when they break up with you even though they still love you

[kbbcoop77]

Good grief! You are all over the place.

 

The relationship is over. The best thing that you did was unfriend him.

 

Get out of the house and spend time with friends, and don't talk about this guy.

 

Agreed...I said you'll see something that will really hurt you keep looking at his Facebook and that didn't take long..now you know he's not "taking a break to find himself" etc etc, he wants sex with someone else. Time to completely block him and heal.

[Hollyj]

Do you think that he has been stalking your fb?

[IAmFCA]

Thanks for all your responses. I just went on his Facebook page and noticed him and his old ex before me are friends again and he started liking all her photos. Now the break up feels like a whole different level of deception. His doubt about us wanting different things for the future is more his interest in his ex. This is a whole new level of pain when i didn't think i could get lower. I had this small lingering hope that he was just needing time and was really upset about leaving me and we would talk at some point. I unfriended him on Facebook and regret it but know its best for me. I have never been so in love and had my heart shattered so bad by someone. He was so intense and beautiful about life and me and the world and in the same moment he left me.....And now it feels so overwhelming

 

Anon, about a year after my break up - "marry you", "never gelt any connection like this one" etc - I learned he had started dating his now gf a couple months before the break.up, and had started acting crazy trying to get me to dump him. Had started talking about wanting things in his life that (as I now know) she has, etc. Still pursued a friendship with me, was hoping to keep a sexual relationship with me and a deep friendship with me while being "committed" to her.

 

When I figured it all out, I berated by text for three days, until he finally said he understood. The lying and avoidance was so painful.

 

But you know what? It proves he is not the man you thought he was, and that he is not worthy of you.

[Anon333]

Do you think that he has been stalking your fb?

 

part of me hopes he is really wondering what I am doing and checking. I have no clue if or when he will realize I unfriended him.... I have been posting an extra lot these days which I know I shouldn't, but also posts with friends and being out in nature so at least they are positive. Im so pissed he is liking pics of his ex already.... But Im sure it makes him feel better and he is curious about her. I already went on tinder and have caught up with an ex boyfriend with no intention of dating or getting back with the ex....I think just for some comfort and knowing there are others out there....Its a weird stage in my head and Im sure his too. He probably does want to go sleep with someone but I hopes he knows that would destroy any reconciliation even moreso...

[Hollyj]

Don't use to people to get over your ex. Really selfish!

 

Be a big girl and deal with your break up. It will help you understand what was wrong in the relationship

[IAmFCA]

God, I feel your pain so much as i am going through something similar now. My bf and I are going through a rough time. He's told me he loves me, but needs time to think about how to handle our situation. I want to make goals for our relationship and plan for a future, but he seems unwilling to fully invest or make me a priority. I want him to give me a clear answer so I can move on...are we still together, on a break, or over? But he hasn't told me anything definite and it's killing me. I think it's holding on to the person and hoping that it will work out that is debilitating, if in fact there Is no possibility of a future. I love him with all my heart though and it hurts so bad. I get it.

 

I feel like all signs are no, until we are sure it's a yes. When a man knows he wants me, he makes 100% certain I know. Until then, at best its a maybe.

 

When tired of wondering, it may be time (and perhaps always it is time) to take control and do what works for us. It never feels good to be out of balance.

[Anon333]

Don't use to people to get over your ex. Really selfish!

 

Be a big girl and deal with your break up. It will help you understand what was wrong in the relationship

 

I would never do that. My old ex came into my work and saw me cry and reached out to me. He cares and is sweet and let me talk about the situation. The tinder thing is a small bit of therapy. I haven't responded to anyone and don't plan on going on a date any time soon....

[IAmFCA]

I would never do that. My old ex came into my work and saw me cry and reached out to me. He cares and is sweet and let me talk about the situation. The tinder thing is a small bit of therapy. I haven't responded to anyone and don't plan on going on a date any time soon....

 

I think you are doing very well with this!

[Hollyj]

Don't use you ex as your counselor, because that is what you would be doing. I'm certain there are other people you can talk to.

 

Getting a few ego boosts from some strangers is fleeting. Why not address the failure of the relationship and deal with your pain.

[Batya33]

Going on Tinder is a great idea if you are open to meeting someone in person.

[LAYAAN]

OP, I think unfriending him on facebook is a very good step you have taken. Do not stalk him on FB. It will only pull you back. Plz understand that you won't know his exact reason. (I'm not sure that he knows his exact reason either). His renewed attraction with his ex-gf may or may not lead to anything in future. But that is none of your business. Your business is you - your well being, your happiness. So, do whatever you need to do to achieve that.

Howmuchever we try to avoid it - the truth is that sometimes relationships don't work. Finding faults in him or his choice of next gf, being angry, stalking (even on FB) will keep you attached to this man. Take your time to process what happened, but at the same time take steps in order to move on. Healing after breakup takes time. No advice given here, no breakup website or book will help you if you don't actually practice what is asked of you. No matter how slow you move, no matter how slow you make progress... stay with the process. You will come out victorious at the other end.

I can never see my ex as my friend. My friends are honest with me and have my back. He can never be that person. Hence, I have blocked him on FB and LinkedIn. My goal is to do so well for myself that I never feel I lost anything by losing him.

