The Ups and Downs of Loving a Commitment-Phobe

[notalady]

Good post reinvent!

[boltnrun]

Lostlove...you ignoring him hurts him NOT ONE BIT.

 

I know you think you're really sticking it to him. But all he'll do is go on the dating site, or comment on some other woman's Facebook page, or kiss another woman. He's not going to sit there looking at his phone with tears in his eyes, wondering why you didn't answer. Most likely he'll think you're just in another one of your snits, and he'll just talk to you next time, because guaranteed you'll answer in a couple of days.

 

You've proved nothing except that you are able to hold out for a few days, then you go right back to the several hour phone conversations. Never mind that you "fussed" at him, remember he likes that because it proves to him that he still has the power to hurt you and to control your emotions.

 

How about you block him already? WHY do you want to watch him flirt with other women? How does inflicting that pain upon yourself make anything better? Do you think you deserve to be punished or something?

[reinventmyself]

The only one that is hurt by any of this is . . You.

By your own actions.

If you continue to do this dance w him, you are the only one responsible for hurting yourself at this point.

You can't keep poking yourself in the eye and complaining it hurts.

[Realitynut]

LostLove...been gone for almost 2 days...and everything you guys have written a about...including how to learn to love yourself...is dealt in that book...Mr. Unavailable and the fallback girl.

 

What makes you the fallback girl....etc.

 

I swear...you said you had started to read it...buy you quit. Why? Cuz you were in denial, and it was showing you his side that was the real him, and you weren't ready to face that yet.

 

I want you to find that book TONIGHT and leaf thru it...and see what jumps out at you! It's all in the first half of the book...so you don't have to search far!!! lol

 

Please...I want you to email me here...and say...I FOUND IT...and I spent an HOUR reading it!!! lol

 

All the questions you have....with why, how come....blah, blah, was answered in that book.

 

Everything you talked about...i'd think....hehehehee...just read about that last night...WORD for WORD.

 

I'm not kidding....

 

hugs. I know it sucks.

 

Tom is out of town paddling those 92 miles that he told me I couldn't go on with him.

 

I got home today, (from padding another river) and he texted....Did you survive the Volga?

 

I never answered.

 

I wanted so badly to tell him what happened. I did flip over on some small rapids, and my boat was lodged between some rocks....and this girl and I could hardly get the boat unlodged because of the force of the current....

 

But of course I can't tell him all of that....because I'm ignoring him.

 

Doesn't hurt him one bit!

[lostlove76]

Lostlove...you ignoring him hurts him NOT ONE BIT.

 

I know you think you're really sticking it to him. But all he'll do is go on the dating site, or comment on some other woman's Facebook page, or kiss another woman. He's not going to sit there looking at his phone with tears in his eyes, wondering why you didn't answer. Most likely he'll think you're just in another one of your snits, and he'll just talk to you next time, because guaranteed you'll answer in a couple of days.

 

You've proved nothing except that you are able to hold out for a few days, then you go right back to the several hour phone conversations.

 

Well, if nothing else, at least he doesn't get the satisfaction of talking with me when I ignore. I held out for two weeks, which is longer than the few days that I used to hold out. I DO want to prove to him that I'm not going right back to it, and I can't prove it unless he keeps calling. It just makes me feel better. Small consolation, but it's all I've got left while I hope that my feelings for him eventually fade.

 

Never mind that you "fussed" at him, remember he likes that because it proves to him that he still has the power to hurt you and to control your emotions.

 

I hadn't thought of it like that! I don't think we've worded it quite that way here before. Great point.

 

How about you block him already? WHY do you want to watch him flirt with other women? How does inflicting that pain upon yourself make anything better? Do you think you deserve to be punished or something?

 

The only one that is hurt by any of this is . . You.

By your own actions.

If you continue to do this dance w him, you are the only one responsible for hurting yourself at this point.

You can't keep poking yourself in the eye and complaining it hurts.

