I wanna talk about me

[JamesT2]

Some of you will get the Toby Keith's song reference as the title of this journal. It wasn't randomly picked though. I rarely talk about myself, I'm more a 'thinker' than a 'talker', even online. It's even worse offline. Unless there's a context (party, birthday, wedding) and I'm a bit tipsy (which I'm rarely anymore as I didn't like who I was when drunk in my younger days, live and learn).

 

I'm in my 30s, single and childless. I've been single for a bit now, not unhappily but you know. Singles tend to look for a partner, especially after a while. I've been in a few relationships before. One LTR (can I call it that? Almost two years, personal record, yes that probably count as one for other people, a matter of perspective anyway) however we didn't live together. We had our own places and visited each other during the weekends and sometimes in the middle of the week, plus the holidays so yes we were pretty close. I assume in love too, even though the breakup and having been NC for a number of years now, it's just a memory. I'm pretty much indifferent now and it seems neither of us want to hear from each other. I moved on.

 

Other than that, a couple relationships or attempt at relationships anyway. Some weeks to a couple months, some of these stories might have just been 'undeclared' FWBs though.

 

Speaking of FWBs, had some. Even a few hookups. Does it matter anymore? Not really. At the moment I'm more looking for something long term. Not saying I'd give up completely on casual sex because that'd be lying. But not looking for that now.

 

That was the past tense. Present: Checking the OLD scene, not a lot. I log on to a dating site or two I'm on every other evening for an hour. I've been doing that for over a decade with more or less success. I can't say it doesn't work, but it doesn't as much as it should I guess. I don't take it too seriously or the rejections personal. I've been on 30 or 40 dates, I honestly can't remember exactly.

 

I have some friends, some are happily married with children, and obviously I don't get to see them much, and a couple other friends singles and childless, with whom I can spend more time. Just not as much as a student or young man, but I'm pointing out that despite living on my own I'm actually not that lonely. I've become acclimated to solitude (being also an only child) yet I still enjoy company from time to time.

 

That was a bit of my story, will update this thread when something subtential happens, probably more on the dating/relationship research because other than that, I don't have much to add to what I wrote already here. So yes another online/offline dating journal.

 

Present and future (?) now: there seems to be a young lady interested. I've been talking to her for over a week and suggested a date last weekend but she was absent. No big deal, weather was crappy anyway. She wants to take things slow, and I'm not in a hurry either. We will see.

[Blue Spiral]

Congrats on starting your own journal.

 

I'm an only child, as well, and I'm also acclimated to solitude. I wonder if only children tend to be more comfortable with that.

 

My one (extremely important) question: is the young lady hot?

[JamesT2]

Congrats on starting your own journal.

 

I'm an only child, as well, and I'm also acclimated to solitude. I wonder if only children tend to be more comfortable with that.

 

My one (extremely important) question: is the young lady hot?

 

Thanks. I'm certain that only child are more acclimated to solitude, we have the reputation of being self centered too. And spoiled (which I wasn't at all, parents are lower middle-class)..

 

She's in her early 20s. Yes she's cute, not hot. Which is a term I'd keep for extremely attractive women. Curiously, of course I'm attracted to these gorgeous ladies, but from experience it's much much harder to keep them in the long run. There's always a bigger fish around.

 

I'm also having a good day and agree with your own journal update, going out.. many 'eyecandy' some of whom smile to me, or say hello (I live rural and people greets each other more here)

 

She hasn't logged on in a few days, she's obviously busy, I'll wait. Impatience is not a good trait. I hope to meet her over the next weekend if the weather allows it, I like 'walks in the forest/countryside' dates more than bars personally. And so she does.

[Blue Spiral]

My parents were/are barely middle-class, as well, so I can relate.

 

Like you, I also differentiate between "cute" and "hot" women.

 

Good luck!

[WithLove]

Hi James, congrats on starting your journal.

 

I'm also an only child, single, and living alone. I used to yearn for solitude, to be sure, but lately I've discovered that that isn't what I want anymore. Weird, right?

 

So this young woman - did you ask her out and she didn't show up, or did she not see the message yet?

[JamesT2]

So this young woman - did you ask her out and she didn't show up, or did she not see the message yet?

 

Hello, no I asked her out last week for a date but she answered that she was absent this past weekend. She got the message, sorry that wasn't exactly clear in the OP.

