Somewhere in between indifference, confusion, and sadness

[Ksol9]

LoveNC, I am heading home soon and will be able to write more. I wanted to let you know I read your post and I'm just really sorry. I got a knot in my throat as I read this. It's not easy but hang in there. Make small goals. Take a shower..accomplish that, eat something small....Attack that and then on to something else. Small steps just to get through the day. I know you can't wrap your head around this right now. It sounds like you are in shock. There is a way to handle this and it's not to just block delete or ignore...it's much more smarter and it is catered to what works for you. Remind yourself That you have control over your emotions. Cry today..let it all out and then tomorrow you can worry about tomorrow. It sounds like he is in a panic right now because he knows he is going to lose you. My therapist advised me of something I will use for the rest of my life...when you are in alert mode or something difficult is going on in your life, take a step back, get a hold of your emotions...do nothing. Say less, observe more. I hope I'm making sense.

 

Sit tight my friend. Hugs.

[Nina95]

Thank you ksol. Icant even bring myselfbto write out what I found in detail but the gist is that by pure chance while intending to log onto my email account from his ipad, I opened the app and his account was logged, immediately I saw 3-4 emails from a girl I had seen in his facebook before but thought they were just childhood friends. I've never met her and have no knowledge of them hanging out since she lives in another country. basically she said she couldn't be with him like that again, that after they were together she realized she felt just like any one night stand and she couldn't bear that, not with him. And so on. I was shaking, called him, and after some refusal and saying she was crazy, he confessed. He did sleep with her last week when she was visiting our city. He even paid her a place to stay.. when i kept asking, he admitted that he had one night stands with other women, never more than once with one woman, he said. God i can barely write this. He pleaded and cried, said he was going to stop after this one, said he wasgoing through a lot and felt dirty after each time, that he didnt enjoy.. But i could never even sense this, how?? i never noticed any guilt or a slight hint of him confessing this ever! sure i noticed his unhappiness with his work situation and all, going nuts working from home. But i never thought he would seek out to fill that emptiness and frustration with random women

[Nina95]

He said now these women didn't mean anything to him, even the last one, that i was aleays in his mind and that he doesnt understand yet why or how he did it, that he cant bear the thought of the damage he's done to me, that he wants another chance. I just cant. I cant bear the thought of being together or the thought of not seeing him ever again.

[Ksol9]

Hey lovenc, please know I'm reading along. I just received another message from him and I'm so upset. Unbelievable how manipulative he is and how he is still trying to get away with this scot free. The message read, "I can't do right if you don't trust me 110% percent." WHAT?? The stupidity of this man. He must have misinterpreted my message. I am so angry I feel like unraveling all my anger through text but its probably best I don't respond at all. Not probably...IT IS. I am not entertaining that bull***t. I literally woke up today in a beautiful mood after having mixed emotions the past few days. I'm going to take a shower and try to calm down.

 

As for you, there is an underlying problem here. The reason for his cheating is deep within him. He is giving you excuses right now. I don't know what your situation is right now, but you will need to separate yourself from this temporarily in order to get some clarity. Time alone to think will do wonders. Is there somewhere you can stay or somewhere he can go for a few days?

 

My thoughts are a little frazzled right now after receiving that text. I'm going to take a shower and I will be back to write more of my thoughts on your situation.

[SparklyBoots]

Hmmmmm this sounds a bit like gaslighting...or turning things back on you to make you feel like the crazy one....common tactic of cheaters....it is despicable.....no you shouldn't feel bad.... no way can you trust him!!!! I would be very angry at getting a message like this! You have made yourself very clear in your message KSol and it is his way of trying to make you feel like the baddie here! Jeez what a Wackner to send you a message like this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

LoveNC this is obviously really traumatic for you....my exh had multiple affairs and one night stands behind my back but he still wanted the little wifey at home..I truely did believe he loved me as much as he was capable (I didn't get wise for a long time)......it took me a long time to come to terms with the real person that I found out he was - even when we spilt he had one night stands when he was wth what he told me was his 'soul mate' - my kids found out when he gave one of them his old phone and hadn't deleted messages.....everything that he does is his issues and nothing to do with you...my exh was really insecure and needed the attention of other folk to feel good....he is still doing now he is remarried....so yes, sometimes men can be in a commited relationship and look outside because of their own insecurities...this has no reflection on you but HIM....I think what KSol has said is really good....deep breaths.....work out waht is best for you xxxxx

