The Ups and Downs of Loving a Commitment-Phobe

[lostlove76]

I believe that many commitment phobes or those who are emotionally unavailable like to live their lives online. It is much safer behind a computer.

 

It is impossible to know what his intentions are but I ask you this, would you post flirtatious comments on a mutual guy friend's Facebook if there was a slight chance he could see it, considering everything that is going on with the two of you? I doubt it. Again, this is another example of him showing you who he is.

 

Yes, and long-distance!! (in reply to your first paragraph). So maybe he'll keep it online. Or one-night stands. My worst fear is that he'll find someone else to connect with like he and I did, and they'll form that same kind of bond and have what we had. It meant a lot to me that we got so close since he makes sure not to get too close to anyone. And I know it meant a lot to him as well. Just not enough to become a good person, apparently.

 

Your last question is interesting, and I have to be honest. I've done similar (not as bad but similar) during times in the past when he was being distant with me. I felt hurt and rejected, and I would make little comments hoping he would see and either get jealous or think I didn't care as much about him. Stupid and immature and unappealing, but I did do it. I wouldn't do it now. I feel like I've grown up or calmed down in some way since then, even though it was just within the past couple years. I mean, it was very mild stuff really, but my intention was immature. So it's POSSIBLE that he was doing it because he felt rejected and wanted to make me jealous, but who knows. I don't know if it even occurred to him that I might see it. He was probably just being his typical flirty womanizing self. Showing who he is, as you say.

[lilygirl]

Yes, and long-distance!! (in reply to your first paragraph). So maybe he'll keep it online. Or one-night stands. My worst fear is that he'll find someone else to connect with like he and I did, and they'll form that same kind of bond and have what we had. It meant a lot to me that we got so close since he makes sure not to get too close to anyone. And I know it meant a lot to him as well. Just not enough to become a good person, apparently.

 

Your last question is interesting, and I have to be honest. I've done similar (not as bad but similar) during times in the past when he was being distant with me. I felt hurt and rejected, and I would make little comments hoping he would see and either get jealous or think I didn't care as much about him. Stupid and immature and unappealing, but I did do it. I wouldn't do it now. I feel like I've grown up or calmed down in some way since then, even though it was just within the past couple years. I mean, it was very mild stuff really, but my intention was immature. So it's POSSIBLE that he was doing it because he felt rejected and wanted to make me jealous, but who knows. I don't know if it even occurred to him that I might see it. He was probably just being his typical flirty womanizing self. Showing who he is, as you say.

 

I do not doubt that you and he connected, but due to his issues that connection is unsustainable for him. He is making a few weak efforts to keep in touch and while doing that he continues to flirt, chat with other women etc. You have explained yourself and have tried to make him see and understand but he still can't, he is completely incapable. You have mentioned that he is an alcoholic and rather narcissistic, by his own admission as well, and these two issues prevent him from seeing much beyond himself and what he wants and needs at any given moment.

 

I am sorry that you are struggling and hurting as you are.

[lostlove76]

Love as a feeling is not black and white. But love as a verb, as an action, as a way of how you treat people, IS pretty black and white. And whether you choose to accept the way someone treats you, regardless of what they are FEELING, is also pretty black and white. If the treatment is hurtful, mean, dishonest, disloyal, does it matter whether they think/feel they love you? At the end of the day, it's the action that matters. It's the action that actually impacts you.

 

This is a good explanation. I don't know why I get so hung up on what he FEELS as opposed to how he acts. I guess his feelings just meant so much to me. I don't want to get into convincing-mode again about how I know that he did deeply feel it, but I do know that he did. And it meant the world to me. I'm not so sure that it's a matter of me needing to feel lovable (self-esteem) because the last guy I dated for any length of time, years ago, felt the same way about me and I knew it. But it didn't really matter to me so much, because I didn't feel the same for him; I didn't feel the connection, he annoyed me, so it didn't mean much. But with this guy, it meant SO much to me.

 

As for the way you react to him, it sounds to me like excuses for his bad behaviour, like you're bringing yourself down to his level by saying "I'm bad too". Well it's not the same. You are reacting to his bad treatment, the way you reacted aren't the best, the best reaction would be to leave, but short of leaving, these reactions are your self defence mechanism, much like your immune system would react to a virus or bacteria harming you. You can't be expected to behave lovingly towards someone who doesn't behave lovingly to towards you. It's not the same thing as what he does. He's the one doing the hurting, you're the one reacting to it.