 

The site I am using has some interesting features, last time someone's has logged on, when they registered etc. She sent me another pic through mail so I have no doubt she's for real. I will suggest to exchange numbers next time she's online if she agrees to as she doesn't have much time for the Internet and this dating site. Makes things easier.

[Cheetarah]

Congrats on starting your own journal.

 

I'm an only child, as well, and I'm also acclimated to solitude. I wonder if only children tend to be more comfortable with that.

 

I am and also prefer it at this point in my life. I don't know if that's just what is on my plate, or because I've always secretly been a hermit that wants to live in the woods and it's only coming to light now.

 

I am divorced with child, in my early 30s. I'm still sort of waiting to figure out if I am ever going to feel the desire to pair off more than a fleeting moment of, "Hey, maybe this would be cool to do with someone else..No, forget it. I don't like answering to anyone, too much work."

[Blue Spiral]

No, forget it. I don't like answering to anyone, too much work."

 

My soulmate!

[WithLove]

I do wonder sometimes if I'll be able to live with someone again. I've been living on my own for over 2 years now and would do literally anything to keep that independence. I think about all the nice things about living with someone - cooking dinner together, the simple yet weirdly pleasing chore of grocery shopping together, etc - and I remember that I used to like doing those things. I even liked laundry. But now, I love not having to answer to anyone. I love not having to share space. I love being able to do what I want, when I want. And I don't know if I'll be able to give that up.

[JamesT2]

I do wonder sometimes if I'll be able to live with someone again. I've been living on my own for over 2 years now and would do literally anything to keep that independence. I think about all the nice things about living with someone - cooking dinner together, the simple yet weirdly pleasing chore of grocery shopping together, etc - and I remember that I used to like doing those things. I even liked laundry. But now, I love not having to answer to anyone. I love not having to share space. I love being able to do what I want, when I want. And I don't know if I'll be able to give that up.

 

I actually haven't figured that out either, and I should add to this journal that I've never lived with a woman before, which might be sort of a red flag to potential dates. I have experience on relationships and girlfriends, not so much on the living together part.

 

I am and also prefer it at this point in my life. I don't know if that's just what is on my plate, or because I've always secretly been a hermit that wants to live in the woods and it's only coming to light now.

 

I am divorced with child, in my early 30s. I'm still sort of waiting to figure out if I am ever going to feel the desire to pair off more than a fleeting moment of, "Hey, maybe this would be cool to do with someone else..No, forget it. I don't like answering to anyone, too much work."

 

It's true, while I do enjoy some company either relatives or friends, it feels good to be back home and enjoy doing whatever I feel like for an evening. I'm obviously lacking and missing some intimacy. Also with age has come the time when I tend to have conversations with myself, and I never used to do that. Not to mention the couple grey hairs popping out.

 

As for that young lady, not online today either, I'd rather not stalk her but I check her out every now and then on this site.

[JamesT2]

So, say lady hasn't been online for over a week. No idea if she will ever be back, but I'm losing interest in the process. Not giving up, but some people register on these sites for a bit only to either forget about it or be annoyed by the whole thing. No need to speculate too much. I have her email and might write to her this weekend. If I get no reply it will be time to move on.

 

On a different note, I've heard from a former ''girlfriend'' (a bit of a platonic and friendly relationship) from 7/8 years ago who then become a friend because there were really no dramas or a difficult break up. Thinking about it, I don't really remember a formal breakup as a conversation in person. We were headed in different directions and that's about it. Last time I did hear or seen her was 2 years ago and I'm surprised she kept my number for so long without talking to me. It's a good surprise tbh. We talked on the phone and texted quite a bit today. She's really responsive and seems to be doing pretty fine. We joked quite a bit too. Ehh. She's single at the moment and asked if I was also. I think ENA and it's membership have a fairly good experience with ''getting back together'' so to advice people. We're not at it quite yet. She might just be friendly, but she was really engaging throughout the conversation.

[WithLove]

How long were you together before? Would you be opposed to the idea of asking her on a date?

 

She likely only contacted you for that reason. She's fishing to see if any interest is still there.

[JamesT2]

How long were you together before? Would you be opposed to the idea of asking her on a date?

 

She likely only contacted you for that reason. She's fishing to see if any interest is still there.