 

Honestly, I really don't know why I keep looking. I don't think I'm trying to punish myself, or if I am, it's so subconscious that I'm completely unaware of it. We were talking about payoffs here not too long ago. So what's my payoff for continuing to look? I think I'm looking for "proof" that he's not involved with anyone in any kind of special emotional way. Or maybe it makes me feel like I still have some small connection to him, to kind of know what's going on in his life (I do know it's just an illusion based on extremely limited information) because I haven't been ready to fully let go quite yet. Or maybe it's just a bad habit - I used to do it a lot while with him because if he was doing anything behind my back, I wanted to know about it so that I could drop him; I never trusted him to be faithful.

 

ETA: That last paragraph, I was talking about looking at the dating site and facebook. I guess you meant keep talking to him, reinventmyself, in your post, oops. I have no intention of continuing to talk to him.

[lostlove76]

LostLove...been gone for almost 2 days.

Welcome back! I missed you guys who have been gone the past couple days.

 

I swear...you said you had started to read it...buy you quit. Why? Cuz you were in denial, and it was showing you his side that was the real him, and you weren't ready to face that yet.

 

I want you to find that book TONIGHT and leaf thru it...and see what jumps out at you! It's all in the first half of the book...so you don't have to search far!!! lol

Actually, the first half is what I did read!! Then I quit. I didn't read the second half, because I wasn't ready to do the hard work about why I'm attracted to these sorts of guys, and if I recall correctly, that's what the rest of the book focused on. I read all of the first half though. However, I don't really want to read it again right now, because you're RIGHT, I'm still in a bit of denial -- as I was when I read it the first time, but I made myself read it anyways.

 

I got home today, (from padding another river) and he texted....Did you survive the Volga?

 

I never answered.

 

I wanted so badly to tell him what happened. I did flip over on some small rapids, and my boat was lodged between some rocks....and this girl and I could hardly get the boat unlodged because of the force of the current....

 

But of course I can't tell him all of that....because I'm ignoring him.

Well it's good he texted, and good that you ignored him. Congrats! I know it's hard. But even if you don't think it hurts him, doesn't it make you feel just a little bit better in some small way? If nothing else, it shows that you're being strong in the moment.

 

Aside from flipping over (scary!) I hope you had a great time!!

[Realitynut]

NOW is the time to read it again! Before you were in COMPLETE denial....now hopefully , with us beating it into your head, you realize that he will NEVER change, and it's YOU that has so bite the bullet and let him go.

 

Actually, it's NOT good that he texted. I had made up my mind, that if I never heard from him in the 8 days he was gone...I was blocking him. In fact, I asked the girl that I kayaked with, if SHE could block him for me...so I COULDN"T CONTACT HIM. She said it didn't work that way....I could only block him, but I could still call him. ugh. I"M the one who's WEAK.

 

So anyway, This coming Friday was Block time. I was like you, never wanted to completely cut him out of my life. But after reading all the replies to YOUR JOURNAL...I realized i'm keeping myself in that cycle of HOT/COLD. I only have myself to blame.

 

And then reading that book....and others...but boy...that one really hit the nail on the head.

 

REALLY and TRULY...you NEED to look at that book tonite...read it with NEW and OPEN eyes. And not only with you mind telling you what's best...but your heart.

 

It talks about how you accept his crumbs, because you truly don't think you'll get anything better.

 

And as you and I have discussed before...are crumbs better than NOTHING?

 

My feelings are: At the time...a crumb gets your hopes up. As in the intermittent reinforcement....but then you have the big let down...when you realize that they are lies, half-truths, and 'future faking'.

 

I HAVE to tell Tom...if I ever expect or hope...to find a guy who can truly love me...and all of me...and not only part time...I HAVE TO MOVE ON!

 

I will never (and you too) be ready to love another guy, if I'm pining away for Tom. And you know what? At MY age....I just might NOT find a guy. But gee....do I only want one or 2 or 3 days a month that I'm truly happy....and then have 20 that I'm crying?