 

I bet I probably am using it as an excuse.

 

You're right about me acting that way in reaction to how he treated me. You explained it perfectly.

 

Firstly people don't change fundamentally, that is their personality and character and values don't change.

 

I guess his values and character are that womanizing and cheating is no big deal He's been doing it his whole life. Selfishness is also a part of his character. So is being a loner. He'll probably never want a true life partner. He told me once in a candid moment that living life alone was easier. I guess it is, because you get to be selfish and not have to consider anyone else's needs! Yet as I type all this, I still stubbornly wish he would change. He's been good for periods of time, but always reverts back.

 

It's great that you've made it to two weeks NC now. I'm (and other posters) keep saying all this to keep you from giving in and to actually change your mindset in how you're viewing this. Because to me, as long as you still have hope that he might change to become the man you want, and as long as you continue to insist on subjecting yourself to opportunists to engage with him (his calls and texts and online presences), there's still have a good chance you'll give in and go back to him regardless how long you've made it in NC.

 

Okay, I see. Thanks for keeping me on the right path. I probably would have answered by now without this thread, honestly. I tried for almost two years on maaaaaaany occasions to cut him off and I could never make it stick. So maybe all these things y'all have been saying have been absorbed, slowly but surely

[lostlove76]

You have mentioned that he is an alcoholic and rather narcissistic, by his own admission as well, and these two issues prevent him from seeing much beyond himself and what he wants and needs at any given moment.

 

That makes sense. I've heard that addicts/alcoholics have arrested development, so he is emotionally immature, as well - which would keep him from caring about anything outside his own needs. He acts like a rebellious teenager in a lot of ways. I think he had his first drink at like 12 years old. Why is it that I can know and "understand" these things intellectually, and yet I still remain confused about why he acts the way he does. Maybe it's a deep case of denial, I don't know.

 

He is making a few weak efforts to keep in touch and while doing that he continues to flirt, chat with other women etc.

 

Yep. I don't see how he thinks he's going to get to me to answer the phone when he knows I can see him all over the dating site. He did stay off mostly, though, before calling me - which I wondered if he did that as an attempt to get me to answer. Could be coincidence or could have been on purpose, who knows.

 

His flirting behavior disgusts me. Mostly just because it hurts

 

I do not doubt that you and he connected, but due to his issues that connection is unsustainable for him.

 

Which is why he always threw up roadblocks when we got too close. He's told me many times that being close to someone scares him, and I can assure that it wasn't one of those excuses guys will use, or a ploy for sympathy, or anything of that nature. The closest he got to describing for me why that is, is that time when he told me that he didn't want me to know how much he loved me, and I said why, and he said because it scares the s h i t out of him. And I said it scares me too, because it means you can get hurt, and he said that's the thing. But I think he also fears engulfment. He said he can't handle it when someone gets attached (well then don't lead them into attachment then, geez), but said that he was attached to me too. These are deep issues that I can't even begin to understand. I've had sympathy about it at times, but now it just makes me mad, because it hurts people.

 

I am sorry that you are struggling and hurting as you are.

 

Thank you

[notalady]

 

I guess his values and character are that womanizing and cheating is no big deal He's been doing it his whole life. Selfishness is also a part of his character. So is being a loner. He'll probably never want a true life partner. He told me once in a candid moment that living life alone was easier. I guess it is, because you get to be selfish and not have to consider anyone else's needs!

 

See now you're talking. You DO see him for what he really is and you DO know this is who he is. You're not delusional (thank god). You're just having a hard time accepting this is the case and will likely forever be the case because you've invested so much in him.

 

You know some people investing in the stock market and refuse to cut their losses on a company that's no longer worth investing in, the stock price continues to fall and every day they wake up WISHING the price will go up, they tell themselves it will go up soon, as if wishing and hoping can change the facts. Sometimes the price does go up a bit for a little while and they think this is it, things are turning around! But then it starts plummeting again. They don't look at the fact that the company is no longer worth investing in (fundamentally), and got caught up in a temporary change. Eventually they ride it all the way to be bottom where they lose all their investment while smart people had exited long ago at the first sign that the company was no longer a good investment and probably already made the losses back in better investments elsewhere and then some.

[annie24]

See now you're talking. You DO see him for what he really is and you DO know this is who he is. You're not delusional (thank god). You're just having a hard time accepting this is the case and will likely forever be the case because you've invested so much in him.

