Somewhere in between indifference, confusion, and sadness

[jmb]

So I totally get why you are anxious, which is what you are right now. He told you he missed you and thought about you, he does care! You want to make the relationship work, but you don't need to rush it. It has only been a few days, I really would relax and let things unfold without pressure. What was the last thing you guys said to each other? Good night? I think maybe you wait a few more days to see if he reaches out...if he does I think you need to ask him to get together. Maybe just say ask him if he wants to get lunch? Now if he doesn't you need to decide if you should make the move. I am not sure exactly what the conversation was when you guys texted, but him asking you over was kind of perplexing to me. Why do you think he asked you that? would he be the type to want to have you over just to hook up? I don't know him. Maybe when he said that you should have asked if he wanted to get lunch. The goal here is to see him in person for you to have a conversation.

[Ksol9]

So I totally get why you are anxious, which is what you are right now. He told you he missed you and thought about you, he does care! You want to make the relationship work, but you don't need to rush it. It has only been a few days, I really would relax and let things unfold without pressure. What was the last thing you guys said to each other? Good night? I think maybe you wait a few more days to see if he reaches out...if he does I think you need to ask him to get together. Maybe just say ask him if he wants to get lunch? Now if he doesn't you need to decide if you should make the move. I am not sure exactly what the conversation was when you guys texted, but him asking you over was kind of perplexing to me. Why do you think he asked you that? would he be the type to want to have you over just to hook up? I don't know him. Maybe when he said that you should have asked if he wanted to get lunch. The goal here is to see him in person for you to have a conversation.

 

Hi there. Thank you for writing. The conversation was typical catching up. We talked about our lives. We spoke about the children, work, etc. I'm pretty sure he asked me to come over to talk, but I just don't feel comfortable meeting at his home to talk more. He's not the type to initiate a hook up kind of situation. If that was the case, he would try that with someone else. He knows I want to be in a committed relationship and I wouldn't go for all that other stuff. Of course it crossed my mind as it did yours. Only normal. Anyhow, I get the feeling that he wants me to address and initiate conversation about what happened. He wants me to be the first to open up about my feelings.

 

After writing my post, I sent him a text saying that I was thinking of him and hoped that he has a good day. He responded about 30 minutes later saying..."Thank you. I hope your day is great! When you think about me, what is it that you think of?" That pretty much confirms what I said above. I do think he wants me to be the one to open up here. I could be wrong. Again, I can't really see a clear picture of my own situation, but as someone from the outside you might be able to see what is going on here. I don't know how I'm going to answer that question and I'm not going to rush to answer it either. I don't want to have anymore bs conversation. I think I need to get to the point and say what I've been thinking. I think we should meet to get everything out on the table and I'm going to let him know this. I don't mind being the one to direct this at point. Unless...that was some sort of smart ass response or joke to get some sort of sexual innuendo, but I really don't think so. I may not be reading between the lines here. He is being responsive and replying rather quickly, so it means he is open to talking. I know he is working with his boss today, so he will be pretty busy (I saw his boss this morning and that is how I know he is in town). I think I need to use this as my opportunity to speak up. I also think, as my therapist suggested, this is my opportunity to say what I want and be firm about it.

[jmb]

Ok. I think you just need to ask him to get together. Maybe just ignore the question of what do you think when you think about him. I think its just a silly flirty comment.

Soooooo, I would just ask...why not?!?

[Ksol9]

I realize he is waiting for me to make this move. I don't know if it's actually anyone's job, mine or his, but I need to be straightforward. He sent a funny emoji 2 hours after asking that question as I hadn't responded. I finally responded a little while ago. I said...I was just going to be transparent and that I've had a lot of time to think things through. That I was very hurt how easily he threw everything away and that I understood why. Despite moving on, I couldn't stop thinking about him and where we went wrong. I told him that I still cared about him and that I would like meet with him to say what has been on my mind.