 

I do think after you get over the addiction (and that is what it is...and you know it!) you and I will feel so much better. Will we be lonely? Yep. But then you have GOT to start to make a life worth living.

 

Like I said before, after I got out of the deep depression after the fiancé cheated on me....2 years later I joined meetup. Best thing I ever did.

 

You have anxiety. Work on it. Like I said...drive to a park. Go for a walk. Get out of your comfort zone. DO SOMETHING. I could never stand to eat in restaurants alone. Even in the high school cafeteria....

I was self-conscious that people thought I didn't 'have any friends'...when in reality, they just didn't have lunch the same time I did!!

 

Now at 61...I can go eat out alone...lol....just don't do it very often. But push your limits. Tell yourself, today I am going to do this...and not think of 'him' for ONE hour!

 

What do you do besides stay at home, and work for a few hours? You said you do have a friend...right? Can't you go do a movie once a week....?

 

Do you enjoy anything? Outside of him. I understand. I always said...hey I can go hiking, but it's better to go with him. But then half the time it wasn't ....cuz he'd walk ahead of me, and make sure I didn't feet to 'wanted'....he was trying to 'detach' from me during those walks.

 

Or I would say...sure is fun paddling...but not as fun as paddling with him. Then i'd paddle with him...and he'd paddle waaaay ahead of me....and pissss me off! lol

 

So you see....we have this fantasy in our heads...on what is is like! But it's only what it is like...a very small percent of the time. OR how it was at the beginning.

 

In the BOOK....REALITY vs. ILLUSION

 

Which do YOU think you're living in? A fantasy world???

 

And thanks...I did have a good time. (even tho I'd prefer to have been with HIM...the reality is...it probably wouldn't have been all that fun, cuz he would have hurt me in some way!)

[boltnrun]

"I never trusted him to be faithful."

 

WHY again do you think he's such a wonderful man??????

[lostlove76]

Eh, I don't feel like reading it tonight! I just kind of want to chill. I think I'm just going to get even madder if I read the book again, because it really makes me angry that guys are like this. I myself have a few bad qualities that are similar to these guys - I can certainly be selfish and emotionally unavailable. But I don't go around destroying other people and having no conscience about it. It just makes me angry that they KNOW they have the capacity to be $h!theads and they go around destroying people anyway. I'm getting mad just typing these sentences lol. So I really don't want to read the book and have to think about it too much at the moment. Sorry, I know you're trying to help!! Which I appreciate

 

Your suggestions are good, to get out of my comfort zone. This: "I could never stand to eat in restaurants alone. Even in the high school cafeteria.... I was self-conscious that people thought I didn't 'have any friends'...when in reality, they just didn't have lunch the same time I did!!" ME TOO!! I don't like going places alone. I feel like I stick out like a sore thumb. I also don't like going places with other people, because it takes too much mental energy to talk and socialize when I'm feeling this way. Soooo, I just don't go anywhere at all. I love going to parks and lakes and such, and I wish that I could easily do that. But it's either go alone or with someone, and both options kind of suck. What to do, what to do.... I'll have to think about it. I think it's awesome that you now feel comfortable doing things alone!!

 

61 isn't that old, I bet you could find another guy. My neighbor was married for a looooong time and got divorced, then she was single for a looooong time, and then she got remarried to a guy she met at a car dealership. I forget how old she was at the time, but not too much younger than you. It can happen!!

 

I have something in the oven, I'll come back and respond to more.

[lostlove76]

"I never trusted him to be faithful."

 

WHY again do you think he's such a wonderful man??????

 

He kept INSISTING that he didn't want anyone else, wouldn't cheat on me, wasn't talking to anyone else, had outgrown how he used to be, was in a bad place when he was seeing others before we became exclusive. He sounded sincere. I wanted to believe him. He also kept telling me that the one thing he would never do was lie to me. But I was always super-paranoid because of his past and his flirty nature, so I was always looking on social media for any wrongdoings. I didn't want to be blindsided.

