My boyfriend ignored me for a week after we fight, what should I do?

[BeeRose]

Hi all,

 

I have a problem with my fiance.

We have a relationship for almost one year and we are planning to get married in the end of this year. We set many things to prepare our future life, the wedding event, the house where we live, the kids and all the things. He always comes to see me for about two weeks everytime he has a break of his work in South Africa. We always stay in the hotel for 2 weeks. And all the staffs are familiar with us because we are one of their regular guest lists in that hotel.

On Friday, last week ago, we spent our time to have some drinks in the lounge and at the same time there is a burthday party of the owner's sister of the hotel. Most of the guests coming are famous local artists.I was totally out of control when I found my fiance was turning his head to his right side to look at the group of the women who are the guests of birthday party of owner's sister. And he told me "hey look there are many princess around you". I cant accept he told me like that and when the singer of the band called me to the stage to sing, I left him for a moment just to sing two songs. When I was going to finish my song, I saw him was standing behind the couch where the women were taking a picture together. He also made a pose behind the couch (the women were standing in front of the couch). I know he drunk and I know the women didnt notice his existence or his presence. After I finished my song I walked into him and screamed louder. "Why did u stand behind them while they were taking a picture? Tell me the reason. Is there one of them that u want to get closer and f**k tonight? Show me! If u are a man, u should be able to tell me which one of them?" I pulled his hand and drove him closer to the group. He told me "baby none of them, calm down and please behave, I just need to pay the bills then we go back to the room". When the cashier gave him the bills I rip the bills while screaming even louder "before u tell me the reason, I would not let u to pay the bills or get back to the room. Tell me which one of them that u like!" He again told me "no reason and none of them, I love u". But I really cant handle this and I admitted I was totally out of control. And tomorrow night after that, we talked from heart to heart, I cried and asked sincere apology to him. I never done this before. And I promise it will never happen again. He hug me and told me that he loves me, he just looked at the women but nit touch. He doest even want to find another woman, only me in his heart. That was he told me. We made love and everything were going smooth afterwards. Until Monday afternoon he had to head back to his work and we even made love again in the morning. He still has some deposit he left in the hotel and told the reception it will be used for the next stay. I drop him off to the airport and we kissed each other and still exchanged I Love u. But then after he took off on the plane, he didnt even send me a message like he usually does. I texted him but he hold them. I called hik but he didnt pick up. He opened and read my messages after two days then replied with kiss and love icon. Then saturday I sent him I miss u, but he didnt reply. It has been happening until today. I love him, I dont want to lose him but what did he do "the silent treatment" for? Is it a sign to break up? Or he just need some space? But how long should I be waiting he come again to talk to me? I dont want to push him thats why I also dont send him any messages or call him. Please give me some advices... Thank u for ur all kind attention...

[JA0371]

So, you screamed like an insane lunatic at your boyfriend for simply looking at another woman and berated him in front of everyone? I am surprised he stayed with you in the same room after that. It doesn't shock me at all that he's being distant. I think he should seriously reconsider dating you. Jmo

[missmarple]

Do you know his family and friends? Something doesn't sit right with me.

[Capricorn3]

So, you screamed like an insane lunatic at your boyfriend for simply looking at another woman and berated him in front of everyone? I am surprised he stayed with you in the same room after that. It doesn't shock me at all that he's being distant. I think he should seriously reconsider dating you. Jmo

I agree. I don't think he did anything that would warrant you screaming at him in front of so many people. How awful and so humiliating. I'm surprised he stayed with you after that. Were you drunk? I'm not surprised he has ignored you.

 

Best think to do is give him space. He'll get back to you when he's ready... IF he decides he wants to stay with you.

[butterfly45]

Give him time and see what happens, try to resist contacting him for a while. Like if you get the urge, text someone else or distract yourself.

 

I don't think you behaved appropriately but saying that, I don't think he should have had sex with you twice if he was angry with you. That wasn't fair.

[greta96]

Well, this is one of those situations where his actions are warranted. The way you acted would make anyone in their right mind reconsider the relationship, because if you're like this now, it will only get worse as time goes by.

It may be the end of the road for the two of you, I can tell you that if my boyfriend did this to me, I would end it right then and there and there would be no chance for reconciling.

Hopefully next time you will think twice before lashing out like that in public and embarrassing your partners.

[BeeRose]

Yea I know I was totally wrong JA0371, and Im so thankful he finally sent me a message and told me that it affected him a bit. I told him I have to learn from mistakes and promise it will never again. He said thanks and he also tried to understand the reason why I did that. We both need to change our each other behaviour and attitude, he said wisely...

[BeeRose]

No, I was not drunk... But he had been drinking since the evening... I just cant accept he stared at the group of the women and told me directly about them... It made me was totally out of control...

Thank u capricorn3, he finally sent me a message...

[BeeRose]

Thank u butterfly 45, thats why I didnt send him a message every single day. I only texted him 3 times after he was on the plane heading back to South Africa.

He came to me again and we both set the boundaries in our relationship...

[BeeRose]

Greta 96, I realized that I made a big mistake and should think twice before lashing out at him in front of so many people.

But, do u think its okay when we found our fiance turns his head to look at the other women while we r sitting beside him, and tells us directly about them? Is that a kind of disrepectful for his spouse? Or am I a jealous type of person?

I have to learn how I handle this, can u please tell me? To be honest I dont want to lose control that way anymore for the next...

[faraday]

Greta 96, I realized that I made a big mistake and should think twice before lashing out at him in front of so many people.

