Brokenheart99 Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 So recently I've had two exes(well one ex and one guy I went on a few dates with). My ex contacted me randomly outta the blue, we texted delayed a few times, just small talk. He didn't really initiate a lot of convo but kept it going. Then after a few days(idk if I responded too quickly or showed too much interest in my last few messaged), but he just stopped responding. The last few messages, I didn't ask anything back and i don't know if his ego just got in the way and he didn't want it keep starting convo(considering he was the one who initiated convo twice). More recently a guy I dated who kinda awol'd on me after a few dates...I posted something on social media, so he instantly liked it and then messaged me after like three weeks of not hearing from him. We talked a few times and he initiated convo. I responded but I wasn't too chatty. Either way he eventually stopped responding too. Why? I mean honestly I wouldn't mind retrying with either of the guys, but I'm not sure if it was the fact that I wasn't responsive enough and they ignored or were they just not serious to begin with? It kinda sucks because I would have really liked a second chance. Why message and then ignore? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 It's texting/FB. It usually signifies boredom, so they text you and you respond. When they find something else to do, the texting ends. Don't ready anything into it. And in the future ---- don't respond. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Reflections11 Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 This is kinda normal sadly. Often they do it (maybe not consciously) to make sure you havent forgotten them, or keep you you pining for them (its an ego thing), or even just as an option for an easy lay or something. Best to ignore them. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted January 26, 2016 Author Share Posted January 26, 2016 yeah that's true, just ego stroke/boredom I suppose. But for me, at least my experience, texting and messaging has led to dates and relationships for me. It's kinda how they start. Maybe a generation thing? But you're right, he didn't call or continue or ask to meet up. That's kinda what's weird. My ex and I had a mature relationship and we ended on friendly terms, no harshness or never never an intent to hurt each other. So if he had no intention of a relationship, when he messaged me, why? Because he is well aware that messaging me might give me hope. So why still do something that he is aware will hurt me? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 Because when they are bored and looking for attention, they are not thinking about how it will affect YOU. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Live-N-Learn Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 They do it because they are being selfish. Maybe he had a bad day or bad date and needed an ego boost so he reached out to the person he knew would give him that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted January 26, 2016 Author Share Posted January 26, 2016 Man that sucks, I guess I just thought I never do that kinda stuff even after I have a bad day because I know it will affect the other person too much, I never reach out to exes in fear of leading them on. Seems too mean. I guess some people just suck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
surfdiva Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 I agree with the boredom and ego boosting. They want to know you'll respond and you do, it's a little game and they're throwing bread crumbs at you. I'm in a similar situation. Ex BF of 3 years moved out in October. We own a couple things together (working on getting it separated), he reaches out a lot...a week after he moved out the texts started. Unless it has to do with the items we own, I pretty much ignore or if I have to very short "yes" or "no" texts. Yesterday he sent a "what's up woman". I deleted it. I'm working up the courage to tell him I can't/don't want to be texting buddies. What others said, just don't respond. I'm sorry you're going through this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ParisPaulette Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 Because they just need to know they have that port in a storm if they get rejected or need to use you again or they're bored and wonder if you're over them yet or.or.or. It's like the telemarketer who calls you periodically, because maybe this time you'll pick up the phone and buy their stuff. And then they're on to the next person and you are forgotten until the next time the phone list is in front of them and they say, "Hey, I need something from somebody. I wonder if she/he will give that to me?" Block, delete, ignore. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted January 26, 2016 Author Share Posted January 26, 2016 Is that all it ever means though? Like I know back when I was in college, there was a guy I used to kinda do that with(I was bored and stressed with school and he was a friend). I didn't like him at the time but he was always so nice and there for me everytime I texted him. I eventually grew feelings for him we dated 6 months then he went to grad school. Either way, I guess aside from the selfishness of it etc, does it ever become more? Maybe this is because I like him and I'm not thinking straight, but isn't it kinda nice that he thinks of you when he's stressed and wants comfort? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 Nope. Because texting someone when you are bored is really just using them --- and both parties know that deep down. And you don't use people you love. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thejigsup Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 That.Is.All.It.Means. They were bored or curious to see if you still "want" them. Nothing more Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 It's not going to "become more". If YOU wanted to be with someone, would you text them randomly and then just stop when they responded? If you wouldn't, why do you think your exes would? Sometimes I get bored and think about texting my ex. I don't want him, love him or even care about him. But I'm bored, so I think about it. The only reason I don't do it is because I don't really want to have a "convo" with him. (Side note, it would never "hurt" him because HE dumped ME for someone he's still with). So no, it doesn't "mean something". Oh, well it does "mean" they're bored and had nothing to do so they thought they'd text trusty old you. You responded, it proved to them you still want them, they moved on to doing something else. BTW, if they wanted to get back together they'd suggest meeting up. Since they didn't...you can presume that wasn't the reason. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted January 26, 2016 Author Share Posted January 26, 2016 Yeah that's true, you guys are all correct. it's selfish for his own ego boost. It's frustrating because he does allll these selfish things, yet I can never stop wanting him. I wish I could just be disgusted by his self absorbed self and use it as fuel to get over him. But a part of me is always compassionate towards him no matter the mean things he does to me. A part of me will always care for him and want to try and comfort him. But I know and I guess I knew when he was texting me, that he won't ever want me that way again. He was clear, he never hesitated in telling me that he didn't feel love towards me anymore. You would think his statements would be enough for me to stop caring for him. But I always do. Silly silly, one day I'll stop I hope. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 How about you block him? Or are you "not ready" to do that? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted January 26, 2016 Author Share Posted January 26, 2016 I blocked him for a bit but then unblocked. If I'm being really honest, I do want to hear from him. And I know I shouldn't. But I do. So I guess I'm not ready. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
boltnrun Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 When you're driving, do you look in the rear view mirror the entire time? Or do you look forward? I presume you look forward. Why? Because it's safer, right? If you're looking behind you, you could miss seeing something important. Same thing goes for life. It's emotionally safer to look forward. They say if you're so busy looking backward you'll miss something (or someone) right in front of you. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
patterned Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 If YOU wanted to be with someone, would you text them randomly and then just stop when they responded? I suppose it's all right there. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted January 26, 2016 Author Share Posted January 26, 2016 Urgh yeah you guys are 100% right. I guess when you love someone, you look for anything to mean as hope. He's been over me since we split, his mind has never changed. Anything after has just been ego boost and games. he will never like me. His mind has never changed, nor will it ever. I need to remind myself of that always. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 Spend some of your compassion on yourself instead of him and block him again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 I blocked him for a bit but then unblocked. If I'm being really honest, I do want to hear from him. And I know I shouldn't. But I do. So I guess I'm not ready. It sounds like you are hoping he wants you back. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brokenheart99 Posted January 27, 2016 Author Share Posted January 27, 2016 I mean..yeah I'll be honest, of course I'm hoping he will want me back. But truthfully, I guess I know he won't. It just feels like a fantasy I know won't come true at this point. I still try and move forward. I try to date and meet others and live my life. I just haven't found someone else. I've liked other guys and have wanted to go forward with them, they just haven't reciprocated. So, I don't feel like I live in the past. But, hoping, I can't help that though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
irish88 Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 I've made a thread about something similar. IMO everyone wants to feel wanted, Spesh after being rejected...... It's human nature lol. However, I have exes "shoot me up" when I move on and once that window of opportunity closes i.e when I haven't moved on its closed. My most recent ex tried to start a convo with me a few days ago off a diff number saying nonsense like "I still care i still want you" yet didnt tell me it was him... I knew it was by the tone of message and the emojis used lol. Anyway, what im saying is this. If someone doesn't see your potential during round one, why go back for round two? Go on dates etc, there is plenty more fish in the sea..... And trust me when he comes back you'll be indifferent 😘😘 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 I mean..yeah I'll be honest, of course I'm hoping he will want me back. But truthfully, I guess I know he won't. I think it's good you are honest. Most people aren't. What would it take for you to decide to let him go? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ms Darcy Posted January 27, 2016 Share Posted January 27, 2016 Go on dates etc, there is plenty more fish in the sea..... And trust me when he comes back you'll be indifferent 😘😘 THIS is why I think generalizations (per your other thread "why do they always come back?" paraphrase) are dangerous. I don't want to minimize your strength, Brokenheart, but as your name suggests you have really struggled with letting go of this most beloved ex. And I'm concerned that the generalization that they exes always come back will really set her (and/or others) back on healing. Have seen many people spend months on the getting back together thread hoping for the ex to come back (for more than random texting or even sex) and eventually coming to this forum after they realize they have been wasting their energy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.