MissF Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Hi all, I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this but it would be great to have some advice from anyone who lives/lived in the UK. I moved to London from New Zealand about 6 months ago with my boyfriend and we managed to find a room to rent in a couple of weeks. We are living with another couple and a female so there are three bedrooms. We don't have a lounge as this is occupied by the other couple as their bedroom. (Rent prices are insane in London). Since living here, I've found the flat to be quite anti-social (it probably doesn't help that we don't have a lounge!) and the only communal space is the kitchen + dining table. Our three flatmates are all British and keep to themselves.. which is all fine, but I've noticed that they only come to the kitchen once it's empty and they can hear that whoever was in there has gone back to their room. Even when they buy groceries, and they can see/hear that someone is in the kitchen, they will take their groceries upstairs to their bedrooms and then wait until the kitchen is empty to come back down and unpack their food (I caught them out a couple of times when I came back down to do my washing!). I find this quite strange?! The kitchen is large enough to have at least 4 people or they can sit at the dining table and talk to me.. I've been finding it awkward as I quite enjoy cooking so I'll be in the kitchen for at least an hour cooking/eating each night and I start getting worried that one or more of the flatmates are waiting for me to leave so they must be starving...but in my previous flatting experiences, I got so used to just sharing the kitchen with others and cooking/talking at the same time. I try not to take up the entire bench/stove top when I cook in the event that someone wants to come down and cook.. but it's never happened One time I went to the kitchen to cook while someone was eating at the dining table and they left pretty much straightaway with their bowl of food! Anyway, I just want to know - is there some unspoken rule I don't know about in London?! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nutbrownhare Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 I really hate to generalise (and it IS a gross generalisation), but it's not uncommon for Londoners to keep themselves to themselves and resist making friends with new people. Years ago, I moved from London (where I'd grown up) to another part of the UK and couldn't believe how friendly and welcoming the local people were. These days, I live somewhere else again - somewhere which used to have a very strong community feel, which is gradually being eroded as more and more people from London move here. After 20+ years of living outside the capital yes, I still find it strange. So my advice to you is to keep on as you are - as you say, not hogging communal areas but just using them and rest assured that you're not the one with the problem. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penelope13 Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Have you invited everyone in the flat for dinner or something to get to know one another? - Having lived in different countries, I experienced that people and their habits are quite different, but that it is up to you if you want to change an individual situation. Thus I would try to socialize with my flatmates and try to get them more in order to figure out what the best way is to interact. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissF Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 I really hate to generalise (and it IS a gross generalisation), but it's not uncommon for Londoners to keep themselves to themselves and resist making friends with new people. Years ago, I moved from London (where I'd grown up) to another part of the UK and couldn't believe how friendly and welcoming the local people were. These days, I live somewhere else again - somewhere which used to have a very strong community feel, which is gradually being eroded as more and more people from London move here. After 20+ years of living outside the capital yes, I still find it strange. So my advice to you is to keep on as you are - as you say, not hogging communal areas but just using them and rest assured that you're not the one with the problem. Thanks, it's really good to know these things Coming from a small country, I also found people back home a lot more friendly and welcoming. I have wondered what would happen if I did hog the kitchen the entire night, would people simply not eat?! I don't think I could be that evil though haha. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MissF Posted January 28, 2016 Author Share Posted January 28, 2016 Have you invited everyone in the flat for dinner or something to get to know one another? - Having lived in different countries, I experienced that people and their habits are quite different, but that it is up to you if you want to change an individual situation. Thus I would try to socialize with my flatmates and try to get them more in order to figure out what the best way is to interact. I haven't invited everyone out for dinner as I feel like it may be a little awkward when we have hardly spoken in the flat itself.. It's very hard to socialise when we are never in the same room and I only have one of their phone numbers. Normally I would love to have some sort of flat dinner but I'm not feeling the friendly flat vibes at the moment Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
penelope13 Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 Someone needs to make the first step. - Why not hang up a poster (or something like that) on the fridge in the kitchen? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melancholy123 Posted January 28, 2016 Share Posted January 28, 2016 You won't resolve this unless you make that first step and invite everyone for dinner. If the anti social ones dont want to attend, then so be it, but at least you will have tried. You have nothing to lose! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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