[Nina95]

Thank you both so muchacja, your words mean more than you think. Ksol so sorry for having hijacked your thread like this. Im slightly better than earlier when I wrote partly because I was able to eat something and Im not sobbing and crying my eyes out as much, and partly because I let myself get convinced by him to consider having another conversation to work things out, in which he will come out clean with details (he didnt want to talk details of when, who and where but i told him I NEED to know, for him to come clean with absolutely everything and only then I will consider giving it another try. But now as you can imagine, I'm indecisive and feel low about myself, why couldn't i remain strong and just cut him off. Ive seen this story so many times, we humans are truly stupid. We dont learn we keep hitting the same rock over and over..

 

Ksol. What can I say. That guy is another piece of work. At this point his shamelessness and treatment of you and disregard for feelings and basic human interaction borders on psychotic.

 

May God or Life or whatever you believe in, help us with the wisdom and strength we need.

[Nina95]

Apologies for the horrible typos and misspellings, my hands and brain are a train wreck right now.

[boltnrun]

Ksol, of course he's trying to use guilt!

 

My ex used guilt, manipulation, threats, then threats of suicide, anything he thought would work. And it used to work. My personal favorite was, when I'd find evidence of more cheating, he'd whine "WHY are you trying to ruin our relationship?????" Like, me bringing up his bad behavior was what was destroying it, not his cheating. And it worked, because at the time I had no self esteem and I was stupid and lame. Well, once I grew a set and realized I don't have to settle for a lying cheater like him, his tactics no longer worked. As recently as a couple of years ago (he dumped me in 2009...yes, HE dumped ME, sadly), he tried using guilt and self pity, then he tried insulting me, because he found out I was in town and I hadn't contacted him to see him and he was mad. And I just laughed, told him to go to Hades and then blocked him for good.

 

So, yes, your ex is trying the guilt trip. I suspect it's because it worked in the past. You two aren't together because you REFUSE to trust him!!!!! You MUST trust him 110% or else you are the one ruining the relationship!!!! Just ignore the fact that he trolled for casual sex, brought condoms on his business trip and got his privates rubbed by a massage parlor worker. And that he concealed and lied to you about all that. Pretend he didn't stand in front of you screaming while you cried. Just forget all that, because you are just so gosh darned crazy about him that you'll brush ALL THAT under the rug just to have the chance to be in his presence. I sure hope you're seeing through his BS. I'm pretty sure you are.

 

Again, I'm angry on your behalf.

 

Have you considered asking him to stop contacting you and then blocking him? He's upsetting you and you don't need that.

[Ksol9]

No worried about hijackng the thread. We are here to support eachother.

 

I am in the middle of blow drying my hair. I got another text 2 hours after the initial text. It has a question mark. Like he was asking for a response. 30 minutes go by and he asks....are you hungry? (At this point I am cursing)

 

He's a total joke. I haven't responded and refuse to. Bolt, I do see thru all of the BS and I am irate that he is trying me like I am some sort of stupid bimbo. I guess I gave him the habit of treating me this way because it worked in the past. I'm not going to let allll that you mentioned above to be swept under a rug. He's out of his damn mind! I am seriously questioning his sanity. This can't be normal.

 

I am going to finish blow drying my hair. Glad you are feeling a little better lovenc and thank you bolt for your post. Be back soon.

[boltnrun]

Seriously, I'd be tempted to respond with the name, address and phone number of a massage parlor. Yeah, he'll get mad, but you're already mad so who cares if he gets mad.

 

I used to be so, so fearful of getting my ex mad. If I made him mad he would refuse to spend time with me, and that would be a fate worse than death!!!!!1111 Once I was over it all and tired of his BS I made sure to say things I knew would piss him off. Such as, "What, is A busy tonight? Why aren't you hanging out with your girlfriend???" See, that pissed him off because I called him out on his BS and didn't go along with his tactic of pretending he didn't have a girlfriend whenever he felt like cheating on her. I wasn't playing the game he wanted me to play and that made him mad.

 

But I could care less now if he gets mad. He did plenty to hurt me so he can go pound sand. And so can your ex!

