Brokenheart99 Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 Once you get out of your 20s, I feel like I get this question or judgment rather, so often. I especially love the "I just thought you were gay." What...as if gay people don't find love?? What is you all's best response to this question? Also, since you're not married, I feel like people try and look for fault in you, which could explain why you're not married. Even in subtle ways. How do you deal? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seymore Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 Violence. I punch those people clean in the nose. All kidding aside, the last time someone said that, I asked: "What are you, auditioning to be my life coach?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seraphim Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 Just decline to discuss your relationship status. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SophieGrace Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 I think you are projecting your self-judgment about not being married onto other people. I'm over 30 and I'm not married, and I've never gotten this question - except maybe once or twice on a date when a guy meant it as a compliment. But if I did, I'd say just say "Nope." Alternate response -- "To whom?" Or you can steal from Mae West - "Marriage is a great institution, but I'm not ready for an institution yet." Or if you were asking for how to respond to someone who says "I thought you were gay", I thought your response was quite good... but I'd change love to "married" since gay people can now do it legally. Just have a sense of humor about it all. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
musicman777 Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 OP, this has been discussed before many times. It's stupid social protocol. Some people feel entitled to ask stupid, personal questions all the time. It's REALLY annoying to be asked "do you have boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse?", especially when you actively try to find someone and it's not working out. The most you can do is blow it off. I like Seymore's respone, lol, "what are you auditioning to become my life coach?" That's a good one. I would just come back with something snarky like that. It's really no ones business. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Capricorn3 Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 Nothing really needs to be said or explained at all. When they ask, simply say "no" and leave it at that. Who cares anyway? It's not a crime not to be married. I don't really see what the big issue is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thejigsup Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 I didn't get married until I was in my 30s, and then it was only for a couple of years. Any time people asked, or still ask, "why aren't you married?", I always reply I'm not that stupid. Shuts them up REAL fast. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 I would respond "I am unclear as to why that is any concern of yours?" BTW...who says this? No one has ever said that to me, nor accused me of being gay. Aside: gays can marry so really, these.people are very ignorant. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 Then why do females ask these questions and even more intrusive questions of males? Can't have it both ways. You are hanging out with wierd people. I have never asked anyone that question either. If someone asks you a personal question you do not wish to answer, simply tell them its no e of their business. This goes for men and women. Then again, you could simply say "for some unknown reason, no one wants to marry me". Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 Who is she? Your mom? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 Then if some random female asks you why you aren't married, tell her its none of her business. It isn't a "method", it is a reply to her question. And if this random female continues to question you, walk away. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TMifune Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 I like when you overhear the gossipy ladies speculating on why a man in his forties is single. Well, he must be gay. I also enjoy when men who aren't sexually aggressive are called immature. I'm not sure how those two things are linked, but I've definitely heard that before. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 Funny! My brother was 55 when he married for the first time. Anytime a nosey female asked why he wasn't married yet, he told them he had very high standards. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TMifune Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 Funny! My brother was 55 when he married for the first time. Anytime a nosey female asked why he wasn't married yet, he told them he had very high standards. I'm hoping they're still together and that this doesn't imply there will / needs to be a second time! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 No, it means at age 55 --- he married. He was engaged once before, but the chick wound up being crazy and had to be returned. He is still happily married, semi retired and taking 2 weeks a month of to play golf and do charity work. "Living the dream" as he says. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sportster2005 Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 Once you get out of your 20s, I feel like I get this question or judgment rather, so often. I especially love the "I just thought you were gay." What...as if gay people don't find love?? What is you all's best response to this question? Also, since you're not married, I feel like people try and look for fault in you, which could explain why you're not married. Even in subtle ways. How do you deal? I'm going to go on a limb these are married people asking? The psychology behind the question is: "I'm O.K, you're not O.K" In short they get a smug sense of self satisfaction subtly putting you down. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 I always think its because they are desperately unhappy and can't stand to see you happy and single. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted February 4, 2016 Author Share Posted February 4, 2016 I get this question so often, so often by fairly nice happy people. I think in part it depends on where you live. When you live in suburb small towns or suburban family areas, I get this alllll the time. They could mean it harmlessly to. Like especially at work, people think (innocently) that it's just small talk, like getting to know you...are you married yet? Which has often been followed by "oh you should be married by now." To which I just say maybe if I find the right one and blow it off. In bigger more open minded cities, like maybe NYC or sf, I never get asked this, mainly sometimes I think Bc the marriage age is higher in those cities. The gay comments are super annoying. Mainly because I have a good guy friend who is the same age but never gets this question. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sportster2005 Posted February 4, 2016 Share Posted February 4, 2016 I get this question so often, so often by fairly nice happy people. I think in part it depends on where you live. When you live in suburb small towns or suburban family areas, I get this alllll the time. They could mean it harmlessly to. Like especially at work, people think (innocently) that it's just small talk, like getting to know you...are you married yet? Which has often been followed by "oh you should be married by now." To which I just say maybe if I find the right one and blow it off. In bigger more open minded cities, like maybe NYC or sf, I never get asked this, mainly sometimes I think Bc the marriage age is higher in those cities. The gay comments are super annoying. Mainly because I have a good guy friend who is the same age but never gets this question. I don't look at it as getting to know someone. It's more of a nosy question. The only time I ever get asked is when an acquaintance or friend of a friend wants to set me up. Then again, in my age group people probably just assume I'm divorced or gay when they see I'm not wearing a ring. Society will eventually catch on that gays can marry now. We've had it for a long time and I think people still assume gays are all single. I don't think it's malicious, just an old idea that hasn't died yet. I wouldn't dream about asking a co-worker about their marital status. It's not of my effing business. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue Spiral Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 As someone who's never been married--and whose relationships weren't very public--I sometimes get this question, as well. (Not very often, though, because I avoid people.) People also assume that I'm gay. If I were a more aggressive individual, my comeback to the subject-line question would be a shocked-face "You aren't divorced yet??" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 I got that all the time -when I had a long term boyfriend I would say "oh we're waiting till the kids are grown" (we didn't have any) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
missmarple Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 I've never had that problem (it's considered very rude to ask that question in my country) but it reminds me of a joke I read recently. 'An old aunt of mine, every time we met at a family wedding, used to tell me 'it's your turn next!'...until, when I met her at a funeral, I turned to her and said 'it's your turn next!'....that shut her up for good..LOL Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheDoctor Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 I thought this thread was made by my cousins wife. This is pretty much all they ask me at dinners now...oh what happened to your ex she was so lovely? Dont you just want kids already? You're 31! Hurry up!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saluk Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 This isn't uncommon. I think some of you answering are too old to be able to relate. No offense. I'm guessing the questions will stop when we get a little older. I usually avoid this question because I'm always complaining about how I haven't found the right person yet or how frustrating dating is. Most people I talk to know where I'm at already. Some people (mostly family members) are always trying to set me up with really bad matches, so that's fun. Almost everyone where I work is married or in a strong ltr, except for the youngest of us. So it is sometimes hard to socialize at lunch time when they get on the topic of married/ltr life. For instance today it was a discussion about valentines day and how big of a deal each of their SO makes of it (from not much to a lot). And I'm like... I don't even have someone to make a big deal about OR complain about how dumb it is that I have a set date to do something special for her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Batya33 Posted February 5, 2016 Share Posted February 5, 2016 I am not too old to relate. I married at 42, almost 50 now. I got this kind of rude question regularly in my 20s/30s. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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