SunshineHeart Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 im really looking forward to the day where, if i have to look at my ex, i dont feel anything towards him. how do you reach that? im scared that a few years down the line, ill see him and all the feelings will flood back. i am making a concious effort to forget and reach that stage but it seems a bit way off right now. what do you think Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 I think you should take your recovery one day at a time and not look so far into the future. Once you've actually reached the stage of indifference, you'll not have to worry about any of what you're worrying about. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbbcoop77 Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 Why do you need to see him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beautifulzen Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 It can take years. I was in an abusive relationship for a long time. It ended in 1999 and it took me till a couple years ago to stop being angry. He was a really mean malignant narcissist who had really messed with my head. The moment I realized that I no longer felt anything about him was a couple of weeks ago. He occasionally tries to contact me when he's looking around for leverage to hurt his exwife (I knew both of them in high school). This time I felt nothing at all, told him exactly what I thought, and moved on. It'll happen, but can take a long time. In the meantime, one day at a time. After a while it won't hurt. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunshineHeart Posted January 24, 2016 Author Share Posted January 24, 2016 What was it that made you reach that point? was it time, a new person? and i dont need to see him, but i worry that if ever i do, it'll bring back memories and emotions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beautifulzen Posted January 24, 2016 Share Posted January 24, 2016 What was it that made you reach that point? was it time, a new person? and i dont need to see him, but i worry that if ever i do, it'll bring back memories and emotions. It was time in my case. Time and no contact. Sure, I've had relationships since him, much healthier ones, but I know that it's because I got stronger on my own and knew I was worth protecting myself from him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melancholy123 Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 It takes the time it takes. I made a conscious effort and decision to just stop thinking about someone who made my life hell. If I did think about this person I immediately switched my thoughts to something pleasant. In time I just quit thinking about him and didnt even realize I was over it all until something was said that made me think of him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunshineHeart Posted January 25, 2016 Author Share Posted January 25, 2016 did you take part in any activities or hobbies that helped? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Asher Posted January 25, 2016 Share Posted January 25, 2016 There are a few things that seem to always be true. Healing is not linear. You will have a few false dawns. Sometimes many. The true indifference creeps up on you. There is very rarely in my experience any hard moment when you suddenly have this revelatory epiphany. You will usually be surprised that you do feel indifferent when it does come but you won't be able to pinpoint the exact moment it really started to fade away. All this is time consuming though, it can take a long time but TRUST that there is an end to the pain eventually. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
evam Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 What was it that made you reach that point? was it time, a new person? I'm not fully there yet, but I can tell you that concentrating your thoughts on why it would never work out between you and your ex (precisely lack of trust, looking at the red flags) will help you move on faster. As others have said, healing is not linear, many bumps ahead, but at one point there will be no more bumps. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mhowe Posted January 26, 2016 Share Posted January 26, 2016 When you reach the point where you feel indifferent, it doesn't "feel" like anything major has shifted. You just one day realize that you can't remember the last time you even thought of your ex. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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