[IAmFCA]

Some great points made here. Even in the story I shared of the ex, he insists still that he wanted to marry me at some point, and then ... He didn't. Thank goodness. I never would have left him. I was cut to the core.

 

That break up was the best thing that's happened to me.

 

OP, so much is ahead of you that will you bring you what you want. Believe it.

[Ms Darcy]

I really think it was a good idea for you to unfriend him on Facebook. What if you saw him flirting with someone else or saw he is in a relationship.

[SaddenedHeart]

When you are ready, understand yourself as much as you can. What drove you to return to future talk repeatedly? In truth, you may have sensed that his feelings were changing, and driven yourself to meet that reality now. Whatever you find when you look within will be what helps you most. Give yourself time, because you will find new layers of understanding over time.

 

I love the advice you gave on this thread, can you take a look at my post in Breakups please? "It was all fake"

[Sarah691607309662]

I really think - everything we have is today. Our future is unknown and I personally would never sacrifice a connection with someone only because person did not know the future. So if I were you, I would say "eff the future!" And I would enjoy the man whom I loved. But that is just me.

 

I realize that we are all different. And someone might have needs, dreams, goals that go beyond relationships. You have one. I think this man really respect you because he was honest with you. He did not feed you BS. Instead he removed himself out of your life, so you would be able to find the one you wanted. The one with whom the house and the dog would be possible.

 

I think the disagreement you had is very serious. He wanted a partner who can enjoy and appreciate today without looking in the future. I can relate to it. I myself "here and now" person and I would be very unhappy if I would be constantly reminded about future.

 

I think, the best for you now is really to calm down and think about this "future" concept. Most likely you will realize how right you were, you will see what exactly drives you in life and then this breakup will be not already that painful, when you will realize that it was the only sane thing to do!

Sometimes we happen to want different things in life and we can not be together

[allibaidoo4]

I im in the same situation as you only difference is my ex and I are 23. He has broken up with me twice due to him feeling pressured by me about marriage. What I never understood was he would talk about marriage but when I talked about it he would feel pressured according to him I was demanding marriage and he didn't believe that he was making me happy because he felt all my focus was on marriage. What I realized is that I'm not ready for marriage anytime soon but I would like to know that the offer is on the table when I am ready. He expressed that all he wanted was me but I made it to hard for him to have me with all my demands and expectations.

[Anon333]

Im sorry to bump this post up.....but anyone who followed this...its been a week and a half weeks and my ex just texted me he misses me and I'm his best friend and wants to talk some time this week....i have not eaten in a week and a half and have lost 15 pounds...i have gone home from work crying.. i have had panic attacks and have felt like i was dying.. all i wanted was to hear from him...and now he is reaching out and I don't know what to say...

[shiner501]

Hi Anon333 I have been reading your story. Even though our circumstances are slightly different, it is similar to mine. I hope you feel better soon. I am also going through the mill at the moment as well.

 

Others may think differently but it sounds like you spooked him talking about marriage. In my opinion, there was no need to discuss that if you were happy together unless there are religious issues involved. Marriage is just a label and an end destination state. Don't get hung up about labels, it is what YOU DO that matters. If you were happy together, committed together (were you both, hand on heart?), did things together, enjoyed each others company, loved each other then what's the big deal?

 

I think you should let him sweat it out another week and see if he contacts you again - he almost certainly will. Scarcity creates value and people value things they can't have. See if he really, REALLY wants to get back together. Make him cry, make him miss you almost as if you are not sure about him anymore yourself. Some will say this is playing infantile games. I disagree. I say it is demonstrating your worth and value to him in no uncertain terms.

 

You need to be aware though that second chances when commitment issues are involved do not have a high degree of success. Read my thread.

 

 

My 2c. Of course, if marriage is the be-all and end-all to you then feel free to disregard my comments. Just sharing a friendly view. I hope it works out for you.

Shiner

[Vastaux]

Im sorry to bump this post up.....but anyone who followed this...its been a week and a half weeks and my ex just texted me he misses me and I'm his best friend and wants to talk some time this week....i have not eaten in a week and a half and have lost 15 pounds...i have gone home from work crying.. i have had panic attacks and have felt like i was dying.. all i wanted was to hear from him...and now he is reaching out and I don't know what to say...

 

If you haven't eaten in a week and a half and have lost 15lbs in a week (which unless you're super morbidley obese i think is pretty much impossible) i think you need not worry about what to say to him and get some professional help. Going along the path you are currently you will seriously hurt yourself.

 

Take the upper hand and ignore him, he tried it with his ex and it hasn't worked and now he's back.

 

sort yourself out first.

[Ms Darcy]

If you haven't eaten in a week and a half and have lost 15lbs in a week (which unless you're super morbidley obese i think is pretty much impossible) i think you need not worry about what to say to him and get some professional help. Going along the path you are currently you will seriously hurt yourself.

 

Take the upper hand and ignore him, he tried it with his ex and it hasn't worked and now he's back.

 

sort yourself out first.

 

I completely agree. You could end up in the hospital at this rate. Don't worry about him and talking to him, worry about your health.