 

So I finally dropped the wall and said it. I feel very vulnerable right now and I'm afraid of what his response will be, but I didn't want to sit in this anxiety anymore. I think I did the right thing and hopefullly he will take it from here and open up. We have both been very guarded with our feelings since we have been in communication and his recent messages have shown he is waiting for me to state my purpose. I'm worried about taking too much blame or all the blame. I'm worrried that he will take that and run...even take advantage. I've just got to wait and see and try not to jump to any conclusions. I feel better that I've gotten some of this off my chest. I am being true to my feelings and I am hoping he will reciprocate. I don't expect to hear back from him right away. I know he is working throughout the day. I may not hear back for a while until he get his thoughts together. He probably wasn't expecting me to cut to the chase like that. I am thinking that last text he sent was just to be playful and I responded so seriously. Hope I didn't scare him away.

[jmb]

I am pretty busy today with work, but just stopped in here and read your last post. I think you did the right thing! Curious to know how he responds to that!!

[Ksol9]

No response yet. I'm very curious as well to see how he responds. I think I'm ready for the response either way he goes. If he declines, it will hurt, but it will be a clear message that he doesn't want the relationship or he will accept and I will be relieved because I know we will be heading toward reconciliation. Whatever the response, at least things will be on the table and we can be on the same page.

 

I have a feeling this is going to take some patience. It took me a couple hours to respond to him and that was with some preparation. I have been preparing myself for what I needed to say. My thoughts were already in order. Imagine it took me 2 hours to find the words. I am sure my response took him by surprise, so I am expecting to be waiting for quite some time for a response. Maybe even days. If no response comes at all....well, I guess no response is a response in itself. I have no idea how he feels about me, I'm crossing my fingers, I hope he finally opens up and expresses how he feels.

 

I'm home from work now. I went and got my nails done and now I am just going to relax the remainder of the day. Maybe even take a nap. I'm not thinking too far ahead although I know there are alot of other challenges that lie ahead should we decide to reconcile. For right now, I'm just focusing on right now and my feelings. I hope he is not overwhelmed by anything I said.

 

I'll keep you posted.

[boltnrun]

What did your therapist have to say?

[Ksol9]

What did your therapist have to say?

 

My therapist was very neutral about it saying at that in the end it is up to me. He said he didn't want the responsibility to tell me what is right or wrong. He maintained his opinion which he has told me from the beginning saying that with work, things can absolutely work. He said we can eventually work together with him or I can continue to work independently with him. He also was very firm with me when he said to make sure that I take my time and to make sure things go on my terms. Be mindful of my role as a co dependent and as soon as I recognize falling back into that role, to take a step back. He agreed that I needed to be distant until some sort of communication was on the table about where things were going. .

 

I think my therapist is supportive of either decision. He made it clear the progress I have already made and to not allow all of that to go out of the window.

[boltnrun]

I agree with your therapist.

 

The knee-jerk reaction of course for most people is to jump back in immediately to relieve the pain. But as you've found from the previous reconciliations, all this does is create more and greater pain when things don't work out yet again because no one made any changes.

 

If it were me, and he's (your ex) open to discussion, I'd let him know that I believe we BOTH need to get to a healthier place before we can even consider seeing each other again.

[Ksol9]

I agree with your therapist.

 

The knee-jerk reaction of course for most people is to jump back in immediately to relieve the pain. But as you've found from the previous reconciliations, all this does is create more and greater pain when things don't work out yet again because no one made any changes.

 

If it were me, and he's (your ex) open to discussion, I'd let him know that I believe we BOTH need to get to a healthier place before we can even consider seeing each other again.

 

I agree boltrun. I am trying to make the right steps this time rather than just running back over there. Normally, as evidenced by our previous reconciliations, I would be so desperate and ready to run back over there. He would literally say come home and I would be there with my belongings in a split second. I'm starting to question the text I even sent to him today. I just wanted to cut all this small talk because I'm not sure of his intentions. I am going to follow the advice of my therapist and everyone here. I'm just going to take my time and not run back without movement and change from both of us.