But, do u think its okay when we found our fiance turns his head to look at the other women while we r sitting beside him, and tells us directly about them? Is that a kind of disrepectful for his spouse? Or am I a jealous type of person?

I have to learn how I handle this, can u please tell me? To be honest I dont want to lose control that way anymore for the next...

 

I wouldn't be thrilled if my fiancé behaved the way yours did...but I would NEVER scream at him like that. Ever. That was horrible. If anyone ever screamed at me like that, I would walk away and never look back.

 

Yes, you have an anger problem and yes, you need to address it- probably with therapy.

 

That was not a normal reaction...it was not healthy.

 

When you're in a relationship, you need to decide if you trust your partner or not. If you don't trust him- if you think he wants to sleep with other people (or worse, are sleeping with others) it's time to walk away. There's no relationship left. Trust is one of the biggest blocks in the foundation of any relationship- without it there's nothing to build on.

[denoted09]

Sorry to say this but the fact that he had sex with you twice before he left and then ignoring you sounds like his way of humiliating you the same way you humiliated him.

[ThatwasThen]

No, I was not drunk... But he had been drinking since the evening... I just cant accept he stared at the group of the women and told me directly about them... It made me was totally out of control...

Thank u capricorn3, he finally sent me a message...

If that simple thing caused you to react with such immaturity and dysfunction then I suggest to you that you cannot change on your own and that you get help from a professional that can guide you in how to behave when you are feeling threatened about your place in his life.

 

I'm not quite sure how he can ever show his face in that establishment again... especially if he's still with you. *shrugs*

 

Sorry, I know that's not what you want to hear but I think if he knows you're in counseling, he may learn to believe you aren't going to react like that again. For you to just "say" you won't doesn't mean much.

[Ms Darcy]

I realized that I made a big mistake and should think twice before lashing out at him in front of so many people.

But, do u think its okay when we found our fiance turns his head to look at the other women while we r sitting beside him, and tells us directly about them? Is that a kind of disrepectful for his spouse? Or am I a jealous type of person?

I have to learn how I handle this, can u please tell me? To be honest I dont want to lose control that way anymore for the next...

 

You sound like you sort of don't get it. You are still looking for justification for your own bad behavior. Even if my husband did that, I would never lash out at him (whether in front of others or not).

 

You sound like you need some professional help to assist you in dealing with your own emotions.

[greta96]

Greta 96, I realized that I made a big mistake and should think twice before lashing out at him in front of so many people.

But, do u think its okay when we found our fiance turns his head to look at the other women while we r sitting beside him, and tells us directly about them? Is that a kind of disrepectful for his spouse? Or am I a jealous type of person?

I have to learn how I handle this, can u please tell me? To be honest I dont want to lose control that way anymore for the next...

 

BeeRose, the honest truth is that people will always look at attractive people, it's human nature and there's nothing you can do about it. Sometimes it happens without us even realizing we are doing it. Of course it would have been best if your fiance was more discreet about it, but I really don't think he meant any harm, it was probably just impulse and he didn't think it was a big deal.

When you talk to him face to face, you can tell him that while you realize looking at attractive members of the opposite sex is natural, you would prefer if he didn't make it that obvious and made you feel awkward. Even better if he tried not do it at all when you're around.

Remember that the only person you can control is you and your reactions. I do understand why you felt a pang of jealousy when you saw what you saw, I guess it always stings a little when we see the person we love admiring someone else, but it is very important to keep those reactions under control, or at the very least wait until you are in a private space to speak your mind. Never, ever fly off the handle in public, because you are not only humiliating him, but also yourself (actually, mainly yourself).

It's good that he reached out and you will probably work through this, but be very careful not to repeat this again, because if he sees a pattern he may not come around this easily next time.

There will be many situations where you will feel jealous of various women around him, but you need to remember to always remain calm and collected, if you think he's being disrespectful pull him aside and tell him what's bothering you, and never, ever say or do anything in public again. Plus, you always get the best results when you speak calmly and in private about what bothers you, because you have the best chances to be heard and understood.

[catfeeder]

He saw a bunch of dressed up women celebrating and having a great time, and it uplifted him. It probably uplifted everyone in the hotel. Why wouldn't such a thing uplift you, too?

[BeeRose]

Thank u for ur suggestion Greta 96, u opened my minds up about the whole things related to this problem...

I admitted I have an anger problem and my reaction was not normal.. Knowing he wanted to talk sweet to me again, forgive me and discussed about this problem wisely makes me feel bad, feel uneasy and feel so guilty... Im ashamed on myself, how could I do that bad behaviour to a nice guy with a big heart and the great sense of understandings to me...

[BeeRose]

It could be right ThatwasThen, I need some counceling from a professional.. Thank u for ur advise...

[BeeRose]

Yea, thats what Im planning to do... I need to make it up, meet a professional for some counceling... I hope it will be so helpfull... Thank u Ms. Darcy...

[BeeRose]

Greta96, ur words r really really mean so much to me... Ur words r so wise and lovely.. May God will always be there for u...

I think u can be a good councelor for the people who has a problem in their relationship... 😊☺...

Again, thank u Greta96. Wish u luck and all the best for u!!

[BeeRose]

Faraday, I think Im worry too much over nothing. It causes me doing many uniappropriate things to him. U r right, trust is one of main keys in relationship. I have to learn more and more to not to worry too much when I find any kind of the things related to him and the other women... Thank u Faraday..