Somewhere in between indifference, confusion, and sadness

[Ksol9]

I think it's great that you both have such wonderful, loving parents. I've been parent-less for a long time (mother passed away in the 1990s, father was a deadbeat who's been out of my life since I was a teen), so I do envy you both.

 

Ksol, your parents seem to be doing a good job of walking the fine line between being supportive and yet realistic. Your father sounds like a wise and caring man.

 

I know as a parent of adult children myself, that it is very important to let your children live their lives and make their own mistakes. But it's very difficult when you see them doing things that hurt themselves. You cannot step in no matter how much you want to.

 

Please allow your parents to be kind to you. You may fear you are overburdening them, but I assure you they don't see it that way.

 

 

Thank you bolt. I'm sorry to hear about your parents. Whenever I talk about how fortunate I am...I am referring to my family. My parents are truly wonderful people. I'm grateful and thankful.

 

I am in such a dark place in my life that I have been acting very strangely. I don't want to be bothered. I'm irritable. I just want to shut everyone out, including my parents. They know something is wrong and they know I am hurting, so I can tell they are trying to be easy with me. I feel very bad that I am treating those I love this way, but right now I just want to be left alone to get through this on my own. I know there is nothing they can do or say to ease my pain or take it away. I know if they could, they would.

You're also correct that they do their best to guide me, but I don't always listen and when I don't listen..I have to learn on my own and go through this alone...they do not step in no matter how much they want to. Gosh, I can't believe how supportive they've been. I know even if this relationship were to continue, they would still be there to support us.

 

Thank you for your post. It's a simple reminder to be mindful of how I am treating others.

[lostlove76]

Hi ksol. I ended up listening to music for several hours while my parents were gone, just enjoying the alone time. I discovered this, by Dave Grohl (I of course know who Dave Grohl is! but had never heard this song) and watched it about 25 times. Partly because it's a beautiful song and he has a beautiful voice. And partly because he's such a beautiful man, oh my goodness! So incredibly sexy. He looks like my ex minus the long hair. The song has great meaning, and I kept thinking of you, because it pretty much describes what you're going through. You should give it a watch if you get a few.

 

I suddenly remembered something he said a few days before the breakup. He said..I know I don't make you happy and that totally sucks. I'm feeling all kinds of guilty right now. I feel like I made a huge mess of what could have been a potentially great relationship.

It could have been potentially great if he didn't email other women. You both made mistakes, you both have some ownership in this. It wasn't you messing it all up.

 

I think you're right about this. I would just like to believe that all men would be like that I guess, but it doesn't work that way in this day and age. Of course there are men would cross any mountain, but from my experience from our breakups, he is full of pride and stubbornness. It took him a very long time to come forward after the first break up. I believe it was about 7 or 8 weeks. He posted alot of songs and photos to try to get me to reach out I guess. When he saw it wasn't working he reached out. Same thing with the second breakup. He sent me a couple messages to see how I would respond. Then there was a long period of silence. Finally, he reached out by sending me a photo of all of us. I notice he isn't straightforward at all. He waits to see how I react and then when he sees I won't reject, then he will make his point....and none of it was done with direct phone calls. Both times were through text. He said he was afraid that I would reject him.

There are no guarantees, but he may start doing similar again at some point. He did try to call that one time, and we don't know why. When you didn't answer, he may have thought you wanted him to leave you alone. You also saw him drive by your job the other day, which I take as a sign that he was thinking of you. I still believe that you'll hear from him again, much in the same way and across the same timeline as last time. It's good that you have at least some indication of what he was thinking last time - that he was afraid you would reject him. So that very well might be the case this time, as well.

 

I noticed he added another woman. This woman I recognize from his cousin's facebook page. His cousin lives in NY, so he doesn't know her personally. I don't know what that was about. She is also in a relationship. Not trashy looking at all, just looks like a random add

That's weird and random. It just occurred to me to wonder if he's adding women trying to get under your skin. He knows you're watching. Maybe he's trying to goad you into texting him about it. I don't know why I didn't think of that before, but now that I've thought of it, it seems like a possibility for sure. Of course, we just don't know. Maybe he's not posting anything because he doesn't think you can even see his page. Sometimes I wish my page were public so that I could post things in case mine ever looks, but I can't just suddenly start posting publicly because it would be far too obvious. I'm sure yours knows that it would be obvious if he started posting things that you could see, since you know he was doing it last time.

 

I also, agree that you shouldn't delete her at this time. You don't know for sure if they are talking and if you delete her, I think your anxiety will be much worse than it is now. I honestly dont think anything is going on between them, but I'm sure no one can change the way you feel about it.

So, she posted something tonight, and I'm not sure how to take it. She shared a memory from a year ago about being a mother to her son. And with the share, she said that her son keeps her going after having lost the son's father (who was her fiance who died many years ago). And she said that all this time later after losing him, she won't settle for anything less than amazing love. Why even say that?? The original post was just about her son, and she also mentioned missing his father. What does that have to do with new love?? To me, seems like it's in reference to my ex. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but seems that way. So I don't know if it's a good sign - like maybe my ex won't offer her amazing love, because he's so screwed up and doesn't treat women well in many ways (won't commit). Or if she's saying that he IS an amazing love, which he is in many ways, because he is so sweet. SIGH. I don't know which way to take it, but it of course bothers me.

 

You may be right, but I know him as a full time dad. He enjoyed staying home and if we went out it was to do activities with the children. He isn't a very social at all and doesn't care for nightclubs, but with this recent change in his life including the breakup, I think he is probably trying to get out as much as possible. He is probably going places and meeting people and doing things to occupy himself. Of course I could be wrong, but I just think his lifestyle is completely different now that he is alone. I'm sure he is either spending time with someone new or is out trying to find someone new.

This is just a complete and total guess, though. There have been no signs that he's going out a lot. Homebodies don't all of a sudden become social butterflies. I guess maybe he could be going out some to occupy himself, but if he is, I would think that he would soon enough revert back to his normal habits.

 

I decided I would go out of town tomorrow. I have a couple of things to do at the office in the morning and then I will leave right after.

I hope you can enjoy yourself a little. Maybe the change of scenery will do you a lot of good.

 

Thank you bolt. I'm sorry to hear about your parents. Whenever I talk about how fortunate I am...I am referring to my family. My parents are truly wonderful people. I'm grateful and thankful.

I'm sorry, too, bolt. I can't imagine life without my parents, but they're getting older, and I know that I'll lose them one day. I always feel sad for people who don't have both parents alive and well and in their lives.