[Ksol9]

I am questioning if I should have been so direct with him so soon. Maybe he doesnt have an answer and just wanted to take things slow regarding communication. I'm pressuring him to get back together. Maybe that is why he hasn't responded. Maybe I misread our recent communication as an open door to ask for reconciliation when it wasn't. Patience has never been my thing and maybe it would have been best to sit tight and allow him to make some moves. Maybe there is someone else in the pictures that further complicates things. I'm starting to think there won't be a response and i feel stupid and ashamed for being so direct about what I want.

 

I spoke about wanting things to happen naturally yet I jumped to straight to the point. I know I shouldn't doubt myself, but for some reason I feel there is a reason he has been so apprehensive.. He avoided conversation on Saturday when I apologized about everything that happened and now when I opened up again, he didn't respond again. He doesn't want to open any kind of dialogue about how he feels it seems. I really have no idea what's going on in his mind.

 

I'm trying not to overthink things. I have no choice but to sit quietly and wait. I don't know what is going to happen.

[boltnrun]

See, that is just the anxious you talking.

 

You know it's best to take some time and do things the right way, but what you really want is an answer NOW. You may say you know it's unrealistic to expect him to say yes, I want us back together...but it's what you want, right?

 

You initially said you felt better about contacting him because he responded and you two had what you felt was a good conversation, but now here you are, back to feeling anxious.

 

Will you be able to sit back and wait for things to play out? Can you get to a place where you really do believe taking things one day or one minute at a time is better for you? Or will your anxiety take over and will you end up sending another text because you feel you can't take it another minute?

 

I can advise you to just let things stand for now, but since I used to have anxiety I know how bad it can get, where I felt I just HAD to resolve things NOW and I believed I could not wait one more minute to get an answer. I know now I was wrong, that it was my unresolved anxiety speaking, but at the time I believed he was the solution to my anxiety. I now know he was the cause of it.

 

One of life's lessons that is the hardest to learn is that we cannot control the world, and we certainly cannot control what others do or say or how they react. Sometimes we really do have to just let go of the need to make things happen.

[Ksol9]

The old me would not be able to resolve my anxiety. The person I am today and the person I am still becoming knows I have to be patient and will fight any urge to contact again. Even if a response never comes, i know I have to leave things as is. I'm not going to allow myself to become so overwhelmed with anxiety that I lose control over myself. Will it affect me emotionally? Of course, but I was in a very terrible condition prior to any contact with. I'm nowhere near feeling like that. I don't know if after a week I'll be back in the same boat. I absolutely feel better making contact with him because I don't think him and I would have gotten to this point otherwise.

 

I think anxiety and anticipation is a normal response to silence after something like that, but my anxiety has been known to go beyond what is normal and will adversely affect me. I knew if I ever got back into contact with him or if I started a new relationship, that is when the real test would come. I am very aware and I still have a lot of work to do on myself. I will not let go of that. That comes first and foremost. As you said, it is best I let things stand. That is the right thing to do. I can't control what he is feeling nor can I control how he reacts.

 

I don't think I've made any mistakes in the contact I've have with him this far. I may question myself, but I feel like I stood up for myself and what I think is right. I've made a lot of mistakes in my past. If I wasn't so straightforward about the direction I wanted to take with him, what would have been the other option? Play it cool, go along with small talk, spend time with him? Then after things were further along and I've re-formed a stronger attachment to him, then ask..so where is this thing going?? What are your feelings?? The old me would have done those things. I've done it the previous times we've gotten back together. I'd run right back over there. My anxiety was so bad that I'd settle for anything just to have things ok between us. Right now I am a little uncomfortable, but I know I did the right thing. I think if he had his way, he would rather us to move along slowly, spend time together, and see how things go without having any real serious talk about anything...literally put the past in the past and move forward. I want a little more structure. I want to know we are on the same page and then move forward. Am I wrong for wanting that so soon? Maybe he doesn't feel the way I feel and is taking so long to respond because he doesn't know how to tell me he doesn't want the relationship. I don't know what is going to happen, but I do know that I will soon see where he stands with all of this and that will either lead us into reconciliation or it will close the door on this chapter of my life.

