reinventmyself Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 someone went off the grid. . hmmmm, wonder why? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
browneyedgirl36 Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 someone went off the grid. . hmmmm, wonder why? I hope she's OK. And I hope she's just laying low because she needs time to process and NOT because Mr. Wrong talked her into giving him another chance. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 My guess is either she caved in (decided to "go back" to whatever it is you would call this non-relationship) or she doesn't want to read what we're writing anymore because it doesn't fit in with what she's still hoping will happen. What I hope, though, is that she got herself busy with some activity and doesn't have much time to be online anymore. Could that be possible? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostlove76 Posted July 7, 2016 Author Share Posted July 7, 2016 I hope she's OK. And I hope she's just laying low because she needs time to process and NOT because Mr. Wrong talked her into giving him another chance. Hey guys. Sorry to have gone MIA so suddenly. I've just really needed some time to process things on my own without so much outside influence, that's all. I didn't cave. There's been nothing to cave to. He only called the one time, and I'm pretty certain it's because trashy girl went home, but then she went back and is there now. I'm still having a really hard time dealing with all of this, and I've finally made the decision to seek counseling. I haven't been feeling any better at all, so it's what I need to do. Thanks for wondering if I'm okay. Maybe I'll be back and type some more at some point. Just got a bit overwhelmed with everything and needed some quiet time with my own thoughts I guess. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 I think seeking counseling is an excellent idea. Very proactive and I think it will do you a world of good. If you feel like checking in after a few sessions I'm sure everyone would like to hear how you are doing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted July 7, 2016 Share Posted July 7, 2016 Hey guys. Sorry to have gone MIA so suddenly. I've just really needed some time to process things on my own without so much outside influence, that's all. I didn't cave. There's been nothing to cave to. He only called the one time, and I'm pretty certain it's because trashy girl went home, but then she went back and is there now. I'm still having a really hard time dealing with all of this, and I've finally made the decision to seek counseling. I haven't been feeling any better at all, so it's what I need to do. Thanks for wondering if I'm okay. Maybe I'll be back and type some more at some point. Just got a bit overwhelmed with everything and needed some quiet time with my own thoughts I guess. I am glad you checked in and I understand the need to decompress and process. Good for you seeking therapy. Hang in there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostlove76 Posted July 7, 2016 Author Share Posted July 7, 2016 I think seeking counseling is an excellent idea. Very proactive and I think it will do you a world of good. If you feel like checking in after a few sessions I'm sure everyone would like to hear how you are doing. I am glad you checked in and I understand the need to decompress and process. Good for you seeking therapy. Hang in there! Thank you both! And I definitely will let you guys know how it goes. I just made the decision this morning to go, so it will take some time to get the ball rolling - find someone, get an appointment, etc. That's mostly why I've been putting it off, because it's such a pain to even get things started, and who knows how long it will take before I'm actually sitting down in front of someone. But since I'm not improving (well, maybe I was for a bit, but then took a major backslide), I think I really need to do this. I could wait it out til things get better, but I'm tired of feeling miserable all the time. Thanks again to everyone here for supporting me all along the way, and sorry again for just going MIA but thanks for understanding. I'm not gone from here for good, just taking a breather. Hugs to everyone! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
browneyedgirl36 Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 Thanks for checking in with us! Hope to hear from you again soon! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted July 8, 2016 Share Posted July 8, 2016 I think it's great you're actually going to take action to get better. I also think it's great that you're not updating here all the time because when you updated, it was with obsessive thought about him and kept your focus on him, rather than yourself. I don't think all the writing was that helpful to you and all the information that we shared, while good intentioned, was going in circles and I'm not sure how much you can actually take in. So I for one am glad you're stepping away from the computer and go see a counsellor and I'm hoping you're also getting out and living your life. It's too short to waste on having obsessive thoughts about a guy who is not worth your precious time. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostlove76 Posted July 8, 2016 Author Share Posted July 8, 2016 Thanks BEG and notalady all the information that we shared, while good intentioned, was going in circles and I'm not sure how much you can actually take in. This is true. There were so many great suggestions, and so much good information, throughout this thread. And while I heard all of it, and absorbed most of it, there was just so much here that I didn't even know where to start. Kind of information overload. Which is okay!! I so appreciate all of it. I'm just the type of person who is very easily overwhelmed, and then I end up doing nothing at all. So maybe a therapist can guide me step by step and at least get me started somewhere on something in particular. As for all my writing, I think I burned myself out on it and needed a break from talking about it so much. I still talk about it some with a couple of friends, but it's not pages and pages like I was doing here. I can't lie and say that I've lessened my focus on him, or that I've quit checking social media pages. But maybe not writing several huge long posts about him every day is a baby step. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostlove76 Posted July 17, 2016 Author Share Posted July 17, 2016 Just popping in to say hi. I haven't started therapy yet - it takes me forever to actually make a decision, and then even longer to follow through with it - but I'm still thinking of doing that and/or getting back on anxiety meds. I can't say I'm feeling any better, but I'm feeling a bit further along in the moving on process, if that makes sense. I still feel just as hurt, but I've reached a more solid state of acceptance that's it's over for good. I'm spending less time analyzing why it happened. I think I'm finally to the point of phasing out the social media stalking. Two nights ago, trashy girl posted a pic of her and him and another female friend on IG. Seeing it just drove home the point that they really are together, and that it's not going to change anytime soon. I didn't think she would be so bold/stupid as to post a pic with him seeing as how she's still MARRIED, but she did, and I don't want to see anything more. I've looked a few times since, but like I said, I'm now ready to phase it out. The whole thing is just sickening to me. She also posted something on fb indicating that she gave up any custody rights to her youngest daughter, and "please don't hate me because I know I've been a good mom." Obviously feeling guilty about it, but still selfish enough to do it. Her level of selfishness and lack of morals, and his, disgusts me. I still wake up and fall asleep with images of her and him in my head, and it's hard to get rid of. I'm trying to practice thought-stopping, but I guess it does take lots of practice before it will fully work. I still can't help but be hurt by him choosing her over me, but I'm trying to thought-stop all the analyzing. I've been distracting myself somewhat the past couple days by reading other threads here and commenting when I feel I have any thoughts to offer. So that's where I'm at right now! When I saw her picture with him in it, it made me feel awful. Before, it would have literally caused almost a panic attack and my heart would have dropped. But now, it just made me feel a sad sort of disgusted acceptance, and made me realize that there is no other option but to give up all hope and continue moving on. Hugs to everyone, hope you're all well. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 I am glad you checked in LL. As painful as it is the acceptance of what has transpired is a good sign, even though it doesn't feel that way. The acceptance is the next step in moving in the right direction. Don't lose sight of that. Hang in there! You are going to be ok. bytheway, what kind a person posts on fb that they give their kids up and insist they were a good mom? Says so much about her and equally enough about him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostlove76 Posted July 18, 2016 Author Share Posted July 18, 2016 I am glad you checked in LL. As painful as it is the acceptance of what has transpired is a good sign, even though it doesn't feel that way. The acceptance is the next step in moving in the right direction. Don't lose sight of that. Hang in there! You are going to be ok. Thank you so much!! I hope to one day be able to post here saying that I'm completely over him and no longer care. I'll for sure update the second that happens Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostlove76 Posted July 18, 2016 Author Share Posted July 18, 2016 bytheway, what kind a person posts on fb that they give their kids up and insist they were a good mom? Says so much about her and equally enough about him. EXACTLY. This is what I'm trying to use in moving forward - telling myself that neither of them have any morals whatsoever, and that I need/deserve better than that. She posted a picture of her youngest kid that the kid's dad had sent her, and said that it's breaking her heart but please nobody hate her because she knows she's a good mom and has done a good job, and to please tell the kid that she made the right decision. It's disgusting, quite frankly. She left her family to run off and play and be selfish. And I now label my ex guy as a homewrecker. Sorry, went off on a bit of a vent there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 Don't be sorry. I feel a little sickened by the whole thing. You should too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostlove76 Posted July 18, 2016 Author Share Posted July 18, 2016 Don't be sorry. I feel a little sickened by the whole thing. You should too. I do feel sickened. Thank you for feeling it with me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted July 18, 2016 Share Posted July 18, 2016 I do feel sickened. This in itself is an improvement. Only weeks ago you would have been making excuses for him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostlove76 Posted July 18, 2016 Author Share Posted July 18, 2016 Good point I'm still really hurt by the whole thing, but pretty sure that I'm completely done with the excuses. What he did to me, and what they're both doing to her family, is horrible. They aren't good people. No excuse can make up for that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LAYAAN Posted July 26, 2016 Share Posted July 26, 2016 Listening to Iyanla Vanzant on youtube helps me. Hopefully, you would find her videos helpful as well, OP. Keep walking, keep making effort. Don't give up. You will soon start to feel better and you will be glad that this chapter is over. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostlove76 Posted July 26, 2016 Author Share Posted July 26, 2016 Listening to Iyanla Vanzant on youtube helps me. Hopefully, you would find her videos helpful as well, OP. Keep walking, keep making effort. Don't give up. You will soon start to feel better and you will be glad that this chapter is over. Hey LAYAAN I've missed you guys. I've been all over this site since I quit posting here, reading and commenting on other threads. Reading others' situations helps take my mind off my own. I think I said all I could say here, and it was just becoming redundant; I didn't want to wear everyone out by repeating myself over and over. It's slowly but surely been getting just a little bit better. I told someone on another thread that on a scale of 1 to 10, with 10 being the most miserable you can get, I was at a 10 for a long long time. But now I'm at a 5 or 6. Which isn't great. It's just the mid-point -- not nearly as sad as I was, but not really happy, either. But I'll take it over the 10! Anyhoo, thanks so much for checking in, and for the positive words! I actually discovered Iyanla in my early 20's, waaaay back when she was first on Oprah. I read 4 or 5 of her books, and it really got me through some stuff back then! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted July 26, 2016 Share Posted July 26, 2016 Hi LL. . I've seen you posting to others and giving such great advise. So good to see you are a getting to the other side of this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostlove76 Posted July 26, 2016 Author Share Posted July 26, 2016 Hi LL. . I've seen you posting to others and giving such great advise. So good to see you are a getting to the other side of this. Aw, thank you Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted July 26, 2016 Share Posted July 26, 2016 LL, you give pretty terrific advice...do you feel like you actually follow the advice you give others? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostlove76 Posted July 26, 2016 Author Share Posted July 26, 2016 LL, you give pretty terrific advice...do you feel like you actually follow the advice you give others? Aw, thanks Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted July 27, 2016 Share Posted July 27, 2016 Aw, thanks Well, hopefully you can understand how the people who gave you advice feel. It sure is easy when it's someone else, isn't it? But I think giving others' advice helps you to see that your situation isn't really all that unique. It's unique to you, of course, but it's all been done before. And that's why others offer help...because they've been there and done that and they know that the only way out is to do what's best for yourself, even if it hurts for a while. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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