notalady Posted June 15, 2016 Share Posted June 15, 2016 I don't think you get to choose which of the "about" info shows up on your front page. I've never seen it being done nor see an option that allow it? Potentially the last info you update shows up on the front page, but that's not the case on me and my boyfriend's page, and a few others I know where the relationship status would've been the last info they updated and doesn't show up on the front page. Either way, I don't think it has anything to do with you and you're reading way too much into it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted June 15, 2016 Share Posted June 15, 2016 I know I shouldn't care, but I do, of course!! Hard not to, ya know? "men usually don't think that 'deeply'" "So how the hell do we know what these guys are thinking." I wonder about this. Like how much DO they think about relationships?? I wish I knew. I've read all kinds of message boards with guys helping each other figure out mind games to play, or guys who are upset about a breakup and doing NC and wondering if it'll get her back, etc etc. I'm always surprised to read that stuff, because it's usually us as women who do all the relationship thinking. But some guys do, apparently. I have no clue if mine does. I've suspected before that he was doing things to try to get my attention, but I could be waaay off base. Men are humans with emotions too and they have brains and they think about relationship stuff, I don't know why that come as a surprise to you. Just because some men are selfish with emotional issues and are incapable of loving, doesn't mean most guys are like that. Most guys do in fact very much care and think about relationships. They may not spend hours and hours analysing and dissecting things like many women do, but they do think about it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostlove76 Posted June 15, 2016 Author Share Posted June 15, 2016 I don't think you get to choose which of the "about" info shows up on your front page. I've never seen it being done nor see an option that allow it? Potentially the last info you update shows up on the front page, but that's not the case on me and my boyfriend's page, and a few others I know where the relationship status would've been the last info they updated and doesn't show up on the front page. Either way, I don't think it has anything to do with you and you're reading way too much into it. I finally found where there's a setting for what shows up. If you don't purposely go in and click what you want shown, then I don't know what shows up by default. But the Single was not there, and then it was, so it seems he changed the settings. I probably am reading too much into it, but it's what I do I just know that I've done stupid stuff trying to get his attention in the past on my page, and I wondered if guys do that too. I know that some guys do. Whether he does or not, and whether or not he was doing it last night, I do not know. So I was just asking what others thought. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted June 15, 2016 Share Posted June 15, 2016 My bf is surprised by things I say about men. He laughs and reminds me `We aren't that smart!!' (sarcasm) In other words, men don't typically overthink and complicate things unnecessarily the way women do. Trying to attach some meaning to something so innocuous is a waste of time. At the very least it's just someone trying to get the last word in. . .`winner!' Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted June 15, 2016 Share Posted June 15, 2016 I probably am reading too much into it, but it's what I do . This is another example of you attempting to stay attached, indirectly. You need to practice detachment if you want to start feeling better. It takes a conscious effort into minding your business and not his. (I just read that back. . It's not meant to sound harsh. . but the point is valid) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostlove76 Posted June 15, 2016 Author Share Posted June 15, 2016 It's okay, I hear you. And you're probably right about trying to stay attached. I would just love for it to be some sign that he's still thinking about me. My dad also says that men don't think that deeply. But I've noticed little things in the past that he seemed to be doing to try to get my attention or bait me into contacting him. I'm probably projecting since I've done it myself (long time ago, wouldn't do it now). But I don't know - out of the 4 people who have given opinions, 2 though yes and 2 thought no. I know that sounds stupid ugh. But I think it's natural to wonder. I did a search and found tons of threads about people asking the same type of thing, and also many threads of people asking how to catch their ex's attention. So I know it happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted June 15, 2016 Share Posted June 15, 2016 In other words, men don't typically overthink and complicate things unnecessarily the way women do. This I do agree with completely and is something I started practice doing since many years ago, I can say practice makes perfect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted June 15, 2016 Share Posted June 15, 2016 and also many threads of people asking how to catch their ex's attention. I've read those threads too and almost all of them are given the same feedback. It's mostly either manipulative of game playing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted June 15, 2016 Share Posted June 15, 2016 This I do agree with completely and is something I started practice doing since many years ago, I can say practice makes perfect. It is a little embarrassing and funny at the same time when I tell my bf a scenario I may have been involved in or a female friend of mine and some guy. I'll go off on all these twists and turns and possible scenarios. In turn he scrunches up his face and says `really?!?' "Where do you girls come up with this stuff?" (that's about the time he'll tell me `we aren't that smart!') I'll step back and hear myself and it is actually pretty funny. He has a way of giving me a reality check from a male perspective. It's all in good fun but pretty spot on. I actually should know better. I grew up with one brother, raised 2 sons and while married had male dogs. Between the 5 of them I was the only female in the house. We definitely process things differently Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted June 15, 2016 Share Posted June 15, 2016 I finally found where there's a setting for what shows up. If you don't purposely go in and click what you want shown, then I don't know what shows up by default. But the Single was not there, and then it was, so it seems he changed the settings. I probably am reading too much into it, but it's what I do I just know that I've done stupid stuff trying to get his attention in the past on my page, and I wondered if guys do that too. I know that some guys do. Whether he does or not, and whether or not he was doing it last night, I do not know. So I was just asking what others thought. When you talked about whether men think about relationships, I must have interpreted differently than what you meant to ask. I think you're meaning to ask, do men play mind games and use manipulation to get what they want (like what you think your ex is doing), that is distinctively different to thinking about and caring about a relationship. I'm sure some men do play silly mind games much like some women do. Trying to guess what the hidden meaning of someone's irrelevant action is a total waste of time because you'll never know the truth and it doesn't change the outcome. Just ask yourself, how ridiculous is this that I'm sitting here monitoring his every move on Facebook and think that a simple change to his page is his way of trying to get my attention. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostlove76 Posted June 15, 2016 Author Share Posted June 15, 2016 Yes that's what I meant, mind games and manipulation. Ridiculous, and tiresome. I know. Like I said above, I was just hoping it was some sign that he was thinking about me.... which would be the case, if he's trying to play some mind game. I've seen others do it, and I've done it, so is it that far outside the realm of possibility that maaaaybe he was doing it? I know there's no way to know, and no, it doesn't change the outcome. Unless he tried to call. Which would make me feel better. It's now been a week since he tried. The thought of him moving on still just hurts Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostlove76 Posted June 15, 2016 Author Share Posted June 15, 2016 Reinventmyself: About processing things differently, I guess we do. But all the threads I read written by guys are pretty much the same as the ones written by girls, which always surprises me. They'll be trying to maintain NC and such. I had a guy friend last year and we always helped each other decipher our relationships. He knew allll about NC because he had googled after a previous relationship. And he was always asking me if he should text his gf, and what he should say, and what she meant in her texts, and if she really cared about him. His mind worked just like a girl's! So I dunno if we're really all that different. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted June 15, 2016 Share Posted June 15, 2016 Reinventmyself: About processing things differently, I guess we do. But all the threads I read written by guys are pretty much the same as the ones written by girls, which always surprises me. They'll be trying to maintain NC and such. I had a guy friend last year and we always helped each other decipher our relationships. He knew allll about NC because he had googled after a previous relationship. And he was always asking me if he should text his gf, and what he should say, and what she meant in her texts, and if she really cared about him. His mind worked just like a girl's! So I dunno if we're really all that different. just a generalization I suppose. there is an exception for every rule Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted June 15, 2016 Share Posted June 15, 2016 It is a little embarrassing and funny at the same time when I tell my bf a scenario I may have been involved in or a female friend of mine and some guy. I'll go off on all these twists and turns and possible scenarios. In turn he scrunches up his face and says `really?!?' "Where do you girls come up with this stuff?" (that's about the time he'll tell me `we aren't that smart!') I'll step back and hear myself and it is actually pretty funny. He has a way of giving me a reality check from a male perspective. It's all in good fun but pretty spot on. I actually should no better. I grew up with one brother, raised 2 sons and while married had male dogs. Between the 5 of them I was the only female in the house. We definitely process things differently Haha, yes I think women do tend to delve into things a bit more. I'm more on the oblivious and simple side so I know that when my instinct picks something up as an "issue" I'm likely not overthinking, just simply thinking lol... I do think women (at least when younger or less experienced) like to read into signs and make up scenarios and such, I think because they don't want to accept the unpleasant yet simple facts, so think "it's gotta be something else!!" A lot of the time I think it's driven by a hurt ego. Men are way more used to handling rejection since they're expected to initiate a lot of things, whereas women not so much and when they do get rejected (by the men not pursuing or not committing), a lot of them have a hard time accepting this fact just the way it is, and have to make up some scenario as to why he just can't be with her, despite how much he loves her, so that it's less of a rejection and more of a "oh well he didn't have a choice" or "oh well he just couldn't handle how successful I am" and thinkings along those lines. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostlove76 Posted June 15, 2016 Author Share Posted June 15, 2016 Reinvent: I know. I would tend to agree with you on the generalization except that I see so many guys thinking the same way girls think, not just my friend. Mostly on these threads. But I guess maybe only a certain type of guy comes here - the ones who think that way. His making that status visible could have just as easily have been an advertisement to all the ladies that he is single and ready to mingle. There just had to be some reason he went in and changed it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted June 15, 2016 Share Posted June 15, 2016 Reinvent: I know. I would tend to agree with you on the generalization except that I see so many guys thinking the same way girls think, not just my friend. Mostly on these threads. But I guess maybe only a certain type of guy comes here - the ones who think that way. His making that status visible could have just as easily have been an advertisement to all the ladies that he is single and ready to mingle. There just had to be some reason he went in and changed it. If his status was in fact hidden before, as in not showing any status at all, but now showing single, then yes I'm 99% sure it's an advertisement to all the ladies out there that he's available. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