 

Happy St. Patrick's Day everyone! Hope everyone has a great weekend. I can't believe how fast this week went by. I blinked and before I knew it, it was over. So much has happened this week with him and I think I still haven't absorbed it all.

[Ksol9]

I received an email from my therapist last night. I must have overlooked it because I didn't see until this morning. It was a lengthy email with tons of reading material and some great insight about my situation. It actually helped me put things into perspective. He spoke about a few topics.

 

The distancer-pursuer dynamic him and I have. I think lostlove and I had conversation about this some time ago. She's done quite a bit of reading about this if I'm not mistaken. Of course he pursued me when he first met me, but as I grew attached and my insecurities grew, the more I took on the co dependent role I came to play in the relationship, the more I became the pursuer. As a result he would withdraw and distance himself. It's really unhealthy and in hindsight, I can see how well him and I fit this dynamic. I believe it was boltrun, I could be wrong, but one of the other posters said this exact thing my therapist said. Him and I have to completely change our dynamic of how we interact with eachother. I have to change the way I react to him especially as a lot of my responses are due to my anxiety. It really comes down to communication. If we are able to change the way we react to eachother, we will then have the opportunity to change the way we communicate.

 

For example, I feel good about reaching out. It created some movement between us. The feelings of anger and hatred have not resurfaced (yet). The resentment is minimal. All of which I know will have to be dealt with later on. BUT then when he contacted me a few days after the iPad, we had simple, nice conversation..I reacted due to my anxiety because I wanted to hear back, even resolve things immediately. I sent him a text stating I was thinking of him and you all know the rest. I went straight for the kill. The are more pros than cons when I think if it was the right decision or not. I know I got straight to the point, but at the same time, since anxiety and my need to get answers and a resolution were the reason behind my actions, had I been patient, maybe he would have stepped forward on his own after some time to let me know how he feels. I feel I may have rushed things. The alternative would be him asking me to spend time with him without addressing the elephant in the room and things would be left unaddressed as we did many other times. That to me is the biggest pro. The biggest con would be me being the pursuer once again. I am pushing for answers, pushing for a resolution to ease my fears without taking him and his needs into consideration.

 

My therapist also spoke about managing my feelings. One good thing about where I am right now is that I've been able to take time in between conversations to think things through and to process it all. I expect my anxiety level to raise as the days go by without communication from him because I will be thinking the worst. He pointed out that I needed to be patient. My vision of how I want things to go may not be what he is envisioning. Take the same time that he is taking to process my own feelings. Let things settle in and go from there. With the help of my therapist, all the tools I've been given, my awareness, and the support I have here on the forum, I think I'll be able to navigate my way through. My therapist said that I should allow him time to sort through his thoughts for however long that may take. He said he would actually be concerned if he jumped to respond without being thoughtful and thorough. He may very well be a bad partner for me, but I am not ready to make that decision. I still want to try and I want to be with him. I may eventually realize he is not right for me as I continue to grow on my journey. If I don't continue to make changes within me, I will continue to spin in the same circles. Ive said this so many times. It's time I put to the test all that I've learned so far and change the way I react to things I can not control. From what I have gathered since we have broken the silence, he is receptive and responsive to small talk. He is guarded when it comes to more in depth topics and I don't know exactly why. I think the best thing to do from this point forward as suggested by my therapist and those here, I need to distance myself and be patient. In the mean time I will sit and process my feelings. I've decided to join the gym this weekend. In between Pilates, I'll go to the gym.

