Heather Dawn Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 Oh I know. In my reply to ThiswasThen I meant that I'm not using Tinder (I've heard it's a hook up site), but the site I'm using is for people who are seriously seeking. Ohhh, I misread. Sorry! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chitown9 Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 Heck, the dating site could have closed the match....a glitch is always a possibility too. My guess is that he will contact you once he understands what happened. In the meantime....continue on as life was before you "met" him. chi Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milly007 Posted February 15, 2016 Author Share Posted February 15, 2016 Heck, the dating site could have closed the match....a glitch is always a possibility too. My guess is that he will contact you once he understands what happened. In the meantime....continue on as life was before you "met" him. chi Thanks Chi. Yeah, I think he's a sensitive guy and unfortunately jumped to conclusions/assumed the worst. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milly007 Posted February 15, 2016 Author Share Posted February 15, 2016 I should note that all of you ENA folk are the best! The fact that you take the time to help people here on this forum is awesome. Thanks again! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 Thanks notalady. You and faraday (and Sporster alluded to this as well) have put a new spin on this for me and are making me realize that I'm not losing my marbles. His reaction made me wonder if what I did was worse than what I thought. Good gawd...where are the non fixer uppers... There are so many awesome, funny, smart, good looking, stand up, single guys out there. I've met tons of them. One of the tends that I've noticed with people that "have bad luck in dating" or only seem to "meet the lemons" is that they don't have strict enough filters. Based on...you doubting yourself with this guy...I think you might need to work on your filtering. I'm all for giving people the benefit of the doubt. I believe too many people try to find reasons not to date, and not enough people are looking for reasons they should. With that said...if someone shows me an aggressive or passive aggressive side of themselves in the first few months if dating (let alone haven't even met yet!) I'm out of there so fast. If someone is "sensitive" to the point where you begin to doubt yourself...just get out. That's not sensitivity- that's either a self esteem issue, or he's looking for a relationship with unbalanced power...not good husband material. When someone shows you who they are....believe them. Don't give them the benefit of the doubt if it's something that puts up a flag to underlying issues with them. Because this is this guy at his best. This is him trying to impress you, so that you'll meet him and date him...not very impressive, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milly007 Posted February 15, 2016 Author Share Posted February 15, 2016 There are so many awesome, funny, smart, good looking, stand up, single guys out there. I've met tons of them. One of the tends that I've noticed with people that "have bad luck in dating" or only seem to "meet the lemons" is that they don't have strict enough filters. Based on...you doubting yourself with this guy...I think you might need to work on your filtering. I'm all for giving people the benefit of the doubt. I believe too many people try to find reasons not to date, and not enough people are looking for reasons they should. With that said...if someone shows me an aggressive or passive aggressive side of themselves in the first few months if dating (let alone haven't even met yet!) I'm out of there so fast. If someone is "sensitive" to the point where you begin to doubt yourself...just get out. That's not sensitivity- that's either a self esteem issue, or he's looking for a relationship with unbalanced power...not good husband material. When someone shows you who they are....believe them. Don't give them the benefit of the doubt if it's something that puts up a flag to underlying issues with them. Because this is this guy at his best. This is him trying to impress you, so that you'll meet him and date him...not very impressive, right? I hear you, faraday. My impression was that he was potentially hurt, yet trying to take the high road in his message; but it kinda had the opposite effect, unfortunately. What's interesting is that I thought I had great filters online (and when it comes to dating in general). I don't put up with any BS. I'm actually surprised that I didn't hear back from him today. I thought for sure he would have touched base. He must be mighty peeved (or just doesn't give a crap - which would surprise me). I can't do any more than I did though. I explained, apologized, and had our match re-opened. I'm done for now. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 Are you going to keep it open? For perspective....once I reached the point of exchanging off site contact info with someone, I always closed them. I never had a guy react like that. A few might have texted, "hey, I noticed you closed me, are you still up for meeting?" But most didn't ever say anything. I met a couple of hundred men through online dating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milly007 Posted February 15, 2016 Author Share Posted February 15, 2016 Are you going to keep it open? For perspective....once I reached the point of exchanging off site contact info with someone, I always closed them. I never had a guy react like that. A few might have texted, "hey, I noticed you closed me, are you still up for meeting?" But most didn't ever say anything. I met a couple of hundred men through online dating. That's exactly it! When I received his message, I thought, "But we have each other's numbers, so we can text, talk on the phone and meet in person". If I were him, and the roles were reversed, I'd ask him if he was still interested in getting to know each other. So, I don't know if his reply was an attention grab instead? Either way, since I just had our match reopened today, I'll keep it open for a few days to show a good faith effort. But by the end of the week, I might close it out. I would rather he do it though. So we'll see. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 You're interested in meeting him still? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milly007 Posted February 15, 2016 Author Share Posted February 15, 2016 You're interested in meeting him still? It depends on how he responds, if he responds at all. At this point, I doubt he will. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 Standards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milly007 Posted February 15, 2016 Author Share Posted February 15, 2016 Standards. You've never had a guy respond this way before? I didn't think that giving him some time to understand and absorb what happened would be a bad thing. However, I did expect a response at some point today, nonetheless. I think the lack of a reply is pretty unfair. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 You've never had a guy respond this way before? Never. And if a guy did, I would run in the other direction. It's not your job to fix someone. It's not your job to make them feel secure about themselves, to raise their self esteem or give them confidence. If they require those things from a stranger, they are broken. They need to fix themselves before dating. You are looking for a complete person. Someone healthy. That reacts to things by giving *you* the benefit of the doubt (as you do for him). This guy reacted by showing you his drama. Not healthy. Not giving you the benefit of the doubt. He's broken. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 IDK I would be concerned that every time I accidentally "hurt" his "sensitive" feelings, he'd fly off in a snit and ignore me. Kind of like a three year old throwing a tantrum because you aren't playing by his rules, so he's taking his ball and going home. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milly007 Posted February 15, 2016 Author Share Posted February 15, 2016 This is the second guy in his early 40's who I've attempted to get to know in the last few weeks. Aaaaand, he has about ten years on me. Sometimes age is just a number, clearly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 Giving someone the benefit of the doubt doesn't mean excusing poor behaviour. The first time I met my bf, I was running late- I had to drop my daughter off at her dads..and things weren't working for me. I texted him and asked him if he would mind meeting me someone else- somewhere closer to where I was dropping off my daughter (on the other side of the city). He gave me the benefit of the doubt that I wasn't always going to be a flake last minute plan changer (which it turns out I'm not, luckily for him). And when he showed up at the restaurant with the size sticker running down the side of his pants....I gave him the benefit of the doubt that he wasn't always that awkward. He's mostly not that awkward but I do still tell that story to people to remind him to check his pants. So no stickers since lol. What I trying to say is...giving people the benefit of the doubt is about treating others how you would like to be treated if the situation was reversed. So if someone reacts in a way that you would NEVER would....by being passive aggressive with a stranger that you're trying to impress...being unkind....then they aren't worthy of getting to know. They aren't worthy of giving the benefit of the doubt to. Find the good in people. Always. But don't dismiss the bad hoping to find good. There are way too many great guys out there wondering where all the awesome women are. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 This is the second guy in his early 40's who I've attempted to get to know in the last few weeks. Aaaaand, he has about ten years on me. Sometimes age is just a number, clearly. Omg I thought he was early 20s. This makes it so much worse. He's bitter Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milly007 Posted February 15, 2016 Author Share Posted February 15, 2016 Omg I thought he was early 20s. This makes it so much worse. He's bitter Lol! Yes, most likely. I wondered why he was single. I'm disappointed. I was looking forward to meeting him and having a potential make out session. Lol. Just kidding! Ok, no I'm not... He seemed cute up until this point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 This is the second guy in his early 40's who I've attempted to get to know in the last few weeks. Aaaaand, he has about ten years on me. Sometimes age is just a number, clearly. He's in his 40s!? Girl, bye! (As in say 'good-bye' to him.) Faraday is right - he's as bitter as almonds! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milly007 Posted February 15, 2016 Author Share Posted February 15, 2016 He's in his 40s!? Girl, bye! (As in say 'good-bye' to him.) Faraday is right - he's as bitter as almonds! Ha! Yeah, the more time passes, the better my perspective becomes. I'm letting it go before I turn into bitter almonds. There are enough of those around. Don't want to add to the mix! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 IDK I would be concerned that every time I accidentally "hurt" his "sensitive" feelings, he'd fly off in a snit and ignore me. Kind of like a three year old throwing a tantrum because you aren't playing by his rules, so he's taking his ball and going home. Exactly this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 This is the second guy in his early 40's who I've attempted to get to know in the last few weeks. Aaaaand, he has about ten years on me. Sometimes age is just a number, clearly. One of the most emotionally immature man I've dated was 38 going on 39 (I was only 29 going on 30 and much more mature than him). Often younger = lack of experience = lack of maturity to some degree, but older most certainly does not = more mature lol... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milly007 Posted February 15, 2016 Author Share Posted February 15, 2016 One of the most emotionally immature man I've dated was 38 going on 39 (I was only 29 going on 30 and much more mature than him). Often younger = lack of experience = lack of maturity to some degree, but older most certainly does not = more mature lol... This is so true. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather Dawn Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 No offense, but I think you're putting too much energy into this one guy whom you don't even know - one who's proven to be a delicate flower, or not interested. Let it go and move on to new guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milly007 Posted February 15, 2016 Author Share Posted February 15, 2016 No offense, but I think you're putting too much energy into this one guy whom you don't even know - one who's proven to be a delicate flower, or not interested. Let it go and move on to new guys. I'm always chatting with and meeting other guys. I don't put all my eggs in one basket. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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