reinventmyself Posted June 15, 2016 Share Posted June 15, 2016 Reinvent: I know. I would tend to agree with you on the generalization except that I see so many guys thinking the same way girls think, not just my friend. Mostly on these threads. But I guess maybe only a certain type of guy comes here - the ones who think that way. His making that status visible could have just as easily have been an advertisement to all the ladies that he is single and ready to mingle. There just had to be some reason he went in and changed it. Arrrgh!!! Who cares!? Sorry. . .I didn't sleep well last night, but seriously Girlfriend, who the heck cares? For the ever lovin' life of me, you shouldn't. Your sanity and self esteem is counting on it! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostlove76 Posted June 15, 2016 Author Share Posted June 15, 2016 Arrrgh!!! Who cares!? Sorry. . .I didn't sleep well last night, but seriously Girlfriend, who the heck cares? For the ever lovin' life of me, you shouldn't. Your sanity and self esteem is counting on it! I mean of COURSE I care Sorry, but I'm not over him yet. It would be nice to be able to choose not to care but I don't know if that's possible. When we care, we care. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostlove76 Posted June 16, 2016 Author Share Posted June 16, 2016 If his status was in fact hidden before, as in not showing any status at all, but now showing single, then yes I'm 99% sure it's an advertisement to all the ladies out there that he's available. Okay, well that's what I was asking for opinions on, thanks. So if that's what he's doing then he must not have anyone special. Just looking for the silver lining. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 Okay, well that's what I was asking for opinions on, thanks. So if that's what he's doing then he must not have anyone special. Just looking for the silver lining. I would view it as him moving on and out there actively looking to hook up. Maybe he has a specific target audience or maybe it's just general, either way, that's all I would take away from that, no silver lining to speak of. He's moving on, so should you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostlove76 Posted June 16, 2016 Author Share Posted June 16, 2016 You're probably right. Sucks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lostlove76 Posted June 16, 2016 Author Share Posted June 16, 2016 Well it's almost 5am and I haven't been able to fall asleep yet. My mind is just filled with thoughts of him with someone else. It's now been exactly a week since he last called. I thought maybe he would try at the 1-week mark, but he didn't. It just seems like, despite that change on his Facebook page, he must surely have someone new. Otherwise, he would be lonely and he would be calling. I know I HAD to quit talking to him, but this just feels AWFUL. I know we talked about reframing my thoughts, but I'm going on no sleep and just don't feel like doing that right now. So basically it just feels like he's completely forgotten me, what we had meant nothing, and he's moved on super-fast and found a replacement. It's just the most painful feeling. Even though I wouldn't talk to him if he called, I'm experiencing big time withdrawals at not getting those fixes of seeing his name pop up on my phone. It makes me feel almost panicky. When we were NC for the 6 weeks after he moved, I never once let go and started feeling better. I missed him the entire time. I kept waiting on a call. If I didn't move on in 6 whole weeks before, how can I expect that I will this time either? This continues to be just as painful, if not more so, every single day. It feels like it's getting worse, which I guess you warned me about, RN. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 Are you able to focus on some other areas of your life - even if only for the time-being. Maybe you could develop closer relations with family and friends or improve your social life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Silverbirch Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 So sorry you are going through this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Realitynut Posted June 16, 2016 Share Posted June 16, 2016 I kept waiting on a call. If I didn't move on in 6 whole weeks before, how can I expect that I will this time either? Because you didn't let go. And you're not letting go now. No one said getting over an addiction is easy...or no one would talk about it. And no one would keep falling back onto their drug of choice. Why do you think your bf drinks? Because it's the easier road to travel. It's damn HARD beating an addiction. And this is a love addiction. Oh. Just remembered. when I was going thru what you are going thru....I looked up Love Addiction. Something more to read. And I hate to tell you this, but when you're laying in bed thinking about him with other women, get your butt up out of bed, and start reading Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback girl. Maybe you will read it this time with your EYES WIDE OPEN....and believe what you're reading. Start from the beginning again, or flip thru and see what catches your eye! It really is a good and easy read. You just didn't want to HEAR it last time, and quit. I think you're afraid to go back and read it again, because the truth hurts. Have you also heard that saying..."the truth will set you free?" Can you imagine living your life Pain free...without all the painful, obsessing thoughts? The crying, the hopelessness? I can't wait to get to that place. I might be close....very close. And it's because of YOUR Journal. I saw how hopeless you were, How obsessed. How addicted you were to a situation that was never going to change. And I thought.....the only thing that can change is ME. He and I are not on the same page....and never will be. After 3 years...I have to let him go. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.