 

When I started typing this post, I was hopeful and feeling somewhat positive, but now as I type I am feeling like this is all too much to be dealing with. I'm probably beating a dead horse here and I was way out of line to ask for reconciliation. He's probably completely taken back by what I had to say and doesn't know how to let me down easily. I'm feeling embarrassed and naive.

[jmb]

Hey Ksol-

I know you are having a difficult time waiting for him to respond, but you are doing a good job, you should be proud of yourself. The simple truth is you cannot control anything that he does and so you do just have to be patient. If you really love and care for him you have to figure out how to be respectful of his needs as well and he might be confused. Maybe he doesn't know what he wants, maybe he has no idea that you have really recognized the things you need to change to be better in a relationship. He might be worried things are going to be the same as they were the previous times. You put your thoughts out there...now just go do some other stuff and you will hear from him. I guarantee you will.

[Ksol9]

Hey Ksol-

I know you are having a difficult time waiting for him to respond, but you are doing a good job, you should be proud of yourself. The simple truth is you cannot control anything that he does and so you do just have to be patient. If you really love and care for him you have to figure out how to be respectful of his needs as well and he might be confused. Maybe he doesn't know what he wants, maybe he has no idea that you have really recognized the things you need to change to be better in a relationship. He might be worried things are going to be the same as they were the previous times. You put your thoughts out there...now just go do some other stuff and you will hear from him. I guarantee you will.

 

Thank you jmb. I know I shouldn't doubt myself. I have a habit of doing this. Every decision I have made so far regarding my communication with him has been well thought out. I think what you said about respecting his needs and his feelings is most important. I need to respect his need for time. I know him well and I know he takes his time in thinking things through before speaking. He will reply when he is ready. Either way I can't control him or the situation. I put my best foot forward and now I have to wait. I would also understand if he is confused or worried that things will be the same as previous times. We both have a lot of work to do. I've let him know that I am ready to do my part and in time he will decide if he is willing to do the same.

 

I am doing ok. I am not feeling as anxious as I thought I would be. I did some cleaning and have just been lounging around the house. I am going to have a restful and peaceful weekend. I have a lot of faith that everything is going to be ok and that I will hear from him at some point.

[Ksol9]

Oh boy...I'm going to need some help. I received a response from him and I can sense some frustration and confusion. I don't know what to say or what to even make of it. The following is what he sent:

 

You know you've said alot of mean things to me that were very hurtful. Alot!! Our relationship was repetitively ramified between our own personal beliefs and opinions. I do not know what it is between you and I but we always had some sort of issue going on with eachother. That is in the past now I don't know what to say. I think about you alot and when I think about you I do miss you okay. Then I'm always weighing the pros and cons between the last two years.

 

I can feel my head beginning to spin. I don't know what to say.

[boltnrun]

Have you responded?

[Ksol9]

For anyone reading along, I apologize for flooding with posts. Somehow, posting here helps me process my thoughts. Rather than acting on emotion, I've managed to slow down to think.

 

I took some time to understand his point of view before responding. I actually went back and re-read some parts from the make up don't break up book. That book has been sort of a manual for me. Exactly what she speaks about in there about them wanting to see you before discussing is pretty much what is happening here. She said do not see them until everything is on the table and you are on the same page. Everything that I was thinking of saying, was sort of validated by what she suggests to do in the book. I realized I wouldn't be able to meet with him and sending an email would be more appropriate.

 

From what I gathered from his text, he was obviously very confused as to what to say and how to go about expressing his feelings. Just as jmb said, he doesn't know that I've realized what I needed to change, what we needed to chanhe to make things better. I'm sure he's afraid that the same things will happen again..just as I am.. I know he wouldn't be saying these things if reconciling wasn't an option. He wanted me to know he was hurt by things I said and that he misses me. Him saying he weighs the pros and cons meant that he is confused. Maybe he was having trouble putting things into perspective. I wrote him an email. It wasn't lengthy but it was too much to send as a text. It was very straightforward about where we went wrong especially where I went wrong. I made sure to acknowledge my mistakes and I also held him accountable for his. I told him what I wanted. I wanted him to focus on his career and his children and I want to focus on all the things I want to accomplish. I said that I wanted us to build a strong relationship. To take things day by day and that we don't need to rush as we both need to work on ourselves and on this relationship together. I also said that I was ready and able to put the past in the past. I let him know that I believe in him and in us. That if we change the way we interact with eachother then communication would be better. I said that I respect his feelings and whatever decision he makes and that if this was something he doesn't want, then that's ok. I cannot force him but that I wanted to try because I recognized all the things I was doing to contribute to our problems.