 

I am in such a dark place in my life that I have been acting very strangely. I don't want to be bothered. I'm irritable. I just want to shut everyone out, including my parents. They know something is wrong and they know I am hurting, so I can tell they are trying to be easy with me. I feel very bad that I am treating those I love this way, but right now I just want to be left alone to get through this on my own. I know there is nothing they can do or say to ease my pain or take it away. I know if they could, they would.

You're also correct that they do their best to guide me, but I don't always listen and when I don't listen..I have to learn on my own and go through this alone...they do not step in no matter how much they want to. Gosh, I can't believe how supportive they've been. I know even if this relationship were to continue, they would still be there to support us.

 

Thank you for your post. It's a simple reminder to be mindful of how I am treating others.

I'm the same way. I sometimes get really snappy with mine for no reason other than that I'm feeling irritable or depressed over him. My parents are just like yours, very supportive and understanding. I explain to mine, often, why I'm being so irritable. And I apologize. Maybe it would make you feel better to just explain it to them every now and then and let them know why you're acting that way. I'm sure they already know, but it doesn't hurt to explain and apologize.

 

Well, I hope you're getting some sleep right now. I need to get in the bed soon myself, it's getting late. If I don't hear from you, I hope you have a good trip - but I imagine you'll check in in the morning if you have time, or some time during the weekend. But if not, we'll chat when you get back. Hang in there

[lostlove76]

Hi ksol. Wow I'm still trying to process this, but just found something new. So you know I've been worrying about his ex this whole entire time. Well I just happened to search pics he's liked, and a picture of a sunrise popped up from early this morning. And 4 minutes after it was posted he commented with a smiley sticker. So I started looking to see who this girl was, and last Thursday he hearted her profile pic. AND his MOM liked the pic! So I looked at her friend list, and she became friends with his mom some time after becoming friends with him. This is his new girlfriend, and she's already met his mom, or at the very least connected with her on Facebook. Trust me, it's his girlfriend. She lives down there where he lives, there's no other reason she would know his mom who lives here where I live. I feel so stupid. Here I was worried about the ex, and he has an actual girlfriend. Here I was hoping that some of the times he was online, he was noticing me on there too. She's not some trashy fling or she wouldn't know his mom, and he wouldn't have commented on the sunrise picture. They must have been together for him to comment so immediately. Or at least been with her when she took it.

 

I can't tell much about her. All her profile pics are extreme closeups, most with a filter looks like. But there a couple more natural looking ones, and she just looks average. She looks like she's been around the block a few times, looks kind of old. Her profile shows she graduated high school 8 years after him, so she'd be that much older.

 

He's never coming back. He moved on a long time ago. He's not pining for me or regretting how he treated me or afraid to reach out. This is at least the 3rd woman he's been with in the past 7 months (probably more than the 3rd), but this one met his mom (or at least connected with her on Facebook). I never even met his mom! His parents were traveling the country most of the time we were together and he was staying at their house while they were gone. She knew all about me, because she'd call while I was there a lot and he'd tell her he was with me. But I never met her. Now this brand new girl has gotten to meet her.

 

With all my snooping, I was completely unaware of her. Just worrying about the ex and hoping that would fizzle and he'd call me.

 

Still processing. Now I have to accept that he's really never coming back.

 

Hope you're okay today ksol. Look forward to hearing from you.

[Ksol9]

Hi there, I am out of town. Have been up since 4 am something. I couldn't sleep. I took care of what I had to do at the office and then I got on the highway. We just had a late lunch and I'm extremely stuffed. It doesn't matter where I go, what I do, who I'm with, I'm still thinking about him. I miss him and I wonder what he's doing.

 

Hi ksol. I ended up listening to music for several hours while my parents were gone, just enjoying the alone time. I discovered this, by Dave Grohl (I of course know who Dave Grohl is! but had never heard this song) and watched it about 25 times. Partly because it's a beautiful song and he has a beautiful voice. And partly because he's such a beautiful man, oh my goodness! So incredibly sexy. He looks like my ex minus the long hair. The song has great meaning, and I kept thinking of you, because it pretty much describes what you're going through. You should give it a watch if you get a few.

 

What a beautiful song! Thank you for the link! I listened to it a few times on my drive. Music is soothing. Especially in times like this. Somehow it helps me sort my thoughts.

 

There are no guarantees, but he may start doing similar again at some point. He did try to call that one time, and we don't know why. When you didn't answer, he may have thought you wanted him to leave you alone. You also saw him drive by your job the other day, which I take as a sign that he was thinking of you. I still believe that you'll hear from him again, much in the same way and across the same timeline as last time. It's good that you have at least some indication of what he was thinking last time - that he was afraid you would reject him. So that very well might be the case this time, as well.

 

I was thinking on my drive...his life changed completely when his children left. He no longer has a significant other. I think I remember we discussed this before. He's alone and I don't know how that kind of life can bring happiness. Chasing women, hanging out with friends, and just roaming has to become old after a while. At his age, the few friends he does have..have families and wives. What is a life where all you focus on is work?? Im alone and I'm slowly realizing this is not happiness. Yes, I have freedom, but I want to share my life with someone...the right person. One day I'll get it right.

 

I noticed he didn't go online at all yesterday. He signed on around 6am. He must have fallen asleep very early. I don't even know if he is still in town but he was online very frequently throughout the morning. I'm just miserable without him, but this is what he wants. I should have no problem giving him what he wants. I can't force him. I don't believe he is missing me and I feel like I'll never hear from him again. Coming to terms with that is the problem.

 

That's weird and random. It just occurred to me to wonder if he's adding women trying to get under your skin. He knows you're watching. Maybe he's trying to goad you into texting him about it. I don't know why I didn't think of that before, but now that I've thought of it, it seems like a possibility for sure. Of course, we just don't know. Maybe he's not posting anything because he doesn't think you can even see his page. Sometimes I wish my page were public so that I could post things in case mine ever looks, but I can't just suddenly start posting publicly because it would be far too obvious. I'm sure yours knows that it would be obvious if he started posting things that you could see, since you know he was doing it last time.

 

This actually crossed my mind when I saw the woman from NY, but it's likely he's just adding women and looking for someone to chat with. Who knows. I do know from history that he tries to play these stupid little games to get a reaction from me. He does know I'm watching his friends list. It was 2 weeks ago that I sent those text messages about the married woman. There's really no telling. I'm assuming that is why there has been no activity. hes probably just trying to move in with his life and isn't worried about what I'm doing. Just because it happened like that in the past doesn't mean it will happen again.

 

This is just a complete and total guess, though. There have been no signs that he's going out a lot. Homebodies don't all of a sudden become social butterflies. I guess maybe he could be going out some to occupy himself, but if he is, I would think that he would soon enough revert back to his normal habits.

