SunshineHeart Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 we dated for 1.5 years and been friends for ages beforehand. during our friendship i had helped him through a tough depression because of uni work and stress and i started liking him towards the end but he was always very hot and cold towards me. ultimately he asked me out and it was going great for the majority of time. he moved out of state and told me continuously we would get married and we planned every little detail of it including kids names and how we would move in together soon too. however, out of the blue he said he stopped loving me but that he was falling for me again. so i stuck around although my heart was hurting he wanted to continue to go out as long as he had the chance to talk to other girls because otherwise i was the only girl in his life. i agreed and everything got better again. since it was LD i asked to message everyday and it was working great for like 6 months. then he suddenly started to ignore me, forget about messaging me and whenever i told him to message he would get angry. i wanted to leave on many MANY occasions because he was hurting me - he insulted me and brought up my past a lot - but he insisted i stayed by promising me a good future together. he used to invite girls to his house and go out late without telling me with girls. he would ignore me for days on end and not make any time for me, but made time for other girls. he called another girl hot to my face. one day, i told him i wasn't happy and he decided to use that to break up with me despite me trying my best to make it work for that whole time, with the false promises he gave me. i tried to get him back and he said he didn't want to talk again. i discovered that the 'hot' girl is with him and that was of the reasons for the break up so that doesn't feel great. this news has set me back to square 1. he insulted me to my friends very very viciously too which really hurt me. did i make a mistake? do i deserve better? I feel like I'll never move on or find someone who treated me as well as he did at the start. just the little quirks and romantic moves. although he did bad things to me, i cant seem to get him out of my head. im scared that ill move on but see him one day randomly and relapse. im scared ill never move on fully or love anyone the same Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SeptemberSylv Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 I'm really very sorry for you. I can guess you are not that old. You need time to heal and also I don't see ANY future with this guy AT ALL. I know you love him but he is quite the jerk. Actually, if the relationship had progressed, and you had eventually married, it might have been a nightmare for you. He sounds bad. Again I know you love him, but you future life together would never have been happy. Imagine you are married and every time you come home someone starts yelling at you and cheats with other women and blames you for everything. I know you don't see it that way now but you are very lucky to get away from him. Maybe you have to move to get past your feelings for him. There is always more men needing a pretty girlfriend! Maybe in another town somewhere! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunshineHeart Posted January 19, 2016 Author Share Posted January 19, 2016 I'm really very sorry for you. I can guess you are not that old. You need time to heal and also I don't see ANY future with this guy AT ALL. I know you love him but he is quite the jerk. Actually, if the relationship had progressed, and you had eventually married, it might have been a nightmare for you. He sounds bad. Again I know you love him, but you future life together would never have been happy. Imagine you are married and every time you come home someone starts yelling at you and cheats with other women and blames you for everything. I know you don't see it that way now but you are very lucky to get away from him. Maybe you have to move to get past your feelings for him. There is always more men needing a pretty girlfriend! Maybe in another town somewhere! thank you. i think there are two things stopping me from moving on. first its the fact that i didnt leave when i wanted to leave because he convinced me to stay with the promises of the future and i tried to work things out and blame myself for his behavious. so it ultimately was him that instigated the breakup. second its the fact after the breakup i tried asking for him back and i looked really bad so i feel like i lost the respect Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunshineHeart Posted January 20, 2016 Author Share Posted January 20, 2016 im just embaressed to be honest. i was the one that broke up with him technically because id had enough of the pain he was putting me through. but of course he wanted that, so he was fine. then i asked for another chance which i regret, and i called him several times and attempted to be friends. but got rejections on every level even when i was going through a problem with my job, he wouldnt talk. so im embaressed. how do i cope with that Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunshineHeart Posted January 20, 2016 Author Share Posted January 20, 2016 im just embaressed to be honest. i was the one that broke up with him technically because id had enough of the pain he was putting me through. but of course he wanted that, so he was fine. then i asked for another chance which i regret, and i called him several times and attempted to be friends. but got rejections on every level even when i was going through a problem with my job, he wouldnt talk. so im embaressed. how do i cope with that any advice? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dave_1966 Posted January 20, 2016 Share Posted January 20, 2016 any advice? You just learn from it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunshineHeart Posted January 21, 2016 Author Share Posted January 21, 2016 You just learn from it. I'm really struggling. It's been 2 months and I'm still upset. It's gotten better but I still miss him and have days when I really want to talk to him? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ThatwasThen Posted January 22, 2016 Share Posted January 22, 2016 The thing is, you don't think you deserve to be treated with value so you cling to this JERK who would only agree to remain in your life if you were in agreement that he didn't have to be exclusive. That's not love, that is codependent addiction and fear of being alone, luv. You should have paid attention to his actions because clearly they were not matching his words and empty promises. When you believe that you are the prize that any guy should be happy to be with, you will no longer accept treatment that this guy tried to pry off on you. Instead, you will laugh at such a suggestion and calmly tell anyone suggesting such an arrangement with you to "lose your number." I don't even know you but I know you can do better then him so don't waste another second pining away for the likes of him. He's not good lifemate material... Remember: "He was always very hot and cold" towards you. In future, when they are inconsistent and their words don't match their actions, get yourself away from them before you become infatuated. You'll be fine but first you need to read everything you can on the importance of having good, strong personal boundaries and how having them will keep you away from jerks and make you "the prize" that any good man would want to be with. Google the bolded portion and start reading. Learn to be happy in your own skin and accept that you're better off without him. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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