QML Posted June 23, 2016 Author Share Posted June 23, 2016 I totally hear your point Wiseman2...which I have actually done on many occasions and I'm sure she has as well...but at what point do I feel like I'm a push over or I'm just taken for granted? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather Dawn Posted June 23, 2016 Share Posted June 23, 2016 I actually would NOT trust her after that. She was working up to cheating but got caught before she could follow-through, Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QML Posted June 23, 2016 Author Share Posted June 23, 2016 Sigh...really wish I didn't read that cause I had hope... Guess it really changes things when I give the full story.. I'll likely still go and talk to her tonight and see what happens... Thanks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather Dawn Posted June 23, 2016 Share Posted June 23, 2016 Sorry, but I'm just being honest. It's a separate issue from your differing communication styles, but it's currently the bigger one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather Dawn Posted June 23, 2016 Share Posted June 23, 2016 And, FWIW, if you want accurate advice, always start with the full story. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abitbroken Posted June 24, 2016 Share Posted June 24, 2016 Here's the thing. 1) She communicated with a guy. She didn't completely shut him down because she was nervous if she did, he'd spread rumors at work. It happened - you can't erase it. 2) You decided to accept this/continue the relationship with her. (were you exclusive when this happened? don't know). at any rate - you continued on with the relationship knowing this. 3) Periodically, you want her to "reassure you". about what happened in the past. What exactly does "reassuring you look like?" what is she supposed to do to do that? sounds vague. You have to be specific about what that means. 4) When you are upset about it from time to time, you don't immediately tell her what's wrong, but you either are unusually quiet, moody or something of the other that makes her think something's wrong, so she pesters you about what's wrong. My first boyfriend was like that - I'd have to pester him to get it out of him. In fact, he was a drama king about lots of things. I normally don't ask someone what's wrong when they are quiet - but the dramatic heavy sighs, etc, - he was a bit much! Basically this is the crux of it: if you accepted the situation and continued the relationship with her - you can't go back and drag her through the mud about it. The matter was settled - you decided that you would continue the relationship with her and forgive her or just forget about it. Honestly, if I were her, I would kind of be annoyed or would be tired of the drama. If you all the sudden are upset and need "reassurance" about it four months later, 2 years later randomly and periodically, even though I was exclusive and trustworthy since, I would feel I could never win. In fact, constantly asking for reassurance can be used as manipulation to control the other person's day to day actions. You either break up with her - or decide that you put the past behind by continuing to date her (and to be fair - were you exclusive at that time? Or did she have a fling before she met you - but didn't shut down his communications after because of the reasons I said above). You are going to have to trust her - or break up. Because acting distant and moody and getting her riled up that something is wrong and then the thing that is wrong is from the past - unfair. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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