SunshineHeart Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 i find it very motivating to hear other people's stories. has anyone been through a tough breakup with someone they thought they would spend the rest of their lives with and then gone on to find a better love? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lost123 Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 I need to hear these too! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 My "better love" is with myself. I recognized the poor patterns I had, with choosing the wrong people. My ex was my epiphany relationship, and he made me recognize that I needed to make changes in all areas of my life. I eliminated toxic people, enforced boundaries, and expanded interests and friends. A big plus, all around. As a result, I am in a great position to meet a mutually emotionally healthy partner. Focus on you first. The rest will follow. Don't be so dependent on others for feeling fulfilled and happy. This is when you choose people who treat you poorly. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
limichelle Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 Hi, I went from being with someone for ten years to being all alone. I had an unusual circumstance. I thought I would spend my life with this man, that we had true love! We both have mental illnesses. I'm bipolar and he has schizophrenia. His illness progressively got worse. Then the last three years he couldn't function and couldn't be around me because he was severely paranoid. He unfortunately not being able to take care of himself will most likely end up in a institution. For three years I started to distance myself because no matter how hard I tried to hold on in my gut I knew the relationship was dying. I became more involved with taking care of myself, losing weight, going back to church. Then in August it came as no shock for us to say our final Goodbyes to the relationship and I haven't spoken since. In October I went on a dating site for those with disabilities so I could find somebody who could understand my illness. I found a great guy in a different state who I skype with every night and talk to on the phone. He is coming down in April with his folks to meet me and my family. Really you can find somebody better suited always if something isn't meant to be. You learn and grow from each relationship. I'm in the process of loving myself and taking care of my needs and wants. Lisa Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
turnbaktime Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 My "better love" is with myself. I recognized the poor patterns I had, with choosing the wrong people. My ex was my epiphany relationship, and he made me recognize that I needed to make changes in all areas of my life. I eliminated toxic people, enforced boundaries, and expanded interests and friends. A big plus, all around. As a result, I am in a great position to meet a mutually emotionally healthy partner. Focus on you first. The rest will follow. Don't be so dependent on others for feeling fulfilled and happy. This is when you choose people who treat you poorly. What you said was so profound. I'm on that same journey of finding myself too. I'm trying to figure out what it was about my ex that made me think that I couldn't be happy without him...no I'm not over it but I'm almost at a breakthrough. Now I'm just wanting to have peace and wanting to get over my feelings for him. I actually was afraid to wish for that because then I wouldn't have anything else to hold on to but I have gotten to the point that I would love waking up one day and not have him on my mind...that thought doesn't scare me anymore. He has moved on I suppose but its not my business anymore. Your advice was right on get yourself together so whenever the right time comes to meet someone else there want be any baggage from previous relationship. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hollyj Posted January 17, 2016 Share Posted January 17, 2016 What you said was so profound. I'm on that same journey of finding myself too. I'm trying to figure out what it was about my ex that made me think that I couldn't be happy without him...no I'm not over it but I'm almost at a breakthrough. Now I'm just wanting to have peace and wanting to get over my feelings for him. I actually was afraid to wish for that because then I wouldn't have anything else to hold on to but I have gotten to the point that I would love waking up one day and not have him on my mind...that thought doesn't scare me anymore. He has moved on I suppose but its not my business anymore. Your advice was right on get yourself together so whenever the right time comes to meet someone else there want be any baggage from previous relationship. Thank you. Someday, you will look back and think, what was I thinking. It takes time, and being very honest with yourself. When you reach that point, it is very freeing. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jex24 Posted January 18, 2016 Share Posted January 18, 2016 I need to hear these too...this is exactly what I'm struggling with right now Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Movingforward3 Posted January 18, 2016 Share Posted January 18, 2016 I don't know if it is about finding someone else. It is about finding me. Reminding myself who I am and what I am about. Doing better with boundaries and not allowing someone else's actions dictate my own. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LovelyDani87 Posted January 18, 2016 Share Posted January 18, 2016 I experienced a very difficult break up last year in March, the entire Summer was hell and I was beyond depressed. It took a while to finally feel "whole" again. Fast forward to now, I have a few people who are wanting to go on dates and I am able to smile and laugh again. Things at work are great once again and I've picked up a few new friends along the way. As far as my ex we have managed to keep in touch BUT I never initiate contact or suggest hanging out. So I guess I should say SHE has managed to keep in touch lol if someone had told me last year my ex would be the one trying to keep up with me I would've never believed it. Time heals the heart and things do get better. Hang in there! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kudos Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 I'm 5 months on and almost ready to write my sucess story...! But again no one else is involved apart from myself! I had completely lost myself in that 'perfect' relaionship that when he left for someone else I felt so lost and alone. I lived for him. It nearly ruined me. I cried so hard i couldn't even hold myself up and this went on for months. I was clinically depressed. I thought I'd messed up the best thing that ever happened to me! I missed him so bad and his family but force myself to stay in NC. I never thought I'd look back and think 'oh well!' Like I'm starting to now. I know I food things wrong but I also know I can walk away knowing I was loyal honest and good to him. I never caused any drams I just lost myself in the relaionship. It still hurts slightly. And I sometimes still compare myself to her and wonder why, and what ifs but it doesn't make me sad anymore. I can see all the red flags now and why he wasn't right for me. I was obsessed for a long time with their relationship, and when it would end. It never did and again I'm almost at the point that I don't even care (well maybe just a little bit!). It helped to block them both on fb and not allow myself to obsess too much. However I'm not yet at the point where I could deal with any contact with him, I know that would set me back a lot! After months of wanting him to come crawling back begging for me to take him back I think that is now my worst nightmare! At this point in my healing i really hope this doesn't happen! In the 5 months since the BU I've passed exams to step up in my career, got a new job and started my own business, learnt a lot about myself and learning to love myself and do what makes me happy. I've reconnected with friends and family. I've pushed myself in my (and his) hobby and im now doing it for myself rather than to try to impress him. I'm not there yet but I'm happy with how far I've come. Time really does heal. And anyone struggling right now I really feel for you. It was by far the hardest time of my life. But you can let it break you or make you. If your going through hell keep going. The best is yet to come!!!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lovingtheextra Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 I went through a very tough breakup some years back. I was devastated and even though I knew it wouldn't last forever I just could not see the future. I kept on thinking that this is the end and that I will never meet anyone good again. I felt so low and my self esteem was down the drain. It took me a good amount of time to get over that. Eventually I did and I felt great. I was happy by myself and that was the most important thing. I dated a couple of people after that. My last relationship was a serious and relatively long one. I am sort of in a post breakup stage again but this time around it is a lot better. I have to work on some of the same things I did before but now I have a better understanding of things. So as people have mentioned, the best thing that can happen is for you to find yourself. And when you do, never stop loving yourself. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alc16 Posted January 19, 2016 Share Posted January 19, 2016 I'm 2 months into a break up, 3 weeks since he moved out. I was absolutely devastated, even though I was the one that ended it.. For good reason mind you, should of years ago. I moped around for a bit, surrounded by candy wrappers and pop cans. After about 4 days I realized that wasn't making anything easier. I painted my room, I put my new bed and nightstands together.. It felt good, I had accomplished something. The rest of the house was empty.. I had a couch and a couple dvd shelves in the living room. No tv, no tables, notta. 3 weeks later I have a new (used) couch and love seat, a tv, a tv stand, coffee tables and end tables, and the cat got a new tree.. I painted the kitchen last night, I painted the spare room the other night.. Every single thing I do makes me feel good. I am finding what I want in life.. I wanted a bedframe.. I got one. Boo mattress & boxspring on the floor.. I'm not a teenager anymore. I bought a whole sheet set.. Not just a fitted. I love crawling into my bed at night. I guess what I'm trying to say is you hold the key to your happiness. Find yourself, figure out what you want and do it. Set small goals at first... I still go in and just stare at my bedroom with a big smile on my face. I am proud of myself.. I did this on my own. It hurts at first, but get up and do what makes you happy.. It may not make you feel better right away, but it will.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SunshineHeart Posted January 24, 2016 Author Share Posted January 24, 2016 so for anyone, how long did it take you to get over a breakup and reach the stage of indifference? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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