 

I remembered all that my therapist and everyone here has said. I was firm, I was straightforward, and I was respectful. I'll save all the I miss you's and I love you's for later. I realized one thing here and I'm actually glad he wasn't so aggressive with his communication. This allowed me the opportunity to lay everything out on the table about what I want. I was able to hold myself accountable as well as him. I was honest. I think he will respect me for it. At least I hope so. He may decide this isn't for him and may tell me it isn't going to work, but I have a feeling he just needed some direction and validation that I understood where i have been going wrong.. He didn't know how to navigate this other than to tell me how much I hurt his feelings.

 

Maybe I interpreted it all wrong, but this is what I took from it. I told him to take his time and think things through. I don't expect to hear back right away. A little scared about how he'll react but I'm confident about the things I said. I hope everything is going to work out.

 

Have a great night everyone.

[Ksol9]

Firstly, I apologize for the fast typing and errors in my previous post. Typing on my phone with heightened emotions. Sorry if it is difficult to read.

 

Writing this morning because I am wondering if he just wants me to take the blame entirely. The text he sent pretty much victinuzsd himself. Reading it again, he sounded angry and frustrated with me. It didn't even really make sense. He just sounded like a confused mess.

 

I guess from his point of view, I was constantly causing problems and then getting angry with him. Angry meaning hurtful words and behavior. In my defense, I'm a woman and I know most women behave in this way to a certain extent. I would get angry because of things he was doing that I found disrespectful. This excludes the email incident which I consider absolutely wrong and is considered cheating in my book. He seemed very careless I guess. In hindsight, a lot of the things I would be upset about were trivial. I probably shouldn't have stonewalled him or reacted with any sort of unhealthy behavior. I've been told many times by everyone here on this board that if I changed the way I reacted, trusted him, and managed my anxiety, things would have improved. I do believe he would have been receptive as I have seen it before from him. He's no rookie. He comes from a long term relationship and he's always been keen to my feelings. I hope I'm not beating myself up here because I do know this was not my fault entirely. I tend to take the weight of the blame. Maybe it started with me and change needs to start with me. Before I close, I think jmb was the one who stated this. There has also been some discussion about this with lostlove. I do believe there is some sort of anxiety attachment Work I need to do with my therapist. I have always had trust issues and anxiety in relationships. It's worth exploring where those things stemmed from and how I can improve it. I'm going to make a list of things to discuss with my therapist on wednesdays appointment.

 

One good thing...he seems eager and open minded to everything I have to say. So far, any communication I've had with him, he is responsive even if it takes a day or two to respond to more in depth topics. I hope that is a good thing. If he gives us a chance, I plan to maintain my own life outside of the relationship and to keep some distance for a while until I see some consistent changes from him and myself. I actually think him traveling for work will also give us some time and space from eachother. I could be thinking too far ahead because I don't know how he will respond. That text from him didn't sound too promising. Going to try to occupy myself today. Going to start the gym today. Laundry and gym.

 

Hope everyone enjoys their weekend!

[Ksol9]

What a beautiful day! The weather is amazing here in FL today. I went to the gym this morning and then I had breakfast on the island. I wanted to stay outdoors all day, but I am home now feeling a bit uneasy. I've got some laundry to do and could spend the rest of the day relaxing, but I am thinking of making a spontaneous trip out of town with some friends. I need to keep my mind occupied.

