Locked doors...Need help deciphering an email...

[ConfusedDude11]

My ex and I had a recent email exchange. We've been broken up for about 3 months now. I'm trying to get clarity on some things and she responds back with a ton of things mostly putting it on me. The part I am getting stuck on is this statement...

 

'From whatever it was that compelled you to be wrought with anxiety and insecurity - it needs to be addressed head on, and until you’ve had significant time to change and heal, there is no possibility of us having a relationship. The door is not closed, Dave. I’ve changed the locks. '

 

Doors closed are bad things, correct? So she is saying she hasn't closed the door?

 

But the locks are changed? This part confuses me. Is that a bad thing, or a potentially good thing?

[Blue_Skirt]

She changed the locks -> she has moved on and does not see any potential for a relationship with you. That’s how I would understand it.

[sara-pezzini]

This means there is zero hope!

Close the door would already mean there is no hope of ever getting back together but she not only closed the door, no she changed the locks.

Meaning it's not over, it's really, truly, definitely, forever over and there is no hope!

Sorry but you have no choice but to move on

Forgot to say she wants you to change and until you do there is zero hope, you would know best what she's talking about there.....

[jobelle]

My interpretation:

I've changed the locks -- when enough time has passed and if you are committed to change and prove it to her you will get a key to the new lock and open the door again.

 

Also see you’ve had significant time to change and heal

 

I would take it with a grain of salt though. A lot of things can happen when you're apart. She could find someone new, you could find someone new, etc.

[Movingforward3]

I agree with Jobelle. You have a chance with change to earn a new key to the lock. She sounds very specific with this. I will bet you she told you several things you needed to change and work on. And you didn't. So, if you want her back, that's where you need to start.

[greta96]

I would take it to mean "the door is not closed, it's just that you can't get through it with your old set of keys. You might get a new set of keys later on, if and when you work on yourself and change what broke us up".

However, don't make the mistake of taking it to mean you two getting back together is a sure thing if you show you changed, or that she may want to wait for you until you do said changes. Chances are she will move on in the meantime, and will no longer be interested when you try to hit her up again as a changed man. Or, she might hear you out and give you another chance, if she's still available.

It can go either way, but the point here is that you should only focus on you, not on her or on changing for her, actually you shouldn't do anything with her in mind. Do it for yourself, and if she happens to come around and decide to give you another change, that's just a bonus.

[Hollyj]

She's done with the relationship, unless you get some help for your problems, and change.

[catfeeder]

The door is not closed, Dave. I’ve changed the locks.

 

It would have been clearer had she said, "The door is not just closed, I've changed the locks."

 

In other words, you haven't got a shot unless and until you get the help you need for your anxiety and insecurities, and you've taken the time away from her to heal and become healthy.

 

She's telling you that your old key won't work. The lock is changed--you can't manipulate her back with any promises. You'll need to go off and walk your talk.

[HeartGoesOn]

No matter how you try to spin it, if she wanted to be with you, she would.