Does this sound right? (PLEASE READ!!)

[Blayzed4Life]

Ok I seriously am having my doubts with my best friend after today. We've been friends for 15+ years. He's 17 and I'm 20.

 

Here's how it all started, about a week ago he asked me if I would buy him a T-shirt at the gym we go to because there was a one day sale that had 60% off. Also we ended up not going to the gym 3 times now because I sometimes over slept, one because I work a full-time job and I was on night shift which is from 5:45pm-2:30am and some days we had a few hrs of overtime so I would get home anyime from 3:00am-5:00am. Normally we'd go to the gym once I woke up which would be around 1pm and we'd go to the gym at like 2-3pm, and then I'd have to head for work right after. My job is a facory job and I am constantly moving so I dont get much time to rest.

 

Now he thinks he has it harder then me because he goes to school and has rugby training which is maybe 2 hrs of hard training in the morning and this is only twice a week, Tusedays and Thursdays. He also works a part-time job at grocery store which at most gets 4 shifts alot of the times 2-3.

 

Here's why I am starting to doubt our friendship, today was the day the sale was. Now this week I switched over to day shift which is from 7am-3:45am with the 2 max OT. I'm not a morning person so Sunday night I got no sleep and went to work totally exhausted. We were suppose to go to the gym Monday but I felt so exhausted that I passed out right when I got home, but decided I'd wake up at like 6:30pm and call him up and tell him I'd go to the gym with him so he would atleast get his work out while I would just tone. Because there was no way I was going to be able to lift heavy. Anyways I called him up and he was mad at me because I never called him after I got off work and told him my story and he was too pissed off so we didnt end up going to the gym. Now after getting no sleep Sunday night I thought I would have no problem getting alot of sleep Monday night, but Monday night was even worse. I fell asleep fine but woke up every hour for 5 hours with cold sweats. My blanked was totally soaked in sweat after I woke up the 4th time so I had to switch it. Now I was woundering what the hell was wrong and still ended up going to work that day, and boy it was not fun. All I can say is a factory worker means crap to the company. I got a huge lecture from my group leader about how I wasnt pulling my weight and this was a verbal warning next time I would get written up.

 

When I finally got home from work I was really woundering what was wrong with me. My parents were worried about me and could see something wasnt right so they took my tempture and it was 37.8. Which is considered a feaver. Tuesday night was not much better but atleast I had the day off because I had an Ortha. appointment. Anyways once I got home around 2pm my friend calls me up to see what I was doing and I was busy playing Poker with my dad (for real money) and he reminded me about the sale that was today and I told him yah we'll go after I finish this.

 

The tournament actually took like 3 hours which I didnt know and in those 3 hours he called atleast 4 times to remind me about it and would hang up on me without saying bye when I told him I'm still busy. Finally after the tournament ended I told my parents that I had to go somewhere for awhile and they told me out of concern that they didnt want me to go out because of my condition. I called up my friend to tell him this but he was out at the time. About 20 minutes later he came on MSN and I explained to him the situation and the way he reacted just made me sick to my stomach. He told me that I always think I am right and that it has to go my way. Does that not make you sick? Under no circumstance would I make someone who is coming down with the flue or something go out to buy a friggen T-shirt just because they were having a 60% sale for one day and any other day it's 40% off for being a gym membership. It just seems that he doesnt give a crap about my well being.

 

Anyways thats my story please I need some replies, I have to know if what he is doing is being selfish or if I am over reacting.

[inspiration]

Whenever our lives get busy it's hard to find time once shared between 2 friends. I'm 18 and I used to hang out with my best friend all the time but now i'm working 2 jobs and school. this leaves me with time to only do my homework and the weekends. my friend doesn't understand how much I putforth to gain this freetime.

 

so I just think he doesn't understand what you go through... let it be known and all should workout!

 

cheerio!

 

-.ins

[Blayzed4Life]

please I need some more replies =/. This is very serious for me one of my most serious posts ever, took me alot of time to think of what to say and to see only one person bothering to reply makes me feel like no one cares ;(

[arwen]

Hey blayzed,

 

I think it's a difficult situation where 2 friends are both in stress. I have experienced this a lot of times in friendships and also in my relationships. You feel like you are not entitled somehow to your stress and tiredness, and even the flu in your case, because your friend thinks he has even more stress.

 

Yes, I think he kind of underestimated your illness at that moment. People can be rude when they are stressed out, and expected something to happen (going to that sale).

 

Still whether your friend is busy or not, there is no reason for him to call you 4 times to remind you of buying something for him while you are ill. It might be a matter of communication, but if it's not, you will have to take a look at other aspects of this friendship. Personally, I think you should call him and say to him that he really made you feel bad, and you were ill and really couldn't do this.

 

Maybe he is angry or resentful because you didn't tell him you were too ill to go? I don't know. I have experienced that the best solution is really to talk things over. You might be surprised at the way your friend thinks about this, maybe he just got things in a totally different way you thought and it's all a misunderstanding.

 

It would really be a pity to walk away from a long frienship without talking to him, I think.

 

Ilse.

[Blayzed4Life]

Thank you so much for that reply Ilse, it really puts things in perspective. The real problem though is I know he's not mature enough and really experienced the things I have gone through in my life. I know talking it out is the right thing to do but in the past I have always been the one take the step to make things up even though he was the one that was wrong.

 

So I think this time I'll make it a true friendship test, to find out weather or not he really cares about our friendship or not. He can be the one to make the step this time because seriously at this point I dont want to be in a friendship if I'm the one who always has to make the first step to set things right. I know I can move on and get on with my life yes it would be hard but you know what they say a relationship between lovers and best friends are not much different only that if you're lovers you love eachother and if you're best friends you respect eachother. It cant always be just one person making the steps to fix a relationship.

 

So only time will tell......

[arwen]

People develop to different levels in life. Not higher-lower levels, just OTHER levels. This influences all kinds of relationships.

 

It could be healthy for one time, to see what he does. How long it takes for him to contact you. Maybe he doesn't even realize how much this bothers you. My opinion is that if it bothers you so much and yet some 'pride' is holding you back to set the first step (again), you should really look what's worse. Letting this eat you up so to say, or be the bigger person and really start sorting out things. It could also improve things you know.

 

Ilse.

[Blayzed4Life]

I'm patient, most likley I might make a step but I will atleast give him to chance to see if he comes to his senses. I'm a good person and I know that, but I cant always let myself get walked on. Sometimes I have to let something important to me go if it is just going to get worse.

[Alabama]

Sadly I think your right. If your friend is so worried about a sale, and doesn't care about the fact you work so hard in a factory and the fact your sick. It sucks, but I believe your losing your friend. This is life though..and these things unfortunetly happen. I wish you the best of luck and hope you can nonetheless salvage your friendship. Good luck!