Learning How to Date

[Anithic]

Here I am in my late 20s and finally figuring out how to date.

 

I've had one serious relationship that went horribly. In fact it was hardly a real relationship, we started off in a bad place as friends with benefits, while he was involved with someone else, that stumbled into something more. We had an on again off again relationship that went on 4 years longer than it should have. We were doomed from the start.

 

Stemming from my rather hilariously bad experience of sex-first-relationship-later I thought, "Well it kind of worked the first time, let's try this again!"

 

Silly me. The second guy, D, started much the same way. I was very attracted to D the moment I met him and he knew how to play the game.

 

I just didn't know the rules.

 

D was mature and upfront. He told me right away he was only interested in a physical relationship and I thought that was code for, "I like you too!"

 

After a confusing year, I got myself sorted out.

 

Then comes along, N, and I thought, "Yes! Finally I'm going to be 'dating' like a normal person."

 

But I was so nervous around N I'd say and do the stupidest things. I'm cringing as I'm thinking back in it a year ago.

 

But it gets worse. One night I got so nervous with him and wrapped up in how slow things were progressing that I got drunk and spent the night with him. I refused to let things get too intimate too soon so I just rejected his advances.

 

That night he asked, "So are we in a semi relationship?" (More eloquently than that though) and my brain shut down. Cue *deer in headlight* look.

 

I got stumped by the "semi" part thinking he only wanted a friends with benefits deal. I should've talked it through but I just clamped up.

 

So the next few times I mentioned I'm looking for more and I had feelings for him, and we ended up becoming intimate. But it was too late. He only saw me as another play thing.

 

The next few months quickly spiraled downwards. He's not interested in a relationship he says.

 

I've bumped into him a few times after that but I'm so embarrassed I literally run away.

 

Needless to say I don't know to date.

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This is where my journal begins.

[Anithic]

Lesson 1: Friends with Benefits ≠ Serious Relationship (usually)

 

Well obviously but I really didn't know how to show I was interested in someone and keep them hooked without sleeping with them before.

 

I don't know how on Earth I ever thought that was the way to go. I think my low self esteem made me think that the only way I can get a guy to like me is to sleep with them. I used to jump into the sack faster than Olympic divers.

 

Rule #1 for myself is to break that pattern.

 

So a few weeks ago I met someone at a library and we hit it off. Let's can him A.

 

I gave A my number and we hit it off. He's cute but not my usual type. I never thought I'd meet anyone in the library while I was in sweats.

 

A week later, A asked me out for drinks and we actually hit it off. I had a great time with him. He was funny, attentive, playful, upfront and easy going.

 

But then I made the same old mistake and went to his place after drinks. I let things get slightly out of hand but stopped it mid way.

 

I almost feel guilty doing so but I'm going to break my bad pattern.

 

More updates to come...

 

Meanwhile, do you guys think N and I still have a chance?