 

My feelings of him being a wonderful man are diminishing day by day. If there's one thing I can't stand, it's a cheater and a womanizer. I'm just having a hard time coming to terms with it, since he filled my head with all those wonderful words for so long and I spent so long wanting so badly to believe in him.

[boltnrun]

You remind me a bit of my best friend.

 

For a long time (and even still sometimes) she absolutely refused to believe that people lied. She insisted that lying was impossible because "well, they'd FEEL BAD!!!" I tried so many times to explain that some people did indeed lie, but she wouldn't hear it. She believed what people told her all the time, because they said so! It's kind of like that commercial where someone insists that everything you read on the internet is true, because you can't put untrue things on the internet!

 

So, he lied. And you knew for a fact that he had a history of cheating and lying. I'm not sure why you thought he'd be different with you...I'm guessing because he said so? But when a person who lies speaks, you just have to take into account their history. You had a clear picture of the kind of man he is, but you chose to ignore the warning signs.

 

Which brings you where you are today.

 

Now, you cannot accept blame for him being a liar. YOU did not make him lie, and he didn't lie because you are lacking in some way. He lied because that's what he does. He lies to get what he wants (which is the primary motivation for most liars...they gain in some way by lying), and he decided he wanted to lie to you to get what he wanted from you.

 

And like most liars, they minimize the effects of their lies. Yeah, to him it's no big deal, because he doesn't understand why lying hurts others. He got what he wanted, so it's all good in his mind. And since he's a liar, he presumes everyone else lies. He doesn't let others' lies affect him, so he can't understand why his lies hurt you. Or, he just plain doesn't care. Bottom line, the end result is he will continue to lie to you to get what he wants, and he will continue to minimize the effect his lies and his actions have on you.

 

Remember the things I told you my ex said to me? Yep, lots of beautiful words that he did not mean. The words got him what he wanted...me coming back to him so he could assure himself he was, indeed, the greatest stud on the planet who women just can't forget.

 

The only thing WE can do is remove them from our lives, because trying to keep the relationship going will only result in more pain caused by their lies and their disregard for our feelings.

[browneyedgirl36]

To answer your question about my ex bringing his girlfriend to work: It may not have been directed at me, per se, but he had to know that it would hurt me. I believe that he talked about other women in front of me to let me know, in no uncertain terms, that he had others to choose from and therefore was NOT choosing me. That, and he had/has a HUGELY inflated ego and loves attention from a lot of women.

 

I understand your points about not wanting to read that book: I read it, and I admit, a lot of it upset me at first, because I was reading some stuff that I KNEW was very, very true, but I didn't want to admit it to myself. One of the things it suggests is that the "fallback girl" is herself often emotionally unavailable. I hated to admit that -- it had been suggested to me by a therapist once -- but I had to admit that it was probably true. Once I did, though, I knew I wanted to do the work to change things, to insure that guys like my ex wouldn't ever be interested in me again. And they haven't. Seriously, the ONLY guys I've been on dates with --including my current boyfriend -- have been decent guys, even if things didn't work out with some of them. No players, no narcissists, no egomaniacs, no "emotionally unavailables." I think it's true you have to be someone YOU would want to date. Once I was, I found someone great!

 

My ex really had me beaten down, to the point where I'd be driving to his house KNOWING I shouldn't be going, KNOWING I should turn around and go home, but he had managed my expectations down so much that I was willing to accept any little crumbs of his attention, for however briefly he was offering them -- I had convinced myself that *something* was better than nothing. Not so. Was he a terrible person? Sometimes, it seemed that way. I even told a friend of mine once, "Sometimes, I really hate him." In the end, I think he was just a person with a LOT of issues, ones that he wasn't willing to address, ones that, from what I hear through the grapevine, he still has.

 

One thing I learned: He knew EXACTLY what to say to keep me hooked. I like to say he gave me just enough rope to hang myself with. Now, I look back on some of the stuff he said to me -- the nice stuff -- and I roll my eyes. The other stuff -- the stuff he said that stabbed me in the heart -- was the stuff he really meant. It took me a long time to realize that, though.