 

I'm assuming he hasn't been home because of the recent trip to Puerto Rico and his online activity has changed drastically. He is doing something with his time and I just assume he met someone new. Love is so beautiful but at the same time it can destroy you. Im just sad..sad.

 

So, she posted something tonight, and I'm not sure how to take it. She shared a memory from a year ago about being a mother to her son. And with the share, she said that her son keeps her going after having lost the son's father (who was her fiance who died many years ago). And she said that all this time later after losing him, she won't settle for anything less than amazing love. Why even say that?? The original post was just about her son, and she also mentioned missing his father. What does that have to do with new love?? To me, seems like it's in reference to my ex. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but seems that way. So I don't know if it's a good sign - like maybe my ex won't offer her amazing love, because he's so screwed up and doesn't treat women well in many ways (won't commit). Or if she's saying that he IS an amazing love, which he is in many ways, because he is so sweet. SIGH. I don't know which way to take it, but it of course bothers me.[/Quote]

 

This actually says to me that she is completely single. That there is no one significant in her life at the moment. Remember people grieve in different ways. She lost someone very significant and that is going to take some big shoes to fill. I can tell you to rest assured that wasn't directed to your ex. She was expressing herself in a way that I think anyone would who experienced something like that. I don't think you have anything to worry about. Try not to fret over it. I know how hard it is, but there is a slim chance anything serious is going on with them. It's only normal for your thoughts to run wild. I understand.

 

I'm glad I got out of town. Going to do a little shopping and then enjoy the town later tonight. I needed to clear my mind even if it's in small doses. I hope you are doing well today. I hope you are at ease.

[Ksol9]

Hi ksol. Wow I'm still trying to process this, but just found something new. So you know I've been worrying about his ex this whole entire time. Well I just happened to search pics he's liked, and a picture of a sunrise popped up from early this morning. And 4 minutes after it was posted he commented with a smiley sticker. So I started looking to see who this girl was, and last Thursday he hearted her profile pic. AND his MOM liked the pic! So I looked at her friend list, and she became friends with his mom some time after becoming friends with him. This is his new girlfriend, and she's already met his mom, or at the very least connected with her on Facebook. Trust me, it's his girlfriend. She lives down there where he lives, there's no other reason she would know his mom who lives here where I live. I feel so stupid. Here I was worried about the ex, and he has an actual girlfriend. Here I was hoping that some of the times he was online, he was noticing me on there too. She's not some trashy fling or she wouldn't know his mom, and he wouldn't have commented on the sunrise picture. They must have been together for him to comment so immediately. Or at least been with her when she took it.

 

I can't tell much about her. All her profile pics are extreme closeups, most with a filter looks like. But there a couple more natural looking ones, and she just looks average. She looks like she's been around the block a few times, looks kind of old. Her profile shows she graduated high school 8 years after him, so she'd be that much older.

 

He's never coming back. He moved on a long time ago. He's not pining for me or regretting how he treated me or afraid to reach out. This is at least the 3rd woman he's been with in the past 7 months (probably more than the 3rd), but this one met his mom (or at least connected with her on Facebook). I never even met his mom! His parents were traveling the country most of the time we were together and he was staying at their house while they were gone. She knew all about me, because she'd call while I was there a lot and he'd tell her he was with me. But I never met her. Now this brand new girl has gotten to meet her.

 

With all my snooping, I was completely unaware of her. Just worrying about the ex and hoping that would fizzle and he'd call me.

 

Still processing. Now I have to accept that he's really never coming back.

 

Hope you're okay today ksol. Look forward to hearing from you.

 

I didn't see this post until I submitted my last one. I'm so sorry you found this. Please don't jump to any conclusions just yet. You know how these things go. She may know the mom through a mutual friend. It doesn't have to be a girlfriend. We have to make a few stops before I get back to my friend's house where I will have more time to write.

 

I just know what you are feeling right now. I hit the same wall a few times since the breakup. Remember our fears and anxieties are just illusions. Hang in there lostlove.

[lostlove76]

Thank you ksol

 

This is at least the 5th girl he's been involved with since he moved a year and three months ago, if you include our long-distance period of six months, and not including this other ex of his. Just one to the next to the next to the next. I'm feeling exactly like you're always feeling - like I meant absolutely nothing to him at all, that I was easily replaceable, that he's forgotten I even exist. It's a horrible way to feel.

 

I'm glad you're out of town and keeping busy. I completely know what you mean about him being on your mind no matter what you're doing. It's rough. I'll check in again in a little while. Still trying to process things. Every time I see evidence of a new girl, I have to process things all over again. He's never coming back, and I have to find some way to accept that. I don't know why it's so difficult.

 

Hope you enjoy your afternoon

[Ms Darcy]

Monitoring an ex's activity online tells you about 5% of what they are doing with their life and certainly 0% of how they are actually feeling.

[lostlove76]

Monitoring an ex's activity online tells you about 5% of what they are doing with their life and certainly 0% of how they are actually feeling.

 

Thanks Ms Darcy. I really hope you're right. I know that when I see something, my imagination automatically forms an entire story of what's going on. Like this most recent thing. For him to heart the picture instead of just like it (not sure if you use Facebook much - they now have different buttons you can push, and one is a heart which means you "love" the pic - maybe you already know this) says to me that he is excited about her and/or has feelings. Add to that the fact that she's friends with his mom, and it tells me that they're in a close relationship and he must really like her, if not already love her. Is this jumping to conclusions? I don't know. Seems obvious to me, but I hope I'm wrong. And if he likes her that much, then I certainly never meant anything to him or he wouldn't be on his third girl since we stopped talking.

 

I guess I was still "waiting" for him to come back. I don't know how not to want that anymore.

[Ms Darcy]

He might be in a relationship. He might not. He might be in love. He might not. Nobody really knows.

 

But I do think it's more likely than not that he's moved on given how long it has been.

[Ksol9]

Thanks Ms Darcy. I really hope you're right. I know that when I see something, my imagination automatically forms an entire story of what's going on. Like this most recent thing. For him to heart the picture instead of just like it (not sure if you use Facebook much - they now have different buttons you can push, and one is a heart which means you "love" the pic - maybe you already know this) says to me that he is excited about her and/or has feelings. Add to that the fact that she's friends with his mom, and it tells me that they're in a close relationship and he must really like her, if not already love her. Is this jumping to conclusions? I don't know. Seems obvious to me, but I hope I'm wrong. And if he likes her that much, then I certainly never meant anything to him or he wouldn't be on his third girl since we stopped talking.

 

I guess I was still "waiting" for him to come back. I don't know how not to want that anymore.

