My Mother Just Severed What Remained of our Relationship

[catfeeder]

I already said, i want her to know why I'm cutting off communication with her.

 

That still won't be a civil conversation.

 

I agree. There's nothing civil about an accusation. And there's also nothing your Mom can do about it at this point. You'll only stir up her hostility toward your father for showing you the text. That was as low as her messages. Now you get to decide whether to act as a child pawn by pouring gasoline on both of their behavior, or you can act as an adult and rise above the battlefield.

 

All of our choices have consequences. When you grow tired enough of other people's games, it will occur to you that you can simply stop playing, and opt for the peace of owning your own focus and self control, instead.

 

Head higher.

[Iggy5129]

You are really letting something that happened 8 years ago ruin today for you. Stop living in the past. I agree with your dad to forgive your mom and just move forward with your life. Stop engaging with her and this drama.

 

Cut her off if you need to but honestly I feel you are more similar to her than you think and maybe this is what is making you the most angry?? Seems you are also blaming everyone but yourself for the drama when really you keep it going.

 

What happened between your parents is their business. Just like she shouldn't be involved in your relationship you shouldn't be so obsessed with her and your dads romantic relationship. Why are you so wrapped up in it for 8 years to the point that it is giving you anxiety? Your dad seems to be over her cheating why aren't you?

[CAPS4SAMMEH]

You are really letting something that happened 8 years ago ruin today for you. Stop living in the past. I agree with your dad to forgive your mom and just move forward with your life. Stop engaging with her and this drama.

 

Cut her off if you need to but honestly I feel you are more similar to her than you think and maybe this is what is making you the most angry?? Seems you are also blaming everyone but yourself for the drama when really you keep it going.

 

What happened between your parents is their business. Just like she shouldn't be involved in your relationship you shouldn't be so obsessed with her and your dads romantic relationship. Why are you so wrapped up in it for 8 years to the point that it is giving you anxiety? Your dad seems to be over her cheating why aren't you?

 

I'm not obsessed with what happened between them at all. I'm glad they're divorced, they argued so much while they were together I was hoping for a divorce when I was a child. What I can't get over is that she is continuously choosing an extremely unhealthy relationship over her children. She's threatened to commit suicide (multiple times) if he broke up with her, she has snuck him in and out of my own home when she knows how my brothers and I feel about him. She's threatened to call the cops on my own brother (her son) to protect him. She's lied and used me multiple times so she could see him. My brothers and I would go without cable, internet, gas, food etc because she "couldn't afford it" while she's at the beach with that guy, going to restaurants, staying in hotels, buying new clothes, getting him gifts the list goes on.

 

You're stretching WAY to far. You clearly don't know anything about me or my life, don't make assumptions about it. You're very wrong and you're very off topic.

[qwaspolk82]

So I posted about my mother before, we don't really get along. I moved out of her place and moved into my dad's when I found out she was trying to get my boyfriend to lie to me about who she was bringing in the house. She seriously crossed a line at that point and I couldn't stand to be around her any longer. It's been almost 5 months since. I keep in minimal contact, go over for dinner every once in a while but that's all. I didn't contact her for Mother's Day, ever since I found out she had been cheating on my dad (probably about 8 years ago now), I've never wanted to give her anything for Mother's Day, but always did just to avoid drama and arguments. So I didn't contact her this year, I was busy all day anyway. This upset her a lot to say the least. Apparently she had plans with me, that she didn't tell me about? And just expected me to show up? Regardless, she texted me that night, asked how I was doing, I said I was doing fine and that was the end of the conversation.

 

My dad and her keep in contact, everything is through texts and he just told me some interesting stuff that my mother said. I read the texts so there's no question as to what's true or not. She said my boyfriend is a bad influence on me, said he's lazy, not very good looking, stupid and that I deserve better. I know she blames him for why I barely speak to her, though it's obviously it's entirely her fault, she crossed a line by meddling in my relationship, and now she continues to do it.

 

I'm trying to remain calm, but I'm absolutely infuriated. How f*cking dare she. I'm going to talk to my grandmom about this later, either tomorrow or Sunday, whenever I can talk about it calmly. I'm not quite sure why I'm posting on here, I don't really have any questions... If anyone has advice that'd be cool. I'm mostly just venting. It'd be cool if I could get some agreements on this issue, that I'm not the crazy one, my mom is the issue.

 

Thanks

 

I have had issues with my mom my whole life. She cheated on my dad half their marriage and we found out during their divorce my youngest brother is technically my half brother and the result of her affair. She did marry this guy and my dad is remarried too. But her affair ruined our childhood and she was always emotionally abusive to us as well. We were glad when she left. I was about to start college and the two older ones were gone so it didn't matter much anyway except she took the youngest with her.

 

I didn't talk to my mom for three years though after she stood me up when I was going back to Iraq off R&R on my second deployment. I flew in and out 20 min from where she lives. My dad drove me to the airport the night before and told me to see if she wanted to meet us for dinner. So I emailed her at work and her response: "I don't know the weather is crappy and I can't leave (husband's name here) alone that wouldn't be right."

 

That pissed me off and hurt me and I told her I should've known what her answer would be and maybe I'd email her when I got back to Iraq. I didn't. She didn't email. Apparently she showed up after I got on the plane. My dad saw her when I was leaving. She showed up at 6 when my flight was leaving. Obviously she forgot about security - who knows. No word the rest of deployment. She didn't call when I was home on block leave. Nothing. So when no word by my next birthday I wrote her an 8 page letter venting about how she affected me and my life and emailed it to her. Months later I get told my youngest brother is upset about it because she let him read it. So I talked to him and said it's not his business and that he got a different mom than we did.

 

I messaged her on FB and said stop trying to cause a rift between my brother and I and I can't remember what else. She messaged back and said I am a "self centered brat" and jus like my grandma (my dad's mom). I said that's a compliment she was a lovely woman.

 

We didn't talk for 3 years until I thought I was deploying again and I decided to clear the air just in case something happened...I realize she will never truly change but we talked and have somewhat of a relationship and I allow her to see my daughter but I made it very clear her husband is never allowed near her and she will never call him grandpa and she's abiding by it so far. It takes too much energy to hate. It really does.

 

If you think it's not worth a relationship then don't have one. My one brother and her haven't spoken in 10 years minus the time at my grandpa's 80th when she asked for a hug and he said no and she told him to "f off then." A chaplain asked me once after I talked about my mom "does she have a personality disorder?" So who knows? Maybe she does - and maybe your mom has issues and a disorder. Don't know.

[qwaspolk82]

You're just perpetuating the drama.

 

If she wants to have a talk with her to explain her frustrations and that doesn't work and she tells her she's cutting communication and does that's not perpetuating drama.

[qwaspolk82]

I'm not obsessed with what happened between them at all. I'm glad they're divorced, they argued so much while they were together I was hoping for a divorce when I was a child. What I can't get over is that she is continuously choosing an extremely unhealthy relationship over her children. She's threatened to commit suicide (multiple times) if he broke up with her, she has snuck him in and out of my own home when she knows how my brothers and I feel about him. She's threatened to call the cops on my own brother (her son) to protect him. She's lied and used me multiple times so she could see him. My brothers and I would go without cable, internet, gas, food etc because she "couldn't afford it" while she's at the beach with that guy, going to restaurants, staying in hotels, buying new clothes, getting him gifts the list goes on.

 

You're stretching WAY to far. You clearly don't know anything about me or my life, don't make assumptions about it. You're very wrong and you're very off topic.

 

Tell her how you feel and if that doesn't work just stop talking to her. That's what I had to do.