[Realitynut]

I'm sorry LostLove. I know we're coming down hard on you. I'm surprised you're still with us! lol

 

Heck...I made a personal journal, so I couldn't hear the cold hard truths!

 

Living in a fantasy relationship with the illusion that 'some day he will come for me'....is so much better than the realization/disillusionment that he is a drunk that has commitment issues, and even tho it APPEARS as if he's chasing other women...it's only for the short term...because he REALLY DOESN'T WANT a COMMITMENT.

 

Not from YOU...not from ANYONE.

 

While I was typing that out....and fantasy....and some day he will come for me....made me think:

 

Some day my prince will come... ​

 

 

 

[Realitynut]

5 years ago yesterday...I was to be married. Have my dress...my shoes...my jewelry...

5 years ago in April...it finally came to a screeching halt.

 

Thing is...he never ever did really want to marry me. He finally had to have an affair...just to get OUT of it.

And after he had the other woman....he strung me along for 8 more months.

 

It took me a LONG time to get over it...but I did. Now, I actually could be friends with him, because, unlike Tom his was never mean...just cheated! lol

I never actually thought I'd marry Tom....so the hurt is there...but my whole FUTURE isn't wiped out if I quit seeing him.

 

Just the immediate 'oh I miss' him moments of paddling together, texting all day...just the fact of 'having' someone there....great sex! (hell...you're not even getting that!)

 

But I want MORE.

 

And this is what your thread is all about. You COULD live with the once every 2 day phone calls. You COULD live with the promises that he'll come get you....but never happens. (Because in reality...you're afraid too! Which...*cough*cough*....plays into YOU being a commitment phobe too! aaargh)

 

You could live in your fantasy world, replaying in your head the good times of him sitting on the porch, drinking, talking, each saying they've never felt this way before....sigh...it FELT SO GOOD.....lets keep remembering.....I'll never have this ever, ever, ever, ever,.....he's the only one who ever got me....and I got him. Soulmates.

 

But!!! You came on here because you wanted MORE.

 

You wanted MORE than the breadcrumbs of the phonecalls whenever he was drunk...or wanted to talk.

You wanted MORE than the PROMISE of a relationship.

You wanted MORE than just the 'hope'....of maybe...someday...he'll come to his senses and see what he lost.

 

And that really hurts, when you realize that the hope you had, was really 'false hope.'

 

Crap....5 years ago I made a post on here entitled...false hope. And some guy said....'That's the saddest thing I've ever read on here'....So I get it.

 

((hugs))

[lostlove76]

Bolt: Yeah, I guess I am kinda like your friend. It's just beyond me how someone can lie like that and sound so sincere. He truly always sounded like even HE believed the things he was saying. And perhaps he did, ya know? He was always in such a living-in-the-moment drunken haze.

 

Oddly enough, I have a cousin who is a pathological liar - she lies about things all the time, big and small. And I never believe anything she says! I question the validity of everything that comes out of her mouth. So I don't know why I don't believe her at all, yet I believed him. I guess just because I wanted so badly to believe him.

 

He said one thing a while back that I found disturbing. He said (for the thousandth time) that he's a horrible person. And then he said "I figure if I was drunk when I did it, it didn't happen." Which just shows how easily he's able to push things aside and not feel bad about them. And since he's ALWAYS drunk, this includes pretty much everything he's ever done.

 

If I ask him something that he doesn't want to answer, he doesn't usually lie -- he will evade the question in every way possible, usually by saying "it doesn't matter." He could lie, but he doesn't. And then he was so honest about trashy girl being hot, but was evasive about when he met her and what they did. I don't think he thinks that he lies. I think when he's saying he's coming to get me, he actually means it during the 10 seconds it takes to come out of his mouth. Just very in the moment, with no thoughts about following through.