 

I agree with Ms. Darcy. It says zero about how they feel or what they're doing unless you see a direct post or comment. He may have really liked the photo or maybe he was flirting with the woman. It doesn't necessarily mean they are in a relationship. I am guilty of the exact thing you are doing. And as I am reading and observing what you are goi through I see that you may just be hypersensitive and you are jumping to worst case scenarios. This is your worst fear, so any clue you see, you are making it out to be along those lines. You are not wrong for that, you are normal, but I do believe you could be jumping to conclusions. (Not just saying that.).

 

We really don't know and it doesn't make sense to worry right now. Try to be patient. Maybe in time you will see more clues that will either prove you wrong or right. I have done the same thing you are doing. I monitor his online activity. When he gets on, who he friended, and do you think he is worrying about me?? Nope. Don't let this send you into a downward spiral. Process it, but tell yourself that you can't be 100% sure. We really don't know. I think so much time has passed and he has tried to move on because you shut him out so many times..rightfully so. You did what was best for you at the time. He has yet to find himself in a long term healthy relationshup. I don't think we can conclude that he has forgotten about you. In fact, he may or may not think about you. It's just I really believe he felt there was no other option and that is why he has left you alone.

 

I know how very hard this is for you. I feel for you. I know this pain. I wake up with the same pain everyday and everything new I see on Facebook, I twist and turn it into a story about how he has met someone new and has moved on. Yes it may be true, but I've yet to see real proof of that. The same goes for you, until you see real proof of a relationship, then it's best, for the sake of your emotional health, to try your very best not to jump to conclusions, to be patient, and to remind yourself to think logically.

 

Hang in there lostlove. Hugs!

[Ms Darcy]

Remember, it also doesn't mean he's NOT in a relationship. He could be in a relationship too. It doesn't mean anything except that you should stop trying to read tea leaves for clues about his life.

[Ksol9]

Hi lostlove, I hope you're doing ok. Im back at my friends home. I decided to make it an early night because I've been up since 4 am. We went to some art galleries and i took some photos of myself. I noticed bags under my eyes and I just look like I'm going through a rough time. Hopefully tonight I get some good rest. I don't have to get up early. I have a hair appointment at 1pm and then afterwards I'll head back home.

 

I signed in Facebook to see his page and he posted some photos of himself on a boat with a huge salt water fish he caught. He loves to fish. It's one of his favorite pastimes. There was also some video of him, his boss, and a couple of other guys I don't recognize on the boat. The last time he went on a deep sea fishing trip was the last time we split. I'm glad that he's getting to do things he enjoys, but it's so strange how we used to share a life together. I feel lost. I just feel like I'm roaming trying to find myself. I miss him. I know he's living his life, but it just makes me very sad.

 

I'll be on until I fall asleep. Hope you're ok. I know it was upsetting to see those posts earlier. Hopefully, you're ok now.

[lostlove76]

Hi ksol. I've still just been processing things. I read your post earlier; you are always so calming. Thank you so much for taking the time to write while you're out of town and with friends. I know that he's been on your mind the whole time, but it sounds like you're doing some enjoyable activities and having a bit of mental relaxation time. I'm glad to hear that. I bet you'll feel at least a little bit better after your hair appointment. It always feels good to get a new style, or even just a good trim.

 

So he went on a fishing trip with the guys. That's not so bad! I would be really relieved to see that he's doing that instead of out with some girl like you had feared. Did he make the posts public, or friends only? If he went fishing after the last breakup too, then I would say it's some kind of coping mechanism. Just like you're doing, getting out of town with friends. If it's a way to enjoy his "freedom," then that's still not a bad thing since he's not with another woman. So far we've seen no signs at all that he's been with anyone, so I would just take that as a good thing unless and until you see otherwise.

 

I wanted to tell you about something I realized tonight: since I saw the things with this new girl earlier today, I haven't shared or posted a single thing on Facebook, haven't commented anywhere, and barely liked anything. I browsed a little and that was it. The reason I'm telling you about it is because I know you've noticed him not posting anything (until today) and it made you feel like he was with someone. But it could just be because of a change in mood since you broke up. That's why I didn't do much online today; I just didn't feel like interacting with anyone in any kind of cheerful or even mundane way. So, we don't know why he hasn't posted much, but I'm a naming this as a possibility.

 

Also, since it's the weekend, if he had a new girl it seems like he would be with her instead of fishing with the guys. If you can, I would take this as an opportunity to allow yourself to at least relax that particular worry for a day or two. I know you're still sad and missing him, but it could be worse.

 

As for mine, maybe you're right and he's just flirting. His "relationship" with the grandma didn't last very long, and she even went so far as to post pics of them together. Maybe this one will fizzle as quickly. It just really worries me that she added his mom as a friend. I don't know how that came about, but they either met in person or he told each of them about each other and they added as friends. His parents may have gone to visit him near the holidays and met her then. It was some time before Jan 13th, because that's when his mom liked the same profile pic that he hearted. I would hate to think he brought her here. It's also unusual that he added the ex back if he's involved with someone new, but maybe she's the one who requested him. Anyways, I can't see anything particularly special about this new one. It seems like he just grabs whoever is available, with the exception of the married woman, because I know he was lusting after her. This new one seems kind of washed up. That sounds so mean, but I'm just trying to describe her. Looks like she's led a rough life - drugs or partying. I could certainly be way off base, but that's what a couple of her pictures look like. And she appears to be a single mom, like all the rest of them. He doesn't even like or want kids but he always goes for these less-than-classy single mothers. With the exception of his ex, who is a single mother due to unfortunate circumstances, but who is very sweet and intelligent and from a good family, all those good things. With these others, he's just scraping the bottom of the barrel. I guess I'm being mean, but really just trying to understand why he chooses who he does. They're just convenient I guess.

 

I'm sorry, I'm just venting, trying to make sense of things. Fact is, he doesn't even live here anymore. You could be right in that he felt he had to move on because I refused to put up with his crap anymore (which is why I didn't answer his calls). And because we're 4 hours apart, and he's not moving here, and he obviously had some hangups about me moving there despite all his promises, there was just no way to move the relationship forward. I don't want a phone-only long-distance relationship. I don't want long-distance period, and was only doing it because he said he wanted me to move there. But things wouldn't work with him there and me here. My fantasy of him moving back home isn't going to happen.

 

I know I'm rambling, I'm sorry. I'll end this. I hope you get some good sleep tonight. I'll be up for a while longer if you can't sleep. Enjoy your afternoon tomorrow - sleeping in and a haircut sounds really nice. Chat soon, thank you again for being here for me when you're having so many problems yourself

[lostlove76]

Remember, it also doesn't mean he's NOT in a relationship. He could be in a relationship too. It doesn't mean anything except that you should stop trying to read tea leaves for clues about his life.

