Protoman300 Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 My girlfriend had been ignoring me the past few days because of a stupid response on my end. She told me her father had a stroke and at the time I really didn't know what to say. I responded with and didn't think about how she would respond. She told me I was childish as hell and don't talk to her for the rest of the day. I tried to explain to her and apologize which didn't make anything better. I haven't heard anything from her at all and whenever she gets mad she ignores me. I don't mind giving her space but it bothers me knowing that she's upset at me and I try to make amends and give her space. Although this time I have this gut feeling that it's over and she's not going to talk to me again. I have pretty bad anxiety so it's really bothering me. Any advice? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary Snyder Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 So you responded to her news of her dad's stroke with a sad emoji? That was an appropriate response, I don't see the problem? Perhaps she's just stressed, understandably so. Give her a couple of days to cool down and come out of her cave, she'll come back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Protoman300 Posted July 31, 2016 Author Share Posted July 31, 2016 I didn't see the problem either but she mad me feel like complete crap.. "It's not funny. And the fact that you sent an emoji is immature as hell. Don't talk to me for the rest of the day." Is exactly what she told me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
j.man Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 " is what I might send if my girlfriend complains about a co-worker having an attitude, not if her dad nearly died. That's pretty bad, man. Normally I'm not one to put much state in emojis, but in her shoes I really would start doing some reevaluation. All you can really do is lay low and consider saying-stupid-things limit exceeded for a good while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Protoman300 Posted July 31, 2016 Author Share Posted July 31, 2016 Yeah, I messed up pretty bad.. I didn't intend any harm it was just I had a lot going on myself and we were supposed to have dinner that night. All of our plans this summer have been canceled due to her having family emergencies... I honestly wish we could have talked before it got like it is now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 Good grief.Are you 12 years old??? Unbelievable response to something so serious. You should have picked up the phone to comfort her, and then headed to her home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 So you responded to her news of her dad's stroke with a sad emoji? That was an appropriate response, I don't see the problem? Perhaps she's just stressed, understandably so. Give her a couple of days to cool down and come out of her cave, she'll come back. Are you serious!!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Protoman300 Posted July 31, 2016 Author Share Posted July 31, 2016 Good grief.Are you 12 years old??? Unbelievable response to something so serious. You should have picked up the phone to comfort her, and then headed to her home. I tried to call her but she didn't pick up the phone. She never picks up the phone but I do realize how insensitive my response was. I was caught off guard. All she said was, "my dad had a stroke." And nothing more. Honestly before I could even say anything else she was furious and replied. As much as I wanted to go comfort her I couldn't and that isn't what she would've wanted me to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary Snyder Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 Nonsense. She could have called him, came to his place or asked him to come over. Sometimes you find out how people really are when under stress. If she was a nice girl who loved him she would have appreciated the emoji and would have called her boyfriend........ she should need him more than ever now, but instead, she's pulling away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanzi Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 Her dad has just had a stroke. Besides needing comfort and not getting any, you are probably not on her list of priorities right now. Continue to give her space and allow for the fact that she has other things on her mind at the moment ... not just you. You might have bad anxiety but her dad has had a stroke. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Protoman300 Posted July 31, 2016 Author Share Posted July 31, 2016 I'm just going to leave her alone period. I hate doing this but whatever makes her feel better. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanzi Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 Nonsense. She could have called him, came to his place or asked him to come over. Sometimes you find out how people really are when under stress. If she was a nice girl who loved him she would have appreciated the emoji and would have called her boyfriend........ she should need him more than ever now, but instead, she's pulling away. Jeez, her dad had just had a stroke. She probably had a lot on her mind and was scared as hell. This isn't all about the OP, you know! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 So you were upset because her dad's stroke ruined your dinner plans?? Yeah, that could be interpreted as being insensitive. And selfish. However...she is probably hyper sensitive right now. When my beloved uncle passed away, a coworker I worked closely with (not a boyfriend so not the same thing so...) said "Well, that's the circle of life". And I thought "Really, you stupid a*s??!!" But again, I was very, very emotional. I would give her space to calm down and then explain you are sorry that it seemed you were trivializing her father's serious illness. And then let her come to you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Protoman300 Posted July 31, 2016 Author Share Posted July 31, 2016 So you were upset because her dad's stroke ruined your dinner plans?? Yeah, that could be interpreted as being insensitive. And selfish. However...she is probably hyper sensitive right now. When my beloved uncle passed away, a coworker I worked closely with (not a boyfriend so not the same thing so...) said "Well, that's the circle of life". And I thought "Really, you stupid a*s??!!" But again, I was very, very emotional. I would give her space to calm down and then explain you are sorry that it seemed you were trivializing her father's serious illness. And then let her come to you. I wasn't upset about the dinner just the timing. I was shocked. She's been dealing with family issues all summer and ironically almost a year together and I've never met anyone in her family. Not even her mom. I would love to go with her, see her family and give my wishes but I don't know anyone and it doesn't seem like she wants me to know them. She's told me she has been depressed lately and that her health is deteriorating. I cannot make her do anything she doesn't want to do. I feel so insensitive, but when I'm there actually trying to comfort her she doesn't want it and rather be independent. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary Snyder Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 When my ex girlfriend's grandmother passed........ whom she was very close with........ we went to dinner and then came back to her apartment. At her apartment, she talked about her grandmother and said how unfair it all was....... I listened intently, held her hand, and hugged her. I was there for her. When my current girlfriend's dog got sick and she exhausted her emergency fund with testing and the dog still needed a $2000.00 operation, I gave her a loan and rushed out in the middle of the night to send her money. They did not cut me off because they had high expectations. They just wanted me to be there for them, because they are nice, sane women and actually like me. This guy was there for her but she hung up on him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 I tried to call her but she didn't pick up the phone. She never picks up the phone but I do realize how insensitive my response was. I was caught off guard. All she said was, "my dad had a stroke." And nothing more. Honestly before I could even say anything else she was furious and replied. As much as I wanted to go comfort her I couldn't and that isn't what she would've wanted me to do. I meant, prior to the emoji. You should never use emojis for a serious matter. It comes off as being very insensitive and uncaring. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 Nonsense. She could have called him, came to his place or asked him to come over. Sometimes you find out how people really are when under stress. If she was a nice girl who loved him she would have appreciated the emoji and would have called her boyfriend........ she should need him more than ever now, but instead, she's pulling away. Obviously, you have never lost a loved one, or dealt with a serious health issue. It was not on her, as she is going through a traumatic time. He should never had done that, and immediately called her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 So you were upset because her dad's stroke ruined your dinner plans?? Yeah, that could be interpreted as being insensitive. And selfish. However...she is probably hyper sensitive right now. When my beloved uncle passed away, a coworker I worked closely with (not a boyfriend so not the same thing so...) said "Well, that's the circle of life". And I thought "Really, you stupid a*s??!!" But again, I was very, very emotional. I would give her space to calm down and then explain you are sorry that it seemed you were trivializing her father's serious illness. And then let her come to you. Your coworker is an a$$! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 When my ex girlfriend's grandmother passed........ whom she was very close with........ we went to dinner and then came back to her apartment. At her apartment, she talked about her grandmother and said how unfair it all was....... I listened intently, held her hand, and hugged her. I was there for her. When my current girlfriend's dog got sick and she exhausted her emergency fund with testing and the dog still needed a $2000.00 operation, I gave her a loan and rushed out in the middle of the night to send her money. They did not cut me off because they had high expectations. They just wanted me to be there for them, because they are nice, sane women and actually like me. This guy was there for her but she hung up on him. Do you want a medal for doing what you're supposed to do? When I do things for people, I do not feel the need to announce my good deeds. Takes away from the act. She did not have "high expectations." His response was insensitive and childish. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 OP, I would look at another aspect of your relationship. Why is she keeping you on the periphery of her life? Why haven't you met the family? I think that that is strange. Why are you a secret? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Protoman300 Posted July 31, 2016 Author Share Posted July 31, 2016 OP, I would look at another aspect of your relationship. Why is she keeping you on the periphery of her life? Why haven't you met the family? I think that that is strange. Why are you a secret? I've asked her and she said she likes to keep her business private which I respected. There's so much I can say that would take too long. I understand her being mad at me but I've invited her in the past to my family functions. For example my grandfather can no longer take care of himself. I saw him today and I wanted to text her about it then I realized she has her own issues, and she would ignore it. She never goes out or want to do anything. She said she's depressed and the doctor gave her bad news and refused to tell me what it was. I still respected her decision not to tell me. Anyway she rejects all my invites which really hurts. I don't get mad at her because she has the choice of not going anywhere, but she doesn't even put forth the effort. She dodges questions and gets mad at me so much it has built up to now. She gives me bad news after bad news, never answers the phone and bails on things she wants me to do. I've tried talking to her and it never gets anywhere. I'm not an insensitive person but I'm human too. Not bsing it I was tired of hearing bad news from her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gary Snyder Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 Edit: I know why she said that. You have said she has depression issues, that would explain things. Not everybody is a good catch. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Protoman300 Posted July 31, 2016 Author Share Posted July 31, 2016 Wait........ why did she say "It's not funny"? What did you say to her? This is literally the conversation since I can't post pictures. Her: My dad had a stroke. Me: Her not funny. And the fact that you sent an emoji is immature as hell. Don't talk to me for the rest of the day. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 I've asked her and she said she likes to keep her business private which I respected. There's so much I can say that would take too long. I understand her being mad at me but I've invited her in the past to my family functions. For example my grandfather can no longer take care of himself. I saw him today and I wanted to text her about it then I realized she has her own issues, and she would ignore it. She never goes out or want to do anything. She said she's depressed and the doctor gave her bad news and refused to tell me what it was. I still respected her decision not to tell me. Anyway she rejects all my invites which really hurts but I don't get mad at her because she has the choice of no meeting my family but she doesn't even put forth the effort. She dodges questions and gets mad at me so much it has built up to now. She gives me bad news after bad news, never answers the phone and bails on things she wants me to do. I've tried talking to her and it never gets anywhere. I'm not an insensitive person but I'm human too. Not bsing it I was tired of hearing not good news from her. Adding the icing to the cake, idk why we are even dating because it feels like she doesn't actually want me here. You should be incorporated into her friend circle and family; otherwise, you are a secret - has no intention of having a future with you. It isn't "business." After a year, this does not look good. Please expect more from your partner when it comes to these things. It doesn't sound like there is any relationship, here. I think you should move on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanzi Posted July 31, 2016 Share Posted July 31, 2016 Well I think most of us are agreed that the emoji was insensitive. However, it seems you have a girlfriend who is rather high maintenance. Regardless, she is still dealing with something that is going to be upmost on her mind right now so there isn't anything you can do other than to give her space and wait for her to come to you. Try not to make this about all the other stuff right now. When she reaches out to you again, and I'm sure she will, you will then have to think about dealing with all the other stuff. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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