I've grown

[Snow2tears]

Ive grown

 

I can see it and feel it because I don't give anymore. I'm tired of being unhappy and idk if it's my fault or his fault. Or its no ones fault and its just an unfortunate turn of events.

 

Yknow when someone is the basis of your pain for so long, you can't look at them the same way anymore. That's me. I feel differently about Jonny. Almost resentment. Pain. Fear. Sadness. Shame.

 

I was thinking about how I want a relationship to be and our relationship hasn't been close to that for a long time. I think I just kept making up excuses for it too..I was thinking back to the honeymoon stage and I remember all the effort he put in. To get to know me, to fix our problems, to show me that he cares, and to let me know his feelings and thoughts yknow? I was a priority.

 

He said things can't stay that way forever which is true but its not an excuse to slack off. I feel so disconnected from him. I'm scared to confront him about any problems I have so that I don't drive him away. I don't want to tell him things about my life in case it annoys him.

 

I'm pretty sure I've changed in his eyes too. Although he's never admitted it, I know from how he treats me. How he acts in the relationship.

 

Yknow what? I feel tired. I feel inspired though. This feeling I have is familiar. Its like I'm getting in touch with how I used to be. This strength and courage was something I felt with my ex. Before I broke it off with him. It was a change in attitude and understanding that I deserve a lot more. People change.

 

Jonny's right. Things can't stay the same forever.

 

 

 

 

See I don't want to jump to conclusions yknow? Thoughts are just that, a passing thought. It was my decision to dwell on it. But looking back at how Jonny used to treat me. That was what I wanted in a relationship. For my partner to be actively working towards a strong relationship with me. For him to ask me about my feelings and thoughts, to care, and to contribute as well.

 

I fell in love with Jonny for that. But right now I feel I'm in love with Jonny only because of how he used to be.

 

 

I really don't know how I'd even go about working on this. Should I?

[dave_1966]

If you consider emotional maturity to be justiftying a reason to blindside someone by posting your issues to strangers on a website instead of communicating your issues with your bf in a adult fashion, yes, you've grown.

[catfeeder]

If you're feeling stronger, then consider what you really have to lose by asking BF if he's interested in investing in fixing the relationship, and explain what you've explained here. Then you'll know that you've given him a shot, and if he declines, you can walk away toward building a better life for yourself.

 

Learning courage and resilience can only make you better relationship material for the right guy someday.

[Snow2tears]

If you're feeling stronger, then consider what you really have to lose by asking BF if he's interested in investing in fixing the relationship, and explain what you've explained here. Then you'll know that you've given him a shot, and if he declines, you can walk away toward building a better life for yourself.

 

Learning courage and resilience can only make you better relationship material for the right guy someday.

Thank you for your reply

[ThatwasThen]

You're thinking of leaving him anyway so why not actually COMMUNICATE what is going on in YOUR head about the relationship as you see it at this point and at the very least, give him a chance to remedy.

 

Are you a serial monogamist where in you just exist in a relationship until the honeymoon stage is over and then you bolt without communication and mutual working together to get back what you had? If you are, then you best change that up because as a person who has been married now for three plus decades... you have to communicate and you'll find that if the basic love and strong foundation is there, then you can get what you need.

 

You sound like a giver-upper just by what you wrote considering that you've fell into this apathy with your ex as well as your current.. Is that a fair assessment?