 

This is very true. I really don't know anything at all about his life anymore. I do know that his life has continued forward, while I've remained stuck in one place for the past 7 months. If I wanted to get really negative, I could allow myself to think about how stupid that is. But I'm already in such a low place that I don't need to heap self-criticism on top of it. (I'm not at all saying that you were suggesting anything of the sort; just a thought that occurred to me as I was writing). I'll take this opportunity to say the same thing to you, ksol - don't ever criticize yourself for having such a hard time with things, because you're already feeling bad enough without adding that to it. We care more deeply than some and get a little more attached than others, and that's okay.

 

But back to what you said, Ms Darcy. I do at some point need to stop trying to figure out what he's up to. My dad told me the same thing today, and you all have been telling me for months to quit looking. My dad said that every time I see something, it brings my mood way down, and that's true. It does it instantly. So why do I keep looking? All the reasons I've named before, but I guess I'm just not ready to let go yet is what it all boils down to. How do you decide to let go of someone you still want back? I don't know how to do that.

[boltnrun]

Lostlove, you have no idea how very sad it is to read about all of the ways you come up with to torture yourself.

 

Have you always been like this? Or is this something you started doing because you believe you aren't worthwhile if that man doesn't want to be with you?

 

For all you know, that woman is someone his family has known for a long while. After all, you don't know every single one of his family's friends, do you? How do you know she isn't some cousin or something? How do you jump straight to they're absolutely in a relationship based on one heart emoticon and his mom friending her? And you wrote that she graduated 8 years after him, wouldn't that make her younger, not older? Maybe she's a family member's daughter or something.

 

And I heart emoticon lots of posts and pics and trust me, I'm not in a relationship or dating any of those people. And I add people occasionally, some of them men. I'm not in a relationship with any of them. And lots of people heart emoticon things I post and write. Nope, not in a relationship with them either.

 

However...if you believing that he's in a relationship with her will help you let go, then I'm all for it. And I'm not trying to be facetious, but I feel like letting go of the hope is what's best for you. After all, hasn't it been something like 15 months since you last laid eyes on him in person? And how long since he last called you? Seven or eight months? And how much of the time you were in the phone-only relationship with him did he keep making empty promises that he never, ever followed through with? The entire time, right?

 

Honey, you are such a sweet woman. I can't believe that you are happy with the way you spend your days, attached to your laptop and phone searching the same sites over and over for some sign that he is coming back to you.

 

I think he knows that he will never, ever give you what you should have...a committed love relationship. I believe that the few months you had together that were good were an illusion and that the him he is now is the "real" him. And he knows he can't keep up that act for very long before he starts feeling like he needs to back away. History has shown that when things start to get real, he bails. No matter how connected he may have felt or acted or whatever, it was inevitable because it's WHAT HE DOES. And that's why he doesn't call...because he will never be who he knows you want him to be and he doesn't want to pretend anymore.

 

Actually, not calling you and refusing to make you any more fake promises seems like the most decent thing for him to do. If he's not going to follow through he needed to stop, and he did. He let you go so you can find the man who can and will give you what you should have.

 

Please reconsider therapy so you can get off of this self-destructive cycle. My wish for you is to find a way to start treating yourself with love.

[boltnrun]

How do you decide to let go of someone you still want back? I don't know how to do that.

 

My question to you is...what have you done to at least TRY to let go?

[lostlove76]

Hi bolt. Thank you so much for writing. You're very sweet.

 

And you wrote that she graduated 8 years after him, wouldn't that make her younger, not older?

Let me just get this out of the way real quick. I must have misspoke. She graduated 8 years before him, I meant to say. She's definitely older.

 

Lostlove, you have no idea how very sad it is to read about all of the ways you come up with to torture yourself.

 

Have you always been like this? Or is this something you started doing because you believe you aren't worthwhile if that man doesn't want to be with you?

I guess maybe I've always been like this? Sad to say. But never for this long of a period of time. There were a couple of "relationships" in my past, after which I got really depressed and worried about what they were doing, but the depression lasted a matter of weeks. And the "relationships" themselves only lasted a matter of weeks. So it was more of a feeling of a quick connection with them (and it was mutual, btw), and then a sudden rejection. The longer, more serious relationships that I've had, I was the one who ended them for various reasons, and I got over it relatively quickly and moved on pretty easily. Even a guy I lived with in my mid-20's, who I was with for a year... I did love him very much, but I was over it in a flash compared to this one. I can honestly say that this has been the worst I've ever felt after a breakup, for the longest period of time, and the hardest time I've had letting go - out of anyone in my whole life. I'm not saying it's the only time I've had difficulty letting go, as mentioned above; I've definitely have a problem with that at times. But this is the hardest it's ever hit me, and it's because I loved him more than I've ever loved anyone else. And I got closer to him than I've really ever gotten to anyone else, except maybe the guy I lived with.

 

For all you know, that woman is someone his family has known for a long while. After all, you don't know every single one of his family's friends, do you? How do you know she isn't some cousin or something? How do you jump straight to they're absolutely in a relationship based on one heart emoticon and his mom friending her? And you wrote that she graduated 8 years after him, wouldn't that make her younger, not older? Maybe she's a family member's daughter or something.

I considered this, but she added his mom as a friend some time after she added him. She knew him first. I don't know everyone in his family, or all family friends, but I know they don't have any connections where he moved. I wanted it to be what you're saying, but I just don't see how.

 

And I heart emoticon lots of posts and pics and trust me, I'm not in a relationship or dating any of those people. And I add people occasionally, some of them men. I'm not in a relationship with any of them. And lots of people heart emoticon things I post and write. Nope, not in a relationship with them either.

It helps to hear things like this, thank you. Kind of a reality check. I do all that as well. But I just know him, I know his habits, I know how he is... and I think it's safe to assume that there's something going on between them. If she hadn't added his mom, I would be less likely to be making this leap. But that in itself says a lot, that they're facebook friends.

 

However...if you believing that he's in a relationship with her will help you let go, then I'm all for it. And I'm not trying to be facetious, but I feel like letting go of the hope is what's best for you. After all, hasn't it been something like 15 months since you last laid eyes on him in person? And how long since he last called you? Seven or eight months? And how much of the time you were in the phone-only relationship with him did he keep making empty promises that he never, ever followed through with? The entire time, right?