 

I felt ok about sending the email last night, but today as time goes on, I'm starting to feel uneasy. I'm doubting myself again. I feel silly for having to write an email and I'm not sure if it was the wisest thing to do. I got my point on the table, but what if I came across like I was begging. He has not asked or even suggested to sort this out. I am the one who keeps saying I want to try. As the man, shouldn't he be the one to suggest working things out especially since he was the one to end it? I hope I'm not making a fool of myself. I'm worried that he won't respond at all. I'm worried that he is so confused he doesn't know if he wants to be in a relationship. I'm worried he thinks I will settle for anything just because I want to be with him. All this worrying isn't going to do me any good.

[UnchainedSoul]

I just wanted to chime in here. I have been reading along with your posts the past few weeks, and I am glad that communication is open. You never know what someone else is feeling or thinking unless you lay out your own feelings/wants/desires on the table. I understand the uneasiness. It is quite normal. No one likes to play the waiting game. I have been dealing with a lot that's why I haven't written and been more supportive and I apologize for that. I do know that you are on the right track though. What you did was 100% right and since I think texting is a poor form of communication other than a straight up phone call, I think you did the best other possible option which was the email. You were able to put your thoughts together clearly and efficiently.

 

You did the right thing. I just want to help put your mind at ease a bit. If you need to get out of town with some friends for a bit, i say go for it. Running around in circles in your head is going to cause you the most stress and anxiety. It will be okay, really. And if anything, you will have something that you haven't been able to get over the past two months that has been causing you so much pain, and that is closure. I think that's what you needed, or need now. Some closure. Some end, or some new beginning. But you just needed SOMETHING to happen. And you did it, and i am proud of you.

 

Hang in there Ksol, you're doing the right steps, and you're making progress. I am here for you reading along even though I don't post much. I am praying and hoping things work out for you as well.

[Ksol9]

I just wanted to chime in here. I have been reading along with your posts the past few weeks, and I am glad that communication is open. You never know what someone else is feeling or thinking unless you lay out your own feelings/wants/desires on the table. I understand the uneasiness. It is quite normal. No one likes to play the waiting game. I have been dealing with a lot that's why I haven't written and been more supportive and I apologize for that. I do know that you are on the right track though. What you did was 100% right and since I think texting is a poor form of communication other than a straight up phone call, I think you did the best other possible option which was the email. You were able to put your thoughts together clearly and efficiently.

 

You did the right thing. I just want to help put your mind at ease a bit. If you need to get out of town with some friends for a bit, i say go for it. Running around in circles in your head is going to cause you the most stress and anxiety. It will be okay, really. And if anything, you will have something that you haven't been able to get over the past two months that has been causing you so much pain, and that is closure. I think that's what you needed, or need now. Some closure. Some end, or some new beginning. But you just needed SOMETHING to happen. And you did it, and i am proud of you.

 

Hang in there Ksol, you're doing the right steps, and you're making progress. I am here for you reading along even though I don't post much. I am praying and hoping things work out for you as well.

 

Thank you Unchained. How have you been since we last chatted? I hope things are well. I know you last said you were going through some things, are you managing ok?

 

I decided to stay in town. Ive been lounging around the house. I even took a nap. Surprising since I have not been able to get real restful sleep in months. Although I am anxious and afraid of how he is going to respond, a huge weight has been lifted off of me since I contacted him last week. Depression is such a terrible thing and thankfully, I haven't been feeling as bad as I was before.

 

Thank you for validating that I am doing the right thing. I really needed to hear that. I constantly doubt myself after the fact. I have been making well thought out decisions, but I find myself doubting myself afterwards. It really helps to hear that you think I made the right decision. I don't know what his intentions are or what will happen, but I do think because I put everything out on the table, I will be able to see what his intentions are by his response or lack of. As you said, this will bring closure or a new beginning. I am looking forward to that. I feel that I was true to myself and honest with my feelings.