 

You know some people investing in the stock market and refuse to cut their losses on a company that's no longer worth investing in, the stock price continues to fall and every day they wake up WISHING the price will go up, they tell themselves it will go up soon, as if wishing and hoping can change the facts. Sometimes the price does go up a bit for a little while and they think this is it, things are turning around! But then it starts plummeting again. They don't look at the fact that the company is no longer worth investing in (fundamentally), and got caught up in a temporary change. Eventually they ride it all the way to be bottom where they lose all their investment while smart people had exited long ago at the first sign that the company was no longer a good investment and probably already made the losses back in better investments elsewhere and then some by this time.

 

I agree!!! I wish I could thank you for this post. I like this analogy. Also the one where you are feeding money into the slot machine but not winning. but you're afraid if you walk away, the next person who comes by hits the jackpot. So you keep going until you have no more money.

[lostlove76]

Good analogy. Ya know, I read an article a while back that has always stuck with me. It was by one of the male online dating experts, I forget which one. But he was saying that people fall in love through investment. So if you're investing emotionally or physically or financially or however else, that's when you start falling in love. His point was to make the man invest in YOU, by letting him do the pursuing and such. So it goes both ways. I've highly invested in this guy from Day 1. And he's invested in me, too, having to call and call and call and do almost 100% of the initiating.

 

Just an interesting concept that I wanted to share in relation to what you said.

[lostlove76]

He called three times again tonight, like clockwork. Didn't leave a message. I wish I knew what he was feeling and thinking.

 

Knock on wood, but I feel like my feelings for him are fading a bit. All I can see him as is a cheater and womanizer. It was really stupid of him to use that word (womanizer) because he branded himself as one, and now I see it as truth.

 

I feel strong for going NC the moment he mentioned dying girl, and sticking with it for two solid weeks now. Our last conversation was exactly two weeks ago today. He probably didn't expect me to be able to stick to it. It feels good to prove him wrong

[notalady]

He said he's a womaniser because he is one. No one would say such things about themselves if they aren't one. I bet he's proud to be one rather than ashamed, otherwise he wouldn't be announcing it.

 

Yes it does feel good to prove him wrong and show him you do have the strength to stand by your boundaries. Good work!

[lostlove76]

Thanks! Now I'm a bit down again because I see he just added dying girl from the beach to his facebook I can tell it's her because he had told me her name. I know everyone will tell me to quit watching his online stuff, but I do it anyway. So he called me three times tonight, and then added her a couple hours later?!? WHAT is he thinking, and how did that happen I thought they had maybe lost touch, but looks like they reconnected.

[lostlove76]

I'm sure I'm not the only one who has "facebook stalked" so I'm just gonna put this here. Heck with it. This girl is trashy as all get out. Like seriously TRASHY. And I'm not just saying that. I guess that's how he likes them now. She had a husband as of April, who is now no longer her facebook friend, so maybe they split? But his profile picture is still of him and her and he still lists himself as married. She just moved to same town as my ex guy, don't know if ex?husband did as well.

 

I guess I'm still hanging on to hope, or I wouldn't care. But I do still care.

 

Why would he call me three times tonight and then add her on facebook???

[LAYAAN]

You have successfully maintained NC for 2 weeks. Great! Keep going! Very soon it will be 2 months, then 6 months, then a year! You will be amazed at how much clarity distance and time can provide.

 

I especially like the last paragraph.

I installed dead2me app to keep such hopeless men away. It screens calls and won't even let your phone ring.

 

Don't worry about who he is dating/seeing and what you think of her. The only thing that matters right now is that he doesn't want to be with you in an honorable way. So, you are moving on. The first thing I did after getting a facebook account was to block all the men (that I can remember) I met for marriage purpose. Also, I kept my profile as private as FB allowed me to. My profile pic also can't be clicked open to make it big. I don't care to let me exes know my whereabouts, whether I'm happy/sad, single/married. I think, the true sign if someone has moved on is that they are not trying to show their ex that they have moved on. I suggest you do the same.