Yep, yep, and yep on the timeline. I don't know why it feels like just yesterday that I talked to him. I guess because he's been on my mind this entire time. It really feels like barely any time has passed at all. I've almost forgotten the nightmare that was those 4 months he had the married woman living with him. That seems like it was ages ago; it's like I've blanked that whole time period out (not literally, but you know what I mean).

 

I think he knows that he will never, ever give you what you should have...a committed love relationship. I believe that the few months you had together that were good were an illusion and that the him he is now is the "real" him. And he knows he can't keep up that act for very long before he starts feeling like he needs to back away. History has shown that when things start to get real, he bails. No matter how connected he may have felt or acted or whatever, it was inevitable because it's WHAT HE DOES.

I know this on some level, but it feels like he's going to commit to someone else any time now. Even though he's ALWAYS cheated on every girl, dragged his feet about commitment, bailed when it got real, gone hot and cold, made false promises, pulled disappearing acts, etc etc etc. I know this from talking to two of his exes, and observing these flings he's had during our off times. I know this is how he is, and yet I still take it somewhat personally, like I just wasn't good enough. If he loved me as much as he said he did, and we got along so well, and we had such a good and easy connection, why did he treat me that way? And why did he give up? It's just not something that I can really wrap my mind around. He's even told me that he has commitment issues. And told me he's a narcissist. He wasn't trying to push me away by saying these things, btw... they were said in very candid moments when we were opening up to each other. And after everything I've read on these subjects, and all the thinking and analyzing I've done, I still just don't get it. I don't get how someone can just walk away from something that feels good. I don't get what's so horrible about commitment, or living together. I just keep trying to remind myself that he's done the same thing to every other girl, as well.

 

And that's why he doesn't call...because he will never be who he knows you want him to be and he doesn't want to pretend anymore.

 

Actually, not calling you and refusing to make you any more fake promises seems like the most decent thing for him to do. If he's not going to follow through he needed to stop, and he did. He let you go so you can find the man who can and will give you what you should have.

I've considered this too, and maybe you're right. But if that's the case, then he didn't really love me did he? If he let his commitment hangups win out, and allowed himself to lose me? And honestly, he's never seemed to have any conscience about leading anyone on, so I don't know why he would start now. This ex of his I keep talking about... he's called her up after every fling or relationship ends, every time he gets lonely, every time he wants attention. He strings her along for a few weeks and then they quit talking. That doesn't seem to bother him, so why would want to not to do that to me? It just feels more like he's completely forgotten me. Like we never even knew each other. Like I never existed.

 

I'll reply to your second post in a minute. Thanks again for writing. Your questions and input gave me some things to think about.

[lostlove76]

My question to you is...what have you done to at least TRY to let go?

 

I really don't know how to describe why I haven't done anything to try. The feelings are still there, I still want him back, so why would I want to let go? That's why I don't try. I do know that if I could let go, I would have some chance at happiness, even if it's alone. But it wouldn't be complete happiness, it would just be moments of happiness while doing things I enjoy. It's like ksol said - I, too, want someone to share my life with. To me, THAT is happiness. Without that, it's just getting by and enjoying things but never feeling a sense of fullness. I don't believe I'll ever find anyone else who I feel the same way about as him. Therefore, it's hard to want to let go. I don't even know if that makes sense. It's not really a decision, it's just a feeling. He's still in my heart. To try to move on would be to try to force myself to forget him completely, or quit loving him. I just don't see how that's possible, or why you would even want to, if you love the person. If you or anyone else has any wisdom that would help me wrap my mind around that, please do share. I know you say to take the actions first and then the feelings will fade, but where do you find the desire to do that? I just have zero desire. I'm just trying to be as honest as I can be here, in case anyone can understand where I'm coming from or knows how to get around the mental block that I seem to have.

 

I know this all sounds about as sad as it can get. I think I've just resigned myself to the fact that I'll never again be as happy as I was with him during the good times. I'll never find that again. No one will ever live up to that standard, and I don't want to settle for mediocre. Earlier today I was even wondering if I should get back on the dating site and see what's out there, but I know it's just a bunch of idiots. I won't find anyone of any quality.

 

Sorry to be such a downer! It helps to write this out and untangle my thoughts.

[boltnrun]

IMO, you're thinking about this backward.

 

You'd prefer that he use you as an emotional crutch, then discard you when he doesn't need ego stroking? And you believe if he really loved you he'd have continued leading you on with false promises?

 

Do you feel that his other two exes weren't "good enough"? After all, I imagine he told them he loved them too, and probably made promises he didn't keep. Why is it just you who isn't "good enough"? Did they say they felt like they're not "good enough" when you spoke to them?

 

As far as not wanting commitment or living together, you can't understand because you want those things very much. But he doesn't. I personally don't believe in the concept of someone being "afraid" to commit. I believe people don't commit because they don't want to and don't have to. If they have options available to them, they prefer to keep themselves available to explore them. I don't believe it's done out of fear, but out of a desire to have no ties and to be free to see whoever they want and do whatever they want with whomever they want, without anyone questioning them or making "demands".

 

I haven't dated in several years, for example. Sometimes I question myself, wondering why I haven't even tried to meet men. And the answer is that currently, I don't want to. I spent all my 20s and 30s being a wife and raising my kids . I met my ex-husband when I was a teenager. I didn't get that free, unencumbered, single time because I chose to marry and have kids at a young age instead. So I'm doing that now, while I'm still young enough and my health issues haven't gotten too severe. I want to do what I want where and when I want to, and I certainly can't expect a man to always go along with my agenda (and I wouldn't respect him if he did, LOL)! And I am able to take care of myself reasonably well financially, so I feel like I just don't want anyone else in my life right now. So it's not "commitment-phobia", but just a life choice that I've made. And it would be unfair to pretend to some man that I want to settle down and play Couple when I just want to do my own thing.

 

And I think that's what it is. Your ex wants to do his own thing and he knows it would be terribly unfair to expect you to put up with him while he serial dates. Maybe he doesn't want to lie to you anymore. Maybe he realizes you are a lovely, decent woman who doesn't deserve a man who conceals his activities from her.

 

I know you're hoping he "realizes" and comes back to you wanting to commit. And I think he does "realize", but his conclusion is different...that he isn't going to give you what you should have, so he will leave you alone so you can find the right man for you.

 

Edited to add: Responding to your latest post.