 

You said something that my therapist said as well. He said, it seems that I needed something to happen. I think you are right about this. I needed some sort of movement. I needed to get everything out in order to make peace with it. Thank you for saying everything you said in your post. I'm watching some movies in bed for the rest of the night. I hope you're enjoying your Saturday night. Thank you for checking in...I appreciate your prayers and support.

[Ksol9]

Just wanted to say hi to lostlove. If you happen to read this, please know I am thinking of you and I hope that you are doing well. I hope your days are filled with peace and smiles my friend. If you are up for writing, stop in to let us know how you're doing.

[UnchainedSoul]

Thank you Unchained. How have you been since we last chatted? I hope things are well. I know you last said you were going through some things, are you managing ok?

 

I decided to stay in town. Ive been lounging around the house. I even took a nap. Surprising since I have not been able to get real restful sleep in months. Although I am anxious and afraid of how he is going to respond, a huge weight has been lifted off of me since I contacted him last week. Depression is such a terrible thing and thankfully, I haven't been feeling as bad as I was before.

 

Thank you for validating that I am doing the right thing. I really needed to hear that. I constantly doubt myself after the fact. I have been making well thought out decisions, but I find myself doubting myself afterwards. It really helps to hear that you think I made the right decision. I don't know what his intentions are or what will happen, but I do think because I put everything out on the table, I will be able to see what his intentions are by his response or lack of. As you said, this will bring closure or a new beginning. I am looking forward to that. I feel that I was true to myself and honest with my feelings.

 

You said something that my therapist said as well. He said, it seems that I needed something to happen. I think you are right about this. I needed some sort of movement. I needed to get everything out in order to make peace with it. Thank you for saying everything you said in your post. I'm watching some movies in bed for the rest of the night. I hope you're enjoying your Saturday night. Thank you for checking in...I appreciate your prayers and support.

 

Well I have to say I entered into a volatile relationship that ended badly. It go so bad I had to change my cell phone number of 20 years and basically go into hiding for a while. It has been a tough battle, but I caught on to his bad behavior soon, nipped it in the butt, and got out. Unfortunately, he wasn't willing to let go of me that easily. But I am coping I will admit, and doing much better. Thank you for your concern, I definitely appreciate it, as it has been difficult for me to deal with all of it.

 

I am glad you decided to stay in town and lounge a bit and take some time for yourself. Sleep is so important, and I know what the lack of it can do. I know a huge weight has been lifted, and I think it's what you needed. You needed something to happen, you just did. Whether or not this has a good or bad outcome you needed some movement like you said. Staying the state you were in, checking his Facebook, second guessing yourself, imagining what he may or may not have been thinking by his posts was utter madness, and I think you know that now. You were driving yourself nuts.

 

Sometimes we need a person to tell us that we are doing the right thing, even if it just an online stranger. I wanted to chime in because I know you are mulling around about this email now, and I think you just needed to hear that you did the right thing, which I really think you did. Your therapist is a wise man, I hope you continue with him for as long as you can.

 

Whatever happens with this email, you tried Ksol. You gave it your all. There is nothing more you can do. If he reads it and doesn't reach out within the next few days I would just say it and send him a text to see if he received the email. I would go that far. No more beating around the bush and small talk. It's time to get real. You have tormented yourself for way too long and there is no turning back now. He will give you your closure whether he likes it or not, because you are doing this for YOU now, and on YOUR terms which is something I think you have never allowed yourself to have. The power. The victor in the relationship, which at this point I think you are, (not that it is a competition), but I believe you have the upper hand here, and I think you should use it. You need your closure Ksol, so you can either move on or finally get the relationship you have always wanted.

 

I will be here, watching, posting when I can, but I will help you when you need it. You have shared a deep part of yourself here, and I am happy to have been part of that journey. You need to take care of YOU, and I think you're doing a damn good job. So keep up the good work, and enjoy your Saturday night! All my love. xoxooxox