[lostlove76]

Thank you Layaan. I'm not feeling so good about it anymore though. If I hadn't ignored him for two weeks would he have tracked down this girl again? Who is quite obviously not dying, btw. He must have been confused. She's pretty and hot like he said, but lord is she trashy. It's like he has no morals or standards whatsoever. She was in his town with her HUSBAND just a month and a half ago. Now it appears she is leaving her husband and moving to his town (not for him, she grew up there). I know it sounds weird that I would know all this, but it's all right there on her Facebook page, and like I said above, I know I'm not the only one who does this. If he quits trying to call me now, it will probably be because of her.

 

I really did have hope. I mean why would he keep calling for two weeks straight if he didn't care? He could find plenty of others to talk to from the dating site and bars. His world is filled with women. So he obviously kept calling because he cared and missed me, no matter what anyone may say. I can't imagine it would be an ego thing, after all we've been through, and given that he can boost his ego elsewhere. And I don't think he would feel rejected, because my not answering wasn't about rejection.

 

I almost think I need to get back on the dating site and find some rebound just to get over him. I know that won't work. But I don't know what else to do. Every time I think I'm doing better, I fall again. I know I brought it on myself by looking at his page, but I have no willpower, and I'm curious what he's up to.

 

Just venting, I guess.

[lostlove76]

I just saw your added edit Layaan, sorry. My profile is completely private as well. He can't see a thing.

[lostlove76]

I'm feeling sort of panicky, and I have no one to talk to right now, so I'm just going to write. I didn't get a single minute of sleep last night because I can never fall asleep anyway, and then when I saw he added the girl, I certainly could not sleep. I keep picturing this awful scenario of them getting really close. Like what if he lets HER move in with him because she has nowhere to live, and what if he gets HER a job. This person he barely knows. All because she's hot and he feels sorry for her. When I say she is trashy, I'm not just being critical because I don't want him with anyone else. She wrote this long comment a while back blaming her husband for all sorts of things and saying something about sticking a dildo in his eye. It made little sense. Why does he want someone like that?? She is the opposite of me in every single way. She's got hundreds of pictures of herself in skimpy bikinis, she's covered in tattoos, she looks like a rough person. And I don't care, she can be whoever she wants, I'm fairly accepting of people. I just wonder why he wants her. It's all because she's hot! And he thought she was dying, so he gets to play rescuer.

 

I just don't know how to cope with this. I know people get cheated on all the time, and then their ex quickly hooks up with someone else after a breakup. But I've never dealt with anything like this. It's such a horrible feeling. As much as I told myself that I need to move on, I wanted him back. And I have to wonder if I had just answered the phone if he wouldn't have searched for her on Facebook and maybe they wouldn't have reconnected. He called me three times last night and then added her a couple hours later. I couldn't sleep, so I was laying in bed with my phone and I checked his page.

 

But realistically, they probably would have run into each other again anyhow, if she does indeed move there. And when he connected with her the first couple times, he and I were talking, and he still did it. He's not a faithful loyal person, so he was probably going to be with her regardless. I just don't get why he keeps calling me while he's searching high and low for someone else. Now I wish I had answered, just to see what he wants.

 

So I don't know where to go from here. I was doing NC and hoping that over time my feelings would fade, and there was a minuscule chance that he maaaay step it up at some point. Now that hope is gone, unless she gets back with her husband. I'm just feeling really lonely. I literally have no friends left, for one reason or another, except for a friend I pm with on here. My parents aren't awake yet. So I just needed to get this all out somewhere, and that's why I'm writing this.

[ragdoll15]

You know what would happen if you picked up the phone?

 

He'll drunkenly say, "Hey. I miss you."

 

And then you know what else he'll say?

 

"I'm hooking up with this hot chick. (Hope you're okay with that. Just wanted to talk to you because you're easy and you always answer my calls and I can take advantage of you because you have no boundaries.)"

 

That's what he'll say. You need to block him now unless you want to live in limbo land WAITING for him to find someone else while you're not moving on with your life at all.

[lostlove76]

But I'm NOT easy. I've ignored his calls for two straight weeks, and if I did answer, he could be d*mn sure that I would tear him apart for 5 hours. So why is he still calling?

 

And what are the chances that these two will form a relationship? She's leaving behind a husband and kids to move there. He won't care about that. Will she?

 

Please don't anyone tell me that I shouldn't care what he's doing, because we all know that we all care when something like this happens. It probably bothers close to 100% (not literally, but close to it) of people when their ex moves on to someone else.

 

There's nothing at all I can do about it. I just have to cope with the feelings. I guess it just shows his character once again that he would have no problem hooking up with a still-married woman, and a trashy one at that. Sorry to keep harping on the trashy part, but he himself is NOT trashy, so I just don't understand.