 

I went through a painful breakup, where I declared loudly to anyone who would listen that this man was THE LOVE OF MY LIFE WHO I'LL LOVE FOREVER!!!!111. And I wasn't a teenager; I was in my 30s. How did I get past that? By removing myself from him and the situation. For a while, he and I would get together and I'd stay overnight with him and we'd have sex, he'd kiss me goodbye...then nothing until the next time. It hurt, really badly, to know he wanted sex from me once in a while but not a relationship. So, I finally bit the bullet. Told myself "no more!" and stopped contact. He tried to contact me one last time, but I ignored him because doing what I was doing with him was hurting me. And I was tired of being hurt. So, I went cold turkey. No stalking, no calls, nothing. Just stopped. Had to. And, it actually worked. As time went by I went from crying uncontrollably in my car to going DAYS without even thinking of him. I kept busy with my kids and with work and with friends. And he eventually faded. Ironically, a couple of years ago he tried to start dating me again. I went out with him twice and stopped. I found him insufferable! Annoying as "f". And keep in mind, I WORSHIPED this man. Loved him like no other. But, nope, it was all gone. What a great feeling!

 

You have to do the work. I say it's like recovering from surgery or a broken bone. The treatments and physical therapy HURT! A LOT! But what's the alternative? Stay in bed the rest of your life? No, you gotta do it so you can get better.

 

Think of spending the next 45 years doing exactly what you're doing now. How does that sound? If it sounds awful, then you know what to do.

[Ksol9]

Just wanted to write a bit before I go to my hair appointment. We went out for breakfast and now I am back at her house waiting until it's time to head out. I'm going to do a little reading also. I think the best thing I can do for myself right now is read that book. I want to finish it before my appointment on Tuesday with my therapist.

 

I feel a little indifferent with my feelings today..somewhat numb. I saw those photos of him on the fishing trip...btw they are only accessible to friends, and I thought to myself, he is going on with his life, living and doing what he needs to do to be happy. If he feels he is better off without me, what can I do? Be miserable over that fact? I can't be like this forever. I analyze what happened in that relationship..the entire thing. I think I put so much into that relationship and his children that I lost myself. I didn't take care of myself and that's exactly why I was always tired and drained physically and emotionally. That is definitely a big part of condependence. I remember bits of pieces of things he would say..you're trying to control me, take time for yourself, maybe you should spend the day with your parents, maybe we need the day away from eachother, focus on yourself...those things have a new meaning today. I think I took it all as an insult. I was offended when he didn't want me around when he recognized I needed to slow down. I was stressed all the time and I was so focused on him that I didn't even realize how I was behaving. I was told numerous times by all of you here on the board, from him, from my family..if I focus on myself and change my attitude, things may even take a turn for better. In addition, the type of person he is..he bails when there is conflict, poor communication skills, his coping mechanisms..we were headed for a brick wall at a high speed. I can't believe I was so foolish not to see that. I may beat myself up over this, but I do understand it is not my fault entirely. We've been doing the same thing for 2 years, yet I did not once make an effort to change and continue in that path. What in the world do I expect to happen? I don't think he is womanizer nor do I think it was his intention to cheat. I think these were things he just did because he didn't know how else to handle issues within the relationship

 

Those who have gotten to know me here on the board know I am a very insightful person. I overthink and I will searchnand search for answers and solutions to my problem. I think I've been runnng in circles for a long time and may have come up with many different conclusions, but it's all pretty simple. I neglected myself anytime i got back into a routine. I will continue to chose bad partners and I will continue to have negative thoughts that become reality if I don't break this bad habit. I consider myself a religious person. God says do not focus on negativity. Be positive in all you do. everyone knows this..even the Bible says it..be a positive person, don't allow negativity to fill your head or your life. It's a waste of precious time! I've just been living wrong for a long time now. The hardest work I ever do will be the work I do on myself...it's true what they say.

 

He is moving on and he may have reached a point where even if he does want to be with me, I think he recoginized I have a lot of work to do on myself and even on himself. He probably realized he won't be happy with me even if we tried. I don't believe he'll give us another chance. He must be doing all he can do to move on with his life. I shouldn't rely on any false hopes. I don't have time to waste.

 

I'm missing him so much today. I want my life back and I cry over what our relationship could have grown to be. I know I'm learning. Im realizing a lot, but I think the biggest challenge for me is continuing work..following through. I have to constantly remind myself to take care of the person who is most important and that is ME.

 

Lostlove, this is what's so cool about you. You never stop searching...you continuously search for knowledge to better understand what you are going through and just like me, I think you are very insightful about your own situation. Trust yourself. No matter how long you hold on, make sure in the meantime you are learning and growing as a person...to become a better person. If he comes back into my life tomorrow, do I have the strength to not fall back into the same patterns, but to continue to focus on myself, self worth, self care, self perseverance? I think that is the key to making the most of what we are going through right now.

 

I can't move on right now and maybe not even tomorrow. I may hold on to him for a very long time, but I must push myself to work on myself no matter what. Progress will come in small doses.

[Ksol9]

*Self preservation. iPhone changed it to perseverance.

[browneyedgirl36]

I really don't know how to describe why I haven't done anything to try. The feelings are still there, I still want him back, so why would I want to let go? That's why I don't try. I do know that if I could let go, I would have some chance at happiness, even if it's alone. But it wouldn't be complete happiness, it would just be moments of happiness while doing things I enjoy. It's like ksol said - I, too, want someone to share my life with. To me, THAT is happiness. Without that, it's just getting by and enjoying things but never feeling a sense of fullness. I don't believe I'll ever find anyone else who I feel the same way about as him. Therefore, it's hard to want to let go. I don't even know if that makes sense. It's not really a decision, it's just a feeling. He's still in my heart. To try to move on would be to try to force myself to forget him completely, or quit loving him. I just don't see how that's possible, or why you would even want to, if you love the person. If you or anyone else has any wisdom that would help me wrap my mind around that, please do share. I know you say to take the actions first and then the feelings will fade, but where do you find the desire to do that? I just have zero desire. I'm just trying to be as honest as I can be here, in case anyone can understand where I'm coming from or knows how to get around the mental block that I seem to have.

 

I know this all sounds about as sad as it can get. I think I've just resigned myself to the fact that I'll never again be as happy as I was with him during the good times. I'll never find that again. No one will ever live up to that standard, and I don't want to settle for mediocre. Earlier today I was even wondering if I should get back on the dating site and see what's out there, but I know it's just a bunch of idiots. I won't find anyone of any quality.

 

Sorry to be such a downer! It helps to write this out and untangle my thoughts.