[figureitout23]

I previously was against blocking because it didn't seem like you were ready to block him and I felt you would have unblocked him after some time and been back to square one but I have to agree with the others, he's manipulating and possibly gaslighting you and as angry as you get, because he's been doing it for so long it may very well eventually work if you let your guard down or if he pounced during a weak point for you and poured some sugar into his words.

 

Honest question: if he apologized and acknowledged what he did would you go back at this point?

 

Have you considered blocking? It's a very personal choice and I don't want you to feel pushed by my words, maybe discuss with your counselor?

[jenny_mcs]

Ugh, Ksol, I wish I could say I can't believe those texts from your ex, but sadly, i do. I had an ex who would do really lousy stuff- no cheating, but stuff like ditching our plans to go out with friends, dropping off the face of the earth when on guys trips, etc. And when I tried to bring stuff up, he would ALWAYS turn it around and blame me for "ruining a nice night" or "freaking out" or "always complaining." He once had the nerve to tell me "OK, I know I f'ed up. But when I f up, I wish you could be more loving, or keep it light-hearted when we talk about it." LOL. Yes, I should have kept it "light-hearted" when I confronted him about being 2 hours late to my best friend's birthday party because he was smoking weed with the 20 year olds from his soccer team.

 

Guys like him will always try to turn things around on you. It's ridiculous. Stay strong, you are doing awesome. These dumb texts are but a blip on the radar of your great new life.

[Ksol9]

LoveNC I hope you're doing ok. It is purely your decision to stay and to try to work things out with him. There has been plenty of research, especially by the Gottman's, who say affairs do not have to be the end of a relationship or marriage. Remorse and transparency are 2 key elements. There are many other factors that can determine whether you guys are able to turn this into a stepping stone to a better healthier relationship or you will realize he may have some flaws that you are unable to live with. The decision is yours and I hope that you find peace in whatever you decide. I know how hard it is to let go of something you love so much. It's absolutely soul wrenching, but whatever you decide, please put yourself first. Do not compromise your self worth and always trust yourself first. He will do whatever he can in his power to make sure you guys make it through this if he is being genuine. I wish you the best.

 

In my situation, this man is trying to manipulate his way out. I have decided that I can not respond to this type of behavior. I know I will not get anywhere. He is trying to turn this all around on me as he has done so many times in the past. He isn't wrong for thinking it would work because I showed him it would work every single time. He asked if I was hungry and he knows if I was willing to brush it under the rug, if I was desperate to be with him....I'd jump and ask how high. He received no response. It won't be long before he realizes this stuff isn't working. The only thing I am struggling with at the moment is realizing that he is this kind of person. I'm still shocked. I mean it's obvious that he's manipulating and blaming, but is he really this bad person? I mean does he realize what he is doing, does he know exactly what he is doing or does he truly believe that I just don't trust him and that is the reason for our relationship troubles? I just can't believe he's so evil. How do people treat others so badly? If you really love me, you would never hurt me and if you hurt me, you would do whatever you can to rectify. The texting, the lack of communication, the blaming....just everything about this is suspicious and it's creepy to be honest. I can't believe I never saw this before. Love can lead you blind. I can not trust him whatsoever, so I have no plans of entertaining any further conversation with him at all. He has zero consideration for my feelings or how much he has hurt me. It's like he has no feelings and can not empathize. That is why I am questioning his sanity. This is not behavior of a mentally healthy person. I just can't believe it...he had me so fooled.

 

Figureitout you asked if he apologized and acknowledged would I go back. My initial answer would be no, but my honest answer is I don't if in time I would be able to forgive. I feel that I would be open to talking to him about everything that happened. I wish I could understand him, but I know he is not capable of this and that is why I have chosen not to reply to his messages. He will never acknowledge or anything close to that. He'll soon realize I am not settling for bs. I was very straightforward and serious about everything I said and the only way he will believe it is when I show him. I'm not trading my life or my path to a better future for his dark, scary world. Gosh the world he lives in is so sad. Those were just "dumb" text messages and I have no time to waste on nonsense like that. His self destructive behavior is what ruined us. I wish I could stay. God knows I never wanted this, but it's time to go. He left me no choice.

[boltnrun]

These men do not consider whether or not you're "hurt" by them.

