In love with my friend

[bryanf4i]

I have known my friend for several years now. When we first met she was in a relationship with another guy so I settled for just being friends and everything was good for awhile. About a year after we met she broke up with the guy she was seeing and a month or so later I told her I had feelings for her and she said she wasn't ready to get into another relationship yet. After a short period of awkwardness we started hanging out again and things were back to normal other than me still having feelings for her. A few months later she ended up moving out of state to stay with family while she went to school. For the past year or so we've kept in touch by telephone pretty regularly but haven't really seen each other for awhile. Up until a few weeks ago I had pretty much dismissed my feelings for her and convinced myself that it was just a crush; I've been dating off and on ever since she left. However, when she came into town to visit a few weeks ago all the same feelings came back as soon as I saw her step out of her car. She now plans to move back into town in the next few months to finish out the last bit of school and probably stay permanantly. I now have the dilemma of whether or not to tell my friend that I have feelings for her, it was a little easier to avoid with her being out of state but shortly I will be seeing her almost every day. The only reason that it is such a problem for me is because she is such a good friend and I don't want to risk ruining that friendship by making things too awkward between us and on the other hand I've never felt like this about anyone before. Any advice at all would be very helpful. Thanks in advance

[DN]

When she said the last time you told her and she said she didn't want to get into another relationship yet, did she give any indication she might be willing to consider it in the future? And has she since in any way at all?

 

Perhaps the best plan is to hang out with her as friends for now and try to sense whether she might be receptive. But the answers to the questions above may give you a clue as to which way to proceed

[MetallicAguy]

Well, she's getting enough pressure, having to come back to her old school and everything again, wait a bit of time then tell her how you feel before some guy snatches her. Good luck.

[heloladies21]

Buddy, she would probably be opposed to being in a relationship with you for the same reason as you stated. She would not want to ruin the great friendship you've built up over time with the complications of a romance. Here's what you need to do dude, you need to stop hiding your feelings. #1 It must feel frustrating as hell for you, and #2 You're not being completely honest with someone who you care about. The next time you talk to her you should let her know that you don't just see her as a friend and then see what she says. She'll probably tell you that she just wants to stay friends. Then you should probably cut all contact with her so you can really get over her and find someone who has the same feelings for you as you have for them.

 

I get really turned off by women who tell me that they're not interested in me in a romantic way. Something inside me just wants to put them in the past so I can move on to someone else. Maybe you can see things from this point of view.

[bryanf4i]

First of all I just want to say I appreciate everyones advice. I saw my friend last weekend when I went up to visit her and I've definitely decided I'm going to tell her how I feel. If it were any other girl I would have no problem at all just asking if she wanted to go out sometime. The reason I think I'm going to run into a problem with my friend is because I don't want to be so casual about it that she thinks I'm just asking her to hang out as friends, on the other hand I don't want to freak her out by being too serious about it. Anybody have any advice on how I might be able to ask her out on a date rather than as friends? Again, I appreciate the advice.

[Alabama]

I suggest just ask your friend to the movies or to got a nice restaurant. Be direct and make sure she knows your feelings. Good luck!

[SkyFire]

Is she attracted to you? Do you turn her on?

 

If not, build up those things and then make your move.

 

Beware though.. I dated a VERY good friend of mine, it ended in disaster, and we are no longer friends.

[baf15]

Hey, I've been in the situation for a long time were I've had feelings for a best friend who wanted to just stay friends. If you're going to "make your move", you just have to be honest about how you feel, but you also have to be respectful of how she feels. It sucks to be the only one to want more. I think when you tell her, you should mention how you know she has a lot going on right now and you want to be there to support her. The best way to know exactly how you feel about someone is a kiss, maybe that would tell her something she may not see yet. Good Luck!

[Darknova12]

hey bryan!

 

i've had the exact same problem spring up just recently, i've got a friend whose truly a great friend, but I like her as more, and i'm not sure shes ready for anything, and perhaps she wouldnt like me... its hard the advice that i've been given is to just try for it, i mean you've got nothing to lose and everything to gain if it works...

 

on a sidenote however i was interested by SkyFire's post: how do you build up 'those feelings"?

 

-- best of luck

darknova