[Realitynut]

Hugs...LostLove. I'll respond to your posts when I'm feeling better. Remember I said that tom came to my house....he knew I was upset....and I needed a hug? well...it is now over.

 

Yesterday I was crying....and instead of a hug...he told me I was 'scary'.

When I asked if we were breaking up....he asked...what are you? In 6th grade?

 

When he moved on a few months ago, with a new woman...I thought I couldn't feel any worse than I had been. But I was wrong.

But guess what....he couldn't stand her for more than a day or two either.

 

When I saw that he had added her to facebook, I about died...because we weren't even friends on fb.

 

anyway. I've cried all day. Sat on the couch and did nothing. It's time for YOU and ME and everyone else going thru this sh*t to get our act together. These guys AREN'T gonna change.

 

1 1/2 years ago, when I started seeing another guy...we didn't talk for ONE month. He then called repeatedly. I finally answered. He said he loved me. We talked for 2 hours. And where did that get me?

Last fall...I didn't talk to him for over 2 weeks. I started talking to someone else. (but still had feelings for Tom) Tom came to my house...saying he was an A$$, and he wanted me for the REST OF HIS LIFE!

 

That lasted for a month.

 

Can you see where I am getting with all of this. You can ignore him for 2 weeks. You can ignore him for a month...but until YOU DON'T WANT HIM ANYMORE...UNTIL YOU STOP HOPING FOR HIM TO CHANGE....you will never move on and get over him. You will keep pining for him....and eventually you will cave. He will say nice things....and you will think...this time he means it.

 

Been there. Done that. Doesn't change.

 

The fiancé up in Wisconsin (the guy that brought me here) Hadn't seen him for a YEAR....and still fell into his arms...kissing and crying...when I went up there to MOVE.

 

So....it's not up to HIM....whether you move on or not.

 

It's up to YOU.

 

Because he's a loser...he will always come and suck you back in.

Why?

Because he can.

[lostlove76]

Hugs to you too, realitynut. I'm so sorry that you're going through the same type of thing yet again. I guess you're feeling pretty much exactly like I'm feeling right now. It sucks big time.

 

You're right about the moving on part, about it being up to me. He's kept calling and I could have answered at any time. I didn't really want to talk to him, because what could be said? And I had my huge list of reasons that I needed to drop him. But I REALLY DID hope that something would change. I even started thinking maybe he would move back here for me at some point. I thought me not talking to him would make him feel the loss and he would have to do something to get "us" back. I knew that wasn't realistic, but I was hoping for it. Now it surely won't happen if this girl does move there. I truly felt like he was the love of my life. I've said it before, but I don't think I'll ever even want anyone else. So it was between him and nobody. And I wanted him. If he hadn't used such strong and meaningful words for such a long period of time, maybe I wouldn't have had the hope. But when someone tells (and not just once, but hundreds of times) that you you're their soulmate and they want to be with you forever and they've never loved anyone before you, well of course it gives you hope. And hope is a hard thing to let go of.

 

I really am tempted to answer if he ever calls again and just ask him what he WANTS. It feels like I need some closure. He's kept calling and calling, so he must want SOMETHING. I mean what could he possibly get out of that at this point if he didn't care? There's nothing for him to gain. Certainly not a backup booty call or anything of that nature.

 

I know I'm going to have to let go. There's just this big huge empty hole inside me where he's been. And here I'm still hoping that this girl will get back with her HUSBAND and stay with him and her kids and not move to where he is. Two months ago she said she hates that place, and now she's saying she's moving there. I guess it's not about her. If it wasn't her it would eventually be someone else. But it kills me to think that he would give her what he didn't give me simply because she's "hot," completely overlooking her rough personality. I can really just see him moving her in with him, this person he barely knows, and getting her a job. When he wouldn't do that for me, his soulmate.

 

I don't know what we can do, realitynut. I don't know how we can quit caring about these men who we continue to allow to emotionally destroy us. That's our downfall - that we care, and we can't turn it off.

[missmarple]

Please don't anyone tell me that I shouldn't care what he's doing, because we all know that we all care when something like this happens. It probably bothers close to 100% (not literally, but close to it) of people when their ex moves on to someone else.

 

Only when they're not over those exes. When I had gotten my divorce, I couldn't care less what my ex husband was doing.