 

They are thinking about what THEY want...not about how their actions affect you. In their minds, we are at fault because we are the ones causing the problems in the relationship. If we'd just shut up about what they do when we're not around, everything would be fine. But we insist on bringing these things up and going on and on about them, and that makes them mad. We're supposed to shut up; that is our job. And if we shut up we can continue on with them, and they can have us in between the cheating, the recreational casual sex, or whatever else it is they feel like getting up to.

 

I know it's hard to fathom because that's not how your mind works. But they don't think the way we do. He doesn't think or feel the way you do.

 

I understand it's tempting to allow him back into your life. You presume he feels the way you do (hurting, in pain, feeling guilty), but what is vital to understand is...HE DOESN'T. He's thinking about what HE wants, not about how you feel. Also, he knows what you want desperately is to be with him, and he has the solution to that! Be with him but don't question, don't ask him for anything, just SHUT UP and go along to get along. In his mind, that is how things should be.

 

But, ask yourself...is that good enough?

[jenny_mcs]

I don't know if I can post links, but this one made me seriously LOL. This site is satire with a feminist spin, and I truly think they hit the nail on the head with this one. (If the link doesn't work, google "reductress I'm sorry I was being so crazy"

 

 

[Ksol9]

Great article Jenny. When I have some more free time, I'm going to explore the site a little more. I think I'll be able to gain more insight there.

 

When I looked in the mirror this morning, I feel like I was looking at a different person. I liked who I saw. I looked again in the rear view when I was driving and sure enough, a new woman. lol. Cheesy I know, but something happened yesterday after those text messages. I feel like I was freed from some sort of prison or something and at the same time, I'm so sad. I still love him but the person I love is not real. I'm still in a bit of shock that he has these sociopathic tendencies. I'm no doctor, but he fits the bill well. Something isn't right with him and until he displays reasoning and behavior of a normal person then I don't think I'll ever be able to change my opinion of him. I mean what about a normal healthy adult, if you do something to hurt your significant other is it normal or common to try to avoid and place blame on the other person. I would think it's not quite normal to manipulate someone in that way. I have a hard time believing people do this regularly in relationships. This person is unhealthy. I'd be willing to be something is wrong in his head.

 

I never responded and I doubt I'll hear from him at least not for a while. I don't care if I do. It won't be worth anything if he does and even if he changes his tune to make himself sound sincere, well, that's what it will be...sounding sincere not actually genuine and sincere. Ughh he's so fake. I think I can say with confidence that i am strong enough now to see through anything that comes my way. I've decided that I am not going to entertain any kind of communication with him unless it's something of substance and we all know that will never come. Hell will freeze over before that happens. I'm just taking care of me. The only person who is going to create a happy healthy life is me and I'm going to do it. I promise.

 

I decided to get out of town for the weekend. Going to a new museum tomorrow and I'm going to eat all kinds of nice food! I need some fresh air and I want to see the world. I wish things weren't this way. I really wish they weren't and I feel sorry for him because he's missing out on this beautiful world god gave us. I'm sad that he doesn't know real love. I doubt he even loves himself. He's so void inside. Just dead inside. I'm mad at myself for falling in love with someone like this. I could have saved myself a world of trouble, but it's expected from stubborn old me. You live and you learn I guess.

[Nina95]

Great article Jenny. When I have some more free time, I'm going to explore the site a little more. I think I'll be able to gain more insight there.

 

When I looked in the mirror this morning, I feel like I was looking at a different person. I liked who I saw. I looked again in the rear view when I was driving and sure enough, a new woman. lol. Cheesy I know, but something happened yesterday after those text messages. I feel like I was freed from some sort of prison or something and at the same time, I'm so sad. I still love him but the person I love is not real. I'm still in a bit of shock that he has these sociopathic tendencies. I'm no doctor, but he fits the bill well. Something isn't right with him and until he displays reasoning and behavior of a normal person then I don't think I'll ever be able to change my opinion of him. I mean what about a normal healthy adult, if you do something to hurt your significant other is it normal or common to try to avoid and place blame on the other person. I would think it's not quite normal to manipulate someone in that way. I have a hard time believing people do this regularly in relationships. This person is unhealthy. I'd be willing to be something is wrong in his head.