 

I guess I'm kind of all over the place in this post. Because I don't really know how much of a liar he actually is. But maybe he's told lies that I was unaware were lies.

[boltnrun]

So...if he's been drunk pretty much your entire relationship, does that mean he considers that it didn't happen?

 

ETA: I'm not trying to be mean, but instead trying to understand his logic.

[notalady]

LostLove I'm not sure I read anywhere but just curious how old are you again?

[lostlove76]

To answer your question about my ex bringing his girlfriend to work: It may not have been directed at me, per se, but he had to know that it would hurt me. I believe that he talked about other women in front of me to let me know, in no uncertain terms, that he had others to choose from and therefore was NOT choosing me. That, and he had/has a HUGELY inflated ego and loves attention from a lot of women.

SO cruel! Just completely insensitive. I've said this before, but it's weird how we can look at each other's situations and see that the guy is a jerk, but can't see it in our own cases (when we're stuck in it - I know you can see it now that you're over him).

 

I understand your points about not wanting to read that book: I read it, and I admit, a lot of it upset me at first, because I was reading some stuff that I KNEW was very, very true, but I didn't want to admit it to myself. One of the things it suggests is that the "fallback girl" is herself often emotionally unavailable. I hated to admit that -- it had been suggested to me by a therapist once -- but I had to admit that it was probably true. Once I did, though, I knew I wanted to do the work to change things, to insure that guys like my ex wouldn't ever be interested in me again. And they haven't. Seriously, the ONLY guys I've been on dates with --including my current boyfriend -- have been decent guys, even if things didn't work out with some of them. No players, no narcissists, no egomaniacs, no "emotionally unavailables." I think it's true you have to be someone YOU would want to date. Once I was, I found someone great!

That's encouraging to hear. They do say that we only date our mirrors, or something like that. We fall for commitment-phobes and emotionally unavailables because we are those things too. I guess we subconsciously gravitate towards those we feel comfortable with; if we're emotionally unavailable, we need someone else who is as well.

 

I feel like I'm about 95% emotionally unavailable to the majority of the people in my life right now. I have absolutely nothing to give. My mind and heart are completely caught up in just trying to survive this thing with him. I can barely even hold a conversation that doesn't involve him.

 

I must have been emotionally unavailable when I met him, too, though. It's just a hard thing to first recognize, and then fix.

 

I'm glad you have worked through your issues and have found someone awesome for you!!

[lostlove76]

LostLove I'm not sure I read anywhere but just curious how old are you again?

 

I'll answer this real quick and then backtrack to the other posts. I'm late 30's, approaching 40. I'm so paranoid about giving exact details like age because I'm afraid he'll stumble upon this thread one day. I would be mortified! Although, I've already given enough details that he would recognize himself!

[lostlove76]

I'm sorry LostLove. I know we're coming down hard on you. I'm surprised you're still with us! lol

 

Heck...I made a personal journal, so I couldn't hear the cold hard truths!

 

Living in a fantasy relationship with the illusion that 'some day he will come for me'....is so much better than the realization/disillusionment that he is a drunk that has commitment issues

 

It's kinda tough to hear some of this stuff, I won't lie, LOL. But notice how at the beginning I was adamantly defending him every chance I got. And I think I've really come around to seeing what you guys see. So that is a good thing, right? And honestly, I'm amazed at how kind and patient you all are. I keep waiting for the day when everyone gets fed up with me and leaves the thread for good. Lol, glad that hasn't happened yet.

 

even tho it APPEARS as if he's chasing other women...it's only for the short term...because he REALLY DOESN'T WANT a COMMITMENT.

 

Not from YOU...not from ANYONE.

 

As I've said, that's my greatest fear -- him giving a commitment to some other girl. So it's good to hear you and others remind me of this. Of course I wish he would give ME a commitment, but if he's not going to, then I certainly don't want him giving it to anyone else. That would make me feel lower than low.

 

While I was typing that out....and fantasy....and some day he will come for me....made me think:

 

Some day my prince will come... ​

I hope he does! YOU DESERVE IT!!!

