milly007 Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 So, I guess you could say that I'm just venting. A guy contacted me on an online dating site. We hit it off. We began texting this week and talked on the phone. He told me that he might be coming into my city next week for work. And, get this, I accidentally closed our match online yesterday (and I had just messaged him yesterday to see how his most recent work trip went). Well, he texted me this morning to say that "I noticed you closed our match today, so rest easy that I got the hint and that I won't be contacting you anymore. I wish you the best in life and your career. I messaged him back an hour ago. I apologized and commented on how awkward this was, but that I closed it by mistake. And, I said if I wasn't interested, I would tell him. Haven't heard anything in reply. It sucks. Boo. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather Dawn Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 If he reads it, I'm sure he'll respond. If not, move on. Lots of guys out there to meet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milly007 Posted February 14, 2016 Author Share Posted February 14, 2016 If he reads it, I'm sure he'll respond. If not, move on. Lots of guys out there to meet. He might respond, Heather Dawn. I've done my part. There's nothing else I can do. Ball is in his court. I just feel bad for potentially souring things. We'll see what happens. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dashottcalla Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 That sucks, I'm really sorry to hear that. In that situation, I definitely would have let him know as soon as I closed the match that it was done in error because I know better than anyone that people love to read deeply into things of very little significants. But I doubt he'll all together stop talking to you over that, especially knowing that it wasn't done on purpose. And if he does, oh well, it's his loss. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sportster2005 Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 He might respond, Heather Dawn. I've done my part. There's nothing else I can do. Ball is in his court. I just feel bad for potentially souring things. We'll see what happens. You close your account and he jumps to conclusions and then follows that up with silence. He may not be the prize you think he is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milly007 Posted February 14, 2016 Author Share Posted February 14, 2016 That sucks, I'm really sorry to hear that. In that situation, I definitely would have let him know as soon as I closed the match that it was done in error because I know better than anyone that people love to read deeply into things of very little significants. But I doubt he'll all together stop talking to you over that, especially knowing that it wasn't done on purpose. And if he does, oh well, it's his loss. I think it's hard not to read into things sometimes; especially when you're just getting to know someone, trying to get a feel for who they are as a person, and there's genuine interest, I think. No one wants to be or feel rejected. I thought about messaging him yesterday to give him a heads up, but I didn't. I didn't know what to do. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milly007 Posted February 14, 2016 Author Share Posted February 14, 2016 You close your account and he jumps to conclusions and then follows that up with silence. He may not be the prize you think he is. You could be right, Sporster. I get the feeling that what I did stung a bit (at least I know I would feel a sting if the roles were reversed). I'm guessing that if he does decide to respond, it will be after he's allowed some time for that stinging feeling to subside. He just might need some time, and I'm okay with that. If that isn't the case, and he wants to move on, I'll have to be okay with that as well. Online dating is so bitter sweet. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fudgie Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 The fact that he has been silent after your message tells me that he probably wasn't that into you and jumped on your mistake as a way to say "bye". A guy who was into you and interested in seeing you again would say "Oh, haha, no problem, I'm glad it was a mistake" and continue the courtship. That is just my feeling. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milly007 Posted February 14, 2016 Author Share Posted February 14, 2016 The fact that he has been silent after your message tells me that he probably wasn't that into you and jumped on your mistake as a way to say "bye". A guy who was into you and interested in seeing you again would say "Oh, haha, no problem, I'm glad it was a mistake" and continue the courtship. That is just my feeling. Yes...anything's possible, Fudgie. Who knows, really. At the same time, I couldn't help but think, if he wasn't that interested, why did he bother texting me and acknowledging the closing of the match? He could have just let it go, not said anything at all, and moved on. It's really anyone's guess here. Who knows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milly007 Posted February 14, 2016 Author Share Posted February 14, 2016 I just hope he doesn't give up because of stubbornness or pride. Should I just give up on this guy if he doesn't get back to me today? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milly007 Posted February 14, 2016 Author Share Posted February 14, 2016 Guess what I did, folks? Can't believe this didn't cross my mind earlier, but I contacted the dating site company by phone, and they re-opened the match! He's back in my inbox! Who knows for how long though. Wish I thought of this sooner. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted February 14, 2016 Share Posted February 14, 2016 He told me that he might be coming into my city next week for work. I think it's best if he never does contact you again. Just how feasible will it be for you to be in anything worth being in with someone that doesn't live in your city? What "dating app" was it? If it was Tinder then he's looking for a casual hookup most likely because that is what that site is famous for. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milly007 Posted February 14, 2016 Author Share Posted February 14, 2016 I think it's best if he never does contact you again. Just how feasible will it be for you to be in anything worth being in with someone that doesn't live in your city? What "dating app" was it? If it was Tinder then he's looking for a casual hookup most likely because that is what that site is famous for. I thought about this, too, ThatwasThen. But being that we hit it off well, and I find it difficult meeting men I'm interested in, I thought I would keep an open mind. He actually lived in my city a few years ago, and has good friends and work connections here. It's possible that this might not work out for the long run. But I didn't want us going our separate ways to be the result of a clumsy mistake on my part. P.s. I don't use Tinder. It's a more serious dating site, used by a lot of professionals, from what I understand, who are seriously seeking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Heather Dawn Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 I thought about this, too, ThatwasThen. But being that we hit it off well, and I find it difficult meeting men I'm interested in, I thought I would keep an open mind. He actually lived in my city a few years ago, and has good friends and work connections here. It's possible that this might not work out for the long run. But I didn't want us going our separate ways to be the result of a clumsy mistake on my part. P.s. I don't use Tinder. It's a more serious dating site, used by a lot of professionals, from what I understand, who are seriously seeking. I think Tinder is more of a hook-up site. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 I think Tinder is more of a hook-up site. Yes.. she says she doesn't use Tinder... that she is on a more "serious dating site." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milly007 Posted February 15, 2016 Author Share Posted February 15, 2016 I think Tinder is more of a hook-up site. Oh I know. In my reply to ThiswasThen I meant that I'm not using Tinder (I've heard it's a hook up site), but the site I'm using is for people who are seriously seeking. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 Guess what I did, folks? Can't believe this didn't cross my mind earlier, but I contacted the dating site company by phone, and they re-opened the match! He's back in my inbox! Who knows for how long though. Wish I thought of this sooner. He sounds like a . I wouldn't be interested anymore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milly007 Posted February 15, 2016 Author Share Posted February 15, 2016 He sounds like a . I wouldn't be interested anymore. My heart sank, Ms Darcy, when I read your message. I don't get that though. I accidentally closed our match, which I think could happen to anyone. And I was able to have our match re-opened. I would think if he didn't care, he wouldn't have texted me when he realized what happened and he would have moved on without further thought (unless he was being passive aggressive about it or hoping I would beg for him back when he wished me luck). Ugh...this sucks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
faraday Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 He sounds like a very dramatic person. It wouldn't interest me. But if you like "fighting for love" and having weekly fights and reconciling, he might be the right guy for you. Because his response...was not normal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milly007 Posted February 15, 2016 Author Share Posted February 15, 2016 He sounds like a very dramatic person. It wouldn't interest me. But if you like "fighting for love" and having weekly fights and reconciling, he might be the right guy for you. Because his response...was not normal. He could be, faraday. I'm just trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. I kinda got the feeling he was a pretty sensitive guy, and that he needed a fair amount of encouragement from me too while we were communicating (so he would know I was interested - didn't think of this as a bad thing. I was just surprised that he needed me to be reinforcing it to the extent that I was. I need an objective point of view, faraday, but what would have been a more normal reply, in your opinion? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 He could be, faraday. I'm just trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. I kinda got the feeling he was a pretty sensitive guy, and that he needed a fair amount of encouragement from me too while we were communicating (so he would know I was interested - didn't think of this as a bad thing. I was just surprised that he needed me to be reinforcing it to the extent that I was. I need an objective point of view, faraday, but what would have been a more normal reply, in your opinion? A normal response would be to accept that you made a small mistake and laugh it off as it was a misunderstanding, then continue to ask you out (if he was interested to start with). He sounds super sensitive to perceived rejection and possibly have low self esteem. Unless you want a fixer upper, I wouldn't bother with him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milly007 Posted February 15, 2016 Author Share Posted February 15, 2016 Thanks notalady. You and faraday (and Sporster alluded to this as well) have put a new spin on this for me and are making me realize that I'm not losing my marbles. His reaction made me wonder if what I did was worse than what I thought. Good gawd...where are the non fixer uppers... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
notalady Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 Thanks notalady. You and faraday have put a new spin on this for me and are making me realize that I'm not losing my marbles. His reaction made me wonder if what I did was worse than what I thought. No problem. What you did was such a small thing that it did not warrant his reaction. When you find someone's behaviour a bit odd, it helps to think about why you think that and how a 'normal' person would behave, rather than jumping to self doubt (eg I must have done something wrong or I must be overreacting). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted February 15, 2016 Share Posted February 15, 2016 My heart sank, Ms Darcy, when I read your message. I don't get that though. I accidentally closed our match, which I think could happen to anyone. And I was able to have our match re-opened. I would think if he didn't care, he wouldn't have texted me when he realized what happened and he would have moved on without further thought (unless he was being passive aggressive about it or hoping I would beg for him back when he wished me luck). Ugh...this sucks. I hope you didn't misinterpret my message. I was just saying he was being too dramatic. Stuff happens. If he has no resiliency or open-mindedness about the situation, and if he feels the need to send passive-aggressive nasty grams, he's not bf material. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
milly007 Posted February 15, 2016 Author Share Posted February 15, 2016 No problem. What you did was such a small thing that it did not warrant his reaction. When you find someone's behaviour a bit odd, it helps to think about why you think that and how a 'normal' person would behave, rather than jumping to self doubt (eg I must have done something wrong or I must be overreacting). True. I guess I just thought his feelings were hurt and he reacted in the heat of the moment without him giving himself a chance to cool down before he responded. There may have been (potentially) a bit of an emotional investment there; hence his reaction when I closed the match (this was my initial impression when I received his message, which is why I did whatever I could to fix things). Who knows, really. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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