 

I never responded and I doubt I'll hear from him at least not for a while. I don't care if I do. It won't be worth anything if he does and even if he changes his tune to make himself sound sincere, well, that's what it will be...sounding sincere not actually genuine and sincere. Ughh he's so fake. I think I can say with confidence that i am strong enough now to see through anything that comes my way. I've decided that I am not going to entertain any kind of communication with him unless it's something of substance and we all know that will never come. Hell will freeze over before that happens. I'm just taking care of me. The only person who is going to create a happy healthy life is me and I'm going to do it. I promise.

 

I decided to get out of town for the weekend. Going to a new museum tomorrow and I'm going to eat all kinds of nice food! I need some fresh air and I want to see the world. I wish things weren't this way. I really wish they weren't and I feel sorry for him because he's missing out on this beautiful world god gave us. I'm sad that he doesn't know real love. I doubt he even loves himself. He's so void inside. Just dead inside. I'm mad at myself for falling in love with someone like this. I could have saved myself a world of trouble, but it's expected from stubborn old me. You live and you learn I guess.

This is the most awesome post. You truly have a way with words, Ksol. You can make people feel what you are feeling. I'm truly happy for you, it's so encouraging to know there's always light at the end of the tunnel. Mostly to see it through someone we have all followed on her path, even from a virtual standpoint, it is still so satisfying to see. I know I always said that myself earlier, that there is light, when I was my happier self and trying to advice you, but sometimes it takes being in the middle of a setback yourself to truly empathize.

Keep it up, keep moving on and on. Have a great weekend.

[Nina95]

I don't know if I can post links, but this one made me seriously LOL. This site is satire with a feminist spin, and I truly think they hit the nail on the head with this one. (If the link doesn't work, google "reductress I'm sorry I was being so crazy"

 

 

This really is a great website, the articles are hilarious. Gave me a chuckle,thanks for sharing

[Ksol9]

Thank you lovenc. How are you doing today? How are things with him? I hope you both are getting closer to some sort of resolve because I know how terrible it feels when things are left open.

 

On my drive out of town I received another text from him. he said, "your silence tells me a lot." Hmmm...I'm sure it does. Not exactly sure what he was expecting or what he meant, but I really don't care. His intentions are not good at all so I'm keeping my distance. I felt a lot of sadness driving here and I still do at the moment. Just sad about the way things ended with us. I can't believe he was doing these things...still 2 months later I'm in shock. Furthermore, I'm shocked that he might have done quite a few other things during the relationship and got away with it. It just hurts, BUT it doesn't make me want to go back to that life. When I got the message my first instinct was to respond, but then I remembered what my therapist said..this is not about his needs anymore...it's about MINE.

 

I'm laying in my hotel room..just relaxing before I go exploring the city with friends. I wish I could just stay here for 2 months. I don't want to go back. I've really been through the wringer. Time to breathe.

[Ksol9]

I didn't sleep well last night. I'm still laying in bed. I have no idea why, but I just couldn't sleep. I had a great evening. We rented scooters and rode around the city, stopped to get frozen margaritas and food. Also did a little shopping. It was so much fun. Today we are going to a science museum. It's new and it's huge. I'm really excited.

 

I got a few more text messages from him last night. He says..can you at least say something. Tell me what you're thinking. Why are you not responding. Please tell me something. I never responded. Just carried on with my night. Still angers me that he's pretending like he doesn't know what's wrong. He can sit and try to figure it out by himself. He's a big boy. He knows exactly what he did. He just never expected me to shut him out like this. He never expected me to not be desperate to run back to him. The more he acts like he's clueless the more angry I get with him. If he hasn't already, eventually he'll figure out that I've reached my limit and that I cant live like this anymore.

 

I just want to relax and get a lot of rest the rest of the weekend. I'm going to get up and get ready for breakfast. Maybe I'll get my nails done afterward. A little part of me still wishes I could be enjoying all these things with him, but this thing is so ruined it will never work and I don't think he even knows how to authentically enjoy life. Gosh I was so blind.

[browneyedgirl36]

I didn't sleep well last night. I'm still laying in bed. I have no idea why, but I just couldn't sleep. I had a great evening. We rented scooters and rode around the city, stopped to get frozen margaritas and food. Also did a little shopping. It was so much fun. Today we are going to a science museum. It's new and it's huge. I'm really excited.