When I copied/pasted yours, it took off the italics and larger font, sorry. So I made mine bigger for you

[lostlove76]

5 years ago yesterday...I was to be married. Have my dress...my shoes...my jewelry...

5 years ago in April...it finally came to a screeching halt.

 

Thing is...he never ever did really want to marry me. He finally had to have an affair...just to get OUT of it.

And after he had the other woman....he strung me along for 8 more months.

What a JERK. I'm so sorry that happened to you. HUGS to you, too. It's always the nicest people who get crapped all over, isn't it?

 

And this is what your thread is all about. You COULD live with the once every 2 day phone calls. You COULD live with the promises that he'll come get you....but never happens. (Because in reality...you're afraid too! Which...*cough*cough*....plays into YOU being a commitment phobe too! aaargh)

 

You could live in your fantasy world, replaying in your head the good times of him sitting on the porch, drinking, talking, each saying they've never felt this way before....sigh...it FELT SO GOOD.....lets keep remembering.....I'll never have this ever, ever, ever, ever,.....he's the only one who ever got me....and I got him. Soulmates.

 

But!!! You came on here because you wanted MORE.

 

You wanted MORE than the breadcrumbs of the phonecalls whenever he was drunk...or wanted to talk.

You wanted MORE than the PROMISE of a relationship.

You wanted MORE than just the 'hope'....of maybe...someday...he'll come to his senses and see what he lost.

 

"(Because in reality...you're afraid too! Which...*cough*cough*....plays into YOU being a commitment phobe too! aaargh)" Probably so!!! Although I would commit to him for the rest of my life in a heartbeat!

 

"You could live in your fantasy world, replaying in your head the good times of him sitting on the porch, drinking, talking, each saying they've never felt this way before....sigh...it FELT SO GOOD.....lets keep remembering.....I'll never have this ever, ever, ever, ever,.....he's the only one who ever got me....and I got him. Soulmates." I've been doing so much of this kind of thinking during the past few days, ugh

 

"But!!! You came on here because you wanted MORE.

You wanted MORE than the breadcrumbs of the phonecalls whenever he was drunk...or wanted to talk.

You wanted MORE than the PROMISE of a relationship.

You wanted MORE than just the 'hope'....of maybe...someday...he'll come to his senses and see what he lost."

SO TRUE. I tried to be okay with it, I tried to defend it, but yes I did want more.

"The promise of a relationship" -- what an accurate way to put it.

[lostlove76]

So...if he's been drunk pretty much your entire relationship, does that mean he considers that it didn't happen?

 

ETA: I'm not trying to be mean, but instead trying to understand his logic.

 

I know you're not trying to be mean, it's cool.

 

Honestly, even I don't understand his logic. I wish I did!!! I guess if it conveniently suits him to consider it as not having happened (like if he's going after some other girl) then that's what he'll do. Because he's just a selfish ***** like that. There's really no other way to say it. He's a jerk, in so many ways. He only thinks about himself. Still trying to come to terms with that.

 

ETA: Aghh, it keeps blanking out my not-so-nice words

[Realitynut]

LOL....someday my prince will come...was meant for YOU....lol

 

Living in a fantasy that he will come and 'get' you!!! hahahaha

 

Of course...I hope my prince will come someday too.

 

My mom told me she knows someone who got married at 90...so there's still hope for me!

 

Good ole' mom.

[lostlove76]

Soooo, it's getting late and I don't think he's going to try calling. I still want him to try, despite everything. He still could call within the next three hours, if he does call, so the night isn't over yet. Guess we'll see.

[lostlove76]

LOL....someday my prince will come...was meant for YOU....lol

 

Living in a fantasy that he will come and 'get' you!!! hahahaha

 

Of course...I hope my prince will come someday too.

 

My mom told me she knows someone who got married at 90...so there's still hope for me!

 

Good ole' mom.

 

Ohh... HAHA! Well, I hope a prince comes for YOU, because you deserve one