Husband awfully rude to me

[DancingFool]

First is you are making a lot of very wrong assumptions on your rights and financial situation if you were to seek divorce. So do yourself a favor and go talk to several different lawyers - the best in town you can find - and get a better understanding on where you actually stand. It doesn't mean that you will divorce, but it's important for you to know your options correctly so you don't feel so trapped.

 

Second, time to get a job. Contract, part-time, whatever. Your kids need a sane environment and watching their parents fight is not it. You are not doing them any favors by being a depressed, angry stay at home mom. Neither is it good for them to be listening to verbal abusive pouring out of their father's mouth. You have no idea the toll this is taking on them, not just monkey see monkey do, but on their emotional level as well.

 

Perhaps the combination of the above will restore some strength and confidence in you to make some decisions rather than just putting up with verbal abuse day in day out.

[catfeeder]

I would pursue two things: my own therapy and treatment for my depression, and an interview with an attorney who specializes in family law. This would be strictly informational to learn my rights and responsibilities and for legal advice about my options--along with the best steps necessary to protect myself and my kids. Then I'd be armed with actual knowledge about my choices rather than stagnating in a hole of emotional abstractions that resolve nothing.

 

Once you gain good legal advice, you'll have a foundation for better decision making and negotiation with husband. Until then, you're just playing candle in the wind to his moods and his agenda. I'd skip that and start developing an agenda of my own, and I'd learn what I need to learn in order to negotiate my marriage from a position of strength--and other options.

 

Head high.

 

PS: If you don't have your own money with which to pay an attorney, I'd visit your local legal aid department for a referral.

[Momofthree]

First is you are making a lot of very wrong assumptions on your rights and financial situation if you were to seek divorce. So do yourself a favor and go talk to several different lawyers - the best in town you can find - and get a better understanding on where you actually stand. It doesn't mean that you will divorce, but it's important for you to know your options correctly so you don't feel so trapped.

 

Second, time to get a job. Contract, part-time, whatever. Your kids need a sane environment and watching their parents fight is not it. You are not doing them any favors by being a depressed, angry stay at home mom. Neither is it good for them to be listening to verbal abusive pouring out of their father's mouth. You have no idea the toll this is taking on them, not just monkey see monkey do, but on their emotional level as well.

 

Perhaps the combination of the above will restore some strength and confidence in you to make some decisions rather than just putting up with verbal abuse day in day out.

Thank you. Makes sense. I'm glad I posted

[Momofthree]

I'm not sure what u mean by backing off. Its not something that I constantly talk to him about. Some days are good. But the bad days outweigh the good. It doesn't effect him in any way.

[catfeeder]

I'm not sure what u mean by backing off. Its not something that I constantly talk to him about. Some days are good. But the bad days outweigh the good. It doesn't effect him in any way.

 

I'm not sure if you're addressing me, but "Try backing off..." is part of my signature line that displays on every post. It tends to work well with everything we might be churning too hard over. It makes room for the fact that our intense investment in outcomes is often the very thing that ties us to the problem. Letting go of that focus gives us a new vantage point from which to revisit it later, if necessary, and by then the whole landscape can change.

 

In your case, you're living with a man who makes you miserable. That's why I'd seek legal advice to gain information I don't currently have. From there, I'd get to choose my own timeline for decision making, but I'd have knowledge I didn't have before. This can open new doors in my own thinking, which would be liberating regardless of the choices I make down the road.

 

Head high.

[Ms Darcy]

Depending on where you live, there are often services out there for abused women ... Even if the abuse is not physical but emotional. A shelter can often connect you with a case worker who can in turn help you get a free or reduced cost counsellor and free or reduced cost legal consultation.

 

In divorce, alimony is designed to assist with the financial needs of the spouse who specifically sacrificed working for the good of the family (e.g. To raise children) so don't feel like you have no financial options. In addition to child support, you could also get alimony in a divorce. Again, an attorney can help you with this.

[Momofthree]

I'm not sure if you're addressing me, but "Try backing off..." is part of my signature line that displays on every post. It tends to work well with everything we might be churning too hard over. It makes room for the fact that our intense investment in outcomes is often the very thing that ties us to the problem. Letting go of that focus gives us a new vantage point from which to revisit it later, if necessary, and by then the whole landscape can change.

 

In your case, you're living with a man who makes you miserable. That's why I'd seek legal advice to gain information I don't currently have. From there, I'd get to choose my own timeline for decision making, but I'd have knowledge I didn't have before. This can open new doors in my own thinking, which would be liberating regardless of the choices I make down the road.

 

Head high.

Thank you. Appreciate ur input. X

[TMifune]

I know u are right. And maybe I am just as bad for rising to this but absolutely nothing will ever get solved if I don't retaliate. Hes that far removed now and his eyes silence is golden. He uses the word "moron" quite often which boils my blood. Once a while ago I told him we need a skip to clear space for one of our children. He told me if I did this he would stop paying the mortgage. How can u deal with that.

 

So I'm probably going to get blasted here, but I'm always deeply suspicious when someone comes in here and says that their husband doesn't treat them well without giving any concrete examples, only hints that maybe he's not talking to her kindly enough. And the quote above is just icing on the cake. He "uses" the word moron. OP doesn't accuse him of calling her a moron, only of using the word.

 

Either OP is painfully passive, or there's a great deal more going on here than the picture she's painting. And I'm guessing she's not THAT passive if she's talking about retaliating.

 

Someone mentioned "fighting in front of the kids" and I'm very skeptical that happens because my hunch is that 80+% of the drama here is all in OP's head.

 

OP are you close to making progress with your depression? Is it possible you're projecting onto your husband because it's easier to blame him than really look at what you're struggling with inside?