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Brokenheart99

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Brokenheart99 Enthusiast

Brokenheart99

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I feel ashamed saying this. I have no good excuse for doing this except that I'm weak and pathetic and stupid. I texted my ex. Urgh. I know I shouldn't have. Urgh. He always used to respond, but it's been hours and I don't think he will respond anymore. He's probably wised up and realized he has to completely ignore me now for me to get the hint. And You would think I would have gotten the hint by now. He's been nothing but clear. I wish I could say I will be able to give up that last bit of hope I have but I doubt it. i can't seem to. It's like either I need to fall in love with someone else, or he needs to get married I think for me to give up hope.

 

At this point, I'm honestly just sad he hasn't responded. I feel so stupid and sad at the same time. And I know I know it's well beyond time to move on. Valentine's Day is ruining my life. I should be sad that I messed up healing, but instead I'm sad he hasn't responded. Bleh.

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greta96 Community Regular

greta96

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You're being wayyyy too hard on yourself! There may be some exceptions, but the vast majority of those of us who were ever broken up with made this same mistake at least once in their lives, sometimes more. I did it quite a few times myself, and I can assure you I'm not weak, pathetic or stupid, and neither are you! It's a natural human impulse to try to reach out, in hopes that maybe, just maybe, things may be different this time around. It's like a drug and you need your fix, and you reach for it regardless if it's a good idea or not. Unfortunately, it's just a temporary fix, and it ends up making us feel even worse.

 

You already know what's going on, this is spot on: "He's probably wised up and realized he has to completely ignore me now for me to get the hint". It's been done to me, and I did it to some exes too. When a dumper wants to leave the dumpee in the past and move on, the only way this can happen is by practicing no contact. Many exes fall into the trap of replying just to be nice and polite and out of guilt for having caused the dumpee all that grief, but the reality is that by replying, they are only giving out false hope and prolonging their suffering. Eventually, all exes find out the hard way that the kindest thing they can do is not reply at all. Don't take his lack of reply as "omg he forgot about me" or "omg he didn't care about me at all", it's not that. It's just that he probably realized that you won't let him go as long as he keeps replying, and he wants you to be able to heal and move on.

 

Don't be too hard on yourself. You haven't done anything that hasn't been done before billions of times, and it doesn't make you look stupid or lame or whatever. But the next time you feel the urge to text, try to resist it. Remembering how he didn't reply this time around and how sad and hurt you felt will also help you tremendously, believe it or not. It's hard, but like with any drug, you need to quit cold turkey.

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boltnrun Grand Master

boltnrun

Posted
Posted

What exactly did you text him? "I miss you"? "Hi, how are you doing"? "I just want to let you know I'm here if you ever want to talk"?

 

When you tapped "send", what did you hope would happen?

 

Was there a "trigger"? Did you look at his Facebook or Instagram, did a mutual friend bring up his name, did you hear a song or see a TV show or movie that reminded you of him?

 

I'm just asking because you need to have a game plan for the next time (and yes, there will be a "next time" that you are tempted to text him, no matter how bad you're feeling now about being ignored you'll want to try again).

 

I recommend a "break up buddy". Someone you can call or text instead of calling or texting him. It worked like a charm for me. My friend would say "NO!" when I told her I was tempted to text him, or that I "missed" him. She was great.

 

Want to try it? Line up a friend, sister/brother or cousin who is willing to help.

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Brokenheart99 Enthusiast

Brokenheart99

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No, so the suspicion was high that he had a gf/fiancé. But it turns out, no. As far as I know, he's still single unless he got a gf in the last month since he contacted me.

 

You know, I just figured he would at least respond with some bland response of uninterest. I knew then and I still know now that he's not interested. But I just thought he would at least respond. But the ignore stings more. Brings back so much hurt.

 

What triggered it? Combo of stuff? Bad date last weekend, vday, being turned down by a guy I was interested in, and well last month he had initiated convo with me only to awol again. So this time in my stupidity of niceness aka hope, I sent him a message wishing him safe travels even though he was dreading it.

 

Maybe the ignore is good for me in the long run. Just not today.

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ParisPaulette Rising Star

ParisPaulette

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Sorry, hugs. We all fall off that wagon I think. Don't beat yourself up about it, just dust yourself off. Now you remember why you didn't want to get back on that particular horse, right? He's got a nasty kick.

 

When life seems to be crappy it's very easy to get nostalgic and think, "What if..." and so what you did is totally normal. Now, go grab something you like to do or that brings a smile to your face, no matter how small, and just do it. You'll feel better soon, the sting will fade, you'll move forward. It'll be okay.

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gingervixen Rookie

gingervixen

Posted
Posted
I feel ashamed saying this. I have no good excuse for doing this except that I'm weak and pathetic and stupid. I texted my ex. Urgh. I know I shouldn't have. Urgh. He always used to respond, but it's been hours and I don't think he will respond anymore. He's probably wised up and realized he has to completely ignore me now for me to get the hint. And You would think I would have gotten the hint by now. He's been nothing but clear. I wish I could say I will be able to give up that last bit of hope I have but I doubt it. i can't seem to. It's like either I need to fall in love with someone else, or he needs to get married I think for me to give up hope.

 

At this point, I'm honestly just sad he hasn't responded. I feel so stupid and sad at the same time. And I know I know it's well beyond time to move on. Valentine's Day is ruining my life. I should be sad that I messed up healing, but instead I'm sad he hasn't responded. Bleh.

 

That's why breaking NC is never a good idea. You're just putting yourself in the middle of the arena, waiting for the lions to eat you alive.

 

Don't make yourself vulnerable yet again. Learn from your mistakes and move on. There are plenty of other guys out there.

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limichelle Mentor

limichelle

Posted
Posted

It's okay you broke no contact. Sometimes we have to do that to really know things are over. Now you can move forward and never look back. It might help to block his number and cut him out of your life so the temptation is no longer there. It's a viscous cycle you can get into especially feeling vulnerable.

 

Lisa

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Live-N-Learn Community Regular

Live-N-Learn

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Many of us have done the same thing so don't be so hard on yourself. I finally realized the insanity of reaching out to the person that was causing me pain, for relief from my pain. The more I reached out the worse I felt. Additionally, the responses never made me feel better only worse. It just confirmed they didn't want me anymore.

 

He can not help you at all to get through this. He clearly is not going to say the words you hope to hear. Hopefully you will find a way to accept this and stop reaching out.

 

Best of luck in your healing.

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