 

Boltnrun has offered so much good advice that I can't add much, but I will say this, and I know it's not something you'll want to hear, or that you'll probably agree with, but I'm going to throw it out there anyway: I don't think that your inability to let go has very much to do with how much love you have for your ex. I'm not saying you DON'T love him, but I AM saying that I think that repeating the mantra "I can't let go because I love him so much!" is your way of avoiding dealing with why you're REALLY hanging onto someone you haven't laid eyes on in 15 months: It's got very little to do with him, and everything to do with you (and, to some extent, the type of relationship you had with him). You indicated that you've had a history of having trouble letting go when someone has broken things off with you, but this is the worst out of all of those times. That's one clue right there -- rejection triggers something in you that brings up old feelings if unworthiness, etc., that are a big part of refusing to let go. And, this relationship was very tenuous, very on-off, and pretty much always left you guessing, not to mention that your ex was a cheater, someone who didn't seem to see commitment as necessary, etc. This relationship -- how you ended up in in the first place, why you stuck with it and went back to him even when he was behaving badly, and the pining and holding out hope you are doing now -- all these are functions of your relationship with YOURSELF, more so than your relationship with him.

 

Here's my take on what's happening here (bear with me):

 

What I see when I read your story is that, perhaps, you've always felt a sense of unworthiness, of not being "good enough." You may even tell yourself that you ARE good, that you deserve better, but deep down, you don't really believe it, and you're looking for ways to refute that belief, so you pick men -- like this last one -- who are very difficult, very non-committal. You think to yourself, even sub-consciously, "If I can win his love, that means I'm good enough. I'm lovable." Paradoxically, though, the more you try with this type of guy, the more the rejection mounts as he refuses to commit, and this serves your feelings of unworthiness, too, allowing you to conclude, 'Yep! I was right! I'm not good enough!" And, since there are other women in the picture and on the periphery -- and there always are with guys like him (and my ex) -- you're constantly comparing ('Why is he with HER now and not with me?") and worrying that, one day, he WILL commit to one of them, thus confirming that there's something "wrong" with you that caused him not to commit to you. This is where all the social media obsession comes from -- you're looking for any signs that you either are or aren't "good enough" -- that somehow, it's about you and your unworthiness. What keeps you hanging on is that somehow, you want to "fix it" -- you want to be able to prove to yourself that you aren't unworthy, that you aren't unlovable. There's an article on another site -- Baggage Reclaim -- called "Seeking a Rejection Retraction" or something of that nature, and it explains a lot of what you're going through, I think. The same author wrote a book called "Mr. Unavailable and the Fallback Girl," and while some parts of the book may not apply, I have a feeling that at least some of it will resonate significantly with you. (For me, it was the part about how I myself might be "unavailable" despite my protestations to the contrary" -- that part made me BAWL because I realized, ultimately, that my feelings of unworthiness of love had pretty much made me unavailable -- or, only available to totally unavailable men.)

 

This is why so many of us are advising you -- and ksol, too -- to focus on YOU, not on HIM. Ultimately, this isn't about how you feel about him. It FEELS like that, I know, and again, I'm not denying that you love him. I loved my ex, too. I had to admit to myself, though, that my inability to let go was more about ME than it was about how great he was or how big my love for him was.

 

A lot of posters, when it's suggested that they don't love themselves and/or value themselves, insist vehemently that this is not the case, but I can guarantee that if you really felt love for yourself, really believed in your self-worth, you wouldn't still be monitoring his social media activity and obsessing like this after seven months. Granted, you may not have entirely "moved on" by this point (on-off relationships, as I've mentioned before, seem to take much longer to get over for some people), but you WOULD be in a better place.

 

There IS happiness -- or at least contentment -- in your future, whether with someone else or on your own for awhile. You have to believe it, and you have to want it badly enough for it to happen. I can GUARANTEE that if you seek counseling, stop with the social media monitoring/obsessing and focus on yourself, it WILL get better. If you don't, it may never get better. It's your choice, but as boltnrun said, can you imagine living 45 more years like this? I can't even imagine going for 5.

[SparklyBoots]

I really don't know how to describe why I haven't done anything to try. The feelings are still there, I still want him back, so why would I want to let go? That's why I don't try. I do know that if I could let go, I would have some chance at happiness, even if it's alone.

 

Sweetie, BrownEyedGirl and Boltnrun have given you some excellent advice.....I know you really don't want to let go but you can't keep hurting yourself - ....all this worry and anxiety about your ex will make you ill....such constant stress on the body is so bad

If you stop checking his FB, it doesn't mean you will forget about him, or even that you will be letting go, but you will stop putting quite as much stress on yourself. If you absoutely cannot think of giving it up completely can i suggest pacing yourself....try and only check his FB every other day, then after a bit check it every three days - build yourself up to once a week...and try and find something else to keep your thoughts occupied. It will be easier than going complete FB cold turkey, and by the time you get to once a week checking you may be surprised how much you will enjoy the days of feeling calmer when you aren't checking up....just a thought - hate to hear you keep torturing yourself xxx

[lostlove76]

Hey everyone. I couldn't sleep last night, so I'm getting a late start in the day. I just read all your posts, and it brought tears to my eyes... so I suspect that a lot of the points you made actually hit home. I want to reply to all of it, but let me take a little while to mull things over and then I'll sit down and write later this afternoon or evening. I can't thank you all enough for taking the time to offer your thoughts. Call me overly emotional, but I'm sitting here fighting back tears. I just really appreciate it, and it is so helpful. Ksol, it sounds like you're in a good place of mind today, and I'm happy to hear that. I sense strength from your writing. I'll reply to yours in a little while too. I hope everyone has a good day. xoxo

[Ksol9]

Hey everyone. I couldn't sleep last night, so I'm getting a late start in the day. I just read all your posts, and it brought tears to my eyes... so I suspect that a lot of the points you made actually hit home. I want to reply to all of it, but let me take a little while to mull things over and then I'll sit down and write later this afternoon or evening. I can't thank you all enough for taking the time to offer your thoughts. Call me overly emotional, but I'm sitting here fighting back tears. I just really appreciate it, and it is so helpful. Ksol, it sounds like you're in a good place of mind today, and I'm happy to hear that. I sense strength from your writing. I'll reply to yours in a little while too. I hope everyone has a good day. xoxo

 

 

Hi there, hope you're doing ok. There were indeed some great points made by the other posters. I've been wanting to respond, but I have this anxiety and sadness that seems to just be lurking underneath the surface. Although I had a wonderful weekend with friends, I just want to break down and cry. I don't know if the good place of mind is strength or if it's just a realization. It doesn't take away the pain of losing that relationship. I wish there was something I could do, but I know I can't. I'm also feeling a little bit of anger for him andt how he just walked away like everything we had meant nothing..like he doesn't care. Strange feeling tonight.

 

Anyhow, I hope you're doing ok and I hope to hear from you. Let us know how you're feeling. I'm going to sit down to read a bit. Will check back later to see if you stopped in. Hugs!