joy in that circumstance... He will just have more of what he doesn't want. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 My ex DID find what he wanted (which wasn't me). She is actually perfect for him. I was the one who was wrong for him. And he's wrong for me. And it was really great realizing this, because it removed all those lame hurt feelings that were bringing me down. He's seven years in with the woman he dumped me for. So his DID work out, but again, that's because they are more suited than he and I were. And that doesn't make me feel bad, but just reinforces that we weren't the right match. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nebraskagirl14 Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 Boltnrun- it's great that you can feel at peace about it. I have only one ex that left our relationship and went right to another and as far as I know, they are still together five years later. They are probably better suited - well, clearly, but are they happy? Who knows. That's kind of important. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted August 10, 2016 Share Posted August 10, 2016 Boltnrun- it's great that you can feel at peace about it. I have only one ex that left our relationship and went right to another and as far as I know, they are still together five years later. They are probably better suited - well, clearly, but are they happy? Who knows. That's kind of important. Why is it important to you whether or not your ex and his girlfriend are happy? I'm just curious. I personally don't care if my ex is happy or not. I don't wish for him to be UNhappy, but his happiness has zero effect on my life. All I know for sure is I am WAY happier without having to deal with him. And that's what's important to me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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