jbone1973 Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 I broke up with my crazy girlfriend a few months back that cheated on me repeatedly with lots of guys. Unfortunately I was in love with her and it still messes with my head massively although I am feeling allot better than I was and am no longer getting sleepless nights due to anxiety. I went to a councellor as I had six free sessions paid by my work. The councellor said that he couldn't help me and I need six to nine months intensive counselling sessions as he thinks I have deep rooted relationship issues that come from my mother leaving me when I was 11. As soon as I get in a relationship I usually look for a fault with them then try and get out of it. It's like a safety mechanism to stop me getting hurt. Unfortunately I don't have enough money for the counselling so will ask you guys for advice instead which has helped me in the passed. Anyway the reason I'm here this time is that I have met another woman that is really nice. We actually met before I was with my X but nothing happened. Since then we had been meeting up as friends and hanging out a fair bit and have got close and the inevitable happened and we ended up in bed together. Our relationship was very strange as to me it feels like we have been together for a while even though we have only just started getting intimate. I do really like her and we have met as friends with our kids and we get on well but am worried as she is very independent which I do like but she has told me that she doesn't want to live with a guy again until her kids have grown up in ten years time and I however would eventually like to have a relationship with someone that I can be a family with and live together although I am in no rush and realise it doesn't have to happen for a while. I am now not sure wether to keep seeing her even tho it's unlikely to give me what I want in the future or should I stop it now before things get to intense and someone gets really hurt. We have already got close and I think we would both be upset if it ended. My worry is that it's just me overthinking things and finding an escape route which is what I tend to do when I get close to someone. I would love to know what others would do in this situation? I have had some great advice on here before so I thought I would see what you think. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 Yes you might be overthinking. I think she is making a self preserving statement along the lines of bad past experience and being fried with that. The full statement is "I won't ever live with another guy unless I meet the right man who fits our lives and is good to me unconditionally." Now you may or may not turn out to that couple that ends up happily ever after. It's simply too soon to tell. I think you are still so afraid to get hurt, that you'd rather just keep running away. The thing with fear is acknowledge it and release it. It does nothing for you and doesn't make your life better. Either way, you can never find the right relationship if you keep running away from even giving one a chance. Just roll with it. Your ex cheated on you, it sucked, you didn't die though did you? In fact you met another woman who seems nice. The world keeps on spinning and so should you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jbone1973 Posted February 29, 2016 Author Share Posted February 29, 2016 Thanks for the advice. I think your right. I over think everything and run a mile from commitment. I think I'm even worse after my last relationship. My X wife told me she's getting married today as well that didn't help. I am happy for her but think I deserve to be happy as well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DancingFool Posted February 29, 2016 Share Posted February 29, 2016 Thanks for the advice. I think your right. I over think everything and run a mile from commitment. I think I'm even worse after my last relationship. My X wife told me she's getting married today as well that didn't help. I am happy for her but think I deserve to be happy as well Yes you do deserve to be happy. As for commitment, just remind yourself that the only thing you are committing to is spending some of your time in getting to know that person. Noting else. You are not signing your life away. You may like her or you may decide she is boring and dump her a month from now. Just take it as it comes instead of worrying what might or might not happen 5 years from now. That part is overthinking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jbone1973 Posted February 29, 2016 Author Share Posted February 29, 2016 Thanks for the advice xxx Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cmsbmt Posted March 2, 2016 Share Posted March 2, 2016 I think that while you are somewhat overthinking things you also have every right to keep your guard up. You know your feelings better than anyone and if you truly are worried about the future than do everything in your power to protect your own heart. That's what matters most. If she is giving you a heads up it sounds like she is a nice enough person and cares about your feelings too. Take things slow, respect her wishes. That's all you can do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.