 

About 6 months which make it my second longest relationship. I should ask her out and see what kind of date she appreciate. As I said, going for a walk, the theater why not a restaurant can be fine to me. And I'm not greedy.

 

It's possible she's testing the water, it's almost sure even. Tomorrow is Sunday and why not suggest to see each other. I hope I don't shoot myself in the foot, but I usually tread carefully.

[JamesT2]

So, about my ex girlfriend I suggested after she sort of pushed it a date (she initiate every evenings now, and I reply whenever I can but she always get a reply from me and I'm in a good mood these days so the conversations always go well. As I wrote in a post above by the way.) Have to say that I was entirely fine with going for the date, I'm interested too.

 

We went for a drink, two actually for her, I was trying to take it easy as I both picked her up and brought her back so a DUI was best avoided that night. She doesn't live too far, less than 10 miles so barely ten minutes a drive. The date went for about two hours including driving. We had quite a lot to talk about despite knowing each other for many years. Many basic and simple questions about our lives then and more importantly now. So I eventually drove her back to her place and it was late so we agreed to cheek kiss good bye and good night. First date with her since 2009. Nothing awkward, no nervousity.

 

I'm thinking at the moment that she and I are wondering if we can get back together. She sent some friendly texts after she got home and before falling asleep telling me how great it was to see each other again. Uh. Maybe she's waiting for me to make the move now, she isn't shy but the ball might be in my court now.

[Blue Spiral]

Are you interested in getting back together with her?

[JamesT2]

Are you interested in getting back together with her?

 

Valid question. There are pros and cons for me to get back with her.

 

-We know each other fairly well and appreciate each other.

-Said before but she's close, geographically speaking.

-She is only a few years older. Age doesn't always matter, but I like someone approximately within my generation.

-Physically, she hasn't changed much and not for the worst.

 

The cons

 

-She can be unstable, emotionally speaking. But I can handle that to a degree.

-It would be the first time in my life getting back with an ex - especially after 7 years. Hence no experience about this.

 

That's the only cons I can think of now, but there are probably others. Yes she doesn't drive, no driving license. But I'm not cheap on gas, as much as I can.

 

As for what kind of relationship would that be? A committed one? I don't think she wants either marriage or children which I'm not ready for right now anyway. Or some sort of FWB? We haven't really figured out.

[WithLove]

You're older now than you were before when previously dating. I think if getting back into a relationship with her again is on the table for you, you need to ask her what her long term goals are. Hers could not have changed, but yours might have.

[JamesT2]

You're older now than you were before when previously dating. I think if getting back into a relationship with her again is on the table for you, you need to ask her what her long term goals are. Hers could not have changed, but yours might have.

 

I was obviously much more immature, so in that regard, I'm a bit better probably. I'm taking your suggestion about how she see herself in 5 years so I guess that's the subtle way to know what she wants.

[Blue Spiral]

-She is only a few years older. Age doesn't always matter, but I like someone approximately within my generation.

 

How old is she, exactly?

[JamesT2]

How old is she, exactly?

 

Turning 37 this year. I'm 4 years behind. Do you think age matters Blue?

[Blue Spiral]

Turning 37 this year. I'm 4 years behind. Do you think age matters Blue?

 

It depends on the exact age gap and the situation. What someone is looking for, how quickly they want/need to find it, etc.

[JamesT2]

It depends on the exact age gap and the situation. What someone is looking for, how quickly they want/need to find it, etc.

 

When we're in our thirties, 4 years doesn't mean much imo.

Looking for, I don't know yet as I was telling WithLove above.

How quickly/need to find it? Dunno either..

 

We texted again tonight, nothing really important but she initiated. She does every evening now.

[WithLove]

That makes her 41, and most women that age have already decided if they wanted kids or marriage by that time. So that's something you really need to soul search on - if marriage and kids will be things you will eventually want. Her window for at least one is closing, but yours isn't.

[JamesT2]

That makes her 41, and most women that age have already decided if they wanted kids or marriage by that time. So that's something you really need to soul search on - if marriage and kids will be things you will eventually want. Her window for at least one is closing, but yours isn't.

 

She's turning 37 this year, I am four years younger. Honestly though, even if she has some more years for having children I don't think that's what she wants. We might see each other for another date this week. Will update the journal eventually.

[WithLove]

Well then, if children are something you want in your life eventually, and you know she doesn't - then I don't think it would be wise to start anything romantic with her.