 

I got a few more text messages from him last night. He says..can you at least say something. Tell me what you're thinking. Why are you not responding. Please tell me something. I never responded. Just carried on with my night. Still angers me that he's pretending like he doesn't know what's wrong. He can sit and try to figure it out by himself. He's a big boy. He knows exactly what he did. He just never expected me to shut him out like this. He never expected me to not be desperate to run back to him. The more he acts like he's clueless the more angry I get with him. If he hasn't already, eventually he'll figure out that I've reached my limit and that I cant live like this anymore.

 

I just want to relax and get a lot of rest the rest of the weekend. I'm going to get up and get ready for breakfast. Maybe I'll get my nails done afterward. A little part of me still wishes I could be enjoying all these things with him, but this thing is so ruined it will never work and I don't think he even knows how to authentically enjoy life. Gosh I was so blind.

 

Hi Ksol,

 

Glad to hear that you're enjoying your trip! It sounds great!

 

I knew you'd hear from him. And, I knew he'd be persistent. At this point, he's freaking out -- or getting to freaked out, anyway -- that you're not responding because, in the past, you always have. Here's the thing: He's doing the same old crap he ALWAYS does, and you're doing something TOTALLY different. Over the last few months, he hasn't changed a bit. You, on the other hand, have grown by leaps and bounds! You've left this clown wayyyyy behind you; you've walked on with your head held high. Meanwhile, he's the same manipulative, lying jerk, pulling the same crap, only now he's starting to get it that you're not buying it anymore.

 

I agree with you not responding. At some point, though, if he gets too persistent, you may have to block his number OR simply text back something like, "Our relationship is over. I thought that was clear. Please do not contact me again." Hopefully, it won't come to that, but if he starts to get creepy/stalky, you may have to.

 

I think it goes without saying, but...keep doing what you're doing. Keep living your life without him in it. Much better things are in store for you. Forward -- always.

[boltnrun]

I didn't sleep well last night. I'm still laying in bed. I have no idea why, but I just couldn't sleep. I had a great evening. We rented scooters and rode around the city, stopped to get frozen margaritas and food. Also did a little shopping. It was so much fun. Today we are going to a science museum. It's new and it's huge. I'm really excited.

 

I got a few more text messages from him last night. He says..can you at least say something. Tell me what you're thinking. Why are you not responding. Please tell me something. I never responded. Just carried on with my night. Still angers me that he's pretending like he doesn't know what's wrong. He can sit and try to figure it out by himself. He's a big boy. He knows exactly what he did. He just never expected me to shut him out like this. He never expected me to not be desperate to run back to him. The more he acts like he's clueless the more angry I get with him. If he hasn't already, eventually he'll figure out that I've reached my limit and that I cant live like this anymore.

 

I just want to relax and get a lot of rest the rest of the weekend. I'm going to get up and get ready for breakfast. Maybe I'll get my nails done afterward. A little part of me still wishes I could be enjoying all these things with him, but this thing is so ruined it will never work and I don't think he even knows how to authentically enjoy life. Gosh I was so blind.

 

You tried telling him what you were thinking, and he responded by screaming at you while you cried.

[figureitout23]

You didn't sleep because he's getting to you Ksol. I just really feel he's gonna bust out with the sweet words and you're gonna be back to square one...

 

You're doing what you did all the other times.

 

'He'll NEVER change'

 

' He will NEVER get it'

 

' He will NEVER explain what he did'

 

'He WONT contact me again'

 

This is solely based on what you write here, but I've sensed for a while now that you say this stuff in an attempt to...squash hope, but you don't really believe it. So you still have hope he will turn all this around. That's why you aren't sleeping, he's still in your head and based solely on what you've told us about this dude, that's really not a good thing.

 

I think you are make such amazing strides towards a happy and healthy life. But just being blunt and honest, I think you lied to yourself a lot about him in the past and I think you may still be doing it now so my best advise would be to tread VERY carefully and think through every decision you make. It's your decision of course, this is just my personal opinion, you know what's best for you.

 

You aren't responding to him now, but you've admitted the second he says the right words, you're gonna be back to square one and again, based on what you've said here, that's probably not the best place for you to be right now..