[lostlove76]

Only when they're not over those exes. When I had gotten my divorce, I couldn't care less what my ex husband was doing.

 

I wish I couldn't care less.

[Realitynut]

Oh yeah. I hated my ex husband. After 20 years....I could have cared LESS what he was doing. He married another woman after knowing her only 8 months. (was divorced a few years by that time) And I was happy for him.

 

Also...when YOU break up with someone, because of no feelings...doesn't suck at all!

 

It's only being dumped by someone that you are still holding out hope for....or still having idealized, romantic memories of....that make this all suck.

 

It took YEARS for me to get over the ex in Wisconsin. I was about to go to a hypnotist. Really. was looking them up. I wanted him wiped from my memory.

 

6 years later...I could care less. Even tho Tom says I mention 'Dan's" name daily. I don't. Lie. I mention TOMS name daily....if not hourly.

[Realitynut]

/

 

Have I sent this to you before? I have tons of stuff like this copied.

 

You just have to remember....he had 7 months to show you he wanted you.

 

He chose NOT to. Keeping you as a phone friend....is the closest he ever wanted you.

 

He doesn't WANT or NEED more.

 

Plus...keep remembering...he only talks to you when he's DRUNK. Still shaking my head over that one...

[lostlove76]

/

 

Have I sent this to you before? I have tons of stuff like this copied.

 

You just have to remember....he had 7 months to show you he wanted you.

 

He chose NOT to. Keeping you as a phone friend....is the closest he ever wanted you.

 

He doesn't WANT or NEED more.

 

Plus...keep remembering...he only talks to you when he's DRUNK. Still shaking my head over that one...

 

But if he doesn't want more, then how's he going to handle this girl living there? I hope I'm jumping ahead of myself, but all I know is that 1) they shared some moment on the beach, 2) he thinks she's hot, 3) she's planning on moving there, 4) he just added her to facebook. He doesn't like for people to get attached, says he can't handle it. But does it matter that this girl is HOT? Is that all that matters? Will he get super-close to her just because of this, and also because he can "save" her? She doesn't seem to have the values that he and I had in common (although I have to question his values with this one).

 

Thanks for the link, I'll check it out.

[Realitynut]

Listen....all you are is speculating. You don't know anything for SURE. My guy was crazy over 'new girl'. Had so much in common. Hiking. They even LOOKED alike. I thought they were twins, separated at birth.

 

But ya know what? He got tired of her too. She lived an hour and a half away...so he wouldn't have to see her much. But guess what? He was too lazy to drive that far....and she had to go to him...which she did. Then that last weekend together...She was there Friday nite, Sat. night, and Sunday night. He wanted her to go home...but she said she was too tired. That was the weekend I decided never to stalk...or care. I had driven by at 1 in the morning....ugh.

 

So. So what? She's on his fb. She's trashy. He's not that great of a CATCH. Trust me on that. If someone told you....lets say...you sister....hey...I met a guy. He's an alcoholic, doesn't get emotionally attached, he lies, he leads you on, regnigs on his 'promises', kisses other girls...and the list goes on...what would you tell your sister! Hey...he sounds like a GREAT CATCH! Oh yeah...but he says flowery things.....buy doesn't back it up with actions.

 

He only is adding her, because he met her. 2 years ago, Tom went out with a girl for a few months. This was because I wouldn't get 'intimate' with him. Meaning...even kissing him. He met this girl, added her to fb. I was NOT happy...cuz I wasn't even added as a friend. She met his brother ONCE...and she added HIM to her facebook. Some people just like adding friends.

 

Sure...maybe he IS talking to her. Another phone buddy. BUT WHO CARES!!!??? You are suppose to be moving on!

 

You are doing all of this to make him come to HIS SENSES. That he will miss you....and shape up! It ain't gonna happen.

 

What will it take, for YOU (and me) to come to YOUR senses?

 

LOL...I'm at least still 'making love' to him on an almost weekly basis....you haven't even seen your guy in what....??? Going on 8 months now?

 

I know I sound cruel...but this is not...or SHOULD not be going NC in hopes of winning him back. it should be NC in trying to get over your addiction to him.

 

All this is said, with the kindest intentions...but trust me. Every word I write is the truth. I am 61....and have been thru this twice now in the last 9 years with 2 guys. I am WASTING my life away pining after men....who will never make a commitment...and stick with it.