SunshineHeart Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 im at the stage where i have almost moved on from the end of my relationship, but not moved on from my actions during it. i had upheld very strict boundaries about what i was ok and not ok to do with him physically, but as he grew distant, he would do things i didnt want him to do and i would agree because i didnt want him leaving. i did something (which i had vowed not to do at the start of the relationship) a few days before we broke up because i was so emotional at the time. i regret it completely, and he didnt resist me wanting to do that very much even though he knew i was only doing it because my emotions were messed up how do i get over this, i broke the boundaries i set myself. i lost a lot of dignity too Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 You learn from it and realize that YOU are the one who is protected by your boundaries. And when you let them down, YOU are the one that gets hurt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 I think you should start to learn how to forgive yourself by not dwelling on this like you have been. You have started copious amounts of threads on the same subject. It's time to process all you have learned without adding more to your already well stocked "things to remember" in your next adventure in dating. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Blue_Skirt Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 he would do things i didnt want him to do and i would agree because i didnt want him leaving. This is what you need to work on. Learn to love yourself first. You should love yourself enough, that you don’t depend on others. If he wanted to do things you did not want, then you should have let him go. Live your life by your own rules/values/boundaries you have set for yourself and with which you feel comfortable AND accept the consequences of your rules. Easier said than done. I took back my boyfriend after he had confessed he had cheated on me. It is something so very much against my values, but I took him back anyway. Why? At that time I had so much stress at work. We had a lot of work on our plates and I also had to deal with some problematic staff issues. And I simply could not deal with another problem in my private life. I simply did not have the energy for it. Half a year later he broke up with me anyway. Shortly after that, I resigned from my job, giving my company sufficient time to look for replacement and I took a sabbatical leave. I never forgave my ex BF for cheating, but I forgave myself for taking him back. Time is a great healer. So be compassionate with yourself, you are only human, but try to learn from it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Waraqqa Posted January 30, 2016 Share Posted January 30, 2016 i didnt want him to do and i would agree because i didnt want him leaving. i did something (which i had vowed not to do at the start of the relationship) a few days before we broke up because i was so emotional at the time. i regret it completely, and he didnt resist me wanting to do that very much even though he knew i was only doing it because my emotions were messed up how do i get over this, i broke the boundaries i set myself. i lost a lot of dignity too How long has it been since this happened? I don't know if it is any consolation, but apparently, you are not the only one like this. We would all like to think that we are always strong and perfect and have never done and would never do x, y, z. But some of us have. I used to think I'd never take my ex back (things were toxic). One year later, I let myself be convinced and took him back. I broke it off soon after, but there was this painful trace that stayed, a terrible feeling that I did smth I had told myself I would never ever do. I had betrayed myself by allowing him back into my life. I still feel weird and bad about it and wake up with that strange bad feeling most mornings. But I know I can't change it now. I processed what I could, now I try to do other stuff and focus on life as much as I can. I have all kinds of moments. I hope it gets better. I hope I learn to be stronger and less compromising with MYSELF. I noticed that this weakness possibly came from the same place of myself that generally could use more discipline. I have to learn to say No to Myself whether it comes to wasting time, staying up too late, eating sweets, procrastinating, and - trying to please someone at the cost of my boundaries. These lessons can be very individual, it may be very different with you. Are you generally permissive or have weak boundaries with men? Or have you always been strong and solid and this is more of an outlier, smth unusual for yourself that you did? It may be helpful to understand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ParisPaulette Posted January 31, 2016 Share Posted January 31, 2016 You vow never to do it again, you cut things off with him, you start over. Boundaries, promises, vows, they all can get broken and too many times do. Just the same way the horse tosses us off or the car goes into the ditch at the wrong moment. Whatever. You pick yourself up, realize that was the wrong thing to do, and you start over. You climb back up on whatever horse threw you, or if the horse IS the problem so to speak you decide not to ride them ever again, and you leave. They're your boundaries. You can break and mend them as many times as you want to or have to, that's all up to you. They're yours and no one else's. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.