 

It's only a matter of time until he figures out he needs to change things up, I'd bet a dollar.

[Ksol9]

You didn't sleep because he's getting to you Ksol. I just really feel he's gonna bust out with the sweet words and you're gonna be back to square one...

 

You're doing what you did all the other times.

 

'He'll NEVER change'

 

' He will NEVER get it'

 

' He will NEVER explain what he did'

 

'He WONT contact me again'

 

This is solely based on what you write here, but I've sensed for a while now that you say this stuff in an attempt to...squash hope, but you don't really believe it. So you still have hope he will turn all this around. That's why you aren't sleeping, he's still in your head and based solely on what you've told us about this dude, that's really not a good thing.

 

I think you are make such amazing strides towards a happy and healthy life. But just being blunt and honest, I think you lied to yourself a lot about him in the past and I think you may still be doing it now so my best advise would be to tread VERY carefully and think through every decision you make. It's your decision of course, this is just my personal opinion, you know what's best for you.

 

You aren't responding to him now, but you've admitted the second he says the right words, you're gonna be back to square one and again, based on what you've said here, that's probably not the best place for you to be right now..

 

It's only a matter of time until he figures out he needs to change things up, I'd bet a dollar.

 

Hi figureitout, what you said here has a lot of truth to it. My rational mind knows there is no hope, I know I don't know want to go back, and I just can't...that would be catastrophic, but I do think deep down inside I still love him. I think I will have this glimmer of hope tucked inside for a long while. It may always be there until I find someone new or after much time has passed. I wish I could just wake up and not think of him in any way. It will come..in time.

 

Thank you for recognizing my progress. I have done a lot of work to become mindful...to think very carefully before making any decisions. If you remember previously I would act on emotion and that got me into quite a bit of trouble. I agree that I need to tread carefully because I think you are right. There are a lot of possibilities. I don't know if he will change his tune and approach me differently or manipulate the situation in a way I never expected him to. I just don't see the outcome being the same. I am in a whole different place and I feel differently about him. He will never be able to erase what he has done. I don't think even time can erase that. I will never be able to trust him because at any moment, given the opportunity, he will cheat. I despise that about him and it is at the forefront of my mind. I constantly remind myself that he never cared about me in the first place or else he would have never deceived me. I didn't hear from him again and I think he realized I don't want to talk to him. He knows this is over. I can't live that life anymore. That life is a dark, painful, anxiety-filled place.

[Ksol9]

Hi everyone! I'm back at home now. I did some exercise and now I'm going to relax for the rest of the night. I plan on getting to bed early so I can catch up on some sleep.

 

I had a really amazing weekend. It really opened my eyes to the notion that there is a life outside of heartbreak. I was given this one life and I wasted over 2 years of my life trying to make things work with someone who doesn't value commitment in relationships. Yesterday was awesome. I got my nails done before heading to the museum. The museum was so much fun. I'm such a nerd at heart. I really enjoyed myself. We took lots of pics and you could tell by the smile on my face how much I was enjoying that moment. Afterward, we had an early dinner and then we went to a local bakery for some cake! I love sweets so I had a smile plastered on my face. We sat outside and ate our cake. The area we were in is a really unique place. Lots of nightlife, music, great food. I sat outside listening to great music and breathing in some fresh air. It was really good for my soul. Later on we went to an outdoor lounge. Great music, drinks, and art. Really nice time. I needed that. It was like an injection of life.

 

With that being said, I'm back at home now. Back to my normal routine tomorrow. I mentally prepared myself for the week as I drove home. I'm planning to focus on studying and exercise. Tomorrow I have therapy and Pilates. The rest of the week I'll focus on work and exercise. Before leaving my friends had a serious conversation with me. The entire weekend was filled with laughter and jokes, but it seemed as though they were waiting for the right time to have a more serious talk about things that have been going on with him. It was pretty much along the same lines as what figureitout spoke about in her post yesterday. They wanted me to be aware of what may come and how I should handle it. I immediately sensed that maybe everyone the outside are seeing things differently than I am. It's easier to see things from the outside looking in. I'm going to be ok. Those text messages mean nothing to me. I'm human and they stirred some emotions, but that's all it will be. Emotions. And those emotions will pass..most of which have already.

 

Hope you all had a great weekend.