Would appreciate thoughts on this

[Playing nice]

It is now almost 6 months since my BU and although I have struggled in the past few weeks I really have felt so much better, I reached a place where I let him go from my heart and my head was not in the turmoil it had been. We have contact because if my daughter and I have always kept it amicable for her, but he told me this week that he has told my daughter that he has a gf, which was 5 days after his first date, and at a time when she was experiencing real struggles, my daughter 19 but developmently much younger has mild special needs and has difficulty processing things and is unable to communicate worries or fears I texted him the day after being given this info and told him that to tell her without discussion with me was wrong, for him to say that it didn't affect her showed him to be the emotionally unaware person I knew him to be that I consider him a friend and any decent friend would tell him the same I did not get a reply and have had no further contact since I have known about his gf from the beginning and in a way it helped me to move on but this has just angered me question is am I right? Was he wrong to do this?

[SherrySher]

Him having a new gf was between him and his daughter, he had no reason to contact you and ask you for permission to do so. I am sorry if that sounds harsh, but it's true. She might have developemental issues but she can understand if her Dad is now with someone else and it will be hard on any kid, but just the same, kids will eventually cope with it. Please don't put your daughter in the middle of this. I know you're hurting and you do need to heal.

[Wiseman2]

He is the father and if he is going to introduce a date, then he can say something without consulting you because as her father he has the same rights, judgement choices, etc. as you. You may not agree, but that's ok.

 

Are you sure the news of a gf is not what's really bothering you?

he told me this week that he has told my daughter that he has a gf. Was he wrong to do this?

[Playing nice]

No I knew about the gf from the beginning and I am now genuinely happy for him and as I said have been amicable we have been working together helping my daughter as the week before she was told of gf she asked why her dad had left her and was exhibiting behaviour that in the past had been associated with stress and anxiety this increased 10 fold and I assumed it was the fact that we were no longer a family etc had we discussed the matter I would have said wait until she processes one thing before introducing another I would never had said don't this gf has made him happy she is a part of his life and will therefore be part of my daughters life I don't have a problem with that and I would never put her in the middle but I hear what your saying and appreciate that we both have the same rights but we did agree to always be on the same page and work together regarding our daughter and I feel that he didn't think about her when he told her

[SherrySher]

I understand what you're saying as well. Of course you're going to be worried about your daughter, though as you've said yourself, you're assuming that the news of the gf is what has upset her. It is a difficult situation because then he would feel he has to ask you for permission on speaking openly to his daughter, and let's be honest, this is not a topic one would normally be comfortable with asking an ex partner for advice on (albeit thinking of your daughter's reactions). I would say, unless he is telling her things that are genuinely upsetting such as someone's death or things along those kinds of bad then I feel he doesn't necessarily need to discuss it first. I am sure he is somewhat of a decent man, as you once choose him as a partner, and hopefully he is making decisions with your daughter in mind, based on the good of it all and not wanting to hurt her or upset her either.